tournament ? DIAMOND HIT ? Farewell / Next Season Announcement pg.328 ?

[funnellegs]

A little disappointed with my feedback, but can't say I disagree with some of it. Thanks

[Jackson]

I'm interested to see @Aurora's song now. Pearched for more reviews 

[Temporal]

Two more reviews and I can post my first batch, but I was gonna wait to release them all as one until Huga Beyoncé'd me

 

[fountain]

@funnellegs

[fountain]

Sorry for the tag it wouldn't let me keep typing or delete so I had to post it

[SaintWest]

@Aurora Katrina about to hit the judges like a hurricane.

[fountain]

@Corsola @Kunst @Aurora @ughgabriel @TheCheetahwings

[fountain]

8 minutes ago, Temporal said:

Two more reviews and I can post my first batch, but I was gonna wait to release them all as one until Huga Beyoncé'd me

 

Nobody wants to hear ur opinion tho 

[Temporal]

1 minute ago, keshaspearsxo said:

Nobody wants to hear ur opinion tho 

I mean, you made me a judge though, so you must think otherwise   The self-drag!

[Hug]

I completely forgot to tag  I'll do it in the second batch

[fountain]

16 minutes ago, Temporal said:

I mean, you made me a judge though, so you must think otherwise   The self-drag!

You begged

[Temporal]

WHY are Imgur and NuTRL so goddamn slow now?   

[fountain]

16 minutes ago, Temporal said:

I mean, you made me a judge though, so you must think otherwise   The self-drag!

You begged

[fountain]

@Aciid

[Aciid]

 

[Temporal]

 

 

@funnellegs - Tiny Hands/Dear Sister

I liked the “Tiny Hands/Dear Sister” motifs that you played with. My biggest critiques are pretty short, I think the song needed a little more development because it was a bit short, and the language could’ve used a little more spice to it.

- I think it was a stressing issue, but the first couplet, to me, was begging to end with “that I never even met.” I think you drew the line out a bit longer than you needed to.
- Chorus was good sans this couplet which broke the nice flow you set up: “I’ll hold your hand all the way, don’t be afraid, / you’ll always be her first born, her baby boy.” Same thing with the final chorus.
- The first couplet of the 2nd verse was a bit passive, second couplet was better

 

@Kunst - Lately

My biggest issue for this song was that it lacked direction. There wasn’t any movement or development here. The language was also a bit stiff at times as well or just not sufficiently creative - ex. Daydream/Bloodstream was trite - but the extent of those problems wasn’t anything that really compromised this song. It was still a perfectly acceptable entry.

- A really simple but effective fix would be instead of “I’m lost in a daydream”, just delete the “I’m”. That would feel more songlike/lyrical.
- “I have lost my lover, and my family, and my friends / And I'm too ****ed up to even try to rhyme this line.” Okay this was a risky couplet for sure, but this came off as awkward more so than clever. Also the three “and”s were really annoying.

 

@Aurora - Katrina

This song would get you MURDERED by black/southern SJWs Like the metaphor is clever and all, but in terms of practicality you could offend a lot of people with this by making light of a natural disaster. Like, I wouldn’t write a club song about 9/11, you know? I’m not offended per se, but that’s just something you should keep in mind. Aside from that, the rhymes were pretty clever, and weren't half bad for a gay Australian white boy! Poor Piggy. 

- “I don’t look for love in bathroom lines” @conatus sue ha
- “but nobody can impede her” this rhyme was non buono 

 

@Corsola - Stained Glass

This song just got way too ambitious with the language and imagery. You forced so much of it in here that the more technical aspects started to come apart - the rhymes and the meter specifically - and it really bogged this entry down. I think your concept of vulnerability and ego did come through with the language, but the organization of the piece made the constant contrasts feel more like the piece couldn’t agree on what it wanted to be. Instead of trying to provide contrast within every section, you should’ve alternated, or maybe used the astral imagery in a way that made the song progress over the course of the day instead of jumping back and forth. This entry just felt half baked, but it could’ve had a lot more potential had it been at this place earlier in the week.

 

@ughgabriel - Neon Demon

I got the alcoholism bit, but the piece felt more like individual parts than a cohesive whole. The picture you created wasn’t one that was frightening or dark, just very… distorted? The imagery was just so all over the place I can’t really move past it. The language itself though was pretty.

- “were the cadle to my darkest vice” was that supposed to be “candle”?
- “poisonous ice” rupaulstare.gif
- Pre-Chorus would’ve been a slay sans “shining veins”

 

@TheCheetahwings - Drown You Out

 

This was just mundane. There really wasn’t anything to draw me in, or anything to elevate this piece, and I feel like you know that. I’m sorry, but this was pretty elementary on all fronts.

- “Waiting all alone trying to find the words to say / That we should both move on and go our separate ways” serving “I’ve got to move on and be who I aaaaaaaam, I just don’t belong here, I hope you understand”   

[fountain]

@@Aciid

[Jackson]

Wow hunty dragged y'all  

[Achilles.]

I want to read this Aurora song.  

[Jackson]

43 minutes ago, Temporal said:

WHY are Imgur and NuTRL so goddamn slow now?   

the fad bowl ofc 

[ughgabriel]

Thanks

 

@Hug and @Temporal

 

I'm so sorry it was cradle, not cadle  

 

[Achilles.]

13 minutes ago, Jackson said:

the fad bowl ofc 

 

Any chance we'll get some batch two reviews before the sporty people kill the site completely? @ judges

[ceremonials]

Oh they're in batches, was shook

[Jackson]

35 minutes ago, Achilles. said:

 

Any chance we'll get some batch two reviews before the sporty people kill the site completely? @ judges

@Hug @Temporal //long shot@ @Cupid @keshaspearsxo

[ughgabriel]

Are results happening today?