SaintWest Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Just now, Corsola said: I really should've submitted it for water type last challenge but I was too uninspired Plus I think it holds a deeper meaning than just being a water song so I'm kinda glad I did it here instead just from the stuff you told me about your mom, the song really did that and it felt very personal in an authentic way
ceremonials Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 24 minutes ago, SaintWest said: stan for tides water always wins Currents impact wow
ughgabriel Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 58 minutes ago, Corsola said: Omg thank you Gabe! I'm glad you pointed out that specific line too. It was maybe my favorite (aside from my homage to Drip Drop) I really tried to embody your line of helping the readers when they lose hope through their unstable life. I'm glad you thought I embodied Vikar unlike SOME judge @Aurora (jk I still love you and understand your critique) Uhm what do australians know about norwegians? What do australians know about having contact with other countries? #wtfisnewzealand
fountain Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 10 minutes ago, funnellegs said: Thank you @ughgabriel Wow pay dust to mine ?
funnellegs Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 (edited) 4 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: Wow pay dust to mine ? Nooo you know I suck at keeping up with everything. Lemme go read edit: THANK YOU. I thought it would be a good change for me so I'm glad you like! Ur an angel xo @keshaspearsxo Edited June 8, 2017 by funnellegs
Aurora Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 13 hours ago, Corsola said: Thanks @Aurora! “So I don’t face eruptions... that happen” I totally agree this was a mess. It was my least favorite line The reason I chose @ughgabriel's label was because: his label was focused on being personal and authentic to his life which I feel I did. I also wanted to show myself as a victim of course but also with using a coping method that people may not agree with (shutting yourself out from the world and becoming numb emotionally) cause I felt like that showed a few of my facets. I believe my song fit the whole ''poetic, metaphoric, and a little avant garde'' while having a nature theme and most importantly, I do believe it fit the ''He just wants to create songs that will help his fans to overcome the lack of hope that comes from having an unstable life.'' because that's pretty much EXACTLY what my song was about. An unstable life but growing from it (maybe not in the most traditional way) but showing that you can become someone despite your family background. So though my song may not have fit his description to a T, I did think/hope that it fit it a fair amount Yes, but the song was personal and authentic to your life, not personal and authentic to Vikar's life, which are two different things. I feel in a way you put too much of yourself into the song, which wouldn't have been a problem any other week, but this week you were writing for someone else, so it felt a little odd. But, gabe is the one who decides whether he hires or fires and it seems like he was impressed with your entry and didn't feel it was too personal not to fit Vikar too. 10 hours ago, mxtthewdelrey said: Idea for Platinum Hit 11: each week everyone must upload a solo tape to ****hub of them jacking off whilst reading out the lyrics to their song. If you reach completion before you've finished reading your song, then the song is clearly too long. Just an idea for a bit of length control. but if you don't *** while reading your song is it even worth submitting?
fountain Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 20 minutes ago, funnellegs said: Nooo you know I suck at keeping up with everything. Lemme go read edit: THANK YOU. I thought it would be a good change for me so I'm glad you like! Ur an angel xo @keshaspearsxo ?
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 5 hours ago, keshaspearsxo said: Pear Reviews Part 1 @Hug - Big Brother - 776 Records Conceptually I like this a lot, but I think since the concept is so good it leaves a little room to go further than you did. I think mainly, it could’ve done with some direct social commentary, rather than just the questions over and over. It kind of loses it’s effectiveness over time and needs a more powerful statement. Despite this though, it’s definitely still a good entry. Just had more potential, I think. @Gastrodonatella - Moonbeam Bridge - Angry Mom Records What more could I have asked for? @beatinglikeadrum - Love Song - Red Rose Records An issue here is the meter, I’m really not finding much rhythm here. You said you went for the sexual liberation thing the label mentioned, but I’m not really getting that tbh! It just feels kind of like a typical song about liking somebody. It’s pretty charted ground and I think something more unique would be likely to get a higher score than this. @ICEY - Polaroid - 776 Records I liked the idea you were going for, but the execution is just a little off I think. Emotionally, you have the right idea, but lyrically it isn’t really backed up by the emotions you are trying to present. You say things pretty straight forward - “I don’t care, I’m not scared” “I found you I want you” and I think you could find more eloquent ways to put across the emotion of desire. You also could perhaps include more of a narrative and background about these characters which would push this higher. @Pecinta Mariah - One Romance Story - 776 Records This is probably your best entry so far! You have some nice imagery and I thought the song was very sweet. My main critique would be, I thought it could’ve been a lot stronger with a more realised narrative. I probably would’ve liked it more if you had told more of a story rather than being quite vague. But still, it was cute! @funnellegs - Letters to a God - Orbital Wow I feel like this is totally out of the box for you, and I think the change pays off! I totally love this. I find it so alluring and enigmatic, it’s wonderful. I don’t really have any criticism at all. I think you totally met the label brief too, so I hope you Gabe chooses to hire you! @FCKNAmbrosia - King of the Weekends / Good Mourning - 776 Records Love how you mentioned drugs in a entry for @Temporal's label. Very, very fitting. I like that this song was very ambitious. For the first half, I think its all really good except the chorus which I wasn’t really feeling. The whole “killer king” thing was just a little cringe to me, made me think of killer queen by Katy Perry. The intermission didn’t really add much. The second half is strong, also. But my critique is that I wish the story was a little more clear, and that there was some kind of conceptual distinction between the two halves. Obviously they’re different, but I don’t really know what the purpose or meaning behind both together is, entirely, if you see what I mean. @ONIKACRAZY - Mother Nature - Orbital Wow this is serving mine and @ughgabriel's "Don’t Forget to Water Me" teas! Stanning. All I have to comment really is I just wish the bridge was more, it felt underwhelming to the rest. @OreGuy - Written in Scriptures - Red Rose Records Well this perfectly fits the label you wrote for so well done! This is probably the best thing you’ve done conceptually and makes the most sense. But still some of it gets a little lost for me. Eve is an obvious reference, but ones like Simon and Peter aren’t well known enough or explained enough in the song for me to really get a grasp of what the message is supposed to be in those parts. But, you got the religious & liberation themes down for sure. Song is about not waiting and searching for normal relationship and deciding to have some fun and having a multiple orgasms...literally being a **** Song was written to music from Emotions from Mariah Carey. And gurl I wrote the track : omg. I love it sooo much. It was what I was looking for sexual revolution and shout out to my baptistic church with that glee. So like this person's option is more important to me.
Pecinta Mariah Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Oh wow, tempura hates my song. Record deals cancelled. Jk thx 4ur review Also thanks keysha that you liked it. Hope I'm somewhere in the top 20 like for once.
Aurora Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 2 hours ago, Corsola said: To be fair I doubt that'd be an issue if I didn't mention that it was a personal entry for me. But still, after reading that I understand your point a lot more! So I totally get why you think that way. @Aurora Though I would like to say that it wasn't like I was writing a personal entry and trying to shoehorn it into a label. I found a lot of parallels between myself and Vikar which is why I felt connected to that label and wanted to share how my own experience can connect with VIkar's. If I just wanted to write a personal entry then I would've done something for Angry Mom records. We'll just have to agree to disagree.
Hug Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 I had individual responses typed up for all the judges, but then ATRL had an issue with it and well... I will say that I have read and appreciate all of your comments. Particularly, I'm glad you thought my song fit the challenge @Temporal because that was my biggest concern.
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted June 8, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted June 8, 2017 6 hours ago, ughgabriel said: sareena- Limbo Yeah... So... Akimbo... Sometimes I struggle reading these entries because English is not my native language but that really made me feel as if I was reading english for the first time I really liked this song because it's not the typical confession as in "i'm sad and broken and i miss you" and whatnot. It's more about knowing a certain inevitable event is coming and you're preparing for it. I feel like this would be a great opening track for an album because it sets you in a mood of doubt where you don't know what to expect from the future. I got some Lorde vibes from this too. Thanks for the review. I really should have used another word or removed the word akimbo lol
RihsusChrist(ATG) Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 6 hours ago, ughgabriel said: @RihsusChrist(ATG) - White Boy Okay, I feel like you were trying to make a statement and I do appreciate the risk and understand when you say that controversy always attracts attention. But to make it work for new artists I think it should be a good kind of controversy. This felt more like a 'Hello Kitty' kind of track. You're trying to show the world a new Justin Bieber, Shawn Mendes, Lorde, but with this you're kind of making the artist to look like the male 'woke' version Rebecca Black. I do appreciate the message because as a mexican I've never gotten to experience any kind of discrimination towards me and I do feel like sometimes people do too much on white people but I guess that's based on people's experience and life events. But yeah, I just think the way you worded your ideas was very polarizing and that makes it hard to agree with your ideas. It really wasn't tailored for the Beiber's and Mendes's of the pop world... More so to a Scotty McCreery/Charlie Puth type
OreGuy Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Btw, thanks @keshaspearsxo for the review. Simon would like to be there because he might help my character like what he did to Jesus in the Bible. And for Peter, he denied Jesus three times and just like him, I'll undercover. But still, thanks!
SaintWest Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 4 hours ago, Gastrodonatella said: anyway @SaintWest im honestly shook that you managed to come up with a song like that all by yourself in less than a ****ing hour wig in a palace on the moon i'm honestly shook we're both slaying at once who could've ever predicted
fountain Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 5 hours ago, Gastrodonatella said: the devoid of color is because she abandoned the colorful world on earth to stay alone waiting for him knowing he'd never come back but refusing to accept that and on the moon everything is just a pallid white color that has no variance or warmth to it but i didnt really explain that so perfectly so im not surprised u missed it cuz it wasnt fleshed out nnn Why do I keep getting paid DUST?
UFO Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 (edited) Expected worse reviews tbh I'm just satisfied the message came through since my song was more personal this week than my other two songs and I struggle with executing a clear, coherent message. I guess it was just too clear of a message for this round That's my problem - I can't find a balance aljkfsaklfg it's either TOO abstract, or too basic. I can never find a good median I definitely was writing for me this week, instead of trying to get another #1 song nnn my Joanne era. I'm already doing a lot better than I expected in terms of my chart placements, reviews etc. I literally NEVER thought I would do so well I think after this round I'm going to just focus on developing my songwriting skills more and incorporating interesting, maybe unconventional subject matter. Two Strangers and Let The Water Fall are just the surface level of what I'm aiming to do this season, with Sad Clown being the start of me delving deeper into darker themes. I'm definitely going to try and keep delivering something NEW each week which I feel like I've achieved so far! get ready for next round Edited June 8, 2017 by UFO
SaintWest Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 1 hour ago, Gastrodonatella said: btw @Temporal the literal gag is i sat with saintwest for literally like 2 and a half hours before the deadline came cuz he came to me in PANIC and on the verge of having an aneurysm because he had nothing written and nothing to submit so i went through line after line giving every possible polish critique i could (AND THERE WERE M A N Y THINGS TO GO OVER) and helping him weed out the 9 different ****ty concepts he spit out before hitting the nail on the head with midsummer. i literally had to convince him to not give up and send a troll entry. he DID turn it out, he dropped an amazing song to work with and i fixed the grammar issues and guided him through what was already perfect and told him what to rewrite (i didnt write a single line for him so like before you mark for ghostwriting that didnt happen) and we made it ****ing WORK less than an hour before the penalties would start rolling in. and i didnt have to do any of that cuz i was already finished and waiting for the deadline to come. but yeah gastrodon could never so no lies detected
Temporal Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 1 hour ago, Gastrodonatella said: btw @Temporal the literal gag is i sat with saintwest for literally like 2 and a half hours before the deadline came cuz he came to me in PANIC and on the verge of having an aneurysm because he had nothing written and nothing to submit so i went through line after line giving every possible polish critique i could (AND THERE WERE M A N Y THINGS TO GO OVER) and helping him weed out the 9 different ****ty concepts he spit out before hitting the nail on the head with midsummer. i literally had to convince him to not give up and send a troll entry. he DID turn it out, he dropped an amazing song to work with and i fixed the grammar issues and guided him through what was already perfect and told him what to rewrite (i didnt write a single line for him so like before you mark for ghostwriting that didnt happen) and we made it ****ing WORK less than an hour before the penalties would start rolling in. and i didnt have to do any of that cuz i was already finished and waiting for the deadline to come. but yeah gastrodon could never so So kind of you to donate what minimal talent you have before collapsing in on yourself like a dying star. A true humanitarian. I salute you.
Temporal Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 2 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said: when somebody knows they been read so they have to deflect it into a joke When takes a one sentence quip into a paragraph long meltdown
Temporal Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 1 minute ago, Corsola said: Who the **** says quip? A lot of people apparently, other words are shook
Temporal Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Just now, Gastrodonatella said: it took me 10 seconds to write that paragraph while i used one hand to hold my drink You should've used it to down your meds
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