discussion The Depression Lounge

[GraceRandolph]

I’ve been in such a rut lately. I just want a new chapter of my life to start.

[EnigmaticAndroid]

Been having a lot of existential thoughts and emotions lately for no real reason.  I am kinda unhappy with some aspects of my new job so maybe I'm still adjusting, but it's been hard to function as well as I had been the last few months. 

 

On the bright side, I'm starting to confront anxieties I have about moving forward in my life and getting things done. 

[mons†er]

for the past couple of weeks, I have been waking up with this heaviness on my heart and spirit. I'm literally ready to cry at any given moment and I just feel empty and sad. I feel really unfulfilled in life and lonely. I've had to resort to alcohol and sleeping pills to go to sleep because I will stay up all night with my thoughts and just fall into a whirlpool of sadness. I just hope I have my time to play in the sun with the rest of my friends soon. 

[Virgos Groove]

On 5/29/2023 at 1:01 AM, Virgos Groove said:

Finally gonna meet a psychiatrist tomorrow. Even though I've been doing better lately, I really do feel the need to get some help.

 

I've been feeling a weird mix of anxiety, depression and stress since I moved back to my parents' house to do my masters. Feeling completely numb at times, thinking my family hates me, crying (which I hadn't done in years), feeling uncertain about the future, etc. This isn't helped by the fact I don't really have any friends nearby. I felt so free when I lived in a different city, and now it's like I've been pushed back into the closet.

 

I hit a low point last month (suicide ideation), which prompted me to ask my mom for help and tell her that I need to see a professional.

 

She - who already knew I was gay - also incentivized me to come out of the closet to my father and brother. They accepted it, which was such a relief.

 

UPDATE: He prescribed me Cipralex and some vitamins. Let's hope it'll work.

It's been a while, so I thought I'd share an update. I've been feeling so much better since I started Cipralex - "lighter" and relaxed, as well as much more productive (even though this pill makes me sleepy af ).

 

I've reconnected with some old friends and started going out more, as well as feeling much more comfortable with how I behave. It really is an IDGAF pill. I still have moments of overthinking and anxiety every now and then, but I feel like I can put a stop to it much more easily.

[KFC]

I'm struggling so hard to break the cycle. I literally wake up, masturbate, watch TikToks+Netflix and then go back to sleep. 

 

I just feel so TIRED and HEAVY all the time, like even leaving the house is this huge effort.

[UnusualBoy]

Wow, didn't know many sis were going through this. I started getting anxiety after things went south with a guy I was seeing because everything happened out of the sudden and it's awful because you feel burnt out, in my case everything reminds me of him so it's like having a tape playing in my mind each time I do one activity or so, I keep overthinking things which make me feel worse didn't feel like doing anything, my appetite was almost gone but I've gotten those things back thanfully. I'm feeling better but this whole thing of feeling anxious was so new to me and it feels horrible tbh.

[Aethereal]

 I am so worried. 

[Darkgalord]

It's getting bad bad bad. 

I've been watching 'Near Death Experience' videos on YouTube and they have kinda triggered/ brought back suicidal ideation / thoughts a bit. 

Anxiety and existential crisis are hitting me hard. It's sucks so bad. My dog is keeping me sane but sometimes I do feel like I'm legit going insane. I feel like therapy is useless for me. 

 

Edited August 17, 2023 by Darkgalord

[Darkgalord]

On 7/26/2023 at 12:22 AM, EnigmaticAndroid said:

Been having a lot of existential thoughts and emotions lately for no real reason.  I am kinda unhappy with some aspects of my new job so maybe I'm still adjusting, but it's been hard to function as well as I had been the last few months. 

 

On the bright side, I'm starting to confront anxieties I have about moving forward in my life and getting things done. 

Omg same. I'm going through a horrible existential crisis at the moment and it's just horrible. I honestly feel like it's worse than just having depression and anxiety. The combination of the three is emotionally exhausting beyond imagination. 

[Uncatena]

15 minutes ago, Darkgalord said:

It's getting bad bad bad. 

I've been watching 'Near Death Experience' videos on YouTube and they have kinda triggered/ brought back suicidal ideation / thoughts a bit. 

Anxiety and existential crisis are getting me hard. It's sucks so bad. My dog is keeping me sane but sometimes I do feel like I'm legit going insane. I feel like therapy is useless for me. 

 

you're not alone, im also having a big influx of suicidal thoughts lately. I have so much anxiety, especially financially and physical health wise, and it makes me think about nothing but bad things. I also have a pet (a cat) and he is very needy so that helps to distract me, but there is so much **** I want to deal with, but I can't because I don't know how to pay for rent and food. having an invisible disability is so tough. 

 

but we can get through this

[Darkgalord]

2 minutes ago, ChapelHooker said:

you're not alone, im also having a big influx of suicidal thoughts lately. I have so much anxiety, especially financially and physical health wise, and it makes me think about nothing but bad things. I also have a pet (a cat) and he is very needy so that helps to distract me, but there is so much **** I want to deal with, but I can't because I don't know how to pay for rent and food. having an invisible disability is so tough. 

 

but we can get through this

It does help knowing that we're not alone. That there are so many people going through the same mental health issues. I saw how much suicide stats/rates have increased and it made me so sad. It's Insane. Life shouldn't have to be this hard. 

Thank you for your kind words. 

And yes! I feel like pets are life heroes. We don't deserve them. 

[EnigmaticAndroid]

31 minutes ago, Darkgalord said:

Omg same. I'm going through a horrible existential crisis at the moment and it's just horrible. I honestly feel like it's worse than just having depression and anxiety. The combination of the three is emotionally exhausting beyond imagination. 

That part!!!! I feel like I've been in a liminal stage of my life for like 4/5 years now. Granted, I'm still finishing undergrad, but it feels like I just get more and more stuck. The entire point of a liminal space is that it transitions into something else but I just... can't? 

 

I feel like I'm constantly on the cliff edge of healing and pushing forward in my life but can't physically take the leap. I feel like I'm wasting my potential a lot of the time. I get so overwhelmed with the amount of things that I need to do that I just stay frozen.

[Darkgalord]

5 minutes ago, EnigmaticAndroid said:

That part!!!! I feel like I've been in a liminal stage of my life for like 4/5 years now. Granted, I'm still finishing undergrad, but it feels like I just get more and more stuck. The entire point of a liminal space is that it transitions into something else but I just... can't? 

 

I feel like I'm constantly on the cliff edge of healing and pushing forward in my life but can't physically take the leap. I feel like I'm wasting my potential a lot of the time. I get so overwhelmed with the amount of things that I need to do that I just stay frozen.

I always tell myself that I need to stop overthinking stuff which is what I believe is what's causing my mental collapse. 

But it's not that easy. The intrusive thoughts are way too much for me to control sometimes. Let's pop a 911 sis. 

[Devin]

I’m slowly getting better with my anxiety. 

[DoctorIce]

Monthly reminder that some of y'all (particularly those who feel stuck in a rut or unable to break behavioural patterns) need to look into psilocybin. It quite literally deleted my depression, gave me a swift kick to the ass and I've never looked back. 

[KFC]

I think I'm ready to d-word now  i'm not actively suicidal but I'm just so tired of life. I really don't think it will get any better for me. I've done a lot of amazing things this year, stuff that I've wanted to do for ages and it didn't fulfill me at all. In fact I feel even more empty and aimless. 

 

As I said, I'm not willing to take my own life,but being alive is becoming a bigger and bigger burden every day.

[playboi]

Summer is the ******* worst I'm so happy it's over

 

 

[Kuromi]

Being alone sucks. 

Edited September 2, 2023 by Kuromi
I keep forgetting I can't use foul language on here

[EnigmaticAndroid]

On 8/21/2023 at 3:19 PM, DoctorIce said:

Monthly reminder that some of y'all (particularly those who feel stuck in a rut or unable to break behavioural patterns) need to look into psilocybin. It quite literally deleted my depression, gave me a swift kick to the ass and I've never looked back. 

I discovered shrooms last year and they've given me so many eye-opening experiences, although they haven't acted as the easy fix that they seem to be for a lot of other people. I've been toying with the idea of microdosing on my days off, as they are the times that I'm the least motivated yet need to be the most self-motivated. I've been set in this self-defeating mindset for like a decade, so maybe I need to be taking my healing process much more seriously but also much more long-term? 

[Leptine]

On 8/21/2023 at 9:19 PM, DoctorIce said:

Monthly reminder that some of y'all (particularly those who feel stuck in a rut or unable to break behavioural patterns) need to look into psilocybin. It quite literally deleted my depression, gave me a swift kick to the ass and I've never looked back. 

I really would like to try it, but I don't have idea on how I could get that since it's illegal in my country and I wouldn't trust to take something like that if it's not certified-safe (like buying it in some weird sites, ecc).

[Devin]

So far September been good to me. This summer was a rollercoaster. How are y’all: @Phantom @HotFriedChicken @Bacardo Royale

 

—

 

idk i feel like we needa start checking in on users in the thread outside the typical stan bs

[KFC]

16 minutes ago, Devin said:

So far September been good to me. This summer was a rollercoaster. How are y’all: @Phantom @HotFriedChicken @Bacardo Royale

 

—

 

idk i feel like we needa start checking in on users in the thread outside the typical stan bs

Really sweet of you to check in 

 

Idk I'm doing ok. I'm still struggling to get out and about but I drank A LOT this week and while I was drunk I was thinking about some things that I've been struggling to come to terms with so I do actually feel a bit better in that regard. 

 

Next week I'll start my job search and I'm hoping that I'll start doing better when I return to a normal routine. Also when I start working I'll be able to afford the therapy that I've desperately needed for years  

 

Further from last week also I'm glad to say I'm not contemplating death any more  feeling very happy and blessed to be alive

 

i'm glad you're doing well so far too luv. Hopefully onwards and upwards for you

[Devin]

3 hours ago, HotFriedChicken said:

Really sweet of you to check in 

 

Idk I'm doing ok. I'm still struggling to get out and about but I drank A LOT this week and while I was drunk I was thinking about some things that I've been struggling to come to terms with so I do actually feel a bit better in that regard. 

 

Next week I'll start my job search and I'm hoping that I'll start doing better when I return to a normal routine. Also when I start working I'll be able to afford the therapy that I've desperately needed for years  

 

Further from last week also I'm glad to say I'm not contemplating death any more  feeling very happy and blessed to be alive

 

i'm glad you're doing well so far too luv. Hopefully onwards and upwards for you

Anytime we should start checking on users who may be struggling. Tbh you have to take things one day at a time + not overthink/drink your days away. Ik its easier said than done (I was in that mindset for the longest) but it will get better. Also, this site makes it no better for the past 2 wks mfs creating threads in Lounge about life/death.

—

And same I been applying for new jobs. My current one been effecting my mental health, so I won’t feel truly relieved til someone else hires me. We got this! 💪🏾

[Specter]

On 9/9/2023 at 3:00 PM, Devin said:

So far September been good to me. This summer was a rollercoaster. How are y’all: @Phantom @HotFriedChicken @Bacardo Royale

 

—

 

idk i feel like we needa start checking in on users in the thread outside the typical stan bs

Hey!

 

Thank you for checking in on me - I meant to reply to this earlier, but couldn't.

 

Summer + now has been very, very stressful for me  I made a big ass life change and am in that period now where I am constantly questioning whether it is/was worth it or not. I actually had a mini meltdown today and am going to go sleep soon

 

Regardless, I wish you all the best for your job hunt - good to leave a place that is stressing you out and/or affecting your mental health.

[Devin]

10 hours ago, Phantom said:

Hey!

 

Thank you for checking in on me - I meant to reply to this earlier, but couldn't.

 

Summer + now has been very, very stressful for me  I made a big ass life change and am in that period now where I am constantly questioning whether it is/was worth it or not. I actually had a mini meltdown today and am going to go sleep soon

 

Regardless, I wish you all the best for your job hunt - good to leave a place that is stressing you out and/or affecting your mental health.

No prob and mood I had those feelings during college years. Its easier said than done, its all about trusting the process and checking to see if ur heart, mind, and passion is in the right place. I had several moments where that “spark” will come back and gave me the strength to continue (some days are obvs hard). Hope things get better for you.