Citrus Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 2 hours ago, Gastrodonatella said: PLEASE ****ing impeach this incompetent disaster, he was a last minute tacked on addition to the panel of four which was already complete with that many judges and he's always late as **** with his reviews and NEVER DOES HIS JOB RIGHT e.g. CORSOLAS RIGGING OUT OF THE SEMI FINALS Idk other scores, but I can't imagine I was the deciding vote there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Also, reviews when I get home in like ~2 hours. I have a show then late night dinner. Just need to finish up Gabe's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintWest Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Not a cheap "I was jking the whole time lolololol!" I see you girl, I see you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 9 hours ago, Citrus said: Hints tho #1 and #2 have each been my #1 before #3 has never been this high for me (love you tho) #4 is not competing in their first season #5 needs to step their ***** up #6 has a Joslyn edit @Citrus what were your rankings? + i could use some feedback Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Aurora 8th Gabe Jackson/Ceremonias Corsola Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 2 minutes ago, Citrus said: Also, reviews when I get home in like ~2 hours. I have a show then late night dinner. Just need to finish up Gabe's. oh i just saw this thanks <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 @Corsola please reserve your anger till you read my review. I tried to write it in as helpful a way as I could, replete with examples and stuff. This just wasn't your best work at all this week, and it comes down to the wire in these rounds. Definitely play again, this is fantastic for your first time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 7 minutes ago, Corsola said: nnn I'm not angry at all. When I said my review for you was cancelled I was joking! idk if you saw what I said tho Oh I'm on mobile, I'll check later n. Have a nice night girls, expect reviews circa 1 AM~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted March 10, 2017 Author Share Posted March 10, 2017 The drama finally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Just now, Hug said: The way this wasn't even close to my rankings, though. 1. ceremonials 2. 8thPrince 3. Aurora 4. Jackson 5. ughgabriel 6. Corsola ok but explain to me why im second to last in the doc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted March 10, 2017 Author Share Posted March 10, 2017 hi i read hugs scores wrong but who cares. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Just now, keshaspearsxo said: hi i read hugs scores wrong but who cares. me?????????????????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted March 10, 2017 Author Share Posted March 10, 2017 our judge collabs are: @Aurora & @Temporal @ughgabriel & me @8thPrince & @Hugamari @ceremonials &@swiftie13 @Jackson & @Citrus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Swigimonials is cuming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Shocked and hurt that I was last pick, but hey, at least my partner and I already know how to write a joint #1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted March 10, 2017 Author Share Posted March 10, 2017 3 hours ago, keshaspearsxo said: The Dr. Luke Challenge rankings! 1. @Aurora - 9 2. @ughgabriel - 8.65 3. @8thPrince - 8.6 4. @ceremonials- 8.36 5. @Jackson - 7.6 6. @Corsola - 6.5 Thus Aurora gets first pick of which judge he will be collabing with next round, and so on. I'll message each of you when it's your turn to pick. fixed lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Auoral is COMING Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 welp, your loss gays! Jacktrus Round 2 isn't coming to play! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 26 minutes ago, ceremonials said: ok but explain to me why im second to last in the doc I think thats the order the songs are sent in EDIT: How embarrassing would it be if I couldn't get a #1 with @8thPrince Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted March 10, 2017 Author Share Posted March 10, 2017 1 minute ago, Hug said: I think thats the order the songs are sent in i got ur gabe and austin score the wrong way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Just now, keshaspearsxo said: i got ur gabe and austin score the wrong way edrftygh hopefully that didn't affect results? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 CitRuviews Jackson – The Man that I’ve Become ‘Each inch’ is a break in pronunciation. I think “Mom sat in the corner, WITH tears behind her hands” flows better. I really enjoy the last line of this first stanza. This pseudo chorus gives me strong musical theatre vibes, poor you. “She leaves me for the cross / On her necklace” is pretty heavy handed, and that’s coming from someone who encouraged you to write about a child dying in a car accident. Watch the schmaltz! Verse 2 is a little less like that, but I still can’t help that this feels like an early storyboard of Prayers for Bobby. The “so as…walk of shame” line is a tad clunky, but I don’t know what could’ve helped it. Audience is a weird word to work with, so you probably did the best that could’ve been done here. Girl why isn’t it “Under bridges in the dark / Iron benches in the park”? I know you’re edgy but bridges near the park only half makes sense. I know this is a foreign topic because you were born on a mountain, but (in my experience) most cities have bridges kinda separate from park areas. Concrete jungle and all. Why is the red light hidden? It comes across as a filler word. Poor man’s fairy dust is quite the euphemism, but it’s a little too silly to fit the tone of the rest of the song. I like the loveless bodies à hell I’ve made stanza. Great verse about not seeing your picture on the wall. “I’m the ghost of your mistakes” is affecting but loses some impact with the somewhat cheesy “Sent me to hell while you lived on”. Wtf @ this narrator taking pills AND jumping, slay that insurance policy. Nice ending, ties the story neatly together. Unfortunately, the further I got, the more I realized I wanted it to be sung by Sigourney Weaver at a PFLAG meeting. You have good intentions and your usual good language (with some minor hiccups), but this song comes across more like an after school special. When referencing God/religion (specifically with respect to feeling abandoned by them), there has to be a more indignant or incredulous aspect to it, I think. Recognizing the hypocrisy of a God that would punish its creation for qualities he imbued. Stuff like that. Corsola – Misty Mind “Clouding my eyes that I need as my guide” does not quite roll off the tongue. I think “this” in the last line should be “that”, grammatically? Unless you’re referring to the fog again, but it isn’t super clear. Verse two sets up your point well but is ultimately a non-event. I don’t like the repetition of simple, exac trhymes here because it makes it feel cheaper and more adolescent than it is. “With a volume that is sky high” is pretty forced. I almost got something tangible in verse four, but, ironically, it was too foggy. I thought the sign would be something key but it just faded away. “But all it did was render me blind” was a nice line, very sharp. ‘That’ is unnecessary. I was short on the individual comments on the verses because I think they all largely share the same problems. I appreciate that you tried to push yourself this week by going for something more subtle, but I think you misunderstood the assignment. Subtle and obvious are not extremes in songwriting. Something doesn’t have to be direct and in your face “This happened then X said she felt this la dee da” in order to be obvious. Concurrently, something doesn’t have to be an extended metaphor devoid of actual details to be subtle. I think you got caught up in trying not to lay anything out and you ended up not really giving us much of anything. The length of your explanation should’ve given you an inkling that maybe things were too undefined. Let me give you an example. Assuming we’re doing the amnesia thing- “Faces flow in from the mist Claiming they’re my past A woman’s scarf and gentle lips Her feeling’s fading fast” I would consider this a subtle way of still giving information. We know that the narrator has trouble remembering people via the first two lines, and we’re also made aware of a possible fading of a memory of a loved one through the second couplet. We didn’t get any details at all aside from being tossed around in the same fog of confusion that the narrator was, so it proved very difficult to understand and relate to. The fact you did this is proof that you’re trying to expand yourself, and I love that. Keep working at it, because you’ve got the potential henny. 8thPrince – The Story You Don’t Know The first verse did a great job setting things up. You have this very warm, homespun style of writing that just comes across as so delightfully cozy. For verse two, I think the “And though the hours march on” line harmed the flow a little. “And though” is two hard stops in a row. I don’t think you needed the “up” in the second line of stanza B. Sweet little ending. This gave me nostalgia for a part of my life that never existed. Such a neat little portrait of unrequited love. It’s short and sparse on personal touches, but I love the feeling it evokes. I keep coming back to calling it cute. It reminds me of my first song this season (though yours is better) in that its short and to the point. I almost wished for more explanation or at least something a little more unconventional. It's ultimately a very common story. It's told well, but it's still a common one. UghGabriel – Virtual Gratitude “In a bittersweet dream which never concludes” and “While carrying the memories of my homeland” were clunky. I’d personally recommend “In a bitter dream that won’t conclude” and “Clasped in my palm’s my motherland”. You can think of better ones than that, just suggestions I think flow better. You better decode Pears’ enigma. Crack that puzzling code, Sasha! I love the thoughts/dots rhyme and the lines it belongs to. That entire block of text (verse stanza or whatever) is pretty good. It has a sense of urgency to it that contrasts well with the relatively laid back nature of the rest of the song. “I would turn back time and change our fate” is good and bad. The good is that you referenced one of Cher’s best songs, but the bad is that “change fate” is a very tired cliché. Beyonce copyrighted Sandcastles, so you better edit your song quickT. UGH I LOVE the “If life was fairer than how it turned out”, even though you should’ve dropped ‘how’. I really appreciated this even more after watching that video. Well, watching half of it. Well, reading a Wikipedia article about it. At least I googled. This song felt a little too formally worded at times with the unnecessary articles, but that fits with the kind of robotic vibe this piece has. Creative and done well, nice work. Ceremonials – Exit Wounds “To witness an eclipse and see a sunrise” is such a poignant and insightful line. I wish you used a different word than witness, but it’s not damning. The second line of text block 2 could stand to be slightly shorter. “Prepared to bestow the final sacrifice” is a nice thought, but bestow is such a formal word that it seems out of place. I love love the transitional line of “And I start to wonder if that’s how it works”. So plain but so telling, and it leads into your little dirt thing. Armor/martyr is a better rhyme than it should be tbh, I use. “I carved in your name into it” has to ‘in’, and luminous in the next line feels a little injected. “That time temporarily eludes / To remember the crackle of guns” confused me. If eludes is leading directly into the next line, I didn’t quite get what it was supposed to mean. A moment that time eludes to remember the crackle of guns? Lemme know if I misread it. Overall, this was a cute metaphor for a difficult relationship. My biggest qualms are some awkward language. You have a tendency to use some more esoteric words that don’t fit with the rest of the song. I’m not saying you don’t know them because you use everything correctly, but, when you don’t use them super consistently, it can come across as sort of thesaurus’d in. Aurora can get away with it because everything he writes is naturally pretentious as ****. So be thankful you’re down to earth, because it makes these earthier songs easier to relate to as an audience. Aurora – Memories I deleted your full critiques because you didn’t pick me for the duet challenge despite the fact that I’ve stanned for all of your condescending dictionary music. This flowed fantastically, your literary skills were on full display (the extended beach metaphor in the first section was gorgeous). Also love the ARTPOP idea, even more because it actually makes sense. Great job. @Jackson@Corsola@ughgabriel@ceremonials@8thPrince@Aurora Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Thanks Citrus I agree with most of the things you said, but i expected it to be more brutal after seeing our score Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I havent read Memories but it kinda sounds like SOTS tbh Here for these. Whew. An iconic top 5 "Berlin" "Vilomah" "Memories" "Shelter" "Artificial Paradise" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I told y'all I was getting my first number one this season. I ain't playing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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