tournament ? PLATINUM HIT 10.5 ? Farewell pg.220 / Grammys pg.221 ?

[Tsareena]

16 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

@Tsareena - Cirque de Soi - Former Self Portrait Challenge

I don’t really get how this is a former self portrait tbh. Maybe you thought since it’s kind of talking about something in past tense, but I don’t think this was the intention of the challenge really. I think it was more about reflecting internally and creating a dialogue with a former version of yourself. This feels more so like a storytelling esque song. I will say though, the whole song carried the circus theme so well and the pacing was really really good. I just didn’t feel it totally captured the challenge idea. Probably one of your best entries regardless though.

welp. I guess I didn't get the challenge. It was meant to be about self-hate/ self-sabotage and how the narrator saw the error of his critical ways in the end as he saw his former self as an enemy. Thanks for the review! @Hug gave me great advice on the song too 

[beatinglikeadrum]

22 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

 

Pear Reviews

 

@Hug- I Do, I Do… - Dr Luke Challenge

You know how much I love your sentimental songs. And this is not a different case. Such a bittersweet and moving song. I think this is probably your best song all season. Yes, it’s not some masterpiece of imagery and poetry, but I don’t think every song has to be. The simplicity and rawness of this accompanies it perfectly, and the pacing of the story is perfect, ending on such a hollow and cutting statement. I should be sad but I’m happy because this is what I love about writing.

 

@funnellegs - For What It’s Worth - Dr Luke Challenge

This song is very personal and unique so you definitely fulfilled what you were going for. I definitely got those feelings. I think my biggest point is how you name everybody. It works in making it more you, yes, but at the same time, I don’t think we need the names. When you name people, and the reader doesn’t really have any knowledge of who this person is or what they’re like, it kind of creates a disconnect. I think it would’ve worked if you had rather just used the general terms like “aunt” or “uncle” because then the reader can relate in to somebody in their mind who they know and share the same relationship to, but when it’s just a name and you have a hard time building a connection to this character, it becomes hard. However, this is a small factor and I largely enjoyed this entry. I think it’s among your best.

 

 @OreGuy - Blood - Dr Luke Challenge

I don’t know what this is :(

 

@Glassmouth - Behold Digital Afterlife - Former Self Portrait Challenge

Wow this is a bit of an impressive and interesting concept! @Corsola would be proud. A gripe I have with this, is that it isn’t really what I think the challenge was aiming for, this I don’t think really captures the emotion or sentimental feeling of a self portrait song to me, it feels more kind of like a social commentary song if you ask me. Though, I liked it a lot overall despite this. But the length could probably be cut down and polished overall.

 

@FCKNAmbrosia - The Curator - Sequel Challenge

Ok this is perfect. Love this so much. That's all.

 

 @UFO - Magic Tricks - Sequel Challenge

Dddddd okay so I like your song, but you chose such a ****ty song to make it a sequel to, like I feel like this would’ve been better on it’s own. This original is so surface level. It’s a bit of a discredit to yourself to relate this to a Katy Perry song. Love how even a song you describe as being fun is still littered with insecurity.

 

@Tsareena - Cirque de Soi - Former Self Portrait Challenge

I don’t really get how this is a former self portrait tbh. Maybe you thought since it’s kind of talking about something in past tense, but I don’t think this was the intention of the challenge really. I think it was more about reflecting internally and creating a dialogue with a former version of yourself. This feels more so like a storytelling esque song. I will say though, the whole song carried the circus theme so well and the pacing was really really good. I just didn’t feel it totally captured the challenge idea. Probably one of your best entries regardless though.

 

@Nait Phoenix - Inception - Dr Luke Challenge

I get a dreamy, hazy picture in my mind from this song, which I really enjoy. But, I feel like the lyrical style doesn’t totally reflect that at times. In some instances, I was left hoping you would take a more poetic route than the simple one. I think that would’ve really aided you here.

 

@Gastrodonatella - Advice - Former Self Portrait Challenge

“Every day you wake up just to fall down on your knees” I only go down on my knees for papa @Corsola in my dreams. Anyway this is cute but it’s no Moonbeam Bridge. You executed the challenge quite well but, like I can't get over Perfectbeam 10ridge.  But I still like it. But serve another Godbeam Slayridge.

 

@Lane Boy - Melancholy Boy - Former Self Portrait Challenge

I think you achieved the concept of a former self portrait song the best of everybody. It was pretty much a perfect execution. I really like the song overall, but one pointer I would say is when you refer to the incidents in the song, they could use a bit more detail I think. If you hadn’t included the explanation for the song, I would’ve been a bit confused, I feel. It could’ve been a little clearer. But like I said I do enjoy this overall. The outro in particular is my favourite, you ended it on such a perfect, sweet, uplifting moment.

 

@SaintWest - Ticking - Dr Luke Challenge

Oh sis, not alleyways.

 

@Auburn - A Moon Hangs in the Sky - Dr Luke Challenge

Gah this is so pretty. Your best entry all season. I love it fully. Got nothing bad to say.

 

@mxtthewdelrey - I Can’t Kill You - Dr Luke Challenge

I really like this song it is- wait, I feel something coming over me...

This piece is called, "Thinking About You, Girl"

Boy you wanna think in caps?

I'll show you how to think IN CAPS

like a capitalist

im the master of this

Judith The Cow and a horse pulled by master

with her side chick Pea, Jasmine Masters of this

Blood and porridge, stir it up

Vape with me, remix it up

Postman come and hit me up

BDSM dog it up

Puppy on the floor and you're growling at me

If we were in Mexico you'd say "ay papi"

say my name I know you know it, moan it clearLee

Have you ever heard about my song called Pony?

im the host with the most and you're tied to a post

i can get dirty if it's not in my game

i better win this cause together my two sides came

and if I don't we will only have Matthew to blame!

 

 @beatinglikeadrum - Wonderland - Former Self Portrait Challenge

I wish you could spend more time on your entries and get a little help with your English in them because it would improve them so much! Well, at least you have tried every week no matter what.

 

@RihsusChrist(ATG) - Queen of the World - Sequel Challenge

I like Princess of China but it’s kinda a bad song to choose to sequel because it’s lyrics aren’t really.. special. Nor do they have some kind of concept behind them. I get that you tried to go with the royal theme, but it doesn’t make sense because in the song they are theorising about how they could’ve been a princess and a king, when in actuality they aren’t.

 

Not us flopping together again @Rihsus when we slay we slay top 10 and when we flop, well...

[Bandito]

21 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

 

@Lane Boy - Melancholy Boy - Former Self Portrait Challenge

I think you achieved the concept of a former self portrait song the best of everybody. It was pretty much a perfect execution. I really like the song overall, but one pointer I would say is when you refer to the incidents in the song, they could use a bit more detail I think. If you hadn’t included the explanation for the song, I would’ve been a bit confused, I feel. It could’ve been a little clearer. But like I said I do enjoy this overall. The outro in particular is my favourite, you ended it on such a perfect, sweet, uplifting moment.

 

 

I appreciate the review! I didn't go more in depth because the entry was really long already and I didn't want to give like an 800 word entry. But I definitely understand what you mean.  

[Temporal]

An emoji for my reviews thus far:  

 

Theyre finished rn but my computer doesn't have internet for whatever reason rn so bear with me

[fountain]

 

 

Temp Reviews

 

@Hug - I Do, I Do
I think the biggest mistake that people make when writing songs like these is that they appeal to their own emotions rather than the readers. I understand how this can be an emotional experience for you, but for someone who’s never experienced anything like this and is removed from the situation - like I imagine many readers haven’t - you didn’t help them to understand how to feel. The story felt too short as it only covered one day, I think there could’ve more to this story as well.

@funnellegs - For What It’s Worth
So the anger definitely comes through with this, but I wanted there to be more lyrical punches or a central motif to hold everything together (see P!nk’s “Family Portrait” for instance). Instead, I think we got a stream of consciousness, which works great for postmodernism literature like Virginia Woolf, but here, without that motif, this felt a bit undeveloped. I mentioned this in the wake of Manchester, but I think it’s hard to write a song about death when your proximity is so close to it because there are SO many emotions going on that its hard to create a piece that makes sense of them (and makes sense to a reader). In addition, I think rhyming would’ve helped, but I could see an argument as to why you didn’t do that here.

@OreGuy - Blood
“I'm high, can't you tell?” Yes. Yes I can.

@Glassmouth - Behold Digital Afterlife
Even with your introduction, I was still really confused by this. I think you elevated your style to a really poetic level, however, I think you may have aimed too high I don’t know if you already do, but share your songs with contestants and see how much of them they can grasp without any introductions or things like that. That should help you gauge what’s working and what isn’t. With all that said, I think this is a step in the right direction.

@FCKNAmbrosia - The Curator
“I took a chisel and tried to carve a guise / Of myself sleeping naked, in your eyes / So you could remember my curves everytime / Another woman would make you feel sublime.” WIIIIIIIG. Okay I thought this was really good, easily your best entry yet, though I have a few concerns: I think this steered too close to Lorde’s actual works, you took a lot of the words and phrases she used and replicated them really similarly so that it almost didn’t feel original. In that way this felt almost like a reinterpretation than a sequel. There were a few minor word choices/grammatical errors that I had to replace in my head as well.

@UFO - Magic Tricks
This seems to be an improvement from some of your earlier works this season. There were still times where you were throwing a lot at the reader, the first stanza of the second verse and second stanza of the first verse. When the song starts to build up and the energy starts rolling forward you were still trying to introduce all of these new images and it felt overbearing at points. The second stanza of the second verse was a nice release from that. Like Glassmouth, a step in the right direction I believe!

@Tsareena - Cirque de Soi
This was hardly a self portrait This was more like a relationship portrait. My biggest technical complaint by far, however, were the rhymes, SO many (sorry) bad ones. “Villian/Chicken” was the worst by far, while “Intense/Pretense” was a no. I really liked the circus concept, but what it was serving as a metaphor for got really muddy to me.

@Gastrodonatella - Advice
Grimmie is coming for you! Anyways I think this could’ve been good if it was longer. The first verse didn’t really go anywhere, it was essentially you saying “**** is hard” and nothing more than that in a poetic way several times. You started pushing the story a little bit more in the fourth stanza, but then the song was over.

@Nait Phoenix - Inception
I agree with Pears, hazy, inception-y image for sure, but perhaps this was overly hazy for a lyric competition. I would listen to this, but not necessarily go out of my way to read it, ya know? The chorus exemplifies that the most.

@Lane Boy - Melancholy Boy
RoOoOse Colored Boy! Hear you making all that noise about a world that came to beee! Im going to disagree with Pears, I think the level of detail here was good enough to be relatable but also personal to you, and wasn’t overwhelming in its content. I’ll also disagree by saying that the style was lacking for me. This felt more dramatic than lyrical. I think that if you reached for language outside of joy, death, sad, etc., that you would start pushing your abilities a little more as well. Some of the lines here were overly blunt, and needed a little more nuance to them.

@SaintWest - Ticking
This was a step or two backwards I think. The rhyming was really easy and predictable; I wanted to be left guessing where you were going, but you ended up using really common rhymes, and didn’t make up for that with a brilliant concept or story. It was all fine, but I know you’re capable of more.

@Auburn - A Moon Hangs in the Sky
Imagery was pretty, but the repetition of the final line in each stanza got a bit redundant, and this song was more of a one trick pony. It’s cute, but shallow conceptually.

@mxtthewdelrey - I Can’t Kill You
Well, this is the ARTPOP that Ive come to expect from you I suppose, but more digestible.

@beatinglikeadrum - Wonderland
“I remember us choosing rabbit hole. Ahh. We should've followed butterfly” girl what? I co-sign Pears’ review. This could’ve been a cute little Narnia bop but the lack of English experience here just made this a difficult read. The final chorus was cute.

@RihsusChrist(ATG) - Queen of the World
“You hurt me mightily” I don’t know how I feel about this use of “mightily” This was good, you stuck to a central thematic and mood, and every line worked toward that. The big thing is that the chorus didn’t rhyme, when you set up a nice rhyme and rhythm in the verses. Thankfully that helped carry the chorus, but out of context, it would be pretty weak. Im also unsure about this as a sequel since it doesn’t do too much to build off of Princess of China beyond increasing the scale.

 

[Bandito]

3 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

 
@Lane Boy - Melancholy Boy
RoOoOse Colored Boy! Hear you making all that noise about a world that came to beee! Im going to disagree with Pears, I think the level of detail here was good enough to be relatable but also personal to you, and wasn’t overwhelming in its content. I’ll also disagree by saying that the style was lacking for me. This felt more dramatic than lyrical. I think that if you reached for language outside of joy, death, sad, etc., that you would start pushing your abilities a little more as well. Some of the lines here were overly blunt, and needed a little more nuance to them.

 

@Temporal, I knew you were gonna make a Rose Colored Boy reference.   You better stan for their future smash hit though!   But I'm glad you seem to like it more than my other entries.  

[Tsareena]

2 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

@Tsareena - Cirque de Soi
This was hardly a self portrait This was more like a relationship portrait. My biggest technical complaint by far, however, were the rhymes, SO many (sorry) bad ones. “Villian/Chicken” was the worst by far, while “Intense/Pretense” was a no. I really liked the circus concept, but what it was serving as a metaphor for got really muddy to me.

 welp. I should have added an explanation then. It's a self-relationship portrait . Thanks for the review .

[Glassmouth]

14 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said:

@Glassmouth - Behold Digital Afterlife
Even with your introduction, I was still really confused by this. I think you elevated your style to a really poetic level, however, I think you may have aimed too high I don’t know if you already do, but share your songs with contestants and see how much of them they can grasp without any introductions or things like that. That should help you gauge what’s working and what isn’t. With all that said, I think this is a step in the right direction.

Not me thinking the lyrics for my song are straightforward 

Edited June 24, 2017 by Glassmouth

[Hug]

1 hour ago, keshaspearsxo said:

@Hug- I Do, I Do… - Dr Luke Challenge

You know how much I love your sentimental songs. And this is not a different case. Such a bittersweet and moving song. I think this is probably your best song all season. Yes, it’s not some masterpiece of imagery and poetry, but I don’t think every song has to be. The simplicity and rawness of this accompanies it perfectly, and the pacing of the story is perfect, ending on such a hollow and cutting statement. I should be sad but I’m happy because this is what I love about writing.

Aw thank you pears.  In one way, I did think that it was lacking in poetic language, but on the other hand, I think that lends itself to being more open so it's fine.

 

1 hour ago, keshaspearsxo said:

@Hug - I Do, I Do
I think the biggest mistake that people make when writing songs like these is that they appeal to their own emotions rather than the readers. I understand how this can be an emotional experience for you, but for someone who’s never experienced anything like this and is removed from the situation - like I imagine many readers haven’t - you didn’t help them to understand how to feel. The story felt too short as it only covered one day, I think there could’ve more to this story as well.

I'm not really sure how to take this, because on one hand, I can see why it's really hard to bring yourself to care when you've never been in that situation or something similar, but on the other hand, I really don't know what you mean by helping them understand how to feel? I imagine going "I heard my mom cry herself to sleep and that made me sad I hope others are sad too" would not be very lyrical and a bit patronizing? I suppose that's why I stick to impersonal songs because I don't know how to make an effective personal song.  

[SaintWest]

19 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

i have a question for @Temporal (not pertaining to my review), if a song is supposed to be a self portrait then why the hell should the author care about making it relatable to YOU? also, hugs song was stunning and struck a chord in my heart that this competition very rarely brings out in me, because you could feel the crumbling facades of the two characters as they realized that they couldn't hide their pain from each other and that their situation was falling apart with nothing they could do. so like it just feels like not only was ur review a mess because its not meant to be relatable to the reader as a self portrait, but it literally WAS relatable and easy to empathize with..? 

Not the Hug stans uniting like this.

[Auburn]

2 hours ago, keshaspearsxo said:

@Auburn - A Moon Hangs in the Sky - Dr Luke Challenge

Gah this is so pretty. Your best entry all season. I love it fully. Got nothing bad to say.

omg thank you so much, I was really inspired when I wrote this entry so it just felt it was flowing out of my brain so easily 

[SaintWest]

2 hours ago, keshaspearsxo said:

@SaintWest - Ticking - Dr Luke Challenge

Oh sis, not alleyways.

 

Thanks Pears. This will really help me in the future!

[Glassmouth]

25 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

i have a question for @Temporal (not pertaining to my review), if a song is supposed to be a self portrait then why the hell should the author care about making it relatable to YOU? also, hugs song was stunning and struck a chord in my heart that this competition very rarely brings out in me, because you could feel the crumbling facades of the two characters as they realized that they couldn't hide their pain from each other and that their situation was falling apart with nothing they could do. so like it just feels like not only was ur review a mess because its not meant to be relatable to the reader as a self portrait, but it literally WAS relatable and easy to empathize with..? 

[Glassmouth]

well I think I can share my song now 

 

 

Self-Portrait Challenge

 

BEHOLD DIGITAL AFTERLIFE

 

Song

Spoiler

They think they’ll know you but just for a little while

We feel we know you, we feel we feel you

But it’s all a ****ing lie

If they try to get you, like you or break you

Just close your eyes,

don’t cry about it, you’ll be the witness

of this big ****ing lie

You’ll just have to embrace it now

 

Don’t look for greatness, don’t look for darkness

Human nature never picks a side

If their intentions are good intentions

You wouldn't know so, you'll never know so

They're all behind their silver screen masks

There’s no Utopia, be the custodian

of this great secret, let them give in and try

This is the digital age, behold eternal living!

 

Are we too lonely?

You might never get to know

Are they too lonely?

It might be true, till then

 

Follow the loop, boy,

Chase this age of strangers,

Behold eternal living

 

What are the odds?

Why are you so scared?

You cannot be scared

You have to just move on

 

We’ll keep on trying,

We’ll keep forgetting

We are here to stand

Feeling fullfilled though?

Don’t break your head, boy

The echo chambers

Of these strangers

Are just rocks to fight

 

They will shape you

They will break you

But don’t lose the will to fight

They will leave you

And they will wreck you

But be sure you know who you are

 

Maybe if they love you

Maybe if they change you

You won’t feel so done

Maybe if they have you

Maybe if they change you

You might feel like you belong

 

(But you can’t forget who you are)

 

Don't be so scared of

The Digital afterlife

This is the age of us all

Behold eternal living

 

Are we too lonely?

You might never get to know

Are they too lonely?

It might be true, till then

 

I’m the watcher

You’re the watcher

See you in the afterlife

 

What are the odds?

Why are you so scared?

You cannot be scared

You have to just move on

 

and all the artists and all the villains

they’ll gather in the same spot

and all the good ones and all the bad ones

Will speak their mind outloud

Your deepest secrets, and all your bleakness

The ones who built you, inspired you and break you

Are here to share their thoughts

But just remember

What you write can't be erased,

what you said is there to stay

it will go to the afterlife,

stay forever like words have eternal living

OUTRO

and when you die (when you die)

You’ll live inside (you'll live)

And when you live (when I live)

You will have to fight it back

 

Perhaps it could be that the sun shone
With no alternative or way
Just like I run already since I’m ready
To fall into oblivion cause I’m gonna die

 

Matter is gonna die (when you die)
Digital afterlife is gonna survive (you’ll live)

 

Explanation

Spoiler

Alright, this song is for my 16 year old self, I used to have this really big fear about the internet and how it worked and how you could be like super exposed, because I kind of feel like I'm a very introspective person and blablabla and so on, right? well, I kind of discovered the internet a little before that (like social media and that kind of stuff which I didn't know about before I was like what? 13 or 14?) and well, we all know how the internet works, you post something and it stays there forever (bish, it does), as if every word written could be used against you, just like God might judge your sins, it's scary really... it's quite of an afterlife for your thoughts, not you as a person (because well... the internet will never show all of your true colors and your shades) so I tell my young self to not be afraid, I tell him to be aware of the internet but, in a kind of joyful way, I welcome him to the internet era, a time where strangers ''meet'' and where everyone shares their thoughts, where you have to maybe defend yourself from negativity and not fall too hard for positivity and praise and at the end, know who you are, because the afterlife of your thoughts could work in both ways, you know, it could do wonders for you or it could do some harm. The thing is, to not be afraid of that and just dive deep into this whole thing that is the internet... it's quite of a long concept but yeah.

 

Also one thing I'd love to talk about is the outro of the song, the last verse or so.
the part of:

 

''Perhaps it could be that the sun shone
With no alternative or way
Just like I run already since I’m ready
To fall into oblivion cause I’m gonna die''

 

the first two lines are (changed a bit) from a Samuel Beckett quote (''the sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new'' being the actual quote), I found it interesting, and I kind of interpreted it as if the sun had to do something, maybe not because he wanted to but because he has to (it probably means something completely different but whatever), just like going deep into the internet, perhaps I'm not just welcoming myself into the whole world wide web thing, maybe I'm also telling him something like: 

 

''you know what? the internet is this great tool that everyone uses and that you will have to use to connect with all of these people so... be positive about it, but also aware. You're going to die anyway, so if you have to be into the internet world, at least leave a good trace of your existence there''. 

 

[Bandito]

1 minute ago, Glassmouth said:

well I think I can share my song now 

 

 

Self-Portrait Challenge

 

BEHOLD DIGITAL AFTERLIFE

 

Song

  Reveal hidden contents

They think they’ll know you but just for a little while

We feel we know you, we feel we feel you

But it’s all a ****ing lie

If they try to get you, like you or break you

Just close your eyes,

don’t cry about it, you’ll be the witness

of this big ****ing lie

You’ll just have to embrace it now

 

Don’t look for greatness, don’t look for darkness

Human nature never picks a side

If their intentions are good intentions

You wouldn't know so, you'll never know so

They're all behind their silver screen masks

There’s no Utopia, be the custodian

of this great secret, let them give in and try

This is the digital age, behold eternal living!

 

Are we too lonely?

You might never get to know

Are they too lonely?

It might be true, till then

 

Follow the loop, boy,

Chase this age of strangers,

Behold eternal living

 

What are the odds?

Why are you so scared?

You cannot be scared

You have to just move on

 

We’ll keep on trying,

We’ll keep forgetting

We are here to stand

Feeling fullfilled though?

Don’t break your head, boy

The echo chambers

Of these strangers

Are just rocks to fight

 

They will shape you

They will break you

But don’t lose the will to fight

They will leave you

And they will wreck you

But be sure you know who you are

 

Maybe if they love you

Maybe if they change you

You won’t feel so done

Maybe if they have you

Maybe if they change you

You might feel like you belong

 

(But you can’t forget who you are)

 

Don't be so scared of

The Digital afterlife

This is the age of us all

Behold eternal living

 

Are we too lonely?

You might never get to know

Are they too lonely?

It might be true, till then

 

I’m the watcher

You’re the watcher

See you in the afterlife

 

What are the odds?

Why are you so scared?

You cannot be scared

You have to just move on

 

and all the artists and all the villains

they’ll gather in the same spot

and all the good ones and all the bad ones

Will speak their mind outloud

Your deepest secrets, and all your bleakness

The ones who built you, inspired you and break you

Are here to share their thoughts

But just remember

What you write can't be erased,

what you said is there to stay

it will go to the afterlife,

stay forever like words have eternal living

OUTRO

and when you die (when you die)

You’ll live inside (you'll live)

And when you live (when I live)

You will have to fight it back

 

Perhaps it could be that the sun shone
With no alternative or way
Just like I run already since I’m ready
To fall into oblivion cause I’m gonna die

 

Matter is gonna die (when you die)
Digital afterlife is gonna survive (you’ll live)

 

Explanation

  Reveal hidden contents

Alright, this song is for my 16 year old self, I used to have this really big fear about the internet and how it worked and how you could be like super exposed, because I kind of feel like I'm a very introspective person and blablabla and so on, right? well, I kind of discovered the internet a little before that (like social media and that kind of stuff which I didn't know about before I was like what? 13 or 14?) and well, we all know how the internet works, you post something and it stays there forever (bish, it does), as if every word written could be used against you, just like God might judge your sins, it's scary really... it's quite of an afterlife for your thoughts, not you as a person (because well... the internet will never show all of your true colors and your shades) so I tell my young self to not be afraid, I tell him to be aware of the internet but, in a kind of joyful way, I welcome him to the internet era, a time where strangers ''meet'' and where everyone shares their thoughts, where you have to maybe defend yourself from negativity and not fall too hard for positivity and praise and at the end, know who you are, because the afterlife of your thoughts could work in both ways, you know, it could do wonders for you or it could do some harm. The thing is, to not be afraid of that and just dive deep into this whole thing that is the internet... it's quite of a long concept but yeah.

 

Also one thing I'd love to talk about is the outro of the song, the last verse or so.
the part of:

 

''Perhaps it could be that the sun shone
With no alternative or way
Just like I run already since I’m ready
To fall into oblivion cause I’m gonna die''

 

the first two lines are (changed a bit) from a Samuel Beckett quote (''the sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new'' being the actual quote), I found it interesting, and I kind of interpreted it as if the sun had to do something, maybe not because he wanted to but because he has to (it probably means something completely different but whatever), just like going deep into the internet, perhaps I'm not just welcoming myself into the whole world wide web thing, maybe I'm also telling him something like: 

 

''you know what? the internet is this great tool that everyone uses and that you will have to use to connect with all of these people so... be positive about it, but also aware. You're going to die anyway, so if you have to be into the internet world, at least leave a good trace of your existence there''. 

 

a slay, a shook, a leg me!  

 

I stan HARD for the cover art as well.

 

 

[Bandito]

MELANCHOLY BOY

 

 

 

LYRICS

 

 

 

VERSE I:

Am I good enough to be here another day?

Daily, that’s what you would always say

When every day, you sit and watch the other boys

And pray that you could somehow be like them

 

Everyone from your family to your classmates

They would always stare and say “Why can’t you be like me?”

As society starts whispering in their ears,

There’s a purification of who you used to be

 

An assault of the soul that day in the bathtub

Had begun to make you question the point of your creation

When you have a father who wouldn’t even claim you

If he really knew what you enjoyed behind a closed door

 

CHORUS:

I'm tired of being that melancholy boy

Tired of always crying and wanting to die

I just want to start living a life of joy

 

So just start with a single smile a day

Stop injecting poison and shooting it at others

And start looking for a reason to stay

 

VERSE II:

Every day, you lay down and think

You should have never got out of that car

But you never would have known

That your first date would leave the biggest scar

 

Ever since he ruined you that February night,

When sunny daydreams turned into backseat horrors,

And you got scared of ever stepping into the light

Yeah, he held you down and cut you down to the bone

 

No matter how badly he had hurt you

You can never let him get the upper hand

And make you never be intimate again

When you had just begun to let the love in

 

CHORUS:

I'm tired of being that melancholy boy

Tired of always crying and wanting to die

I just want to start living a life of joy

 

So just start with a single smile a day

Stop injecting poison and shooting it at others

And start looking for a reason to stay

 

VERSE III

It’s been ever since that dreadful night

That every single word became a bullet

Filling up the chamber of your gun

Another round to make you think it’s all right

 

Yeah, they say that the quiet is violent

But the madness in your head becomes the most vicious

When you can never find a way to escape

Because the thoughts can never truly be silent

 

But find out how to just take it on the chin

Take control of the hand gripped around your throat

To begin to utilize the voice within

And stop yourself from leaving that deadly note

 

BRIDGE:

3 AM nights

Lit through the light of computer screen

Trying to find solitude in the company of strangers

Just because all you want is to feel seen

 

So why must you always shut yourself out

When there are so many people who love you

Who just want to see what's truly going on

And see if there's anything they can do

 

CHORUS:

I'm tired of being that melancholy boy

Tired of always crying and wanting to die

I just want to start living a life of joy

 

So just start with a single smile a day

Stop injecting poison and shooting it at others

And start looking for a reason to stay

 

OUTRO:

Just know that you're perfect the way you are

No matter what the others try to say,

Even when you just want to cry in your car.

You're just trying to be the best you can be.

 

So take a step away from that rope

Move on from the darkness surrounding your past

And go to bed with a shred of hope

About finally being happy at last
 

 

 

EXPLANATION

 

 

 

 

For this week's challenge, I did Gabe's prompt about writing a song to your younger self. This song is addressing my young adult self (ranging from age 14 to age 18) and telling myself to try my best to change before he becomes the melancholy boy I am now. Verse one is talking about me not being comfortable with my sexuality. This was due to many events that occurred at the time, such as the bullying I experienced at the time because of my sexuality and also issues with my dad after he attempted to drown me after soccer practice one day when he heard the rumors of me being gay. In the chorus, it's talking about me begging my younger self to change his ways before he ends up like I am now. Verse two is detailing my first date with a guy when I was 18 and how it eventually ended in my sexual assault in the back of my car after our movie date. As these depressing events continued to pile up, I then began to become incredibly suicidal and depressed, which is talked about in the 3rd verse. In the bridge, it's referencing how I came to ATRL to meet people and be able to be myself when I was too scared and anxious to be myself in public. On the forum, I could at least be myself and not worry about judgment.
 

 

 

 

[UFO]

Whew! Thanks guys    I wasn't quite sure what the feedback would be this week but I knew it would be better than Death Lullaby nnnn

 

This song is definitely one of my happier ones which is funny because it still has dark elements    I can never run away from the Devil and ha darkness, 5 and a half seasons later and I'm still writing about crowns of thorns and shadow demons   I'm forever stuck in my Ultraviolence era, will I ever reach my Lust for Life?    fffff I'm so dramatic 

 

but YAS! Stan, gheys. I try not to write too many love songs but when I do, I make sure they slay  

[UFO]

Magic Tricks

Song: https://genius.com/Katy-perry-roulette-lyrics

 

 

 

VERSE

In my prison of thoughts I fought with a hundred demons all by myself

Wearing a crown of thorns I didn't think I needed someone else

Life's luck left my fingertips and temptation ran off with my magic tricks

In my dreamless world shadows devoured my imagination

 

Cause every day I played a losing game falling deeper by their rules

But as I fell you picked me up and we vanished to your magic show

Your scent filled me with a hunger for life to shuffle the script, flip the deck

No more Jokers now I've found my ace, a winning hand to end this war game

 

PRE-CHORUS

I was forced to ride this roundabout

But your magic showed me another way round

 

CHORUS

Your magic tricks my mind to believe in our escape

To a perfect paradise where love grows and illuminates

Your magic tricks the light to flow directly into my eyes

I look at you and instantly you're my King and I'm your Queen

My lover's gamble I risk it all, going all in for you

We're two of a kind, a perfect pair, a matching suit

 

VERSE

With some help from a fallen angel I can deal away with my devils

With nowhere left to bluff I find you in our utopia

Dystopian ruins cross my mind but they'll never trap me again

Even with every chance we could die we always roll the hard six (six six)

 

Cause with you I can never lie, we fold together and win each other

Even if this is all a guise just for tonight I'll live under your spell

Cause with you it can be a lie as long as you carry me to the end

You opened up the tunnel, discovering love beyond peripheral

 

PRE-CHORUS

I was forced to ride this roundabout

But your magic showed me another way round

 

CHORUS

Your magic tricks my mind to believe in our escape

To a perfect paradise where love grows and illuminates

Your magic tricks the light to flow directly into my eyes

I look at you and instantly you're my King and I'm your Queen

My lover's gamble I risk it all, going all in for you

We're two of a kind, a perfect pair, a matching suit

 

BRIDGE

For the longest time my heart was a full house

Filled with doubts and improbability

But tonight you show me how to breathe in the sound

Of losing control with you right next to me

I now take a chance on possibility

Possibility, with you right next to me

 

CHORUS

Your magic tricks my mind to believe in our escape

To a perfect paradise where love grows and illuminates

Your magic tricks the light to flow directly into my eyes

I look at you and instantly you're my King and I'm your Queen

My lover's gamble I risk it all, going all in for you

We're two of a kind, a perfect pair, a matching suit

 

I was forced to ride this roundabout

But your magic showed me another way round

[fountain]

24 minutes ago, SaintWest said:

Thanks Pears. This will really help me in the future!

Valuable life advice

[Temporal]

30 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

i have a question for @Temporal (not pertaining to my review), if a song is supposed to be a self portrait then why the hell should the author care about making it relatable to YOU? also, hugs song was stunning and struck a chord in my heart that this competition very rarely brings out in me, because you could feel the crumbling facades of the two characters as they realized that they couldn't hide their pain from each other and that their situation was falling apart with nothing they could do. so like it just feels like not only was ur review a mess because its not meant to be relatable to the reader as a self portrait, but it literally WAS relatable and easy to empathize with..? 

3

Art is about conveying emotions and making other people feel what you're feeling. In order to do that, you have to put it in terms that other people can understand. THAT'S the difficult thing about art, making something that can convey complex emotions in a universally digestible way. I did not have the same emotional reaction that you did. Sorry. That's the fact of the matter, and I'm not required to feel the same way you or anyone else did.

 

I didn't ask that it be relatable to me. I didn't expect that the song be written for me. I never graded it on the quality. My complaint was that I wanted more than just a play by play of what happened that one day. I wanted a next level, beyond the events of that day. Why that event for a self-portrait, how that portrays Hug as a person and his life as a whole. I couldn't get that from one day of events. I learned about Hug's life, but not about Hug as a person, which was the expectation that I had - and have held - for this challenge for two years.

 

What I also thought was that Hug's writing felt reserved: because he experienced it first hand, he has a more emotional response to that song and its words because every single lyric can speak to him. When writing and making art for an audience - which is what you all in this competition are doing - you have to be able to create something that can make anyone regardless of their situation feel. I think that the song didn't have that quality because of what I said above.

 

That's your opinion that it was relatable to you. Great. That was not how I felt.

 

I had to rush these reviews because I'm busy this week, so I'm sorry this is how I had to flush out the rest of my thoughts on the song. I apologize if anyone didn't understand why I felt the way I did from that paragraph review. I will not however, apologize for how I received the song, and you all will deal with it.

 

[fountain]

28 minutes ago, Auburn said:

omg thank you so much, I was really inspired when I wrote this entry so it just felt it was flowing out of my brain so easily 

That's how some of the best songs come about! So naturally and effortlessly 

[Hug]

@Glassmouth Your song topic is actually interesting as far as PH goes. I think you didn't make it TOO blunt what it was about (where it basically becomes a preachy song about "looking up from your phone once in a while!"). I liked it.

 

@Lane Boy This is SO different from what you showed me (in a good way!) It was a lot easier to read and actually get what was going on. I enjoyed it a lot more this time around.  

[UFO]

Oh and btw this season I realised I'm really good at writing songs about sex   literally all of my sex bops SLAY 

the new Tove Lo  

 

even though most of my songs are about depression. akdsfja the KII

Edited June 24, 2017 by UFO

[fountain]

1 minute ago, Temporal said:

I will not however, apologize for how I received the song, and you all will deal with it.

The first drama all season I live. Finally the thread is not dry

[UFO]

Just now, keshaspearsxo said:

The first drama all season I live. Finally the thread is not dry

  Right?