ceremonials Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 4 minutes ago, Cupid said: I don't think I'm the best person to host a popularity contest on here haha. Why You were #4 last year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 When I said to myself I was going to keep things short and write an essay early on. Oops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 What about you @Corsola @Hugamari The pokemonsters need representation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Just now, ceremonials said: What about you @Corsola @Hugamari The pokemonsters need representation I am very unreliable due to my lack of sleeping schedule. I could see what I could do if I knew a time frame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Just now, Hugamari said: I am very unreliable due to my lack of sleeping schedule. I could see what I could do if I knew a time frame. Tues Feb 21st 4-5pm CST If all else fails I'll just do it though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cupid Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 9 minutes ago, ceremonials said: Why You were #4 last year Everyone hates me now. My backlash era will inspire an amazing album. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 3 minutes ago, ceremonials said: Tues Feb 21st 4-5pm CST If all else fails I'll just do it though Fff that's quite far away from now. Good thing it's only 1 hour ahead of EST. I'll probably know for sure a bit closer to the deadline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Y'all useless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Not this challenge following me even in my sleep, I had a dream where I re-read my song and it was full of messy rhymes like lake/cake and was shook cause I knew I was going to flop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Lake/cake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted January 28, 2017 Author Share Posted January 28, 2017 9 minutes ago, ughgabriel said: Not this challenge following me even in my sleep, I had a dream where I re-read my song and it was full of messy rhymes like lake/cake and was shook cause I knew I was going to flop First things first, swallow the lake then I take it back and start on the cake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 This BOP I just came upon, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 (edited) Sleep paralysis is so intriguing and interesting, it happened to me once. I remember I was a little frightened, I tried to get up but I couldn't. Then I tried shouting my brother's name for help and not a bit of sound came out of my mouth, I tried to scream and nothing. So I tried to relax and fell asleep again. Then when I woke up at morning I had a sore throat + raspy voice Edited January 28, 2017 by ughgabriel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 6 minutes ago, ughgabriel said: Sleep paralysis is so intriguing and interesting, it happened to me once. I remember I was a little frightened, I tried to get up but I couldn't. Then I tried shouting my brother's name for help and not a bit of sound came out of my mouth, I tried to scream and nothing. So I tried to relax and fell asleep again. Then when I woke up at morning I had a sore throat + raspy voice I wrote a song about sleep paralysis once. Was low-key Halsey inspired. --- I think my next post will have a lot of text. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 (edited) Hugamari's Comments Round 5, Part 1 (If any of you you want me to expand on anything I said, let me know. I’m keeping things short because this round made everyone change how they would typically write, so broad criticisms hardly apply.) @swiftie13 - Compass So the political idea was...something. I appreciate you taking something that’s important to you and applying it to the challenge. I would even argue that you being forced not to rhyme would lift a weight off your shoulders and allow for you to write what’s on your mind. I could find basic rules of writing being applied and you didn’t rhyme (aside from a couple arguable slant rhymes), so challenge fulfilled. @Kunst - Bad Things So something I didn’t like about this entry was the sometimes clunky lines. If I had to point out a biggest offender, it would be “I swear on my bruises that we can't be fixed”. That’s definitely an interesting take on a cliched saying, (I swear on [insert dramatic thing here]), but I can’t say I was feeling it. I want to point out something else that really stuck out to me: You gave me a really nice example of syllable count =/= meter to work with. In your prechorus 2, your first three lines worked well enough, and I was feeling a rhythm. (Extremely misguided / just chasing sweet nothing / somethinga bout us) all worked together (and the spacing on the third line was intentional, showing how it would be said the same way. Even though it’s one syllable less than “Extremely misguided”, it’s not that obvious at first because it goes fairly well with that. However, “was abea ting trainwreck” was not very fitting (again, spaced to show how you would say it, relative to the second line), despite having the same syllables. So, I’m going to go with something I’ve said before: When you have two lines that are supposed to follow the same meter, say the first one like you normally would in a sentence, then try to say the second line with the same stresses and inflictions as the first one. If it doesn’t sound natural, we will pick up on it real quick. @ceremonials - Zungzwang Alright, I see an issue already. You didn’t keep your imagery consistent. You started off with, what I am assuming, is a chess metaphor. (I thought it was especially cool after reading your little blurb before the entry.) After the fourth line, though, it’s not chess anymore. It’s driving, it’s poison, it’s Satan whispering to you…? A little bit intense considering you were just talking about chess. You also swerve chess completely and turn into a tree in the second verse, and it’s all jarring. Consistency, one way or another, would’ve done a lot more for me. I was a bit disappointed seeing as I know it’s something you’re capable of (and I’ve seen you do it before). I want to tell you now, though; I thought the chorus was good. It’s a nice case of simple and effective. No need to overcomplicate things on a round like this. Simply stated can work in your favor sometimes. By the way, I’m ****ing calling Citrus on your dumb ass right now because “You were one of the few things that I did right” IS THIEVERY. C U N courT dumbass…:eli: @Aurora - Dear Diary Well, I think you going with a diary entry...or, entries, actually makes a lot of sense. People do not tend to rhyme their diary entries, so the lack of rhymes worked in your favor, and people also tend to just spill their feelings into journals, so it made sense to see what was going through whoevers POV we’re in. I do think, thematically, it’s a bit tried, but it’s fine considering you took what I thought was an interesting approach, and you made this challenge into something more than a limitation, and I can appreciate that. @ughgabriel - Black Mirror I want to...put into words what it is that is off-putting about this entry. For all intents and purposes, you did the challenge sufficiently, and as far as technicalities go, I can not complain, but when I look back at some of your other works, there’s a lack of emotion in there. I feel as if you lost yourself in the pressure of expectation for this challenge that you forgot to be...real. Please forgive me if this is not the case at all, but for an entry that, to me, read like an attempt at being vulnerable and personal, felt very cold and distant. This sounds like gloom and doom in review form, but I’ll spare you the heartbreak and say you’ll be getting a good score from me anyway. Not perfect, but good. @Corsola - Home So, you did a countdown sort of thing for your verses. That’s a fun concept I can get behind. The first verse immediately killed it, though. Three days, months, weeks, years, centuries, millennia...it got a bit much, though it was a good way to start your verses. I think the character development could have been handled a bit better. I did see an attempt, but I thought it was...just there. Only the second half of the second verse was dedicated to this...being beginning to change its mind. I think you could’ve done something like “Two days until this place is destroyed, but I’m wondering if this is right…” etc. Maybe you could go behind their motivation to begin with, and how they even started to think of destroying the planet, let alone enact it. Another issue for me was word choice. “Futile orb”...Corsoladjective strikes again. It took me reading the song twice to get that it was supposed to be the Earth. “Whirlpool” was another off one for me. I don’t get “space” from that word. I get Pokemon TM first, then I see water imagery. I never think of space. I think, for many people, the rhymes were acting like a closed door rather than an opened window, and it was very apparent in this entry particularly. I really do see a much better executed song should these limitations not have been placed on the song. A bit sad, but I also see that what we’ve been telling you has mostly stuck. @SaintWest - Numbers Boy Girl, you must’ve really took what I (and the other judges) said to heart, because I love this. I think the gimmick is cute enough to make me remember it, and it’s really catchy for words with no rhymes. That SNATCHED meter YES. You definitely were a case of simplicity gone right this week. Love it! @TheCheetahwings - Waiting for You I’m disappointed. This, to me, read like every other one of your failed relationship songs when the chorus could’ve EASILY been about a dead child. **** I would’ve given that a 10 so fast. “You found a ladder climbing into the sky / And I knew you weren’t meant to stay here” like um hello dead child this is Hugamari speaking and I’m LIVING for this concept. At any rate, this was you but without rhymes. I hope you can be more adventurous next week. <3 (EDIT: I meant your songs were about relationships that didn't work out, not that your songs themselves were failures! I figured I needed to clarify that because of the way I stated the beginning of my review.) Edited January 28, 2017 by Hugamari Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 3 minutes ago, Hugamari said: I wrote a song about sleep paralysis once. Was low-key Halsey inspired. --- I think my next post will have a lot of text. Not when you clocked me on S8 calling me Halsey the song was try hard so I can't really complain. Reviews? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Just now, ughgabriel said: Not when you clocked me on S8 calling me Halsey the song was try hard so I can't really complain. Reviews? To be fair, my sleep paralysis song was try-hard too. I still thought it was cute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Aw, sad to see I didn't deliver what I wanted to, but YAS @SaintWest SLAYING Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 1 minute ago, ughgabriel said: Aw, sad to see I didn't deliver what I wanted to, but YAS @SaintWest SLAYING Well, as I said, it's not all gloom and doom. I haven't finalized scores yet but I can't imagine you being out of my Top 5. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted January 28, 2017 Author Share Posted January 28, 2017 You can really tell when hug hates something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 I forgot to mention this in the review post, but you can also tell me if you want thoughts on a part specifically (maybe a line you were proud of or had doubts if it worked or not) since I think I'm a bit all over the place this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Just now, Gastrodonatella said: That's not your signature gif. You're losing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 @Hugamari Not really a question, I just want to say that I get what you're saying but this has actually been the most personal song of mine this season BUT your comments do make sense since my therapist has told me that I have trouble acknowledging my emotions so there's something to work on! But thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 4 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said: New ATRL new me I miss your Trixie avi :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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