fountain Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 5 minutes ago, Temporal said: LIVE footage of me and Pears writing reviews not with my two word dribble reviews
fountain Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 Pear Reviews Hug - Big Brother - 776 Records Conceptually I like this a lot, but I think since the concept is so good it leaves a little room to go further than you did. I think mainly, it could’ve done with some direct social commentary, rather than just the questions over and over. It kind of loses it’s effectiveness over time and needs a more powerful statement. Despite this though, it’s definitely still a good entry. Just had more potential, I think. Gastrodonatella - Moonbeam Bridge - Angry Mom Records What more could I have asked for? Beatinglikeadrum - Love Song - Red Rose Records An issue here is the meter, I’m really not finding much rhythm here. You said you went for the sexual liberation thing the label mentioned, but I’m not really getting that tbh! It just feels kind of like a typical song about liking somebody. It’s pretty charted ground and I think something more unique would be likely to get a higher score than this. ICEY - Polaroid - 776 Records I liked the idea you were going for, but the execution is just a little off I think. Emotionally, you have the right idea, but lyrically it isn’t really backed up by the emotions you are trying to present. You say things pretty straight forward - “I don’t care, I’m not scared” “I found you I want you” and I think you could find more eloquent ways to put across the emotion of desire. You also could perhaps include more of a narrative and background about these characters which would push this higher. Pecinta Mariah - One Romance Story - 776 Records This is probably your best entry so far! You have some nice imagery and I thought the song was very sweet. My main critique would be, I thought it could’ve been a lot stronger with a more realised narrative. I probably would’ve liked it more if you had told more of a story rather than being quite vague. But still, it was cute! Funnellegs - Letters to a God - Orbital Wow I feel like this is totally out of the box for you, and I think the change pays off! I totally love this. I find it so alluring and enigmatic, it’s wonderful. I don’t really have any criticism at all. I think you totally met the label brief too, so I hope you Gabe chooses to hire you! FCKNAmbrosia - King of the Weekends / Good Mourning - 776 Records Love how you mentioned drugs in a entry for Temporal’s label. Very, very fitting. I like that this song was very ambitious. For the first half, I think its all really good except the chorus which I wasn’t really feeling. The whole “killer king” thing was just a little cringe to me, made me think of killer queen by Katy Perry. The intermission didn’t really add much. The second half is strong, also. But my critique is that I wish the story was a little more clear, and that there was some kind of conceptual distinction between the two halves. Obviously they’re different, but I don’t really know what the purpose or meaning behind both together is, entirely, if you see what I mean. ONIKACRAZY - Mother Nature - Orbital Wow this is serving an Ughpears - Don’t Forget to Water Me tea! Stanning. I just wish the bridge was more, it felt underwhelming to the rest. OreGuy - Written in Scriptures - Red Rose Records Well this perfectly fits the label you wrote for so well done! This is probably the best thing you’ve done conceptually and makes the most sense. But still some of it gets a little lost for me. Eve is an obvious reference, but ones like Simon and Peter aren’t well known enough or explained enough in the song for me to really get a grasp of what the message is supposed to be in those parts. But, you got the religious & liberation themes down for sure. @Glassmouth - Rose Coloured Pavement - Orbital I think you took on the role of Gabe’s Vikar character very well in this entry. It feels quite chaotic which is how I imagined part of his sound to be. It’s good from a conceptual standpoint, but lyrically some parts were a messy like the chorus and “now im coming back to… your bedroom?!”. The choruses really didn’t add anything tbh, the random names were weird seeing you don’t mention them anywhere else throughout the song, so the verses were definitely your strong point here. @Nait Phoenix - Black Pages - 776 Records I really like the motif of writing on black pages and the meaning behind it! The motif really sold the song for me, making it probably your best entry thus far in my opinion. I really enjoyed it overall! Very well thought out and eloquently written. @UFO - Sad Clown - 776 Records Citrus already wrote this song in the S9 final. But, I like this one too. The bluntness works in this case, but don’t take it as far in the future. I think it’s a thin line. @mxtthewdelrey - Plymouth (My Talk With Annie) - Red Rose Records This is so very cute! The sentimental value is very very sweet, so much so that I think it was actually more suited to my label than Aurora’s! It’s probably my favourite entry from you thus far. @Tsareena - Limbo - Angry Mom Records Akimbo was a bit of a mess, but I enjoy the rest quite a bit! Conceptually the idea of comparing growing up to a race, where you don’t know what to do and are tired by the end is very cool, and I’m actually very impressed seeing as how you had never written before signing up for this. Your are definitely learning well! @Buyonce1814 - Sinful Bliss - Red Rose Records You definitely listened to the criticism about your word choice! This is a lot more pulled back which is a great start. In general I just think it’s a cute bop, nothing terrible but also obviously not magnum opus material. It fits well with how I interpreted Aurora’s label, imo. @Corsola - Tides - Orbital Ugh, queen. I wish this were for my label @Lane Boy - Altar (Get On It) - Red Rose Records I like this, except the chorus. Sadly this is my least favourite of your entries thus far, but I mean I gave both of your others 10’s, so it was inevitably going to go down at some point. I feel like in general I just get less of a unique style from you which I got with your other two entries. Although, this quite perfectly fits Aurora’s label. Still nice, but, not my favourite from you. @Auburn - Gone - Orbital It’s cute, but a bit short for me. Feels kind of incomplete without a bridge, which I feel could’ve taken the song further. But, for what you did do, it’s pretty good. Just in the future, I don’t know if you were busy this week or something, but I felt like it could just be grander. @8thPrince - Nowhere - Angry Mom Records Wait, Jennie slayed this. I’m shook. The real Jennie could never. I think the rap is definitely my favourite part, as well as the bridge. Feels like a bit more of a simple entry from you, but it still has your usual, refreshing touch which I don’t really know how to explain. The only thing that I could’ve wished was different was maybe if there was a more key point in the narrative, I think the rap was probably my favourite part because of all the mentions of the city, I feel like it could’ve felt like the song could’ve revolved more around this place, for example. @SaintWest - Midsummer - Angry Mom Records HELP. This broke my heart. But also filled my heart because I love it so much. But, just wow. This is like, perfectly done. @RihsusChrist(ATG) - White Boy - Angry Mom Records Why did I think of Justin Bieber?
fountain Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 the rumours are true, Angry Mom Records slayed a bit
fountain Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 this round is slaying with its scores probably the best round so far
Temporal Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Just now, keshaspearsxo said: this round is slaying with its scores probably the best round so far Just wait for my scores!
RihsusChrist(ATG) Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 10 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: @RihsusChrist(ATG) - White Boy - Angry Mom Records Why did I think of Justin Bieber? He was the savior of male pop music
Temporal Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 next page fats, can't share one with a rotting fruit
fountain Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 6 minutes ago, Temporal said: Just wait for my scores! i;ve BEEN waiting rat
fountain Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 1 minute ago, SaintWest said: Not my review Thank you @keshaspearsxo. no thank u for slaying my label angry mom records were about to go bankrupt now they've been SAVED
fountain Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 (edited) i cant wait to spill the score tea on this round... its juicy Edited June 9, 2017 by keshaspearsxo
SaintWest Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 5 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: no thank u for slaying my label angry mom records were about to go bankrupt now they've been SAVED not TILL being in danger.
fountain Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 1 minute ago, Corsola said: I bet there's multiple 9+s like round 9 in DH
Temporal Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Temporal's Late-ish Ass R3 Reviews Orbital Funnellegs - Letters to a God Label song structures pleeeeeease. Even if it's just verses all the way through, it really helps reading comprehension. Overall I really liked the direction of the first verse, but you quickly lost me as the song went on. I have no idea what this is about, and like the above entry, this again felt like a collection of parts than one whole. The prose itself was fine I suppose, but it’s hard for me to comment beyond that when I don’t know what was happening here. - “because this hope's all I've got left inside this heart.” nitpick but the double use of “this” hurt the flow. You could cut the first one and the line would still make sense. OnikaCrazy - Mother Nature This was a really easy entry to read, it had a nice rhythm to it. However, with that, the rhyming was so easy and predictable throughout, and that lead to some cringey lyrics (“The darkness came so quickly / The frigid air, it's so chilly” and “They are killing, killing you today / It's not thrilling, thrilling, to see you slain”). The images didn’t really paint a picture either, to use a crazy similie, it’s like you told us what colors you used in a painting without telling us what they actually depicted; the imagery just wasn’t grounded at all. @Glassmouth - Rose Colored Pavement Nnn @ another novel entry This was so confusing to read. I get that it was about drugs and whatnot, but I did not follow. The rhyme scheme was really sporadic and the style was confusing, it felt overly whimsical. - The outro was so unnecessarily long - The structuring of the song was really lopsided. @mxtthewdelrey - Plymouth (My Talk With Annie) Your titles This entry was very very sparse. The only real substance is in the bridge, while the rest of the song can be watered down to just a few lines with repetition. There wasn’t much of a story here that was accessible to the reader at least. Why the time at the end? Why did they drift apart? Who tf is Annie? I’m just left with far more questions than answers. - The second verse was really generic @Auburn - Gone Screaming at you rhyming hater with lover I assume this was written in a rush so I’ll keep it brief: the chorus(?) was actually pretty nice, while the 2nd verse(?) was not the tea. Corsola - Tides Hm. I think your description said more than the song did? I think you were trying too hard to make this work, and ended up with verbose and clunky lines (“I dove in hoping it would douse my burning heart”) that hurt the metaphor’s legitimacy. I think you were trying too hard to make the metaphor work too, a lot of the island/volcano imagery felt forced (“When I felt the lava push me away”); like, the imagery didn’t create a cohesive image? The story could’ve used more development as well. All of that being said, you’re style wasn’t that bad, (nor was the song), but this piece just hit that weird middle ground where there’s a lot of comments for a decent song. - “There's still a world that I wish I could explore / But I must wait for this volcano to cease” made me scream a bit since it’s just a nice way of saying “omg mom shut the **** up” Red Rose Records Beatinglikeadrum - Love Song Sara Bareilles’s Love Song says hi! You didn’t lie about this not being artsy fartsy, but a little more flatulence will take you a long way. I think that the really blunt style that preferred similies to metaphors and that also lacked a really strong thread to keep the song together sank this ship. You’re going to have to let go of your reservations about writing and go balls to the wall with your style; it seems like you’re keeping us at arm’s distance away from your emotions and vulnerability. - “I feel the acceleration of my love.” show don’t tell - “I feel like Icar” mmm not quite! - The song felt more like a collection of fragments than a cohesive whole. There were so many images and themes that were present only for one section (Icarus, the ocean, writing a love song etc.) OreGuy - Written in Scriptures This was an interesting piece, even for you. Bigger issue was that you really bound yourself to the rhyme scheme hard, perfect rhymes are not always the answer, and are more likely than not the wrong answer! AAAA rhyme scheme with all the rhymes being perfect was hard to read, use B-Rhymes to find near rhymes instead, those are much more natural and give you more freedom to play with. As for the other aspects of the song, you definitely hit the label’s request in my eyes, but the rap seemed to miss the mark. Partly because of the reasons above, but also because it seemed a bit jumpy. Buyonce1814 - Sinful Bliss Well you definitely watered down your vocabulary this entry, but I think we need to find a happy medium. I think the chorus while it was really simple, did work well, I could totally see Mariah singing it. I think the lines in the verses and bridges could be longer though, while the panel generally wanted you to come down from the clouds, you could still have longer lines as opposed to this really sparse, staccato ones. I think it did work better in the bridge than in the verses though, for instance, the last four lines of the bridge were perfectly acceptable. As a final note, the concept of “Sinful Bliss” was a bit meh as it seems like an overdone concept in general. - “Listen to me phone moan” serving “get out me car” a biT Lane Boy - Altar (Get On It) I think I liked the concept more than the execution I have a lot of individual comments, so I’ll let those speak more than overarching ones. - “Keep yourself pure and never give your body up / Or hell would be the place you’d soon call home” You use present tense in the first line and conditional past in the second. It reads really weird. - Your only rhyme in the first verse was Up/Up. No bueno. - The jump in topics from the first verse to pre-chorus was jarring - “But after a couple dates, you showed your true colors / And it turns out you’re just like all the others” clichés galore! This was probably my biggest issue with the song, a lot of the lyrics/rhymes were very cliché. - The verse and bridge read more like monologues than song lyrics. @ tag broke sucks to suck
Temporal Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 @funnellegs @ONIKACRAZY @Lane Boy @Buyonce1814 @OreGuy @beatinglikeadrum see above xoxo
SaintWest Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Midsummer felt so insignificant and nonevent to me since I've been going through those emotions for a year now, so the fact that it's my most well received song. An emotional kii.
ughgabriel Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 4 minutes ago, SaintWest said: not TILL being in danger. i gabe you a 6.7 though :( sorry if it ends up being #2 again
SaintWest Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 4 minutes ago, ughgabriel said: i gabe you a 6.7 though :( sorry if it ends up being #2 again me realizing midsummer is my new till and i can start bringing up how it was robbed unnecessarily every three seconds
fountain Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 1 minute ago, ughgabriel said: i gabe you a 6.7 though :( sorry if it ends up being #2 again rihply to the judge pm plz
Temporal Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Temporal's Scores Tea 776 - 6.05 Angry Mom - 6.8 Orbital - 4.83 Red Rose - 5.63 Overall - 5.8 10 - 1 9 - 1 8 - 1 7 - 2 6 - 4 5 - 5 4 - 4 3 - 1 2 - 1 1 - 0
ughgabriel Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Orbital's scores Vikar's Witness came before his OOTB
fountain Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 Results time! I'll be starting off announcing who was hired from each label, everybody who was hired has received +0.5 to their score for this round. I'll then reveal the placements as usual, then the round 4 challenge! @funnellegs@ONIKACRAZY @Glassmouth @Corsola @Auburn@Hug @ICEY @Pecinta Mariah @FCKNAmbrosia@Nait Phoenix @UFO@Gastrodonatella @Tsareena @8thPrince @SaintWest @RihsusChrist(ATG) @beatinglikeadrum@OreGuy @mxtthewdelrey @Buyonce1814 @Lane Boy
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