discussion The Depression Lounge

[Devin]

10 hours ago, Phantom said:

Hey!

 

Thank you for checking in on me - I meant to reply to this earlier, but couldn't.

 

Summer + now has been very, very stressful for me  I made a big ass life change and am in that period now where I am constantly questioning whether it is/was worth it or not. I actually had a mini meltdown today and am going to go sleep soon

 

Regardless, I wish you all the best for your job hunt - good to leave a place that is stressing you out and/or affecting your mental health.

No prob and mood I had those feelings during college years. Its easier said than done, its all about trusting the process and checking to see if ur heart, mind, and passion is in the right place. I had several moments where that “spark” will come back and gave me the strength to continue (some days are obvs hard). Hope things get better for you. 

[KFC]

Didn't get out of bed until 6pm but managed to clean the whole house and I'm about to cook dinner and have a bath which is more than what I've done for WEEKS. Feeling very accomplished today  I just need to work on being awake during the day time because my neighbour was literally coming home from work while I was starting my day

[Jotham]

On 9/14/2023 at 11:56 AM, HotFriedChicken said:

Didn't get out of bed until 6pm but managed to clean the whole house and I'm about to cook dinner and have a bath which is more than what I've done for WEEKS. Feeling very accomplished today 

I'm happy for you! I find that setting these simple goals each week are a good way for me to make mental progress when I'm really struggling.

[KFC]

14 hours ago, Jotham said:

I'm happy for you! I find that setting these simple goals each week are a good way for me to make mental progress when I'm really struggling.

Thank you luv  today wasn't so good unfortunately. I didn't do anything until now (10pm) and I'm about to make dinner  

 

I will stop spamming this thread with my daily updates because I've realised that I'm just going around in circles   I need to find some way to break the cycle

[Take Me Apart]

My anxiety has been through the roof and beyond since Monday.

 

I'm so sleep-deprived and tense I've started experiencing muscle twitching all over my body and my health anxiety came in for that 1-2-3 punch and now I'm convinced I have ALS .

 

I hate my brain so much

 

 

[KFC]

2 hours ago, Take Me Apart said:

My anxiety has been through the roof and beyond since Monday.

 

I'm so sleep-deprived and tense I've started experiencing muscle twitching all over my body and my health anxiety came in for that 1-2-3 punch and now I'm convinced I have ALS .

 

I hate my brain so much

 

 

Have you tried ASMR or listening to white noise? I really hope you feel better soon

[Devin]

ASMR, meditation, and streaming jazz chills my anxiety. 

[monologueNacafe]

I have treatment-resistant depression. I've tried so many medications and none have really worked. I'm starting TMS treatment next week. It stands for Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. I'm a little nervous about it but the risks of seizure is less than 1%.

 

I find that I'm constantly thinking of death. Like every hour. And it's not healthy. I've been like this for years but my anxiety has especially gotten bad recently because my best friend was in the hospital and it was pretty serious. I have major death anxiety. I'm even anxious about sleeping now. 

 

I've been stuck in a dead end job for years and living at home with my mom. I'm currently 31. I have a master's degree but it's not in a field where I can get a good paying job. I'm just frustrated and depressed and feel that life really sucks. But I don't want to die either because the thought of not existing scares me.

[monologueNacafe]

On 8/17/2023 at 1:42 PM, Darkgalord said:

It's getting bad bad bad. 

I've been watching 'Near Death Experience' videos on YouTube and they have kinda triggered/ brought back suicidal ideation / thoughts a bit. 

Anxiety and existential crisis are hitting me hard. It's sucks so bad. My dog is keeping me sane but sometimes I do feel like I'm legit going insane. I feel like therapy is useless for me. 

 

I totally feel this. And therapy has yet to work for me.

[LCTV]

So um. I broke my arm the first week of September and just found out my dad (who I had a bad complicated relationship with) just passed away.

Also work is picking up steam fast and my manager leaves for vacation the 2nd week of October. 

 

I'm feeling kinda overwhelmed. blank. selfish for the little things I was just complaining about before I heard the news.

 

*sigh*

 

I'm hanging out with my brother tomorrow so we'll be able to have the feels.

[poki]

Whew where do I start. OCD (specifically the guilt / false guilt one), anxiety, depression, autism, lonliness, messy family drama. 

 

This summer I started to get bursts of insomnia and it really made a dent on me. 

 

I handled summer drama well (I think) but recently actually had an OCD breakdown. It's like once I get on that train, all hell breaks loose. 

Now in the "aftermath" phase so let's see where this goes. 

 

I seriously have to look into sleep pills. That breakdown was 100% avoidable. 

[popmusicisdead]

a very close friend died last Thursday. i have been crying since and when i do stop crying my chest feels heavy. i'm honestly triggered to hurt myself again. i just try as hard as i can to stop myself. i keep watching sad videos on YouTube about people dealing with dying or grief to keep myself crying because it honestly feels better than the numbness in between.

i know it's just my depression talking but i think things have gone to well for me for too long and i needed a wake up call. that for a while i thought i could actually be happy.

[monologueNacafe]

1 hour ago, popmusicisdead said:

a very close friend died last Thursday. i have been crying since and when i do stop crying my chest feels heavy. i'm honestly triggered to hurt myself again. i just try as hard as i can to stop myself. i keep watching sad videos on YouTube about people dealing with dying or grief to keep myself crying because it honestly feels better than the numbness in between.

i know it's just my depression talking but i think things have gone to well for me for too long and i needed a wake up call. that for a while i thought i could actually be happy.

 

I’m so sorry for your loss

[#1Pokpaker]

deleted all of my social media accounts 3 months ago and it honestly made my life more peaceful. less anxiety too cuz i dont feel the need to always be up to date with everything especially when things are so fast paced in social media. i'm not depressed but i am in some sort of limbo like i'm in this transitionary state where i have all of the liberty in the world to try things out and not fear failure before actually going out into the real world. i guess it helps that my friends understand why i'm isolating myself to just do **** lol.

[Born to Run]

The following two weeks will be one iconic MELTDOWN

• Landlord kicking us out due to renovation when I plan to leave the country in December, so I have to find some short term-ish accommodation at the very last minute.
• I'm going to the Mount Eerie tour.
• Four year anniversary of my mom's death a week after the show. i'm thinking of ending things.

[Born to Run]

i ******* hate ATRL for deleting my thread of songs about death I started in 2019

[LCTV]

Im about to fly to Maine Friday-Monday to do the services for my dad and so Im in this weird vacant mood. Add my manager going on a two week vacation next week (aka Im the manager alone while shes gone) and while shes been supportive of the death etc she decides to say " use these next 4 days to rest as much as possible"

 

***** im about to fly all day friday , services for my dad saturday , have a brief wtf do i do sunday , and fly back monday only to work 3 days straight before she leaves. WHO is resting right now!?

 

Add in the tmi fact that Im dealing with bathroom issues that just send me flying to it every 2-3 hrs making it impossible to sleep and I cant make an appointment to be seen because im flying out. im sure STRESS isnt helping said issue either.

 

 

Hope everyone posting in here can have a moment of peace.

[Devin]

On 9/22/2023 at 11:08 PM, #1Pokpaker said:

deleted all of my social media accounts 3 months ago and it honestly made my life more peaceful. less anxiety too cuz i dont feel the need to always be up to date with everything especially when things are so fast paced in social media. i'm not depressed but i am in some sort of limbo like i'm in this transitionary state where i have all of the liberty in the world to try things out and not fear failure before actually going out into the real world. i guess it helps that my friends understand why i'm isolating myself to just do **** lol.

Same boat here, I should delete my apps.

[#1Pokpaker]

27 minutes ago, Devin said:

Same boat here, I should delete my apps.

Go have a try! It really lessens your anxiety and you have more of a present mind. It does get lonely a lot of the time and boring but I just think to myself that my body at least deserves a long break from 3 years of saying yes to everything lol. A hobby would also help.

[Alldeezy]

Less then a month to my first gig of 8 im going to most alone is coming up and my aniexty is through the roof

 

Mentally haven't been able to leave the house in months, even struggle to do normal things ever since I fainted at Tom's gig I've been overthinkin ever since even siked myself so much I almost did at Maggie's too.

 

Im really excited but my aniexty runs and ruins my entire life and it's making me feel really down lately. Idk how to overcome it.

[monologueNacafe]

I'm in hell.

[Legacy]

I was doing so well for the last few months and now it feels like I've made all this progress for nothing! I dont feel excited for anything, I feel bord with life.

[Kern]

I thought I will be less depressed when I change my job but now I'm just more depressed + stressed. I'm tired and stressed at work and then I want to cry at home and I'm stressed about coming back there. I will never win

[AMIT]

I can't take the pressure of having to do well in so many things in life, to handle everything, it's just TOO ******* much. I don't know how some people do it honestly. 

 

I feel trapped and stretched too thin. After I finished college I was so done with everything and still am that I am just stuck in this limbo that I don't want to leave. Like I keep telling myself that things will be better after I get a job, even though the search for one is absolute hell for me, not exaggerating. My ADHD brain absolutely hates bureaucracy of any kind, the anxiety to say the right things in the interview, to the uncertainty of not knowing if you are actually gonna get it, the tests I have to take for some, the competition and pressure to always outdo yourself and others... and all that for ******* WHAT? A decaying economy that never budges, inflation through the roof, no chance of ever buying a house if I don't want to get myself into literal decades of debt (that's assuming I would even be able to do that in the first place). To do a job that I have barely any say in and/or that sucks both for me and the people I'm doing it for (a BS job basically)?

 

The goal post is always moving, always have to keep proving myself and my value and my place in the world that at almost all instances keep telling me it does not give a ****. It feels brutal. But no, I am a terrible person and a total failure because I don't want to put up with all of that ****, and the things I DO want to learn about obviously don't have any value to society. I need to shut up and take it! Other people do it and are miserable too! Why do I think I am ******* special? This is what our good ol' neoliberalism tells us!

 

**** that!

 

I am not anxious because there is something ******* wrong with me, I am anxious and depressed because the WORLD AROUND ME MAKES ME THIS WAY. 

[AMIT]

Mess, I'm sorry for that huge rant and I hope y'all are feeling good. I am doing a little better lately I guess, but the anxiety is still ******* butt cheeks man. And some things that have been building up between me and some of my friends is not helping either. I still have people treating me like I got no feelings, like I am so priviledged that they can try and tear me down and it's fine, like it's some kind of punching up when it DEFINITELY isn't.  I know I am leaving out some context and I'm sorry for that, but I'm not sure I am able to talk about it in more detail yet. I don't know if I'm being paranoid, too soft or whatever, but either way I am tired of it. Like if I can't count on my friends to not put me down, who else am I supposed to trust?  

 

I have always had this feeling that people thought they could just lug me around like I'm some kind of plant with no emotions or something and this has improved during the last few years, therapy definitely helped with it, but idk, I feel like I am regressing in some way. Doesn't help that I don't have much independance/autonomy, especially financially so it just makes me feel all the more worse and makes me want to go away and not deal with any of that ****. 

 

Living in a world that reprehends helping others (you are not helping me if you want to be paid for it) while knowing that you do need more help than the average person and it's not something that can be easily fixed with medication (especially when it does not target the root cause of it in the case of anxiety/depression meds) is soooooo frustrating and psychologically castrating. 

 

I am starting to get back into bad habits like eating too much, not exercising and practicing unsafe sex and I don't want to fall into that hole again. The lifelong struggle of always having to prove my worth to the world (because I know I have it), but yet keep finding myself on situations that tell me otherwise is so soul crushing. 

 

And this was yet another long ass rant, again, I am sorry nn