tournament Song of the Season 3 ? WINNER ANNOUNCED (pg. 137)

[Speezy]

13 minutes ago, TROPICUM said:

Staph with these games challenges suggestions my ignorant ass could barely do a song about Pokémon 

It's in the heart of the cards I say

I draw 5, set my face down

Ass up, time for foreplay 

[Dessy]

2 minutes ago, Speezy said:

It's in the heart of the cards I say

I draw 5, set my face down

Ass up, time for foreplay 

[8thPrince]

this thread turning into the equivalent of "make a rap out of these 4 images" 

----

@keshaspearsxo i'll write about how Donald always uses Curaga at the most inopportune times

[Overprotected]

43 minutes ago, TROPICUM said:

Staph with these games challenges suggestions my ignorant ass could barely do a song about Pokémon 

!!! Like I'm not cultured enough

[Hug]

We're doing video games the rest of the season yup

 

Specifically ones I've played

[firecrotch]

https://tenor.com/8zzb.gif
 

the judges right now when they come back and announce the season is over because my song made me the automatic winner 

[OreGuy]

so the judging??

[Hug]

23 minutes ago, OreGuy said:

so the judging??

I'm sure we'll start getting them in like..13 ish hours ?

 

Don't know why that number it's just what I'm feeling in my CORE

[TROPICUM]

@ judges

 

 

[Hug]

The way we got so many pages on this thread love that for us

[OreGuy]

55 minutes ago, Hug said:

I'm sure we'll start getting them in like..13 ish hours ?

 

Don't know why that number it's just what I'm feeling in my CORE

oh thanks, luv

 

 

[Hug]

Listening to...peak lyricist Katy Perry ?

 

Yeah I'm considering stealing from her next week, what about it?

[Hug]

I decided to make aesthetic moodboards of my 2 songs so far ?

 

 

[Rence]

[Prisoner]

 

 

ROUND 2: POKEMOON

 

So I didn't have much free time this week and y'all are demanding reviews so this is all you'll get, for now. Feel free to clear things up if I made a mistake in your reviews and forgive me if they seem a bit harsher this week. There's too many entries and too little time:

 

 

Hug - "Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring"

Spoiler

 

I love the nature theme we have here, but especially the setting which is really beautiful. 

 

This song doesn't have a chorus, so having the recurring 4th line in every stanza was a good choice. The pacing of the song is also greatly complimented by this recurring line. And I really love how the tone shifts from the first stanza to the last, how it gets really heartwarming by the end. 

 

However, I feel like while this is a very solid entry, it is also something that doesn't feel 'new'. I get that the pacing here has to be what it is to represent the changing of seasons, but it went by too fast for me to get fully invested. The concept of 'changing seasons' isn't really a fresh one so I needed that 'something' more to really love this. 

 

 

minho - "the warrior & the traitor"

Spoiler

 

This entry feels very… mysterious. Like I don't think I'd know what the song is about if I just read this without having any other context. But it's lowkey amazing? 

 

The story is really intriguing and the imagery is really really well done. The way you transition the scenes, like for example, 'the world i once knew… turned to ahsen cliffsides' felt so smooth and effortless. I'm shook tbh. 

 

The main criticism I have of this is that this entry feels maybe  a bit distanced?(if that makes sense) You're using the 1st and 2nd person here so I'd have liked it better if it feels a bit more intimate. But it's just my personal opinion. 

 

 

TROPICUM - "Deity"

Spoiler

 

Okay this is actually quite good. The story is engaging, the concept is a nice one and the imagery really works. The verses and the bridge are the best parts of the song for me, mainly due to the execution. I just love these.

 

I have a few criticisms though. Firstly, the chorus is full of awkwardly phrased lines. Some of these distract from what you're actually trying to say. Secondly, the first verse was a bit hard to follow. I have questions like who's who? Is 'she' her? Or are they different entities? The ending also felt a bit abrupt with its only three lines. 

 

I do like your use of the challenge though. I like how you went with this fantasy approach, it lets you write this really gripping story without being bound by any pokemon lore.

 

 

Astronomy - "Blameless"

Spoiler

 

Slay at this being a multiple part song. It's always hard to pull these off so I appreciate that you came up with this. 

 

My preferred segment is the 'Blameless' part. It's filled with really great imagery. The 'Bleeding' repetition also really works, it helps give off the visuals of them bleeding continually. Some of the lines in the chorus feel like fillers however. 

 

I have opposite thoughts about the second segment, 'Undone'. It's filled with really great lines but the imagery here is a bit unsettling (like the 'scab', picking on the scab, etc.) So I think the two segments both have different strengths and weaknesses, which is not bad.

 

I can see why you approached the challenge this way, but I do feel like this may be a bit too much for a basic pink fish, but that's just my opinion. 

 

 

hurricane326 - "All That Is Known"

Spoiler

 

This is a rather direct approach on the pokemon but I think I like it. With this entry, you've managed to mystify this mythical pokemon more than it already is so I commend you on that. I really love how this reads like an actual tale that would be narrated on a Pokemon movie or something. You're probably one of the most skilled writers I've ever seen on these games, and the way you came up with your entries so quickly and also have them be really good is very admirable. 

 

The problem however is that this entry, while being beautifully beautifully written, is a little lacking on substance. I think writing a piece inspired by your pokemon rather than trying to fit the pokemon into the song would have been better in your case. 

 

Don't get me wrong, the song we have here isn't bad at all, far from it, but I feel like the actual contents of this song doesn't live up to the beautiful language you've brought here. 

 

 

disruptive - "fable of the deep sea star"

Spoiler

 

Why is this actually very cute? The title is really beautiful and I love the different chapters you have instead of verses. 

 

The language here feels very natural, I love that I can imagine this being actually sung to a simple folk tune. This is a very heartwarming tale so I think you made a nice use of your pokemon. 

 

There's two problems I have with this: 'chapter three' and the ending line '...you, and only you'. The former mainly because of how it took me out of immersion, due to the abrupt change in writing style, and the latter due to it feeling a bit contrived, especially when the rest of the lines feel so natural. But it's still a really cute entry. (good cute)

 

 

Gastrodonatella - "My Little Blossom"

Spoiler

 

This is such a sad but beautiful tale. I'm so glad you used flower imagery, it's has such a timeless quality to it and there's lots of things one can do with that. 

 

The imagery here is so bright and vivid. There's lots of lines I love here: 'words on dandelion petals', 'crested wave over a sea of flowers', etc etc. I'll have to say, the language is beautiful, the imagery is beautiful and most importantly, the actual story is beautiful so great great job. 

 

There's not really anything I would want changed here tbh, but maybe shortening it a bit would have done wonders. Since many of the lines here are composed of metaphors and not just simple narration, the song felt longer than it actually is. 

 

 

firecrotch - "meet again"

Spoiler

 

This entry feels very blunt and raw. That's what I noticed of your entries and I think I love it. It gives a very authentic feel to the songs. 

 

The best part of this entry is the chorus. I love how this section flows so well. The imagery was also very consistent here. I imagined this chorus as someone who's singing in the background while the music slightly overpowers the voice and it's just amazing. [I think adding the () was a nice stylistic choice btw]

 

The main problem with this is that your use of the challenge feels a little underdeveloped. What we have in the chorus is really good but the verses feel like they belong to another song. I think building upon the 'sleep' narrative you have in the chorus rather than using things like 'slots', 'bail', etc. would have really strengthened your entry. 

 

 

Aurora - “Castleglass”

Spoiler

 

This is a rather unique entry. You really brought the concept with this one! I love your use of the challenge, it was definitely one of the most creative this round. And I like that I'd still get the meaning of the song without knowing what your Pokemon is. 

 

My favourite part of the section has to be the middle eight for how it flows so well, and for the presence of some awesome imagery. This part also really reads like an actual song. 

 

The problem I have with this is that it feels a bit slow in narration. Like the first three verses here express more or less the same sentiment so it'd have been nice to add a little something extra to make the song feel a bit more dynamic. 

 

 

OreGuy - "the afterglow" 

Spoiler

 

I'll be honest and say I was not a fan of the first verse, but then I went into the chorus and the song gets really good here. This is followed by the second verse which, in my opinion, is better than the first. I love that this song gets better as it progresses. I specifically love the chorus just for how catchy it is and how the imagery plays really well. 

 

The bridge is also quite good but I think the final lines 'out of the grave' was a little too much. I also believe the song would be better without the pre chorus. It kinda weakened the smooth transition it'd have if it were just the verse into the chorus instead. 

 

Anyhow I believe this is a lot lot better than your first entry so good job. 

 

 

funnellegs - “The Seafarer” 

Spoiler

 

This is such a simple and charming song. I really love the interactive vibe here. I really feel 'guided' into this song. It was so smooth and relaxing reading this. 

 

I think there's this inexplicable quality about this song that just feels very wholesome and maybe it's the language you're using, but I really connect to this. This entry really made me smile. (Contrary to your entry last round which made me tear up) 

 

I'm not a big fan of the second verse though. The rest of the song is all about what's across the seas and beyond, and the switch in focus (here in the 2nd verse) took me out of immersion a bit. 

 

 

8thPrince - "I'm Happy You're Going To Hell"

Spoiler

 

Stanning for this high school setting you're having here. Feels very east-asian/anime and I love it?

 

The best part of this entry is the fact that it reads like a real movie. It's nice to see all the sections, even the chorus, have this storytelling narrative. There's these tiny scenes with words like 'at the movies,' 'novels we agreed…', and 'pricey food' that really helped the song feel like one whole movie. 

 

This entry does start out weak however. I feel like the ghost comparison in verse one was out of place for that specific verse. The first chorus was also a bit underwhelming compared to the latter choruses. But the song gets better as we go and this was still a very cinematic experience. 

 

 

Gay Rat Divorce - "Crying Contest"

Spoiler

 

You used Sobble so this is already my fave entry this round. JK. But seriously this wasn't what I expected so I'm actually surprised and happy tbh. 

 

This song is very simple but I think that's the charm. It's the perfect way to write this particular song you have here. I love the chorus especially, it gives me this image of someone pouting and it's just adorable. 

 

The verses aren't really bad but I feel like they get a bit too cartoonish at parts like the ''tears' of ocean' and 'typhoon'. Verse one is a bit better since there's a balance between the comedy and the serious. I think the song would have been really funnier if presented in a bit more serious way. 

 

 

Rence - "wallflower"

Spoiler

 

This is literally one of the most engaging entries I've ever read. I love how you always manage to come up with these songs where the readers end up caring about the characters so much. 

 

I'll point out this one thing that really made the song for me. This particular stanza: "he dreaded another week of high school / where every chance of saying hello was ruined by / the fear of getting awkward stares and mean replies" is just a defining moment. I really love that unlike the other verses, where every line is a complete phrase, this one has these last two lines that felt awkward upon the first read but made so much sense when looking at the context. It's awesome work really. 

 

However, the thing I'm not really a fan of is how everyone suddenly noticed this wallflower's colours in the final chorus. It came a bit too late and sudden without much development and I feel like it'd have been better if it was just the narrator who noticed him. 

 

 

Dessy Sivan - "Amaterasu"

Spoiler

 

Great title! I'm already kinda stanning just by the title tbh. 

 

I'll just go ahead and say this entry is very brief. Like 14 lines brief. And while that can greatly work if you decided to explore just one scene or feeling or emotion, this entry has different scenes so the song would have really benefited from being longer.

 

This entry isn't bad though. Fire imagery is one of my faves ever and I think you made some really great word choices here. Every single line manages to feel like they're giving off flames, and I really love that. I hope you go back to this sometime and write a fuller song/prose/anything because this has the potential to be such an exceptional piece of work. 

 

 

Ampersand13 - "Running Water’s Lullaby"

Spoiler

 

This is one of the few entries that reads like an actual song lyric. The language here feels very natural and flows very well. So good work on that. 

 

I think you did your pokemon justice. The chorus with its 'dance in your eyes' and 'show me how to run on water' is very beautiful imagery. The chorus is my favourite part of the song for this very reason. It's nice work really. 

 

I think the pre chorus was an unneeded transition though and felt a bit like filler. I also feel like you could've replaced the 'like fire needs air' with something water related. Just something to give the song a more consistent feel. 

 

 

dweebz - "Klefki (Secrets)"

Spoiler

 

This is probably the highest concept this round. The parts with the 'Backing Vocals' and the Lock… and key… in the chorus is very nice. I really like that extra effort you put into your song. Makes it feel very unique. 

 

Those two bridges are also very nice. But especially the second verse, it's very sweet and succinct. 

 

The problem here are the verses and the outro. I feel like it gets a little too much at parts with certain word choices. I also believe they're a bit underdeveloped. With a chorus that has such a unique and conceptual style, the verses needed to be a lot more descriptive to help the reader really get into the song. 

 

(btw I wasn't sure whether your title was Klefki (Secrets) or just Secrets so I'll just go with the first one.)

 

 

Speezy - "Give Me A Dose"

Spoiler

 

This entry is very raw and bare, complemented by words such as 'stripped'. It's a nice choice to use this language since it feels really in mood with the theme of the song. 

 

The song is really immersive and has really good imagery like stars pirouetting as you scream. I think 'give me a dose of me' is awkwardly phrased but it kinda works in the context of the song so that's okay. 

 

I'm not too fond of the boxing comparison though. It might've been better to use snake imagery or something that feels more in theme with this poison thing you're using throughout the song. The 'break' section was also a little underdeveloped. 

 

 

Overprotected - "Thorns"

Spoiler

 

I really like the simple imagery present in this song. It really adds to the intimate vibe present here, sometimes it's better to just use simple language to really make a song intimate. 

 

I think the second verse is the highlight here. It feels very raw and delicate which I really appreciate. The 'thorns' line is also quite beautiful. 

 

The problem with this song however is how the 'Thorns' narrative took a backseat to the actual song. There's no mention or allusion to this 'thorn' in the chorus which should've been the place where the main focus is.

 

 

keshaspeaers - "S, C!"

Spoiler

 

A song about songs, this is a really nice concept. I love the way you used the verses and pre chorus to slowly orchestrate this 'melody' you're talking about. 

 

My favourite part is the bridge. It feels like this moment in time where all melodies are starting to form, like a version of the big bang but solely for symphonies. And the way the lines build upon one another, I can really feel the melodies coming to birth. Nice work. 

 

I'm not a big fan of the "S,C!" moments however since it did feel a bit too sudden. I feel like you could've worded these lines better and still express the same thing. 

 

 

Lucky#17 - "Firmness"

Spoiler

 

This is another entry that feels like a real song. I like how the lines feel so natural and read so well. Those 'second vocals' also really enhanced your entry, I think. 

 

The second verse is definitely the highlight for me. The mentions of little things like 'clink of your glass, book in your hand' really solidified this entry. They helped make the song quite engaging and add a really nice personal touch. 

 

I feel like the bridge is unneeded though. It didn't add much to the entry and would've been better if removed or developed a bit more. 

 

 

@Hug @minho @TROPICUM @Astronomy @hurricane326 @disruptive @Gastrodonatella @firecrotch @Aurora @OreGuy @funnellegs @8thPrince @Gay Rat Divorce @Rence @Dessy @Ampersand13 @dweebz @Speezy @Overprotected @keshaspearsxo @Lucky#17

Edited September 13, 2020 by Prisoner

[ceremonials]

7 hours ago, Hug said:

We're doing video games the rest of the season yup

 

Specifically ones I've played

My impact wow

[Hug]

Okay haven't read any of them yet, but while I did appreciate your in-depth thoughts about everyone's entries, I also don't think you should stress yourself out over it. I appreciate you regardless @Prisoner 

[Prisoner]

8 minutes ago, Hug said:

Okay haven't read any of them yet, but while I did appreciate your in-depth thoughts about everyone's entries, I also don't think you should stress yourself out over it. I appreciate you regardless @Prisoner 

 

[Hug]

Yes I read everyone's, and I will comment on my own

 

I suppose changing seasons being a metaphor for life isn't new (admittedly I've done it myself before) but it seemed like the best direction I could have taken the song with my given Pokemon. That's to say maybe I could've just chose a different Pokemon or something but still I totally get it.

[Ampersand13]

@PrisonerTHANK YOU FOR POSTING! 

[8thPrince]

@Prisoner  I actually was wondering while driving yesterday “hmm maybe the ghost line should’ve been different”  maybe I added it in subconsciously since Sableye is Dark/Ghost

 

thank you for the reviews! @Courtney Love @ughgabriel @Auburn and Prisoner sorry if we’re too antsy in here we don’t mean to rush you, y’all should take your time it’s no problem at all  we’ll be here whenever y’all have them, we can entertain ourselves in the meantime lol

[Prisoner]

5 minutes ago, 8thPrince said:

Prisoner sorry if we’re too antsy in here we don’t mean to rush you, y’all should take your time it’s no problem at all  we’ll be here whenever y’all have them, we can entertain ourselves in the meantime lol

don't worry, i was always gonna post them today. i just love being dramatic sometimes  

[Overprotected]

Thank you prisoner! Tbh my titles are always last minute before submitting and in this case it probably wasn't the best choice to represent the song

[TROPICUM]

Thank you @Prisoner! 

[Rence]

Thank you @Prisoner