ICEY Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 1 hour ago, Temporal said: Conceptually, this fit the label. There was a central motif here, however, the commentary that you were aiming for got lost in translation I suppose. There were a number of grammatical mistakes that really held this back, and while I could get some Carly vibes at points (the first verse), this was overall lackluster. - “You were the one that I think of” “were” is past tense while “I think” is present. - “And I don't understand you / Between the lens, you fill my lungs” I didn’t get this. - The 2nd verse was the low point of the song. thanks for the feedback !! huge carly stan so thats a rlly nice compliment
SaintWest Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 5 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: finally bought an iamamiwhoami necklace omg wow it'll probably arrive before your reviews do!
SaintWest Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 5 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: finally bought an iamamiwhoami necklace omg wow it'll probably arrive before your reviews do!
fountain Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 1 minute ago, SaintWest said: omg wow it'll probably arrive before your reviews do! y'all are the WORST
fountain Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 1 minute ago, SaintWest said: omg wow it'll probably arrive before your reviews do! y'all are the WORST
fountain Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Pear Reviews Part 1 @Hug - Big Brother - 776 Records Conceptually I like this a lot, but I think since the concept is so good it leaves a little room to go further than you did. I think mainly, it could’ve done with some direct social commentary, rather than just the questions over and over. It kind of loses it’s effectiveness over time and needs a more powerful statement. Despite this though, it’s definitely still a good entry. Just had more potential, I think. @Gastrodonatella - Moonbeam Bridge - Angry Mom Records What more could I have asked for? @beatinglikeadrum - Love Song - Red Rose Records An issue here is the meter, I’m really not finding much rhythm here. You said you went for the sexual liberation thing the label mentioned, but I’m not really getting that tbh! It just feels kind of like a typical song about liking somebody. It’s pretty charted ground and I think something more unique would be likely to get a higher score than this. @ICEY - Polaroid - 776 Records I liked the idea you were going for, but the execution is just a little off I think. Emotionally, you have the right idea, but lyrically it isn’t really backed up by the emotions you are trying to present. You say things pretty straight forward - “I don’t care, I’m not scared” “I found you I want you” and I think you could find more eloquent ways to put across the emotion of desire. You also could perhaps include more of a narrative and background about these characters which would push this higher. @Pecinta Mariah - One Romance Story - 776 Records This is probably your best entry so far! You have some nice imagery and I thought the song was very sweet. My main critique would be, I thought it could’ve been a lot stronger with a more realised narrative. I probably would’ve liked it more if you had told more of a story rather than being quite vague. But still, it was cute! @funnellegs - Letters to a God - Orbital Wow I feel like this is totally out of the box for you, and I think the change pays off! I totally love this. I find it so alluring and enigmatic, it’s wonderful. I don’t really have any criticism at all. I think you totally met the label brief too, so I hope you Gabe chooses to hire you! @FCKNAmbrosia - King of the Weekends / Good Mourning - 776 Records Love how you mentioned drugs in a entry for @Temporal's label. Very, very fitting. I like that this song was very ambitious. For the first half, I think its all really good except the chorus which I wasn’t really feeling. The whole “killer king” thing was just a little cringe to me, made me think of killer queen by Katy Perry. The intermission didn’t really add much. The second half is strong, also. But my critique is that I wish the story was a little more clear, and that there was some kind of conceptual distinction between the two halves. Obviously they’re different, but I don’t really know what the purpose or meaning behind both together is, entirely, if you see what I mean. @ONIKACRAZY - Mother Nature - Orbital Wow this is serving mine and @ughgabriel's "Don’t Forget to Water Me" teas! Stanning. All I have to comment really is I just wish the bridge was more, it felt underwhelming to the rest. @OreGuy - Written in Scriptures - Red Rose Records Well this perfectly fits the label you wrote for so well done! This is probably the best thing you’ve done conceptually and makes the most sense. But still some of it gets a little lost for me. Eve is an obvious reference, but ones like Simon and Peter aren’t well known enough or explained enough in the song for me to really get a grasp of what the message is supposed to be in those parts. But, you got the religious & liberation themes down for sure.
Nait Phoenix Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 First time I'm in the second batch… guess I'll wait until tomorrow!
Temporal Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 1 hour ago, keshaspearsxo said: Love how you mentioned drugs in a entry for @Temporal's label. Very, very fitting.
SaintWest Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 @Gastrodonatella being a compared to a PH legend. When will your fav??
ughgabriel Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Angry Mom Records @Gastrodonatella- Moonbeam Bridge This was so sweet and it fits perfectly with the label in my opinion. It made me feel so many emotions because I felt connected to the song. I really have nothing bad to say about this because it was really good. The outro gives the story an uncertain and bittersweet ending and it made me feel very emotional. My only minor complain would be that the 'devoid of color' part of the bridge didn't really fit with the rest of the imagery but that's just me nitpicking. Very good work! @Tsareena- Limbo Yeah... So... Akimbo... Sometimes I struggle reading these entries because English is not my native language but that really made me feel as if I was reading english for the first time I really liked this song because it's not the typical confession as in "i'm sad and broken and i miss you" and whatnot. It's more about knowing a certain inevitable event is coming and you're preparing for it. I feel like this would be a great opening track for an album because it sets you in a mood of doubt where you don't know what to expect from the future. I got some Lorde vibes from this too. @8thPrince - Nowhere Wow, you did a really good job here! I think this could be easily a radio song but it's very well done. I don't know why but I thought of it as another Bebe Rexha x G Eazy collab. I always appreciate the mention of detail or specific places/situations because it makes the song a little more 'real'. I also like the ambiguity of the "everywhere and nowhere" like giving the reader this feeling of "i can't find them because i don't know where this person is but at the same time i should look for them cause they could be anywhere". It's a very simple way to word it but very effective! @SaintWest - Midsummer Okay, I have to say you did very well but I was left a little intrigued. Like you were narrating the story really well throughout the verses and choruses. And then we get to the outro where you're not with him anymore. I think I would've liked a bridge or anything that gave me a connection between the verses where you two were together and the outro where you're apart. I was left wanting to know how you got your distance, I know your reasons because of your description but I wanted to know how it happened. This is a good sign, though, if I was left wanting to know more was because I was captivated by your story. @RihsusChrist(ATG) - White Boy Okay, I feel like you were trying to make a statement and I do appreciate the risk and understand when you say that controversy always attracts attention. But to make it work for new artists I think it should be a good kind of controversy. This felt more like a 'Hello Kitty' kind of track. You're trying to show the world a new Justin Bieber, Shawn Mendes, Lorde, but with this you're kind of making the artist to look like the male 'woke' version Rebecca Black. I do appreciate the message because as a mexican I've never gotten to experience any kind of discrimination towards me and I do feel like sometimes people do too much on white people but I guess that's based on people's experience and life events. But yeah, I just think the way you worded your ideas was very polarizing and that makes it hard to agree with your ideas.
ceremonials Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 4 hours ago, Corsola said: I'm honored jk i know it isnt me lol I have a suspicion on who it is tho Me
Temporal Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 ugh do i need to finish reviews tonight or can I procrastinate
fountain Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 1 minute ago, Temporal said: ugh do i need to finish reviews tonight or can I procrastinate I'm doing results tomorrow so.... all I really care about is scores before then
Temporal Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 2 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: I'm doing results tomorrow so.... all I really care about is scores before then what time tomorrow?
fountain Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 1 minute ago, Temporal said: what time tomorrow? What time zone would you like it in?
Temporal Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 4 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: What time zone would you like it in? EST, the only relevant timezone you Eurocentric twit
SaintWest Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 (edited) not a song i wrote in an hour outshining TILL a smash that should've gone #1 Edited June 8, 2017 by SaintWest
fountain Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 4 minutes ago, Temporal said: EST, the only relevant timezone you Eurocentric twit About 10pm est !
Bandito Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Can't wait for the results hunties! Make sure to buy Witness tomorrow at 11 PM at your local music retailer!
SaintWest Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 6 minutes ago, Corsola said: You KNOW you need to let it go when someone you became friends with specifically because they stanned for that entry is even telling you the same hello this is saintwest here to tell you until you have a song that was a few points off from curing racismplease don't quote me thank you have a great day
ughgabriel Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Orbital @funnellegs - Letters to a God I have to say this is a really strong start for Orbital! I really liked how you were so raw expressing these feelings incorporating some of Vikar's life events. I really liked the message you reached in the end: life is not fair for everyone. And that's one of the messages that I wanted you to express. It's a wild world but we have to figure out how to survive. This is your best entry so far! @ONIKACRAZY - Mother Nature When I was reading your description and the first verse I was hoping for some kind of representation of the protagonist's mother as mother nature, and then doing a plot twist and start talking about Earth. I think that would've been a great approach and very unconventional. It's not an original idea, but that's what I kinda got when I read those two things. Well, the song itself is not bad. But it's not really that outstanding because I agree that nature is important to Vikar, but this was too blunt in my opinion. I do love the message you expressed throughout the song. But will your song make it to the standard or the deluxe version of Vikar's album? We'll see! @Glassmouth - Rainbow Coloured Pavement Okay I really liked the concept because it is something really out of the box. Escaping reality actually gives you another perspective of things. And I feel like you embodied that idea on the verses and prechorus, but the chorus was pretty weak in my opinion. And the bridge and outro were not so relevant to the story you were trying to tell, they were a little senseless in my opinion. I think you had a great idea that could've been executed better, actually when I read your song I thought this was the perfect opportunity to use the cliched phrase "through the crystal" and give it a twist. I feel like it would've worked perfectly for this concept! @Corsola - Tides I really loved some of the lines you used here: "i thought of sinking down to a permanent home" was so powerful, because it carries a lot of meaning for Vikar and for yourself. And I feel like you embodied Vikar's loneliness and love for nature in one song. This was a very vulnerable and honest entry. I hope this had some impact on you. Because I feel like this could've been kind therapeutic for you. You did a great job! @Auburn - Gone I was a bit confused with this entry, because I don't know if it was as Sam said that this was your take on Vikar's asexuality or was it about him being the villain of the story. I actually liked this because I've been stucked in that situation where you don't feel the same way as people do, like the feeling is not reciprocate and it makes sense that the song is short because it's a situation where there's not much to say, you know? The second verse is very similar to the first one in terms of what they're expressing so I think you could've used that second verse to add another dimension to the story.
Temporal Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 31 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: About 10pm est ! Oh **** that's easy
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