ughgabriel Posted February 2, 2021 Author Posted February 2, 2021 @Hug's fate Spoiler sweet abandon I thought this was a really interesting concept. I honestly thought it was very clever and interesting that your light song was about liberation because it makes perfect sense to me; people who have lived through a certain type of restrictions or limitations, and that can finally drift away from that, are probably the ones who actually experience what true happiness is now that they’re not forced to live according to this (religious, in this case) regime. I also really liked how this song uses very clear religious elements which kind of gives away what the story is all about but at the same time this could be interpreted as a metaphor for something else. Any type of toxic relationships. The technical standpoint, as always, is flawless. Your rhyme scheme is great, your word choice is very natural and, overall, it’s a very pleasant read. When it comes to the content of the song, I kinda wanted the development of the story to be a little different, I think. Because, while the story is understandable and clear. I feel like there was no gradual introduction on who the character was or maybe their context when it comes to the place where the story unfolds. Those things that you’ve done on entries like “Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring” where we get a clear picture of who the character is, where the story takes place, where their emotions come from and the complete context. I felt like something was missing here when it comes to showing the reader the full picture, which kind of made the emotional impact to not be as powerful as it could’ve. Friend No More This is basically what I meant on my critique for “sweet abandon”. This is everything I needed from you. This is how you can present a song with emotional impact and let the reader feel it. In here I can really get to understand the context of the story. There’s clear intention, clear direction, a backstory, emotionality, a great narrative. Everything here is great. And, in my opinion this is one of your best entries. One can clearly appreciate your strengths here which is the way you have to work with simplicity to reflect some of the deepest emotions. The lyrical content in this song is superb and it progressively gets better. “I’m a sentence in the story no one remembers in the end” is probably one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve read but I was so pleased to read that. It’s one of those lines that stays with you and you kinda think about it every now and then. Hauntingly beautiful. @funnellegs’ fate Spoiler as the dawn breaks What I liked the most about this song is how you presented your light song in such a thoughtful way. I feel like people usually deem happiness as a very surface level type of emotion when it has a lot of depth and meaning to it. I was really happy with the way you executed the complexity of it in this song. “i hope wherever you are you’re happy, because I found a version of it myself” is a great example of it and, to me, that stands out as the most memorable part of the song; it encapsulated the message of it extremely well. One thing that I loved about this entry is how it started a little vague and didn’t give the overall meaning of the song at first. But you actually start to pick up what’s going on as the song progresses and I thought that was a genius choice because it emulates this part of the story where you start to understand and discover the bright side of the things you went through. It’s beautiful. This is one of those songs that as a whole, I think, are greater than the sum of its parts. I think this is the second time I’ve said it this season and I think this is a great achievement because it means that you wrote a very harmonious piece that stands out as a unit. a love that lasts a lifetime You know? I won’t take this into consideration (sorry) but I love the duality that these two songs represent in the story. Like they’re essentially about the same subject but are very different since both are written from very polar perspectives which I thought was really cool. What I have to say about the song comes from my previous critiques when you’ve written about this topic and I’ve asked you to go maybe a little further, or maybe a little deeper so it could give you a feeling of liberation from that and the reader could connect with the content of the song a little more. Always respecting your decision on what you’re comfortable sharing. This song feels like it’s less straightforward than your other songs that have touched the topic but this one feels like the core of the memory. You get to feel and understand where all these words come from. There’s a sense of rawness in this song that I haven’t seen in any of your entries before and I appreciate this so much. This is a great song. And overall, this was a great week for you. Also, the meaning behind the titular line is just so… breathtaking. @Rence's fate Spoiler stanley park I was very curious to see how you were going to execute this challenge because your usual style is on the darker, more melancholic side. And I’m a little mixed about this one. I have to say that I wasn’t completely sold in the beginning because, as I talked about on funnel’s critique, I feel like happiness is seen as a rather simple emotion. And I felt like there was not as much thought as you usually put into your dark songs. There weren’t as many details or as much descriptive emotionality as you usually convey in your songs. And the most touching part was during the bridge when tragedy happened. I have to say that that’s when I was sold on all of the memories that you presented in the beginning of the song and the whole Vancouver and Stanley Park setting. Now, I don’t know if it was on purpose but I thought the narrative emulated the content of the song as well since it’s a way of saying that people don’t always appreciate or see what makes them happy until it’s gone. I did really like it in the end. I’m just trying to express how I digested it. But I do have to say that I’m not completely sure that focusing on the dark spot in the brightest of place for a light song was the most fitting idea for the challenge. freedom I really felt the hopelessness in this song. As I was reading it, it felt like the darkness within it continued to grow. As if I was being sucked into quicksand or if branches were tangling my body up til I can’t move anymore. It felt very overwhelming and distressing. Which I thought was great. I always applaud writers who can make their readers experience different emotions while reading what they wrote. And I’ve always told you, and I think the other judges have as well, how you have a way with words that can really touch the reader. And you did that again with this one. I loved the “angel in disguise/demons at night” couplet because I’m just a sucker for juxtaposing lines and I thought that that contrast was very fitting for this story. @fountain's fate Spoiler P! Honestly this is what I was expecting, at least essentially, from the challenge when it came to the light songs. There is something beautifully endearing about the way you’re very descriptive with such simple things and the depth that you give to them. That’s happiness to me! And while I do understand that everyone has different perspectives of what it might be, this is the point of view that resonates with me the most. I really like that you went for a more conventional structure here because it also feels like a fun, care free, pop song; while being of course refined with your usual style that we all appreciate. There’s a lot of cuteness in this song that just makes me smile and feel good. The first line on the bridge is so simple but it just made me giggle and I think it was not because of the line itself but because you managed to encapsulate the emotion so well within the song. Great job! O S This was was very different from everything from everything you’ve given us so far. What I found so interesting is that it feels like you kept the campy nature of “Jawbreaker” and it also felt like it was part of something very theatrical, as a monologue where the character was presenting themselves. And it’s funny how I thought this was perceived as a character rather than the real you considering the topic of the song. It’s weird because you present yourself as what people have perceived you in the past but there’s a lot of things that the reader could pick up and still wouldn’t be able to create an image to decipher who you are because everything here is based on other people’s perspectives. And at first I was thinking that I didn’t find this to be too -dark- of a song but after dissecting and looking at the details such as thinking that no one ever sees you for who you are but instead for who they see you as, is pretty sad. Hw II Wow. Not you going back to Heartwater after so many years!! I love how simple this is and how reflective it is of how you said, your newfound wisdom. I believe that some feelings, some fears might never go away even if we grow older; but there’s a strong chance that we’ll start to see them on a different light and react towards them in a way that works better for us. In here, while I feel that the fear it comes when trying to get romantically involved with someone new, will always be there; there’s also a new point of view that you’ve achieved throughout the years and it lets you coexist with this fear in less distressing way, or at least I’d hope so. The whole submerging metaphor on the bridge was really pretty and I loved it. Overall I think you did a really good job, but I think that out of your light songs, P! was my favorite. S G S V Existentialism was something that moved me to write ‘nibiru’ on my season and I feel like you channeled that part of it extremely well. Which is what ended up being fascinating to me. There’s a lot of questions that people generate in their minds and there are no answers out there for them. I’ve had my questions about life, about death, about what I’ve seen, and about what I haven’t, and maybe can’t. And now, to find out that other people have questions of the same nature that are so different from yours, it really gives you a quick look on how majestic the human mind can be. And this is something I love about your entries. They’re pretty unique because they make you question things, life, and as you can see; my critiques to your songs are pretty different because the feelings or thoughts they create in me are a sole consequence of the thought provoking nature your songs tend to have.
fountain Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 @ughgabriel entering the finale on the new planet as all the aliens dance around him
fountain Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 42 minutes ago, ughgabriel said: stanley park I was very curious to see how you were going to execute this challenge because your usual style is on the darker, more melancholic side. And I’m a little mixed about this one. I have to say that I wasn’t completely sold in the beginning because, as I talked about on funnel’s critique, I feel like happiness is seen as a rather simple emotion. And I felt like there was not as much thought as you usually put into your dark songs. There weren’t as many details or as much descriptive emotionality as you usually convey in your songs. And the most touching part was during the bridge when tragedy happened. I have to say that that’s when I was sold on all of the memories that you presented in the beginning of the song and the whole Vancouver and Stanley Park setting. Now, I don’t know if it was on purpose but I thought the narrative emulated the content of the song as well since it’s a way of saying that people don’t always appreciate or see what makes them happy until it’s gone. I did really like it in the end. I’m just trying to express how I digested it. But I do have to say that I’m not completely sure that focusing on the dark spot in the brightest of place for a light song was the most fitting idea for the challenge. freedom I really felt the hopelessness in this song. As I was reading it, it felt like the darkness within it continued to grow. As if I was being sucked into quicksand or if branches were tangling my body up til I can’t move anymore. It felt very overwhelming and distressing. Which I thought was great. I always applaud writers who can make their readers experience different emotions while reading what they wrote. And I’ve always told you, and I think the other judges have as well, how you have a way with words that can really touch the reader. And you did that again with this one. I loved the “angel in disguise/demons at night” couplet because I’m just a sucker for juxtaposing lines and I thought that that contrast was very fitting for this story.
fountain Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 gabe ejecting person after person out into space
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