tournament Song of the Season 3 ? WINNER ANNOUNCED (pg. 137)

[Speezy]

2 hours ago, Auburn said:

Speezy - The Pieces Still Waits in the Room

I can really imagine hearing a song with these lyrics on the radio. I especially like the chorus you’ve got here. The outro is also a nice touch.

 

Favourite part: definitely the chorus

Thank you !

[Hug]

Thank you for your comments Auburn 

[firecrotch]

Thank you, Auburn!!

[ughgabriel]

BATCH 1

 

 

@Hug - REC

Spoiler

 

I honestly like some of SAKIMA’s songs and I don’t think he’s that popular so I was pleasantly surprised to see that he was your inspiration for your song!

 

You opened your song with a very strong concept and it was very effective to get the reader’s attention. “You chose the setting and we’re the plot’s heading” is a great one-liner fitting both the metaphor and what the metaphor represents. Love the wittiness behind that line!

 

The prechorus reads as pop perfection! There’s a very sultry nature to the lyrics and I can easily picture somebody singing these lyrics in a very seductive way.

 

Honestly I was going to go section by section but to be honest, the only thing that I would do is praise you because i loved the entirety of this song. This might not be your most emotionally gripping song but I feel like it was the most engaging and exciting so far! It felt like you started the song with a bang and you stayed at that level throughout the whole song.

 

“I’ll be any role that you want me to be” is kind of a genius lyric. You really delivered!

 

 

 

@Ampersand13 - Whiskey Lips

Spoiler

 

Love Give You What You Like! Best song on her self titled!

 

I think you pulled off the concept effectively. It’s easy to understand the story you’re telling. I liked that there were some kind of edgy elements like that careless attitude from the protagonist; been willing to accept sexual gratification from people that won’t stay and are only there because of a stupefying substance.

 

I think there were some lines where I didn’t really understand their purpose; they were mainly unclear due to some odd word choices (“nativity get so tempting”, “make me feel your lovers’ past”) that held some meaning that was hard to comprehend for the eye of the reader.

 

I liked that you were very consistent with the drinking, smoking imagery and that helped you tie your concept around a very clear picture.

 

 

 

@hurricane326 - Constellation

Spoiler

 

I’ve always loved this whole concept of using space imagery as a way of interpreting a transcendental experience. Which is what i got from this entry.

 

I’m going to be honest and say that the first stanza was probably my least favorite/the least successful from my perspective; so it had me worried at the beginning. That part read as if you were trying to say a lot with very grand elements which can be a little overwhelming since it’s the first thing the reader will get from your song, so it can leave them a little bit confused.

 

I think the rest of the song is very mesmerizing; even though the elements are still very grand. It paints a very specific picture which is very beautiful to imagine. And every part that you used to built this universe has a very clear purpose.

 

The second to last stanza was probably my favorite due to the emotionality it has. The first four lines are beautiful in both, a very touching and a heartbreaking way.

 

 

 

@Aurora - (If) I Like You

Spoiler

 

Love the cover for this one, it’s so clever and cool!

 

This is a very intriguing and interesting entry. Conceptually, there’s a lot going on but it works. The continuity in the story that you’re creating and even though the elements that you chose to use to tell this story aren’t completely consistent, all of them work as a way to project mystery and uncertainty.

Never would I have though that there would be a song that incorporated online conversations and folkloric elements.

 

I have to say that it took me a couple reads to fully digest and appreciate the song in its entirety. The chorus could’ve been stronger in my opinion, even though I really liked the last line on it; I actually think the second half of the 2nd and 3rd chorus is stronger but I understand how it is an extension of the original chorus and wouldn’t work as much by itself.

 

I really liked it! Do I really liked that?

 

 

 

@Gay Rat Divorce - Thunder

Spoiler

 

Oh my god! This is my first time listening to her; the production on that track is so beautiful.

 

Honestly, this is really excellent. It’s probably my favorite song of yours so far. From the very beginning of the song you drop the word that gives title to the song and that immediately grabs the reader’s attention. The way you set the narrative and create a very clear setting really helped me to position myself in the situation of the protagonist.

 

I also want to applaud you cause I’ve been very consistent in my critique about repetition. It seems that people only use it because it gives the song a more “lyrical” structure, which it does, but it also loses punch and diminishes the content of the song a bit. And here you did it how it’s supposed to be done because in the song in makes sense. The love interest doesn’t seem to react to the protagonist’s complaints so the repetition is them really trying to get something out of this person who doesn’t seem to notice or care that everything is falling apart.

 

“I thought that you’d finally listen / But you’re deaf to my condition” is probably my favorite couplet of the round. Such a great way to open the conclusive verse.

 

 

 

@OreGuy - life on periodt.

Spoiler

 

I agree that people often tend to make fun of this side of Gaga and I feel like she’s such a great human. I also love the positivity she exudes.

 

I love that this is written in second person because artists often write from their perspective so people can relate to their songs which are reflections of the artists’ life stories. So at times what people really need is someone to lift them up, so I think that choice was very effective because it feels like you’re actually talking to them with the purpose of helping them to get through the aversive situation they’re experiencing.

 

I think the chorus is lyrically, your best effort so far. It’s really concise, very pretty; your flow and meter are effective as well. The build up until “not saying it's all pretty but it's all in between” was gorgeous.

 

I honestly really liked this song and I was not expecting that because I thought it was going to be a little clunky based on my first impression of the first line. You would want to be careful on that too. Remember that the first verse and especially the first line sets the tone for your whole song. So the first line’s phrasing was off. We know the way you’d say it commonly would be “growing up is not enough; you tend to live shamefully” so the omission of is and switching from an adverb to an adjective for rhyming purposes comes off as very evident and not very effective. So just try to finesse those little details!

Very good job!

 

 

 

@Rence - into the distance

Spoiler

 

I’m not surprised you chose Taylor as your inspiration and i loved that little ode to her with the 2 am line nn

 

Honestly, I gotta say that, in my opinion, you’ve been the most consistent contestant so far. Every entry that you’ve submitted has been very successful and engaging.

 

This one was heartbreaking and I feel like every part of your song works extremely well. It’s very well thought and it’s so easy to understand. The emotionality in this entry is superb.

This is one of those songs where I feel like there’s no line or couplet that i could choose to highlight because the song works so well as a whole because of the sum of its parts.

 

It saddens me to read that this was an experience you went through but at least you got, what I think is, one of your best songs out of it.

 

 

 

@firecrotch - bitten

Spoiler

 

Honestly, I have never heard anything from Fiona Apple but this does fit with the way stan twitter portrays her image nn

 

I honestly think is your best song as well! At first I thought you were going to do a retelling of the story of the garden of Eden but the I realized you were just using it as a metaphor. I think the way you chose your words was very effective.

Every line lead to the next one is a great way to create a setting of mystery but giving enough to the reader to understand what every line was supposed to mean.

 

I found super interesting that you chose to talk about this feeling of losing your identity through the artist you think you mimic a bit. I don’t think you’re losing yourself by being inspired by her.

Honestly, if she has songs as good as this one, I’d be impressed!

 

I think that, maybe, the repetition was not very needed here during your hook. But that’s the only thing that I would say could be improved. Which is not much! Very good job

 

 

 

@Astronomy - Slag It Up

Spoiler

 

“They prefer stereotypes; think it’s poetic” the way you ended all the Lana stans!

 

This song has sooooo much personality! It’s funny how you’ve shown who you are the most in a song that is so campy and inspired by another artist. I think it is maybe because you focused on the things that made you fall in love with this artist that inspired you in the first place.

 

At first I was thinking “This is the gayest song I’ve ever read AND I LOVE IT”. That first verse was so good. Very campy, ironic, irreverent, carefree; it was pure fun, pure pop!

 

I honestly loved all your sections, but I do wish the second verse was longer. I loved how you went it and started dragging Bieber and Ed, so I wish you would’ve gone for a full on rap for verse two where you would keep dragging more male celebrities, the heteronormative society, I wanted more of that. Don’t give us just the tip if you know we want the whole thing!

 

I do have to say that I wish the chorus was different. It’s not bad but instead of feeling like an ode, it feels a bit like a parody of “Babylon” since it almost has the same structure and the “strut it out”. So I think your chorus could use a rework. The outro was also not very needed because I don’t think it adds anything to the song; it just repeats the same things you said on previous sections.

 

 

[Ampersand13]

Thank you so much for the review @ughgabriel 

[Hug]

Weee....  I'm quite surprised by the response I got up to this point, to be honest. I expected to get mixed reception, possibly confusion, but I guess I wanted a reaction in general which is why I went so far away from my last two entries.

 

However, your review was very validating for me. I put a lot of effort into making it a fun and well-written pop song and seeing the response and the appreciation for it made it worthwhile  I agree about it being my most exciting because...well that was my intention writing it, I wanted it to be avctively enjoyable instead of passively pleasant.

 

I guess I'm just saying things to say things but...I appreciate your comments a lot gabe! <3

[Rence]

Thank you gabe 

[Prisoner]

 

ROUND 3: POP BLISS

 

REVIEWS PT. I

 

Hug - "●REC"

Spoiler

 

Things I like: 

The concept here is really unique. I don't think I've ever read a song about making sextapes in this game before, and so this felt really fresh to me. Verse one opens the song really well. It gets right to the point and the scene portrayed is very effective. I also really like the conversational tone in the chorus. This is, all in all, a song about intimacy and I think switching the style from the verses and pre into what we have in the chorus was a really good choice. The best part of the song for me however is the pre chorus since this part really stressed even more the point about the narrator wanting to impress his co-star.

 

Things that could improve:

I think you could've gone with a different approach in the second verse. The whole thing about the narrator willing to do anything for his co-star was already emphasized (and very well too) in the chorus, so the lines about him working hard and all that felt a bit like filler. I think the song would have benefitted from this section building up on the intimate scene in verse one rather than the one we have here, which reads somewhat like an awkward transition.

 

Conclusion:

This is another solid entry from you. Your approach to writing here is pretty different from before and I love this showcase of your versatility. Thanks for including the instrumental btw <3.

 

Favourite line(s):

"I want to be a star, I was made for the role

I’ll be the greatest actor that you’ve ever known"

 

 

Ampersand13 - "Whisky Lips"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

This entry is one of the few entries that reads the most natural. It's what I noticed of your entries, it's very easy to imagine them being sung and it's a skill of yours I'm quite jealous of. I think starting the song with the lines '…sway in the arms…/…while I move...' was a great choice. It established the 'drunk' theme right off the start and did so without specifically mentioning alcohol, and hence started and set up the rest of the song quite nicely. I think one of the nice things about this entry is its consistency, this entry feels very smooth through most of it. 

 

Things that could improve:

I feel like the bridge isn't as strong as it could be. What we have here is basically the chorus but with different wordings. I think you could've developed it like the pre choruses, use the same meter and rhyming scheme, and have it add a lot more dynamic to your song that way. Using pre choruses as the bridge works very well, and would have been better than a bridge that feels like filler. 

 

Conclusion:

That opening line is one of my fave openings in this game so far. I also really like the drunken vibe you brought with this and think you did your inspiration justice. 

 

Favourite line(s):

"I wanna sway in the arms of some deviant behavior

While I move through the lights of a downtown bar"

 

 

hurricane326 - "Constellation"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

I think your use of language is your greatest skill as you showed with your previous entries. However, with this one, the highlight isn't just on your beautiful writing, it's also seen with the concept and the narrative. I always feel like songs with space imagery often fail to live up to just how beautiful actual space is, but this entry of yours doesn't, at all. It's everything I want from a space themed song, it's beautiful, it's a bit haunting, and feels very vast and galactic, which is very hard to contain in a few stanzas of a short song. 

 

Things that could improve:

If I had to say something, I'd say the 6th stanza isn't as strong as the rest. The whole song feels very 'grand' and epic and the drop in descriptive language here in the 6th stanza took me out of immersion a bit. 

 

Conclusion:

This is my favourite entry from you so far and I'm just amazed at you outdoing yourself round after round considering just how high of a quality you started the 1st round with. And while I do love your previous entries, this one is even more polished and even more elevated and so, great work!

 

Favourite line(s):

"I was always taught the stars were something to aim for

Not something I'd get to hold

I never dreamed I'd get to hold"

 

"And in our midst are blinding lights

Brighter than all the cities back home"

 

 

Aurora - “(If) I Like You”

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

I really like the effort you put into this song, the internal rhymes and everything else you did here really add that extra charm to the song and made your entry really multi layered. It was so fun reading this entry over and over. There's not a section here that I dislike but I really like the pre chorus more than anything else. It's very simple and beautiful. I love your use of everyday words here to create these really nice lines that as a whole actually hold a lot of meaning behind them. The first two lines here are the best use of internal rhymes and wordplay I've seen from you yet. 

 

Things that could improve: 

I'm not a fan of the constant "i like that, do i like that?" and its variations at the end of every stanza in the verses. I get why you worded those lines that way but it kinda gets a bit annoying after the second time. I think saving them for just the end of the verses would have been more effective.  

 

Conclusion:

This is another solid entry from you. I really really appreciate the effort you put into this like you did for "Signs", I just know this is a well thought out entry and one can always come back to this and will find new things to love about it. 

 

Favourite line(s):

"I know I’m changing for a chance with you

What are the chances that you’re changing too?"

 

 

Gay Rat Divorce - "Thunder"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

This is a very unconventionally styled entry but I like it. The writing style here greatly represents the mental state of the narrator. That shouldn't just be the point yes, but this reads very well too so I think you perfectly depict the situation with this structure that you used. I am a big fan of the mixing of the imagery with the anxiety ridden lines like 'What’s going on?/I say, what’s going on?'. It really adds an extra dimension to the song and makes it a whole lot more relatable. 

 

Things that could improve:

Not that I hate the ending (I live for abrupt endings, endings happen suddenly most of the time in real life and sometimes there's no build up to it), but the song is pretty short so it felt a bit too sudden. I think adding a verse or two more would've made the ending that much more effective. It could just be verses with the same confusion and anxiety and that'd have really made the ending lines hit that much harder. 

 

Conclusion:

This is one of the standouts of this round, structurally and conceptually. I love everything to be found here, I wish it were longer though. I wholeheartedly relate to this however! 

 

Favourite line(s):

"Thunder booms through my heart

What the ****’s going on?"

 

 

OreGuy - "life on periodt."

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

This entry gives me 'Hair' vibes, it's so positive and relatable, I appreciate the message you're giving here. I love the use of the 2nd person narrative here, it's so suitable for this specific song and I think you did a good job with it. It really made me feel the song. My favourite part of your entry is the first pre chorus. I love your use of the word 'glitter' here, the fact that I can imagine it as actual tears or tears flowing down the glitter in one's face was really nice. 

 

Things that could improve:

While I get why you used it, I'm not too big of a fan of the word 'periodt' in this particular entry. That is stan language and doesn't read so nice in actual writing. I think using 'period' instead of that would've made the same point and also make for a more natural read. 

 

Conclusion:

I really really like the positivity you brought with this song. I feel like you channelled your inspiration really well, this reads like it could be on one of those 'Pride' playlists on spotify. 

 

Favourite line(s):

"it's not over til you try

wipe those glitter under your eyes"

 

 

Rence - "into the distance"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

The storytelling here is so good and so immersive. The narrative progression felt very natural and I was engaged throughout. I love that you used Taylor Swift as your inspiration for this round, this entry is very her, but not only that, it's also very 'Rence' and I think you really managed to add your own essence into it and so made this song really feel like a 'Rence' song and not a Taylor song. I also love the story and your use of simple details like 'ceiling', 'bridge', 'school bell', etc. They really made the song feel real and tangible, and read like an actual story that happened in real life or like a really really good YA fiction.

 

Things that could improve:

The 'bridge' line in verse two is awkwardly phrased and so makes a forced rhyme. It should've been '...near the bridge from where we crossed' instead of the one we have and that would still have worked, even if it wouldn't rhyme. I also don't like the use of '2 a.m.', like why 2 a.m. specifically?, but I think that's just me. 

 

Conclusion:

This is another extremely good entry from you. I don't even know how you do this, but you managed to top yourself round after round after round, I'm really impressed. Great work!

 

Favourite line(s):

"you chase your dreams and I look at the stars

staring into the distance, wondering where you are

staring into the distance, as we grow apart"

 

 

firecrotch - "bitten"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

There's so much to like here. Firstly, this entry reads so very well. Everything here just flows off naturally and nothing feels forced at all. And then there's this unique style I noticed from your entries, like for example, your entry "limelight" which was a big highlight of round one for me. This one has the same charm as that but is also a whole lot better. I'm also a big fan of the 'really, really's and 'never, never's present in the song. They don't feel like filler at all and actually helped stress so well the sentiment that you're expressing here. I also really love the biblical theme to this entry. 

 

Things that could improve:

I don't really get what you meant by '...is a piece' in the first pre chorus. I think the 'piece' is supposed to stand for something but there's not enough context in here to make me understand the meaning behind that line. I feel like you could've added a bit more clarity to that. 

 

Overall:

I'm greatly amazed with this entry. You improved a whole lot, at least for me, and I can't wait to see what you'll bring next. Great job! 

 

Favourite line(s):

"and i could never, 

never, 

never, 

be as good as i dream,

so i'll just keep indulging in bittersweet."

 

 

Astronomy - "Slag It Up"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

Yep this is very campy alright, and I love it! This entry feels so very unapologetic and reads like something that could be played during a pride parade or something. I really love the first verse and pre chorus more than anything else, they just flow so well and every single line is just colourful and wonderful. These two sections are the highlights of the song for me. Also love that Baby Z shoutout.

 

Things that could improve:

I feel like the 2nd verse isn't as strong as the first verse is. We have references like 'Ed Sheeran' and 'Bieber' to represent the straights and I feel like that was a bit random and didn't add much to the campiness of this entry. What we have in verse one was really bright and colourful and has that touch of 'class' to it while this other verse felt a bit dull and colourless. 

 

Conclusion:

This is my favourite entry from you so far. It's so wild and fun and camp, I'm actually shook at this. 

 

Favourite line(s):

"'Cause Straights are from Earth,

And Gays are from Chromatica,"

 

 

 

REVIEWS PT. II

 

TROPICUM - "Broken Soul"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

I really love the aesthetics of this entry. The vintage vibes that this entry gives off with the Elvis and Carmen references, the 'Daisies' line, etc etc. is pure bliss. I can definitely see the Lana influence here. I really loved reading this. But more than anything, I love the chorus and how you create these scenes in each line that works very well on their own but also make up a really good chorus as a whole. I can really imagine these scenes so clearly and so easily. The imagery was nicely done. 

 

Things that could improve:

I feel like verse two isn't as strong as verse one. The first verse is filled with visually descriptive lines and language while this second verse is not. I think you could've built up on the beautiful scenes you have in the first verse and chorus instead and that'd have added much more charm to your entry. It's not a bad section though but I feel like this would've worked better if grouped with the bridge and we have a fresh new verse. 

 

Conclusion:

This is another solid entry from you. The chorus here is definitely one of my faves so far in this competition and I can't wait to see more from you. 

 

Favourite line(s):

"Singing the end of times, she caresses fame

Once again, Carmen falls down from the stage"

 

 

luckystrike - "The Bar"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

I'm a big fan of the raw and vulnerable lyrics you brought with this entry. I really like the way you speak of this bar that you set that's too high so no one seems to be able to reach it. I like the consistent mention of this 'bar' throughout the song, it really helped clarify the meaning of this song that much more. My favourite part of this entry is the bridge for just how bittersweet and kind and emotional it is. I really felt this section with all my heart. 

 

Things that could improve:

I feel like the use of 'high' in the middle two lines of the pre could've been avoided. Ending the first line of these two with '…record' would've made for a much more natural read. I think you created this section in a way that the first two lines would mirror the next two, but it didn't really work for me. 

 

Conclusion:

This is definitely one of the most emotional entries this round. It's so very bittersweet and pure with no hint of anger, I just live for this type of breakup song.  

 

Favourite line(s):

"So I want to thank you for raising the bar

Even if it means I’ll never love again"

 

 

funnellegs - “Light Years Apart” 

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

The lines aren't really long but you managed to make them feel really complete. It's very easy to write short lines and accidentally make them feel robotic, but you didn't. Everything here feels very natural and flows very well. I commend you on that. My favourite stanza is definitely the chorus (the 3rd and 7th stanza). This section is just very well done in my opinion. I love your wordings here like 'empty wonder' and 'curious affliction', they're just wonderful. 

 

Things that could improve:

I don't really like the rhyming of 'pain' and 'rain' here. While it's really okay to use common rhymes in creative writing and while I think they can work really well, I feel like the use of a 'sunday rain' here in the first verse was a bit underdeveloped. I don't hate it, not at all, I just wish there were more specific details like the 'sunday rain' since that one kinda stood out on its own. 

 

Conclusion:

This is another really good entry from you. There's this quality about your writing that always made me feel a sort of emotion and I thank you for that. 

 

Favourite line(s):

"I have nothing but this empty wonder. 

A curious affliction I’m living through,"

 

 

Dessy - "Blue Sky"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

I can really see the Troye Sivan influence here. But I like the fact that this entry also has that 'Dessy' charm to it, and so give it that touch where it doesn't feel like just another Troye song but also a very Dessy song. I really really like that chorus-bridge-outro combo in the second half of the song. The imagery is so consistent, the rhyming is very well done and everything just works. But the outro is the cherry on top. It's a really nice finish to the song. 

 

Things that could improve:

I don't really get the 'peach' simile in verse two. It does work since you're using that as a comparison to the colour of the sun, but I don't get why it had to be a peach. I think you should've stuck with the same rhyming scheme of verse one since the AABAAC rhyming pattern here wasn't executed as well as it could've been.  

 

Conclusion:

This is another really good entry from you. I really like that all your entries so far are very diverse in terms of subject, imagery and concept, and I can't wait to see what you'll be doing next.

 

Favourite line(s):

"The blue sky was always so vain

Puddles now fill the streets 

The rain filled every drain

Every thunder add up my defeats"

 

 

Speezy  - "The Pieces Still Waits In The Room"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

I love the broken glass imagery present throughout the song. The way you used the broken pieces to reflect these memories of the past was really well done. I love how you depict these pieces as something that is also detrimental to you by mentioning how they're tearing into your skin and causing you to bleed. My favourite section of this song is the second stanza of the chorus for how it creates this scene which contains a hint of defeat and depression, and also for how it was really easy to picture. 

 

Things that could improve:

I feel like the first line of the chorus could've been worded better to create a more natural flow. Instead of 'Tears run out from...', maybe something like 'The tears from my eyes run down my cheeks', or something else would've worked better. But it's a minor thing really and that's probably just me. 

 

Conclusion:

This is your best song so far. I really like this honest style of yours that sometimes feels blunt even, and I think this song is the perfect use of that style. 

 

Favourite line(s):

"Seems like I've been in this room for days 

I wish I can say it’s an illusion from the suns’ rays"

 

 

minho - "goodbye"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

I think it's the way you construct your lines and wordings that really differentiate you from the other contestants. This entry has such a defining imagery that really elevated your entry. There's not a section here that I dislike but the second to last section is really something else. The mentioning of the car alarm here really fit into the moment and not only that, it really helped materialize the scene and so create this really nice moment that felt like I, the reader, was actually there. 

 

Things that could improve:

The only nitpick I have with this is its length. What we have here is really good, but I feel like it's a bit too short for me to fully immerse myself in, the way I want to. 

 

Conclusion:

As usual, this is another 'minho' song filled with all these carefully picked out details that really worked well by themselves and also as a whole. Well done. 

 

Favourite line(s):

"you smiled a bit, let it fade

like the car alarm two streets away"

 

 

8th Prince - "I Took A Fistful of Sand From the Beach"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

I really like the story you gave us here. It's really engaging and has that nostalgia feel to it which I just love. I think using sand as a device to represent days past that you can't grab back with your hands is a really nice concept. It really works here in this song. The hourglass comparison was really nicely done too. I also love the switch up of the chorus from the first to the last, how the tone gets really hopeful by the end. 

 

Things that could improve:

I don't really have any major issue with this entry. If I have to say something though, I'd say that I didn't like the transition from the first chorus to the second verse. The change in imagery from the sandy antique feel of the chorus to the rainbow in the second verse felt a bit sudden. 

 

Conclusion:

This is somewhat a long entry but there's no section here which feels like filler, at least to me, and so great work on that. Every section here exists to serve a part and I really like the progression of the story and the story itself that you're narrating. 

 

Favourite line(s):

"I went to the beach on the first day of fall

And tried to take a fistful of sand

No matter how quickly I ran from the shore

I’d still end up with an empty hand"

 

 

keshaspearsxo - "O"

Spoiler

 

Things I like:

I love the vulnerability and raw feelings you brought with this. I think the chorus is pretty wonderful. I really love the scene that you're creating here. I feel like your writing style shines really great in this particular section. Nice work. 

 

Things that could improve:

I'm not sure I like the orange comparison that much. I get why you made that but it didn't really work for me. I also feel like the bridge is a bit long for something that isn't building up to a big final punch. 

 

Conclusion:

I think this song feels a bit unfinished but I also feel like that's a part of the charm behind this entry. It feels real and I really love that aspect of it

 

 

@TROPICUM @luckystrike @funnellegs @Dessy @Speezy @minho @8thPrince @keshaspearsxo

[funnellegs]

Thank you @Auburn and @Prisoner 

[Dessy]

Oh wow 

[8thPrince]

Thank you @Prisoner , I'm glad you liked it 

[firecrotch]

thank you for your thoughtful review @ughgabriel 

Quote

Honestly, I have never heard anything from Fiona Apple but this does fit with the way stan twitter portrays her image nn

nnnnn

[Prisoner]

4 minutes ago, firecrotch said:

nnnnn

how embarrassing for him

 

[Rence]

[Prisoner]

"rest in peace,

gaga says

rest in peace,

she slays

rest in peace

for the rest

of your days"

[Prisoner]

^^lines from the very first song i ever wrote, like back in 2012? 

 

Edited September 27, 2020 by Prisoner

[TROPICUM]

Thank you @Prisoner!!

[Courtney Love]

(excuse the banner, it's still a work in progress)

 

Hey, I'm sorry that I wasn't able to post Round 2 reviews, but I do have them below with Round 3. I've been writing my thesis and it makes it hard to work on anything else . I have been reading and ranking everyone's entries though and the quality has stepped up so much between Round 1 and Round 3. Most of my reviews are just me being amazed at everyone's creativity and lyricism so great job everyone

Also please ignore any errors/mispellings etc in my review, I had no time to really go over anything.

 

Hug - "●REC"

Spoiler

This is the first time reading your entry where when I got to the end, I felt a little cold to it. Here is what I liked about your entry:

The lyrical content is there as well as the poetic devices. Particularly:

‘You have your equipment up roaring to go

Camera in your hands now we’re ready to roll’

I also really like that you did take a risk and it’s a really interesting concept that you decided to go with.

But I just think overall, there’s something missing. It’s a song about a sex tape, but you barely talk about the sex, it’s more so just about setting it up and then you skip past the rest in the second verse. (We spent hours on set, we’re not finished yet). I just think if you’re going to go there and be provocative, really go there. It just feels like it's leading up to something and it never reaches it.  You can, because your writing is so good, you wouldn’t make it cringy/cliché I don’t think.

I also think some of the lines come across as almost bordering on cheesy. Particularly the chorus. (All I want for you is to co-star with me)/ (I’ll do any stunt, there’s no double for me).

I think overall, this is just a bit of a miss for me but there are clearly some highlight moments throughout still, particularly in the verses.  

 

Hug – Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring

Spoiler

This was such a lovely read. First and foremost, the

I loved each beat and pacing of the seasons and felt they all carried completely different emotions, while also still carrying the song to it’s build up and climax. It’s super well laid out. But it doesn’t matter too much because the song and the lyrics are really full of life and it appears that you did choose each individual work with care. (Something that I really appreciate).

Starting with Summer was an interesting choice, because songs like these seem to always start in the Spring so I was wondering where it was going to go. You lead it somewhere that I hadn’t really seen before from these types of song with adding new life and looking on past Winter to someone else’s spring.

Loved the alliteration in the first verse , summer, sun, heat, heart. (and the rest throughout), it just makes the song so much more pleasant to read and those words start to stick out more. Those words  perfectly sum up this verse as well. I also really liked how you showed us that Summer meant the unabashed confidence and exploration, yet its here where you set up that there’s something coming. Even the language shifts slightly after you mention ‘I was clueless and naïve to think things couldn’t change’, with ‘Then the leaves bled red and the air was chilled’ when we enter Autumn. Just really great writing and using the environment to describe this ominous feeling coming.

Personifying snow to be these ravenous wolves was brilliant wordplay I felt. You’re trying to convey something but using poetic devices to do it. That whole verse starting with the line ‘The snow circled in like wolves with hungry eyes’ is great.

I loved at the end where it all comes full circles again, the character has now seen what’s coming and is watching on as the new-borns start to learn.

In the context of the challenge, I thought you did really well. I read into the pokemon a little bit and found that it changes its appearance depending on the current season which really showed to me that you took the care in picking a pokemon that suited what you wanted to write (or the other way around and you wrote toward the pokemon). Great choice and great song.

Favourite Lines:

The snow circled in like wolves with hungry eyes

Unbiased and uncaring in who lived or who died

I was threatened and starved, desperate for respite

So I ran from the jaws of the winter night

 

 

Ampersand13 - "Whisky Lips"

Spoiler

This song is absolutely amazing. I also think it goes so well with the Avril song, so thank you for linking it. Nearly every single line here is brilliant. You start with such a strong opener.

‘I wanna sway in the arms of some deviant behavior’

Really sets the tone of what transpires so well done.

I’m assuming Pre-chorus 2 is a double meaning about wanting to be emotionally hurt, not only physically hurt lmao.

Loved the chorus as well, really captivating imagery about the whiskey lips and cigarettes to express this hopelessness.

Overall, really well done.

 

Ampersand13 – Running Water’s Lullaby

Spoiler

I thought the title to this song was absolutely brilliant. Straight away I was drawn to it so great job on that. I thought this was amazingly written.

‘You always come with the cloud, don’t ya?’

Such a great opener.

I could easily see a song like this being in a movie like 500 Days of Summer, the imagery is just so strong. Particularly in verse 2.

The chorus starts to give this vibe that this person may actually think the person they want is perfect (I got a comparison to Jesus with the run on water line), that I felt really elevated the song because the person is directly acknowledging the comparisons.

‘I’d like to dance in your eyes for a little while’ Is probably top 5 best lines I’ve read so far in this competition.

The only part of the song that I felt you could’ve left out was the bridge. It kinda feels like you only added it because you felt you had to have a bridge. It doesn’t anything extra I don’t think, or that wasn’t observed from the lyrics previously.

Overall, Great, great entry. Well done.

 

hurricane326 - "Constellation"

Spoiler

I think what is so brilliant about your song writing, is how you start to question phrases and what is already known on it’s head in such amazing poetic language.

For example:

‘I was always taught the stars were something to aim for

Not something I'd get to hold’

Just such profound song writing, that I’ve likely already said before at this stage.

Congrats on another amazing, brilliant song. *insert amazing, talented, never been done before etc.. Gaga gif*

 

Hurricane326 – All That is Known

Spoiler

I have absolutely nothing to say again this time, this is just truly amazing. If you aren’t writing as a career…. You are wasting your talents. This is honestly, some of the best lyrics I’ve ever read in my whole life. It’s a super way of expressing how we are all interconnected in some way, from cultural to historical. I really enjoyed reading this.

 

Aurora - “(If) I Like You”

Spoiler

Such a strong opener. I really liked the alliteration on ‘You’re speeding up my pulse, now I’m impulsively persuaded’. Such a well-written line (and verse).

Each word in this song feels perfectly crafted and chosen to appear which I can only commend you for taking the time to put this much effort into it. It pays off as well because I think this is probably my favourite song you’ve written in the competition.

The chorus is so impactful and reads so well. ‘Dead to be or meant to be… how do I choose?’. What a great closer on the chorus. It really sums up the intention and concept of the song being about someone that has changed and not really liking who this new person is.

I would just say that I preferred the first chorus to the last choruses, and felt you probably would’ve been better keeping the first one throughout. But it doesn’t hugely impact on how I’m judging the song, it’s just a preference.

Overall, this is a really strong concept and song. The lyrics are so thought-out and chosen so well. Great job.    

 

Aurora – Castleglass

Spoiler

The meter on this song is just so tight that it automatically makes it a great song. This was such an easy and enjoyable read.

The alliteration is really great here and emphasises the words we need to know <e.g. confidence, coastal, castle>

‘My happiness is wavering with every turning tide

It renders me dependant on the moon’s delusive light’

This was my favourite line, it’s just written so well.

I didn’t get the inner monologue vs person until I read the description, I don’t think that’s a bad thing personally, but I wonder if this song is more so threading the lines of a poem instead. It’s still absolutely brilliant though and I really like the imagery and the way you convey emotions. The last lines about the scattering of the shells on the floor was super effective I thought. Great work.

 

Gay Rat Divorce - "Thunder"

Spoiler

I really enjoyed this. The imagery is just so impactful and such a clever way to convey destitute in a relationship.

The description of the Thunder and then the Cyclone and how they’re destroying this house was a brilliant representation of the breakdown of a relationship I felt. And moreover made the partner in the relationship who couldn’t see the issues stand out even more as someone who chose to ignore them instead.

‘Now we’re soaking,

Why do you pretend nothing’s broken?’

Really powerful description here.

I also really like how when we enter verse 2, the chaos is only intensifying with the cyclones and continuous thunder.

‘Thunder booming everywhere now,

Til our ears are overwhelmed with the sound’

My favourite parts of this song are actually the parts where the person is describing what the other person is not seeing and then reflecting on it. It’s just really impactful way to write I think.

I got two interpretation from the last part in verse 3: ‘Thunder booming through my heart’. The first was that this relationship has turned so bad that it’s started to change that person themselves. As in the bad weather wasn’t just an outside source, it was now always apart of them. But I also got another meaning that it could be a rage in the person’s being and self to leave the relationship. Just with the strength of thunder and how it erupts is the reason I went down this route. I’d love to know if either of my interpretations were close!

Overall, really strong entry . Great job.

 

Gay Rat Divorce – Crying Contest

Spoiler

I just wanted to say at the start of this review that I do really appreciate some of the imagery you used in the song, e.g. mountains of tissues/ sprinkle becomes a monsoon. It definitely gave it some needed word play and played up the eccentrics and exaggeration of the concept.

I think what would’ve helped this song, and that kept coming up for me when I read it through multiple times, was that it needed to go somewhere. More than just wanting to see this other person cry. Unfortunately it just felt really one note, and all the verse started to blend together for me. I think maybe for next time just having a clear idea in your head of this is what verse 1 will say, verse 2 etc. would help because you can map it out and see if you need to add anything extra.

Although I do like how you addressed the challenge with your Pokemon and there’s a clear relationship between the song and Sobble so good job on that.     

 

OreGuy - "life on periodt."

 

Spoiler

I think the message of this song is really sweet and there are some really interesting lines used here. But I just think it’s a bit all over the place with what you want to say.

In verse 1, I liked how narrow the point of what was being conveyed. This person is hoping for some type of positive change to their life. I would’ve liked if you developed more on what a lot of these words meant for this person i.e. misery, growing up not enough. What does that look like? For us to understand and empathise with this person, we need that I think.

I actually like the prechorus, it’s quirky with the glitter under your eyes. It gave me an idea that this song is fantastical realism and I really wished the song kept that up, but the tones changes again when we reach the chorus. Suddenly the song is a ‘That’s life’ kind of feel to it, which is a jarring tone change I found.

I liked the ‘That’s life, on periodt’, line. It was different. I just think it needed more of a consistent set up to get us to that line. If you’re going to write a song that’s bit tongue-in-cheek, don’t also have some profound, philosophical advice throughout either i.e. ‘Life isn’t a poem, you can’t guess all the rhymes’. Just a judge, I wasn’t sure how to judge this song because one end there are the comedic lines, but then there are some profound, meaningful pieces going on as well.

Overall, this would’ve been so much coherent and just nicer to read if you kept to one tone/mood. Because you didn’t, it kept throwing me. I think keeping this in mind will definitely help future work, because the ideas you have are there, they just need some cohesion.

 

OreGuy – the afterglow

Spoiler

I really enjoyed this song. Such great symbolism on who you’re told to be and who you really are. While also addressing how tough it is to conceal that.

‘’the windows are shut so your scream can't be heard

 you're thankful the moon is your friend’’

These lines are just so powerful to me in the context of the song. The anger, the sadness, the hopelessness. Such strong words to use. Great job.

One of my favourite songs is Reflection from Mulan, which battle similar themes I feel, but your song is just so much more believable I felt. There’s a sense of urgency in the chorus when I read it. Like the words starts to trip over themselves hoping for this change.

The bridge is really effective I thought. It’s like you’re making it clear that if something doesn’t change and this concealing of your true identity doesn’t come out, and you keep to the status quo, a part of you will die in the grave that society has already dug. Really strong imagery there throughout.

I’m not too sold on the Pokemon relationship to this song because I do think so many of the contestants had closer meanings and reasonings. But I personally don’t really mind because the song is still great.

Overall, really great job and congrats on tackling a topic like this.

 

Rence - "into the distance"

 

Spoiler

I think my favourite think about your writing is that it’s just so engaging for the reader. Every song I’ve read from you, I’ve felt a deep connection with the person the song is about was actively rooting for them in whatever their goals were. This is no exception. Your writing is so honest and breath-taking here and overall it just feels so real. The descriptions and demonstrations of the relationship is what really sells the song here. I felt like I was reading a diary almost, it was that descriptive and real.

My favourite verse that I think sums up the whole song was this:

‘we wait for the night so the stars can appear

as you talk about moving away from here

and you ask what I’ve been dreaming about lately

if I had a way with words I’d tell you not to leave’

So fantastically honest and forward. Really engaging song writing.

I loved the final line, ‘staring into the distance, as we grow apart’. Such a simple, yet heavily effective closer.

Overall, I really loved the ever-increasing intensity of the song and thought the ending simmering out was flawless. Great job.

 

Rence – wallflower

Spoiler

I really loved the meaning for picking your Pokemon and how it relates to your song. Really great idea that stood out to me.

This was just really breath-taking to read and it’s super hard to write a lot about it because there’s just so much to say about it.

 

firecrotch - "bitten"

Spoiler

There are some absolutely amazing phrases throughout this song but:

‘a limb waved and knew,

The name of eve,

While vices blew,

In the breeze.’

Really took me out. Such an interesting and captivating way to describe this type of temptation.

‘bitten Apples are laying all around me’. Is such a great concept I thought and really creative. As I was reading through this who song, I started to fall more and more invested in it. It comes across as such a well-thought out reflective piece on the meaning of temptation and not feeling enough (‘never, be as good as I dream, so I’ll just keep indulging in bittersweet.’).

Overall, I really think you executed the song extremely well, great job.

 

firecrotch – Meet Again

Spoiler

This was a really nice entry I thought. I liked some of the word choices. In the first verse when you wrote ‘every date felt like playing slots’, made me thing of two different meanings here. The first is that the relationship is super exciting and interesting. But it also made me thing of the chance involved in slots, so it made me think that there was some foreshadowing going on which I thought  was really interesting.

I kinda wished you played a bit more with the gambling imagery, even incorporating it into the chorus, I think would’ve really elevated the song and made it stand a bit more in my opinion.

Overall, I thought it was a really nice job and I got what you were trying to convey. 

 

 

Astronomy - "Slag It Up"

Spoiler

‘Astronomy Halliwell-Germanotta-Beckham’ is brilliant lmao.

So many of these lines sent me particularly the one about ‘television in hetero-control’ lmao.

The flow is really tight throughout I felt (apart from the Chromatica line) so great job on that.

The first verse and chorus are really strong I felt. The rhymes really hit, especially the ‘Aesthetics/poetics’ line. It’s just super out there and quirky, which I guess is the message of the song so I love it.

I wasn’t a huge fan of the second verse, the rhymes didn’t punch as well as the previous parts and it felt they were just written because you needed a second verse.

I’m not too fond of the chorus, just because the verses are a lot stronger I felt and it feels like an anti-climax. I do like the term ‘Slag it up’ though and calling it ‘gay couture’ is super tongue-in-cheek and hilarious.

‘You’re wearing a jockstrap in the world now! Gay rights!’ So quotable lmao.

Overall, this was such a different and positive entry and I really enjoyed reading it.

 

 Astronomy - Blameless

Spoiler

Great alliteration e.g. Dopamine/ Drowning, which clearly makes those words suddenly stand out. It shows that you know how to write effectively and this song definitely shows it.

I think there are some great moments in this song particularly in Side B that I wish was more present throughout.

‘Unhealed scab, don't let time pass,

You keep on picking at it,’

This is such a great line for example and really shows that inability to just leave and rest to heal. But what killed it a bit, was that the next lines after that explain the exact same emotion, just with scar tissue instead. I get that the idea is now exacerbated (from scab to scars) but I would be weary about over-explaining. That's just how it came across to me. 

I think you met the criteria for the pokemon challenge by inverting it’s meaning too.

Overall, I actually really liked that you did Side A and Side B, they definitely compliment each other. Super interesting take on toxicity.

 

 TROPICUM - "Broken Soul"

  

Spoiler

I thought this was such a great take on this challenge, to write a song about the before of another song.

The song starts off with an innocence to it, about wanting to grow up as soon as possible and you translated the message so well. We then realise that it’s not as innocent as we thought as the addition of the gun line in the pre-chorus brings about this threatening atmosphere that was created extremely effectively I felt.

I really liked the chorus, that juxtaposition between the gun shot and daisies on her head really amplified the battle this girl was going through between her innocence and the cost of fame/ abuse.

I liked the twist we start to see in the bridge where the now, woman, has really just had enough of being hurt and a part of her is over, the fame has taken over. Really great empathic song-writing. 

 

TROPICUM – Deity

Spoiler

The set up in the first verse is really badass, especially knowing from your description that a battle is about to begin.  I think it was really smart to go through the motions of a battle in your song.

‘Cave of violence, I know your truth

The hidden gems behind your rocks’

Love these lines!

 

The first verse is pretty tight with the meter I thought and the concept is clearly there. I understand what’s going on and it’s written really well. I would just say, I’m not a fan of ‘glimmering down the soil’, I think you can use a better work than glimmering for a deity that ties together it’s presence.

At times I think you’re coming across as too literal in your songwriting, that I think can be fixed with a little wordplay/ description/ poetic devices. Fore example, in your chorus, one line is: ‘Goddess stares with conflict proudness’, it comes across as too literal. There’s no other meaning here other than the Goddess looks confident and ready (I don’t think). I think  what would’ve helped in this line (And a few others), is too realise that we already know who the goddess is from the verse, so maybe start throwing out some personification, metephors.. etc. It seems like this Goddess is connected to the cave, maybe use the Earth as some symbolism here to describe this conflict proudness. It would just come across as more effective.

 

I think you definitely met the criteria of using your pokemon to shape your song.

Overall, This is such an improvement I think from round 1, you really took the critiques and ran with them. Just don’t be afraid to get super creative with it. Well done.

 

luckystrike - "The Bar"

 

Spoiler

I really liked the idea you had with using The Bar as a play on words and metaphor for reaching a standard and comparing future partners. It’s made clear in the first verse that there is no ‘resentment’, it’s just that the person can’t stop making comparisons and it’s impacting on their future relationships. I like how the song is written in the first verse for this, it’s simple and effective song writing (which from your description, it seemed like you were going for so great job).

The chorus continues this idea of people not reaching that standards the previous person had met, but now I’m informed that this person needs to let go of his past relationship which is a nice direction the song is going in because it’s now starting to take shape and not just be this one-note song about the bar.

Wasn’t a huge fan of the second verse, it just felt like you didn’t say much or it didn’t add to the song really.

The meter is really tight throughout I felt so great job with that.

I think my only issue with this song, is that it does come across as too straightforward at times. I know your song-writing style throughout is this, but I think there are certain times where some poetic language could be utilised. For example the second verse could’ve been a bit more interesting if you expanded on the jealousy part with some imagery, descriptions, metaphors, etc. I don’t think you would jeopardising your own voice, by adding a little bit here and there.

Overall this was a really lovely entry, good job.

 

 

funnellegs - “Light Years Apart” 

 

Spoiler

What a great way to approach this challenge. Really great idea to write a ‘response’ to a song, especially with how popular these type of songs are now with an unofficial response song going viral nearly every week at this stage.

This song is breathtakingly stunning and I think you really matched the essence of the original so great job.

‘I painted myself a version of you,

That only I could really comprehend’.

I really enjoyed these lines so much because it’s a great set up to the rest  of the song and how things can unravel due to our own perception. I also love that it connects future lines ‘Now through the lashings of colour, I have nothing but this empty wonder’. Just really great song writing and a clear direction and concept, which I really appreciate. This person wanted someone to be something else and when it just couldn’t happen, this heart-breaking song starts to ensue. Just really great craftmanship (excuse the pun lmao) of a song.

I absolutely love this song and think it’s an absolute stand-out in this entire competition. Great job.

 

funnellegs – Searfarer

Spoiler

I had to re-read this song a lot of times because it was just so good, it put me in such a nice, chill mood every time I read it. The meter is great, the imagery is extremely vivid, the Pokemon connection is so perfectly executed. Just a great song that I could see being played in a movie involving some massive journey and discovery.

I loved all of the descriptions used here but particularly this part:

‘To the waves I am but a passenger,

And to me you are the very same.

Currents are not mine to control,

Still they’re a beast I’d love to tame.’

It’s just really profound writing that you’re able to convey so extremely well throughout.

Every siren, grave, wave and horizon was just so stunningly written into the song, that it felt like you were taking us on this journey of discovery.

Great, great work

 

Dessy - "Blue Sky"

Spoiler

This is really fantastic song-writing I think. The first verse is a real standout. I loved the use of colours and was excited when I though the idea was going to be surrounding ‘blue may be bad, but gray is worse’ with the gray clouds flooding in. It continues into the chorus and it’s really interesting and creative I felt with the storms rolling in removing this blue sky.

 That didn’t materialise throughout the rest until the bridge and outro but I didn’t mind too much. I do wish you would’ve played with that idea a bit more though. It’s really effective songwriting and almost extremely heartbreaking at times. The entire Bridge is a masterpiece to be honest. Insane creativity going on. Great job.

Wasn’t a fan of the peach and reach line, it sounded far too forced in my opinion and I think you could’ve created a better structured line to fix this.

Overall, I really enjoyed this so much.

 

Dessy – Amaterasu

Spoiler

I thought the first verse was really well written. Alliteration is present, the set up of the brother dying and change in leadership. Bitterness being a key idea here.

I really loved the refrain. I just wish there was more. This fiery anger being compared to the flames of hell and how it’s dictating her rule is really impactful. Which is a shame because I can’t rate this as highly as I want to because there isn’t enough to judge compared to many of the other entries.

I really thought the image of your Pokemon went so well with the bridge so congrats on making the connection. From what I googled of Amaterasu, I felt this bridge was super powerful. The imagery created is great and the word choice is also interesting. ‘Ghastly wind’, ‘Earth tremble’. The personification throughout is really great. The huge blast that destroys the area feels like a natural  build up from the start so great work on that.

Really great concept and what is written is great, it just really needed more parts to it.

 

Speezy  - "The Pieces Still Waits In The Room"

Spoiler

Overall, I actually liked this entry but I do think there are some areas I felt could’ve really elevated it in my opinion.

Firstly the meter is there, alliteration is also present making words like broken, shattered, bedroom, scattered, etc.. more prominent for the reader which is important because they’re key words here. So great job on the craftsmanship. I also really found this piece extremely poetic and loved it:

‘Seems like Ive been in this room for days

I wish I can say it’s an illusion from the suns’ rays

Reflecting off of these shards

Triggering images from my history.’

For what I felt could’ve elevated this is that overall I felt there was some kind of disconnect between what I was feeling and what I was reading. I think maybe utilising emotions throughout would’ve helped. What did it feel to hold the pieces? Without telling us there are tears, show us the depth of them instead. I hope this makes sense even though it is super subjective.

But I did enjoy reading this entry. Great job.

 

Speezy – Give Me A Dose

Spoiler

A ‘Pinch of rock’ is definitely what I felt worked for this song.

I really loved the imagery conveying the toxicity of this relationship overall, really great job and great connection to the Pokemon you chose.

First verse reads as if there’s this connection made over something happening between two people.

I start to get lost in the second verse because it starts to read as the person is hurting this person because they hurt them and they want to ‘put on their shoes’. Which are really great lines for describing that idea. But then it turns and it comes across as if the person wants to hurt themself with the poison.

After reading the song a few times it start to turn into possibly a song about wanting to hurt each other and being happy about it to the point the person is letting the person hurt them. I thought the using references and syringe stuff was brilliant imagery to convey this.

The only thing I would say is, ‘Give me a dose of me’, just doesn’t sound great to me. I just kinda think there might be better phrases possibly. It kinda gives it this melodramatic feel that I don’t think belongs in this song.

Overall, I kept coming back to this song because I kept getting different meaning, so that’s a great thing in my opinion. It shows a lot of depth. Great job.

 

minho - "goodbye"

Spoiler

‘we’re made of glass, not to last

i could never be someone you could see through

pressed the rose petals onto my skin, drew the vines

ripped off my sleeve, i didn’t mean to make you cry’

This is really amazing and such profound poetry I felt. The tension and build up throughout is brilliant. Fantastic work.

I really loved this type of song writing, and it really felt like I was reading a Billie song. ‘you smiled a bit, let it fade, like the care alarm two streets away’, just really connected with me and created so much imagery in my head.

I hung onto every word of this song trying to unravel what happened because of how captivating the song writing was. There isn't a songwriter in this competition that has a similar style to you so great job at separating yourself from this bunch.

 

minho – the warrior & the traitor

Spoiler

Minho – the warrior & the traitor

What an amazing idea to write about. I really enjoyed reading this song.

The first stanza is really an interesting set up where your writing really sets up this empathy we feel for this character. They’re really going through a tough time.  You make it clear that there’s a lot of assumptions about this character. ‘I was never a warrior, a soldier, or a guard/ I was never their traitor, their betrayer, their scar’. These lines really jumped out to me in the context of the rest of the song, they’re not all moral, or good or a hero, but they’re also not the villain either. Really great word choice and descriptions throughout this whole section I felt.

Then, while this this judgement is going on, this character’s world is going through a serious change. ‘The world I once knew….. ravaged skies’. It really adds an element of destitute, loneliness and anticipated defeat.

Loved the juxtaposition here: ‘like a true menace, i wanted your lives to be safe’. It really sets a tone that it doesn’t matter what this character does, it’ll never be seen as good or enough for the people they care about.

I really liked this phrasing here:

but like the black tides rising to reach the moon

when the fear comes again, i’ll be there for you

Particularly at the end it ends up feeling like that the character would do it everything they had done all over again if it meant protecting this other person.

In the context of the challenge, you definitely met the target I felt. You really humanised this pokemon experience and gave it a lot of empathy when writing about it. It really felt like you write this song after picking the pokemon, which was the task, rather than just trying to shoe-horn a pokemon into an already written song. Great job.

 

Favourite Lines:

the world i once knew, the orchards, the vines

turned to ashen cliffsides and ravaged skies

i was never a warrior, a soldier, or a guard

i was never their traitor, their betrayer, their scar

 

8th Prince - "I Took A Fistful of Sand From the Beach"

Spoiler

I was so excited to read your song when I found out what it was going to be about. It’s not really as spoken enough about any more about just completely restarting and beginning again. And you really delivered above and beyond what I was hoping for.

I love how descriptive you get in the 1st verse, you really immersed us into this nostalgic feeling and memory that was presented. The imagery is so clear, right down the birds on the pier. So great.

The rhyming scheme also really adds to this nostalgic atmosphere I think, with the right words being utilised and the rhymes within lines.

My favourite line is in the chorus:

‘But those certain answers became whispered questions

Till’ our future was a murmur our hearts couldn’t hear’

Wow. I really loved this line and felt it summed up this whole song. Really powerful and carefully song writing. Amazing work.  

When I got to the bridge, I started to genuinely get upset because of how honest and impactful this song is. I’m sure we’ve all wish we all can relate to the difference between not waiting for a sign when we were kids, to now hoping for one when we’re older.  It just really touched me.

Then the ending of the song comes and just wow.

‘I took one more step from the shore of my youth

And began walking to a new dream’

You were able to bring about some optimism at the end of this song and it doesn’t feel forced. I would listen to this song over and over again if it was actually produced and released (I can already here someone like Brandi Carlile singing it over it an acoustic guitar). Amazing job.

 

8th Prince – I’m Happy You’re Going to Hell

Spoiler

I really enjoyed this song. I really think you nailed how you conveyed loneliness in the first half of the song. The worry about who’s breathing a sigh of relief when you leave, taking the quiet streets instead of the busy ones, wearing headphones but actually playing music so you won’t be disturbed. It felt like this person had been alone for along time that they had settled with it and almost preferred it at this stage.

I loved the scenarios the person gets into with the other, it came across as almost comical and light, I guess because this person had this new understanding of what life is meant to be like. Just totally unapologetically marching to their own beat and not caring if they step on anyone’s toes.

‘I’m sure that the bad side

Will outweigh the good one

But I know that you’ll push down on the good side with your thumb’

I really loved these lines, so bad that they’re genuinely thinking about cheating their way into Heaven. Really great writing here.

Brilliant stuff, thank you.

 

keshaspearsxo - "O"

Spoiler

Going to keep it super vague here, but this is absolutely brilliant and the exact song writing that I really live for. So much about this song is brilliant, and that’s largely because of how honest it comes across.

I actually really loved the orange metaphor and simile. It’s really, really great. The way it finishes the chorus then leads into the second verse was undeniably tight song writing (even if you said this wasn’t quite finished yet). I also loved the ending of the bridge. Such profound poetry.

The chorus is so heart breaking to me and really tugged at the heart strings a few times.

The only critique I would have is that it does come across as if you had too many ideas and it can start to add up when reading the song through multiple times. But it’s not too noticeable if you were to listen to it as an actual song, I think it’s just because I’m reading it over and over again, picking up on different ideas and themes.

I actually think this song writing style suits you, the vulnerability presented in this song isn’t easy to have. If you have it, use it.

Overall, great job and great new direction.

 

keshaspearsxo – S, C!

Spoiler

I really thought this song came across as meticulously crafted and well done. You really set a grand symphony here with your word choice and imagery.

I think the beauty in this song comes from the type of words you used to convey your idea, rather than the idea itself. The idea of ‘being’ and creating just is so elevated with all of symphony, stage and art comparison and metaphors that it doesn’t get boring. My only critique is that it does start to feel a little one note as Verse 2 comes to a close.

Overall, this is really wonderful entry, great job. 

 

@Hug @Ampersand13 @hurricane326 @Aurora @Gay Rat Divorce @OreGuy @Rence @firecrotch @Astronomy @TROPICUM @luckystrike @funnellegs @Dessy @Speezy @minho @8thPrince @keshaspearsxo

Edited September 28, 2020 by Courtney Love

[Courtney Love]

My heart was racing so fast hoping that I wouldn't get an error posting that long ass post  

[Courtney Love]

Ranking the rounds overall: 

3 > 2 > 1 

[Ampersand13]

@Courtney Lovethank you so much for the reviews! You are so kind 

[TROPICUM]

Thank you @Courtney Love !!

[Dessy]

Thank you for both crits Courtney

[ATRL Username]

Thank you so much @ all the judges <3

[Rence]

Thank you so much @Courtney Love!