Temporal Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 24 minutes ago, swiftie13 said: me reading these songs and reviewing them rn Kinda same rn? Albeit I did find a 9.5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 nnnn let me take a break my feedback is already getting bitchy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Shook Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 10 minutes ago, Temporal said: Kinda same rn? Albeit I did find a 9.5 You went in backwards order, I see! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 10 minutes ago, Hug said: You went in backwards order, I see! Yes I did, Aurora got a 9.5! Rigged finale confirmed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelp Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 turn it up it's your favorite dubtrack (: https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/platinumhitlers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 1 hour ago, Temporal said: nnnn let me take a break my feedback is already getting bitchy i took a break too nn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Just now, swiftie13 said: i took a break too nn Get your man's dick out ya mouth and answer my text bitch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I'm sorry if my reviews are a biT much this week, I'm trying to soften the lashings but I'm really just trying to get my points across. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 13 minutes ago, Temporal said: I'm sorry if my reviews are a biT much this week, I'm trying to soften the lashings but I'm really just trying to get my points across. ur a bitch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 37 minutes ago, Temporal said: I'm sorry if my reviews are a biT much this week, I'm trying to soften the lashings but I'm really just trying to get my points across. Idc just release them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Semi-finals @Jackson Night Drive ‘earth’, in this instance, didn’t need capitalized as it wasn’t a proper noun, and I sincerely doubt you did it for artistic effect. Also, ‘hips’ rubs me the wrong way? Like, I would figure the shadows would be cast all over, and not a focused area. Long story short, that line felt there to rhyme, but I guess it’s not that bad when you pair it with ‘lips’. There’s a line in the bridge that I want to give a mention to: “Cause every single night drive still ended just the same” - I wanted to make note of this because there are two redundancies in here. “Cause every night drive still ended the same” or “Cause every night drive ended just the same” would have the same meaning. I suppose this is a bit long for a tangent to go on over one line, but in the semi-finals, there’s really nothing left to do here but nitpick. Lake Erie (with @Citrus) I’m a bit...surprised? Like, this seems like an entry from Round 6 or something. (Not specifically the challenge from it, but generally speaking.) It ticks the boxes for trying to be acclaimed, someone dies and they want to go out in a poetic way, it’s a love story, etc., but I can’t help but feel it’s a bit tired. We’ve already had our songs about death this season, and I know for YOU, Jackson, a love song is a bit new, but I don’t think pairing two of them together was the best move, considering they’re two isolated love songs, rather than a connected story that progresses. Now, let me go into specific details. The first four lines? Great! Loved it. Then you dropped the bombshell about the grave, and I’ll be honest, I thought it was metaphorical at first. (The grave being like this person being forgotten), but when I found it was about a literal grave, it just felt felt too dumbed down. I suppose you guys thought we wouldn’t be able to get it if you didn’t tell us, and maybe you’re right considering I thought it was something different initially, but kinda still insulted.You could’ve maybe kept that for the chorus, or the bridge even; it would’ve made a bigger impact. “...as you offered me your life”...well, I get the IDEA behind it, but I can’t help but think this was a ritual sacrifice (purposeful since you actually mentioned rituals?). Assuming this was intentional...clever, I guess? You made marriage look like an ominous thing, though. Season overall You’ve always been a contestant I could count on delivering a technically sound entry, and it’s been appreciated that I didn’t have to do my best to teach another person what meter is. What I’ve felt about you, though, is you got more and more wore down as the season went on. You got this far just because you have a way on the technical side that’s hard to fault, but I just don’t see as many lines that have...really impressed me outside of a “this has good meter” way. You’re still a great writer, obviously, but maybe you just need a break or something. This isn’t to say that you can’t/won’t make the finale, but either way, I think a bit of time to gather your inspirations and come back refreshed would be good for you. Good luck on making the finale! @ceremonials Dark Cousin “Traces of slate blue” is a bit clunky to try and say, “traces of blue” gets the same idea across in a more natural way. I also know you’ve been clocked on this already, but “he gains another reason to stay”... words! Also, why did you insist on adding quotes? They weren’t needed! Besides for those things, I did like the topic you chose for the song and the way you approached it. So...good job. Grave of the Fireflies (with @swiftie13) So, the second verse was stronger than the first, but both were great. Even though the quotes triggered me AGAIN, I do think they added to the entry for once. I feel like this was an actual quote from the movie? Like I didn’ see it and I could be wrong, but actually stanning if so. Season overall So, I know I was hard on you for most of the season, but it wasn’t because of any personal vendetta, honest! I enjoyed seeing how you went through the season, and you eventually impressed me, which was a great moment for me as a judge. I hope to see you continue this path, maybe in future seasons? That is, if you don’t end up a judge. Good luck on making the finale! @ughgabriel The Architect So, this is a bit long, BUT I like the idea you went for and how you portrayed it. I really felt like this was genuine to you, and at the same time it was very relatable. Being able to write something that’s genuine to you and relatable without trying is what makes for a great entry, in my opinion, and you did that. There are some things you could have fixed, such as “I’ll take the weight of the stones that you own”, “This balance weigh is the only home where I’ll live”, and some other lines, but for the most part you did the challenge very well. I would’ve maybe polished it more before sending, though. Don’t Forget to Water Me (with @keshaspearsxo) Okay, “knife/life”? No, please stop. “Despite it”...it being what, exactly? I legit can’t figure this out. I also felt like some lines were a bit blunt, such as the “something we don’t repay” line, which tbh feels a bit preachy! There’s also the “My soul is filling with guilt” line. Besides for how you chose to word these lines, I did enjoy the topic of the entry. Swiftie13 would be proud! Season overall I’ve mostly always enjoyed your entries, Gabe, and it wasn’t different this week. I think there’s a way that you choose to use your words that speaks to people, or to me, at least, so I would always look forward to seeing what you had in store for me week after week. I would say your biggest issue would be that you get too ambitious sometimes, like when you wrote two sides to a story and it was effectively two songs. It shows a creative side to you, but it can be a bit too out-there, so you staying within a reasonable range is where you really shine. It was nice to see you do so well this season, and I hope to see more of you in Platinum Hit. Good luck on making the finale! @8thPrince World Alone I really enjoyed that you distanced yourself from relationship songs, on a romantic level, for this challenge, yet this is undoubtedly 8thPrince. Your style comes through here, which is great. I did think for a self-portrait, it didn’t have much of an emotional connection, but the fact that it’s very you still fits the challenge. Kite Without String (with @Hug) Wow, what is this hymn? Never been more slain by anything in my life jfc this is a masterpiece. Season overall I was a bit skeptical of how far you would make it at first, seeing as you had a way of describing things that felt a bit TOO metaphorical and it would get lost in translation, or at least that’s how I felt to me. Somewhere along the line, though, you found a style that was universally adored by the panel, and you went with it and built upon it, and I’m really glad you did. Seeing what you delivered was such a treat and was one of my favorite parts about judging. It’s really not surprising to see you here at the semi-finals, but you definitely deserve it. Good luck on making the finale! @Aurora Pendulum Well, I can’t say this isn’t you...the word choice is definitely you...but I think the word choice is what brings you down in this entry. I suppose I wanted to feel like I got to know a bit more about you from this, seeing as it’s supposed to be introspective, but the word choice makes it seem like you want to keep your distance. Maybe this is the self-defense mechanism that you talked about in your entry. What I can say I am impressed by is that, despite the very long length of the entry, the meter was impeccable. Well done on that front. Pyramid (with @Temporal) I think that as a group, you and Temporal complimented each other better than the other pairs. (Besides 8th and me, obviously! :eli:) Temporal kept your word choices less like a thesaurus, but of course, the meter was still great and the topic was both relevant and refreshing. Season overall This will sound weird, but even though you’ve consistently been slaying, I think nobody really thought of you as a threat, yet we can’t really be surprised to see you here. You’ve been daring and inventive through this whole competition, with entries like Katrina, and I think that shows that you have always been here to have fun, and the success that you saw was just a bonus. I always love to see people who genuinely enjoy being here and do well in the process. You’ve been great to have along in this competition this season. Good luck on making the finale! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) Round 11 Reviews... So Far! @Jackson @ceremonials @ughgabriel @Citrus Jackson Every other line felt simple and straightforward and great while the other half didn’t read as nicely and was sometimes worded awkwardly. I’ve read smoother entries from you that hit harder. There were some lines that went well with the concept such as “We stumbled in the backseat, losing boundaries as wet touched,” and “then perhaps some other sunrise I’d wake up next to you.” It’s when you started to play deeper with figurative language that you lost a stylistic cohesion. From “[..] trudged through the Earth until they found our cove,” the charcoal clouds line, and using words like “wane” interrupted this entry. It was tied together with a simple concept which I liked, but it made these weird choices all the more obvious. I will say, the change in the bridge was very well done. I could hear a major key turning minor in my head. Jackson & Citrus What even is a dogwood? *Googles* Ah, a pretty tree! Not a pretty word, though. I love the dichotomy between your entries, a really cool way to take advantage of writing two songs in one week. Overall this entry felt very wordy and not in a classic Citrus way where lines punch. The meter was perfect throughout but it really could have been condensed while saying the same thing. The chorus is GOR-GEE-OUS! It read like a real chorus and I could hear a melody while reading it. It also felt short and very, very sweet. The bridge felt a little blunt at times, sloppy even. There is a lot of emotional impact in this entry, so good job on that. I was honestly expecting so much more, though. Ceremonials This feels unnecessarily descriptive? There were also clumsy lyrical moments like “A dark cousin, he’s not only a reflection.” Not only is dark cousin a really weird phrase but the latter part feels too blunt. The pre chorus was the strongest part of this song which should have been taken the place of the actual chorus. I did feel the reliability and struggle behind the words nonetheless, just don’t push as hard. Ceremonials & swiftie13 It was a pleasure working with you despite schedule conflicts. You stuck it out like a champ, especially having me as a partner. There were times where I felt like we were mis-communicating and after reading the final product, I see there were some unresolved concerns like you replaced the first verse which IMO was a stronger start to the piece. Nonetheless, you really moved us along so thanks for that. I’m proud of this song and I think it goes well with the film which we didn’t technically intend, we just wanted to be influenced by it’s general concept. Anyway, I hope you don’t hate me. I admire your amount of growth and creativity this season! ughgabriel This was very wordy, borderline pretentious. Maybe that was the point considering you were talking about conveying a much stronger person than you are so far. Either way, I didn’t particularly enjoy it. I love the pre chorus, it was the only part that nailed what you were trying to say without exhausting the concept with redundancy. It could have worked as a chorus. It didn’t feel as emotional as it could have been, mainly due to the stylistic choices. The outro was perfect and that’s the direction this should have headed. I got lazy and stopped cause I was just bitching at this point. This week was a let down so far. OOP. Am too lazy to format. Edited March 17, 2017 by swiftie13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8thPrince Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 huga it was fun working with you! I'm glad me switching it up for this week was noticed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 16 minutes ago, Hug said: Don’t Forget to Water Me (with @keshaspearsxo) Okay, “knife/life”? No, please stop. “Despite it”...it being what, exactly? I legit can’t figure this out. I also felt like some lines were a bit blunt, such as the “something we don’t repay” line, which tbh feels a bit preachy! There’s also the “My soul is filling with guilt” line. Besides for how you chose to word these lines, I did enjoy the topic of the entry. Swiftie13 would be proud! Yeah this entry was a lessor Mother! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 17 minutes ago, Hug said: Semi-finals @Jackson Night Drive ‘earth’, in this instance, didn’t need capitalized as it wasn’t a proper noun, and I sincerely doubt you did it for artistic effect. Also, ‘hips’ rubs me the wrong way? Like, I would figure the shadows would be cast all over, and not a focused area. Long story short, that line felt there to rhyme, but I guess it’s not that bad when you pair it with ‘lips’. There’s a line in the bridge that I want to give a mention to: “Cause every single night drive still ended just the same” - I wanted to make note of this because there are two redundancies in here. “Cause every night drive still ended the same” or “Cause every night drive ended just the same” would have the same meaning. I suppose this is a bit long for a tangent to go on over one line, but in the semi-finals, there’s really nothing left to do here but nitpick. Lake Erie (with @Citrus) I’m a bit...surprised? Like, this seems like an entry from Round 6 or something. (Not specifically the challenge from it, but generally speaking.) It ticks the boxes for trying to be acclaimed, someone dies and they want to go out in a poetic way, it’s a love story, etc., but I can’t help but feel it’s a bit tired. We’ve already had our songs about death this season, and I know for YOU, Jackson, a love song is a bit new, but I don’t think pairing two of them together was the best move, considering they’re two isolated love songs, rather than a connected story that progresses. Now, let me go into specific details. The first four lines? Great! Loved it. Then you dropped the bombshell about the grave, and I’ll be honest, I thought it was metaphorical at first. (The grave being like this person being forgotten), but when I found it was about a literal grave, it just felt felt too dumbed down. I suppose you guys thought we wouldn’t be able to get it if you didn’t tell us, and maybe you’re right considering I thought it was something different initially, but kinda still insulted.You could’ve maybe kept that for the chorus, or the bridge even; it would’ve made a bigger impact. “...as you offered me your life”...well, I get the IDEA behind it, but I can’t help but think this was a ritual sacrifice (purposeful since you actually mentioned rituals?). Assuming this was intentional...clever, I guess? You made marriage look like an ominous thing, though. Season overall You’ve always been a contestant I could count on delivering a technically sound entry, and it’s been appreciated that I didn’t have to do my best to teach another person what meter is. What I’ve felt about you, though, is you got more and more wore down as the season went on. You got this far just because you have a way on the technical side that’s hard to fault, but I just don’t see as many lines that have...really impressed me outside of a “this has good meter” way. You’re still a great writer, obviously, but maybe you just need a break or something. This isn’t to say that you can’t/won’t make the finale, but either way, I think a bit of time to gather your inspirations and come back refreshed would be good for you. Good luck on making the finale! @ceremonials Dark Cousin “Traces of slate blue” is a bit clunky to try and say, “traces of blue” gets the same idea across in a more natural way. I also know you’ve been clocked on this already, but “he gains another reason to stay”... words! Also, why did you insist on adding quotes? They weren’t needed! Besides for those things, I did like the topic you chose for the song and the way you approached it. So...good job. Grave of the Fireflies (with @swiftie13) So, the second verse was stronger than the first, but both were great. Even though the quotes triggered me AGAIN, I do think they added to the entry for once. I feel like this was an actual quote from the movie? Like I didn’ see it and I could be wrong, but actually stanning if so. Season overall So, I know I was hard on you for most of the season, but it wasn’t because of any personal vendetta, honest! I enjoyed seeing how you went through the season, and you eventually impressed me, which was a great moment for me as a judge. I hope to see you continue this path, maybe in future seasons? That is, if you don’t end up a judge. Good luck on making the finale! @ughgabriel The Architect So, this is a bit long, BUT I like the idea you went for and how you portrayed it. I really felt like this was genuine to you, and at the same time it was very relatable. Being able to write something that’s genuine to you and relatable without trying is what makes for a great entry, in my opinion, and you did that. There are some things you could have fixed, such as “I’ll take the weight of the stones that you own”, “This balance weigh is the only home where I’ll live”, and some other lines, but for the most part you did the challenge very well. I would’ve maybe polished it more before sending, though. Don’t Forget to Water Me (with @keshaspearsxo) Okay, “knife/life”? No, please stop. “Despite it”...it being what, exactly? I legit can’t figure this out. I also felt like some lines were a bit blunt, such as the “something we don’t repay” line, which tbh feels a bit preachy! There’s also the “My soul is filling with guilt” line. Besides for how you chose to word these lines, I did enjoy the topic of the entry. Swiftie13 would be proud! Season overall I’ve mostly always enjoyed your entries, Gabe, and it wasn’t different this week. I think there’s a way that you choose to use your words that speaks to people, or to me, at least, so I would always look forward to seeing what you had in store for me week after week. I would say your biggest issue would be that you get too ambitious sometimes, like when you wrote two sides to a story and it was effectively two songs. It shows a creative side to you, but it can be a bit too out-there, so you staying within a reasonable range is where you really shine. It was nice to see you do so well this season, and I hope to see more of you in Platinum Hit. Good luck on making the finale! @8thPrince World Alone I really enjoyed that you distanced yourself from relationship songs, on a romantic level, for this challenge, yet this is undoubtedly 8thPrince. Your style comes through here, which is great. I did think for a self-portrait, it didn’t have much of an emotional connection, but the fact that it’s very you still fits the challenge. Kite Without String (with @Hug) Wow, what is this hymn? Never been more slain by anything in my life jfc this is a masterpiece. Season overall I was a bit skeptical of how far you would make it at first, seeing as you had a way of describing things that felt a bit TOO metaphorical and it would get lost in translation, or at least that’s how I felt to me. Somewhere along the line, though, you found a style that was universally adored by the panel, and you went with it and built upon it, and I’m really glad you did. Seeing what you delivered was such a treat and was one of my favorite parts about judging. It’s really not surprising to see you here at the semi-finals, but you definitely deserve it. Good luck on making the finale! @Aurora Pendulum Well, I can’t say this isn’t you...the word choice is definitely you...but I think the word choice is what brings you down in this entry. I suppose I wanted to feel like I got to know a bit more about you from this, seeing as it’s supposed to be introspective, but the word choice makes it seem like you want to keep your distance. Maybe this is the self-defense mechanism that you talked about in your entry. What I can say I am impressed by is that, despite the very long length of the entry, the meter was impeccable. Well done on that front. Pyramid (with @Temporal) I think that as a group, you and Temporal complimented each other better than the other pairs. (Besides 8th and me, obviously! :eli:) Temporal kept your word choices less like a thesaurus, but of course, the meter was still great and the topic was both relevant and refreshing. Season overall This will sound weird, but even though you’ve consistently been slaying, I think nobody really thought of you as a threat, yet we can’t really be surprised to see you here. You’ve been daring and inventive through this whole competition, with entries like Katrina, and I think that shows that you have always been here to have fun, and the success that you saw was just a bonus. I always love to see people who genuinely enjoy being here and do well in the process. You’ve been great to have along in this competition this season. Good luck on making the finale! bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 1 minute ago, 8thPrince said: huga it was fun working with you! I'm glad me switching it up for this week was noticed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 18 minutes ago, Hug said: ‘hips’ rubs me the wrong way? Like, I would figure the shadows would be cast all over, and not a focused area. "hips" accentuates the fact that they're making love. I imagined moving hips as shadows move over them. And the line in the chorus had those extra words to fit the meter, as well as to add emphasis to that line since it's basically the central point of the song. and to be blunt, this is like the 5th or 6th week this season I've found your reviews to be entirely unhelpful. I don't really think there's a nice way to say that. Week after week it's just "this is technically perfect, but I don't like it" with little to no explanation as to why, and hardly any indication of where I should go next. And honestly, I'm not drained or need a break at all. Each week I've delivered something entirely different and I honestly feel like I've grown a lot this season and changed my style to include a lot more storytelling aspects. Maybe expectations for me are too high that they can never be reached, since I can write a personal song, a highly conceptual song, a wordy song, a simple song, a predictable song, or a risky song and get the same critiques either way. Maybe you just need to take some time and gather your inspirations and come back refreshed to critique, it would be good for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Jackson said: "hips" accentuates the fact that they're making love. I imagined moving hips as shadows move over them. And the line in the chorus had those extra words to fit the meter, as well as to add emphasis to that line since it's basically the central point of the song. and to be blunt, this is like the 5th or 6th week this season I've found your reviews to be entirely unhelpful. I don't really think there's a nice way to say that. Week after week it's just "this is technically perfect, but I don't like it" with little to no explanation as to why, and hardly any indication of where I should go next. And honestly, I'm not drained or need a break at all. Each week I've delivered something entirely different and I honestly feel like I've grown a lot this season and changed my style to include a lot more storytelling aspects. Maybe expectations for me are too high that they can never be reached, since I can write a personal song, a highly conceptual song, a wordy song, a simple song, a predictable song, or a risky song and get the same critiques either way. Maybe you just need to take some time and gather your inspirations and come back refreshed to critique, it would be good for you! Why would I even be helpful when you've said yourself you've only ever came to me for an ego boost, rather than to actually grow at all. You don't care what I have to say unless it's praise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 3 minutes ago, Hug said: Why would I even be helpful when you've said yourself you've only ever came to me for an ego boost, rather than to actually grow at all. You don't care what I have to say unless it's praise. you've literally never praised me either this season tho Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Jackson said: you've literally never praised me either this season tho Because it high-key annoyed me that you said that and I love being a contrarian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 11 minutes ago, Jackson said: Maybe you just need to take some time and gather your inspirations and come back refreshed to critique, it would be good for you! I'm not even offended at this, by the way, because high-key it's true and I just want this season to be over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 4 minutes ago, Hug said: Because it high-key annoyed me that you said that and I love being a contrarian. i dont even remember saying that either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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