fountain Posted June 6, 2017 Author Posted June 6, 2017 (edited) 1 hour ago, RihsusChrist(ATG) said: How many points is knocked off for a late entry? I know I sent mine in a day late and a dollar short. Around 3 Better than just getting a 0, though Edited June 6, 2017 by keshaspearsxo
ceremonials Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 13 minutes ago, Corsola said: Honestly I wanted to sound rude then say no shade as a joke but it was barely rude enough so let me just clarify that it WAS a joke Oop stan
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 1 hour ago, keshaspearsxo said: Platinum hit is over Waat ?
ONIKACRAZY Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 2 hours ago, keshaspearsxo said: Platinum hit is over What!?
Hug Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 2 hours ago, keshaspearsxo said: Platinum hit is over It's about time this shit show got SHUT DOWN.
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Why is that ? Begging for this being only the trolling.
Galah Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Just now, Swish Swish said: Platinum hit has BEEN over since 2015 True. The last good season, Platinum Hit 8, began in October 2015.
Galah Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 @ughgabriel ORBITAL @funnellegs - “Letters to a God” I… this was just brilliant. I honestly have nothing much else to say. You clearly were inspired by the label’s brief and channeled that and crafted a beautifully written, interesting song from it. Well done! @ONIKACRAZY - “Mother Nature” This definitely felt inspired by one specific small detail of the description, which is definitely fine, but it would have been nice to see some more influence since Orbital perhaps was the label that gave you all the most to work with. The song itself is nice, the message is important, but it’s lacking that unique element that was requested. It’s a bit too conventional and safe, I feel. It’s definitely not bad by a long shot, but I feel that you’ve shown you can be creative with “Thoughtography” and it didn’t really come through this time. @Glassmouth - “Rose Coloured Pavement” Conceptually, I found this a really interesting take. You took that one specific aspect of the brief and expanded on it which was great, but you also intertwined those elements of being a victim and villain. I found the chorus a real step down from everything beforehand, the name-dropping was very odd and it just detracted from the vibe it felt like you were going for. The outro was also a definite no. I can’t stress enough how this is a lyric writing competition, and repeating the same lyrics 25 times or so isn’t going to do anything for you. The concept was there but the execution was honestly a bit of a miss for me. I think if you had made this song more of like a serious confessional and introverted anthem it would have served you much better. @Corsola - “Tides” Corsola, ha revival. This was by far the best entry you’ve submitted this season. “Though my feet almost touched the ocean floor / now I feel them trace a new island shore” was a real wig moment. However, “So I don’t face eruptions... that happen” was a mess. All in all you wrote a song that was clearly personal to you and it showed in the lyrics and it made for a song that was really engaging and genuinely interesting to read. I almost feel as if this would have been better suited to 776 Records in some ways, but it does fit the nature themes I guess. Some of the aspects of the song do clash though (i.e. you being a shut-in, while Vikar was kicked out at 16). You wrote a personal song on pretty much the only challenge where it didn’t call for it. But, for you still wrote a great song, and that has to be recognised. @Auburn - “Gone” I assume this was your take on the asexual angle of Vikar’s brief, which is a fine angle to take. There were good moments and then there were some not-so-good moments but overall the whole thing just feels underdeveloped. It reads as, “OK, yes, this is what I want to say. Now what metaphors can I use, what interesting words or phrases can I add to elevate this” but you never got out of first draft mode. There’s so much potential here, but that’s all it is. Conceptually you’ve done what you set out to do, but there needs to be more thought put into it if you want have an acclaimed, standout entry. @Temporal 776 RECORDS @Hug - “Big Brother” “Chained to the Rhythm” who? This was a definite improvement over last week’s entry, yet not quite as much of a slay as “Drowned in Neon”. I feel like this label was definitely the most free-reign and you utilised that while still drawing inspiration from the provided brief. I enjoyed both the surface and the underlying meanings of the song, which is exactly what a double-meaning song should do. At times the lyrics felt a little cliche and pattern (sets of three) got a little stale due to the lack of variation. Especially in the chorus, the rhymes were rather dull and predictable. “Close your eyes and count the sheep” was my favourite lyric. The verses in general were the strongest part of this song, both lyrically and thematically. @ICEY - “Polaroid” Side note: don’t even get me started on who psychotic I can get when I’m into someone. I kind of absolutely love the “paranoid/polaroid” rhyme and am both equal parts glad and confused as to why it’s not a really overdone rhyme. It just makes sense and sounds so darn good. Honestly I’m not sure how good of a fit this would be for the label, but that’s not my call to make. The second verse confused me a bit actually because there appeared to be some grammar problems (“I in the worst way”) which when listening to the demo (which was great, btw!) makes sense but that’s not going to fly in this competition. It’s like Ariana saying, “Now that I’ve become who I really are,” it’s just not good from a lyrical standpoint, and that should always be the #1 focus. Build a good melody around good lyrics if you must, don’t sacrifice the quality of the lyrics to fit to a melody you have in mind. @Pecinta Mariah - “One Romance Story” The main problem I had with this was the grammar and technical issues, honestly. I know it can be hard if English isn’t your native language, and usually I try to overlook it, but it was hard to ignore with this one. I liked the way the first verses were set up, the parallels and comparisons between those two there. I liked the use of “carving”, it made me think of young lovers carving their names into a tree in a heart shape, so that was a good imagery usage there. However, there were too many lines that just didn’t make any sense. @FCKNAmbrosia - “King of the Weekends / Good Mourning” This was certainly an experience, I’ll say that. I think you really went for it this challenge and I always love to see that. It was certainly an interesting take but I think it works. There were plenty of unique lyrics scattered throughout, in both parts of the song. I felt the intermission was a little extra, especially with all the different voices (non-lyrical additions are rarely rewarded). It was a lengthy read but it wasn’t a disappointing one. I think this one may have just been my favourite from you yet. It definitely seems to fit the label, for me. @Nait Phoenix - “Black Pages” Nait, you’re really hitting your stride now. Your entries just keep getting better. I loved this. I loved the concept and more importantly I loved the execution. You had great prolonged rhyme schemes and, to me at least, it didn’t feel like you forced anything or went for an obvious/easy rhyme at any stage. It all flowed so nicely, and fit the label to a T. This was a very solid entry. @UFO - “Sad Clown” Conceptually, this was a good submission for the label I feel. You had that darker theme and the different interpretation of a clown, as well as a literal clown. I feel like the verses did enough to paint the picture before you got to the chorus, which is a good thing, but then the chorus kind of just reiterated everything we already knew to be true, and it’s somewhat familiar (painting smiles, internal suffocation… it would have been more fun if you used more clown imagery I think and put different twists on these somewhat common ideas to really make your chorus stand out. The bridge does a good job of summing up the clown’s feelings and allowing the song to end on a depressing note, which is definitely the intention. The chorus could be a little more creative, sure, but overall this was a nice entry and felt quite different to your usual style so it’s nice to see this diversity. @keshaspearsxo ANGRY MOM RECORDS @Gastrodonatella - “Moonbeam Bridge” This “Stardust” rewrite asdfghjkl; it’s so Jackson, I’m screaming. You kinda did Jackson better than Swish Swish tbh! I can’t knock it though, it’s honestly very good. Eons better than your first entry and far less poetic and more like a song than your last. It fits the brief very well. I hope you continue to improve like this! @Tsareena - “Limbo” This was another really well thought out entry that put a unique spin on a somewhat common idea. I like that you took the “race of life” and really focussed on that extended theme throughout and expanded on it. I loved a lot of the lyrics, especially in the first half of the song. “Freedom so foreign and unwelcome,” a lyric. A feeling. So relatable and true. “Years counted by the sitcom’s season / in cells we have the keys to,” wig destroyed. Unique idea, flawless execution. Tick tick. I feel dumb because I have to look up “akimbo”. I feel like some of the unique elements became more sparse as the song went on but overall it was still really good, and definitely fit the label. @8thPrince - “Nowhere” The song starting with references to places, I see you. Poor Jackson, his predictability. “[You took] the power to say your name without tasting tears.” EIGHTH ****ING PRINCE HOW DARE YOU WRITE SUCH PERFECTION. DAMN YOU. Actually, I feel like the chorus itself got progressively better as it went along. I wasn’t so sure about the titular lyric usage at first if I’m honest, the first four lines seemed to take up a lot of space to say… not a lot. Lyrically the rap was strong, but it didn’t really read like a rap to me, but it’s just a notation… the lyrics were good which is the main thing. In fact it was probably the strongest complete section lyrically. The bridge was also strong. In short, you wrote a great song that fit the theme. The only thing that detracted a bit for me was the way the chorus was set up, but the chorus also had my favourite lyric in the song, so... @SaintWest - “Midsummer” Angry Mom must be where it’s at, because y’all are serving the tea. Another brilliant entry, you really highlighted all three of the suggested themes (romance, nostalgia and confession) in the most perfect way. The fact that it was your personal story yet still felt relatable and could be used for this completely fictional “Jackson” character was excellent. You had the right balance of personal and general, longing and moving on, carefree and sentimental, all wrapped up in a beautiful title. Forget Till. Numbers Boy who? This is your new magnum opus. @RihsusChrist(ATG) - “White Boy” This was… interesting. There were undertones of sarcasm which were refreshing in a PH entry. I’m not sure it really fit the tone and vibe the label was aiming for and in all honesty without a chorus or anything it felt more like a poem or spoken word interlude or something than a song. It was a risky submission and while I appreciate that, I don’t think it quite worked out. @Aurora RED ROSE RECORDS @beatinglikeadrum - “Love Song” I don’t recall citing a love song as something Maria Praise would be interested in recording, so I’m a little confused as to why you chose this as your angle. It kind of bordered the area of being a little bit sexual but not sexual enough to be considered sexually liberating, and a little bit religious but not religious enough to be considered “Christian pop”. You would have been better off committing to one way or the other, this middle ground doesn’t really push any of the messages that Maria was excited to convey. The Icarus verse felt like a random mythological reference that definitely didn’t align with any of Maria’s interests. The gospel choir was a nice suggestion, but Maria’s producers would prefer to handle the vocal production side of things, the focus should be entirely on the lyrics. @OreGuy - “Written in Scriptures” I love how many elements you incorporated into this song, which shows you definitely read the brief. There were strong themes of feminism and religious references and imagery which is exactly what I had in mind. This was easily my favourite submission of yours thus far. “Power’s greater in heels than the crown on me” kinda left me shook. The rap… I like that you wanted to incorporate that collaboration element I hinted at, but I’m not sure if Maria Praise is into rap music. We’ll have to check with her about that. Overall, it was a nice entry that ticked a lot of the boxes. @mxtthewdelrey - “Plymouth (My Talk With Annie)” I’m honestly quite confused by various sections of this. Who is Annie? What does Plymouth have to do with this song, or Maria, who is from Canada? I’m assuming the song is aiming to tackle the ‘sexual freedom’ angle of Maria’s brief, but for me the song doesn’t fully commit to it. I’m honestly a little confused as to what the chorus is trying to convey. What has been lost? It doesn’t appear to nail any of the themes Maria was hoping to convey through her lyrics. The chorus is a little too repetitive and doesn’t express much. The bridge was a significant highlight in this song. @Buyonce1814 - “Sinful Bliss” (Just for the record, your original song concept sounded perfect for this challenge). This was a fantastic marriage of sexual freedom and religious references that yielded the ultimate “I’m a good Christian girl gone bad” sex bop. I was really hoping I’d see something like this, and you delivered. Sure your original concept sounds even better, but this was still pretty solid, so don’t doubt yourself! The first verse felt a little underdeveloped, but the second verse was a complete knockout. The repetition of the second chorus was a perfect example of a tasteful repetition and gave it that radio-friendly vibe without any “oohs” and “aahs”, although the chorus itself did lack that punch or standout lyric. The bridge was another knockout, however. @Lane Boy - “Altar (Get On It)” This was a fantastic take on the brief. Like some others you focussed on the sexual freedom and religion themes but you also expanded on that and found a common link with the sacrificial nature. I love the thought that went into that. Every lyric has the intention of conveying a message, and your song isn’t sexual for the sake of being sexual, but uses that sexuality as a power, a force, which is exactly as it was intended to be displayed. In all honestly, the chorus does venture into predictable territory here and there, but it’s less than 50/50, so it’s nothing detrimental. The first verse is definitely stronger than the second, but the first two lines of the second are great. The bridge is a perfect natural progression from both a relationship standpoint and a religious standpoint. I can even see the “Summer of 2017” elements coming through with the final chorus. All in all you nailed various aspects of the brief and submitted a strong track that could be both radio friendly and lyrically dynamic.
Galah Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Average Score Per Label Orbital: 7.42 776 Records: 7.5 Angry Mom Records: 7.72 Red Rose Records: 7.28 Highest Score: 9.5 Lowest Score: 5.0 Overall, the best round so far. @ceremonials and @Cupid need to not submit more often! (the kii of me ranking my own label last in terms of average )
fountain Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) Angry Mom Records having this COMEBACK era with critical acclaim! The Carly Rae Jepsen of labels! Platinum Hit uncancelled! Edited June 7, 2017 by keshaspearsxo
funnellegs Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 @Aurora Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm on cloud nine right now
Auburn Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 thanks @Aurora for the review, I know its a little haphazard but I didn't want to submit nothing for this round
SaintWest Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 29 minutes ago, Aurora said: @SaintWest - “Midsummer” Angry Mom must be where it’s at, because y’all are serving the tea. Another brilliant entry, you really highlighted all three of the suggested themes (romance, nostalgia and confession) in the most perfect way. The fact that it was your personal story yet still felt relatable and could be used for this completely fictional “Jackson” character was excellent. You had the right balance of personal and general, longing and moving on, carefree and sentimental, all wrapped up in a beautiful title. Forget Till. Numbers Boy who? This is your new magnum opus.
ATRL Moderator Tsareena Posted June 7, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted June 7, 2017 yay thanks Aurora. I thought my song would not fit Jackson initially but it felt honest/ sentimental without being too sad.
OreGuy Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 thanks @Aurora for the feedback, really glad you liked it!
RihsusChrist(ATG) Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 26 minutes ago, Aurora said: Average Score Per Label Orbital: 7.42 776 Records: 7.5 Angry Mom Records: 7.72 Red Rose Records: 7.28 Highest Score: 9.5 Lowest Score: 5.0 Overall, the best round so far. @ceremonials and @Cupid need to not submit more often! (the kii of me ranking my own label last in terms of average ) Lemme proudly accept my 5.0 For a late entry wrote in 5 minutes a 5.0 ain't dat bad.
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 5 minutes ago, RihsusChrist(ATG) said: Lemme proudly accept my 5.0 For a late entry wrote in 5 minutes a 5.0 ain't dat bad. It's my 5.0 though...
mxtthewdelrey Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Wow a wonderful review this week from Aurora Thanks!
Hug Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 39 minutes ago, Aurora said: Hug - “Big Brother” “Chained to the Rhythm” who? This was a definite improvement over last week’s entry, yet not quite as much of a slay as “Drowned in Neon”. I feel like this label was definitely the most free-reign and you utilised that while still drawing inspiration from the provided brief. I enjoyed both the surface and the underlying meanings of the song, which is exactly what a double-meaning song should do. At times the lyrics felt a little cliche and pattern (sets of three) got a little stale due to the lack of variation. Especially in the chorus, the rhymes were rather dull and predictable. “Close your eyes and count the sheep” was my favourite lyric. The verses in general were the strongest part of this song, both lyrically and thematically. The way I didn't even think of the CTTR parallel until I was finished with the song and by that time, I was like "You know what? This is my Witness era anyway, with Candle and all, I may as well go all out." I can see both the rhymes being dull and the lack of variation being monotonous (I'd be lying if I said nobody told me about the former prior to submitting), but I found the 3 line thing more boring because I did the same thing last round. I am going to say I'm surprised that "close your eyes and count the sheep" was your favorite line, because even though the double meaning is there, it's still ultimately a cliched phrase...or at least I'd think. Anyway, "Definite improvement over last week's entry" is about the best thing I could've heard because quite frankly I haven't fucked up that bad since I wrote #OTF all the way back in Season 7.
FCKNAmbrosia Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 1 hour ago, Aurora said: @FCKNAmbrosia - “King of the Weekends / Good Mourning” This was certainly an experience, I’ll say that. I think you really went for it this challenge and I always love to see that. It was certainly an interesting take but I think it works. There were plenty of unique lyrics scattered throughout, in both parts of the song. I felt the intermission was a little extra, especially with all the different voices (non-lyrical additions are rarely rewarded). It was a lengthy read but it wasn’t a disappointing one. I think this one may have just been my favourite from you yet. It definitely seems to fit the label, for me. Finally
Bandito Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 1 hour ago, Aurora said: @Lane Boy - “Altar (Get On It)” This was a fantastic take on the brief. Like some others you focused on the sexual freedom and religion themes but you also expanded on that and found a common link with the sacrificial nature. I love the thought that went into that. Every lyric has the intention of conveying a message, and your song isn’t sexual for the sake of being sexual, but uses that sexuality as a power, a force, which is exactly as it was intended to be displayed. In all honestly, the chorus does venture into predictable territory here and there, but it’s less than 50/50, so it’s nothing detrimental. The first verse is definitely stronger than the second, but the first two lines of the second are great. The bridge is a perfect natural progression from both a relationship standpoint and a religious standpoint. I can even see the “Summer of 2017” elements coming through with the final chorus. All in all you nailed various aspects of the brief and submitted a strong track that could be both radio friendly and lyrically dynamic. Thanks Aurora for the great review! I do agree, the second verse is worse than the first, but I do love the first two lines of that verse. I was actually worried it was gonna be considered "too religious".
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