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Do you find your friends disappointing?


jakedavis1994
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Not to be all extra but lately I’ve just been really disappointed in my friends lack of effort. I get we all lead busy lives etc etc but I constantly feel like I initiate everything and provide so much emotional support during their difficult times and it is not reciprocated whatsoever.

 

am I alone in this? :skull:

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Going into adulthood does that u fortunately. I’ve worked jobs where I go day in day out with people I would consider great friends but then we move on, find better jobs and the friendship just fades with the intention of wanting to hang again but schedules differ etc. It’s sad. 

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Sometimes

 

but I guess they just aren't like me?

and I think that's what I am sad that there isnt more of

it's not a problem tho I think

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Honestly, I’m more disappointed in myself at times. I get to choose who I let in and out of my life. I tend to have bad judgement in character, that’s something I have to work on. But as I get older, I truthfully do feel so long as I have one person in my life, I’m fortunate and will be okay. Even if that one person is me, then that’s more than enough.

Edited by LiveYourLife
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You just need to find the right people. For me it’s actually my siblings and cousins. We’ve gone through so much life together and we’re similar in so many ways that I just can’t find in other people. I literally feel uncomfortable when I’m with my “other” friends for too long.

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It's just how life goes. Friends will always come and go as you go through different phases in life, just surround yourself with likeminded people at every opportunity in life and live everyday as it comes.

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I am fortunate enough to have good friends. However, I will say I am lucky to have the people in my life currently who care about me. What describe sadly is most people adult hood after college/university. I think you just need to find the right people to be friends with. For a long time I wanted to have like 10 or 9 good friends and I get older I see that’s just not realistic after college. So honestly I’m just happy having 3 or 4 good friends and someone I can spend my life with and I will be happy. Plus I’m close with my family and it’s good enough for me. 

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Thank you for all of your replies. It’s definitely given me some perspective! I certainly do have good friends and I probably sound ungrateful, maybe just venting.

 

I think sometimes it’s just inevitable that you’re going to be on different emotional wavelengths to the people around you.

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31 minutes ago, BGKC said:

Going into adulthood does that u fortunately. I’ve worked jobs where I go day in day out with people I would consider great friends but then we move on, find better jobs and the friendship just fades with the intention of wanting to hang again but schedules differ etc. It’s sad. 

i'm the same way. i've learned it's hard to be friends with people outside of your day to day environment. i stopped talking to all my friends once i graduated and part of that is cause school/work kinda forces us to communicate with those people since we're around them almost daily.

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I can't speak for your friends but I would personally say that I do not have the time or energy anymore to invest in my friends the way I did when I was younger. I used to be their confidante in all things, be a go-to person for advice etc and now I'm just like... exhausted mentally from working hard at a full time job and the pressure I put on myself to perform well and be a functioning adult. One on one relationships are ESPECIALLY hard. In group settings, we can all update multiple people about our lives/advise about theirs in one sitting, whereas 1 vs 1, thats a lot of time that has to be devoted to only maintaining a single relationship.

 

It's sad but as adults you kinda have to come to grips with the fact that relationships are difficult to maintain. I really commend you for being so proactive with your friends and it sounds like you are a fantastic asset to them, invest a lot of time and energy in their wellbeing etc. I guess maybe they dont have the energy or capability or mental health to provide you with the same level of nurturing in return, or alternatively maybe they are just fairly selfish people - which isn't like the world's biggest crime by any means - but in which case yeh you could do with developing certain friendships on a more balanced playing field. Maybe they are higher on your priority list than you are on theirs... and if thats unacceptable to you, could be best to cut them? It's brutal but yeh, its kinda life. 

 

We all become very concerned with our own lives and just wanting convenience and comfort as we grow older, losing our spark to change the world or be popular/inspiring... most tighten their friendship circles for these reasons.

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i feel you sometimes :sosad: it’s so frustrating to me

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My friends mostly disappointed me this year. I have ONE currently I can say really goes out of her way to appreciate me and put in effort rn and I'm very thankful for that. But I am currently searching for some new friends. 

 

I cut one off earlier this year because she was constant drama. That ending was a long time coming and I never regretted telling her formally I was done and reached my limit

 

I am in the process of cutting off another: we had an argument a couple months ago about how I brought up being upset with her (our first argument ever) and she went apeshit and uninvited me from an event a couple days later and wouldn't speak to me afterwards. This argument got more intense than I anticipated but we never personally insulted one another or anything. I apologized for my part in it but she kept acting like I murdered somebody... very over the top tbh. I stopped replying/talking to her after she uninvited me and made a point to say she did, because that is immature and childish behavior that I want nowhere near my life. Let's get real, we had ONE argument, and you're gonna do that? Stupid. I guess it's a mutual agreement to cut ties. I didn't even waste my time responding because she would've argued with literally anything I said - why bother? I have better people and time to spend my days on. The energy just felt really terrible and I said bye I can do without you. 

 

I have one other I'm close with and def want a future with - but tbh I can just kinda feel us slowly drifting apart. I was upset with her earlier this year for not putting as much effort into including me in stuff as I wished she would. I still kinda feel this way sometimes. I feel like we only see each other every now and then - which is fine with me. But idk I just know we're not gonna be as close as we once were for a couple years and the realization really hit me this year.

 

I NEED MORE GAY FRIENDS. I feel like I'm really missing the kinsmanship with "my people"/my fellow LGBT in my life and I've been feeling the void really hard this year.

 

 

 

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You are not alone in your friendships not being like you wanted. I'm lucky if my friends reply at all (I have friends I've texted months ago and they never responded). I've tried so many times that I feel there's not a point in making friendships anymore because they end as soon as they begin (usually by being ghosted).

 

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Definitely one of the more disappointing parts of adulthood. I think Covid kinda changed a lot of my friendships.

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I’m that friend that doesn’t try hard enough to hang out. I just find it so exhausting because my friends want to hang out all the time but I work a lot

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49 minutes ago, jakedavis1994 said:

Thank you for all of your replies. It’s definitely given me some perspective! I certainly do have good friends and I probably sound ungrateful, maybe just venting.

 

I think sometimes it’s just inevitable that you’re going to be on different emotional wavelengths to the people around you.

Only thing I want to say is that you are smart and very capable in knowing your limits. If you do find one person who is willing to go the distance in their friendship with you, keep them. It’s a team effort.

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Just to give some context, this year has been horrible. My best friend died suddenly and my long term relationship also ended suddenly. So it has been quite turbulent and the friends that are more than happy to accept my support during difficult times, I just sometimes feel aren’t reciprocating it. It doesn’t help that I deleted all my social media so I can grieve in peace :priceless:

 

I’m also training to be a Mental Health Worker so I am by nature very empathetic toward others

Edited by jakedavis1994
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1 hour ago, Fruity said:

I can't speak for your friends but I would personally say that I do not have the time or energy anymore to invest in my friends the way I did when I was younger. I used to be their confidante in all things, be a go-to person for advice etc and now I'm just like... exhausted mentally from working hard at a full time job and the pressure I put on myself to perform well and be a functioning adult. One on one relationships are ESPECIALLY hard. In group settings, we can all update multiple people about our lives/advise about theirs in one sitting, whereas 1 vs 1, thats a lot of time that has to be devoted to only maintaining a single relationship.

 

It's sad but as adults you kinda have to come to grips with the fact that relationships are difficult to maintain. I really commend you for being so proactive with your friends and it sounds like you are a fantastic asset to them, invest a lot of time and energy in their wellbeing etc. I guess maybe they dont have the energy or capability or mental health to provide you with the same level of nurturing in return, or alternatively maybe they are just fairly selfish people - which isn't like the world's biggest crime by any means - but in which case yeh you could do with developing certain friendships on a more balanced playing field. Maybe they are higher on your priority list than you are on theirs... and if thats unacceptable to you, could be best to cut them? It's brutal but yeh, its kinda life. 

 

We all become very concerned with our own lives and just wanting convenience and comfort as we grow older, losing our spark to change the world or be popular/inspiring... most tighten their friendship circles for these reasons.

 

41 minutes ago, LiveYourLife said:

Only thing I want to say is that you are smart and very capable in knowing your limits. If you do find one person who is willing to go the distance in their friendship with you, keep them. It’s a team effort.

thank you :'(

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2 hours ago, LiveYourLife said:

Honestly, I’m more disappointed in myself at times. I get to choose who I let in and out of my life. I tend to have bad judgement in character, that’s something I have to work on. But as I get older, I truthfully do feel so long as I have one person in my life, I’m fortunate and will be okay. Even if that one person is me, then that’s more than enough.

this.

 

This is something I had to learn the hard way this year. If I have the smallest feeling that I'm not wanted there, bye.

 

Being busy is something way different than being an ***hole that doesn't lift a finger to anything.

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I think social media is great to keep in touch with friends. Since I work a lot and never hang out with them anymore, it’s a great alternative to stay in thier lives. Even to chat for 5 minutes online a day. We are grown now so I can’t just jump in a car and go road tripping for the hell of it like when we were younger😔 but that’s just life

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14 minutes ago, Sexyzinger said:

My real life friends are fun and amazing. I love it. ❤️

That’s good for you babes :angel:

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you're not alone, op. that's why I don't pay attention to those ungrateful bitches anymore.

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