ceremonials Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 7 minutes ago, Hug said: I was nicest to cere and harshest to you, a true reverse Warholian experience this time around. I wonder if cere thinks of his song this round the same way I thought of "Memories" from last season. A judge who was usually harsh to me (@8thPrince) gave it a high score. I do
ceremonials Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/platinumhitz perch here b4 results
Jackson Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 for some reason someone PMd me to post this here so
ceremonials Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Just now, keshaspearsxo said: *slowly creeps in* hello
fountain Posted February 23, 2017 Author Posted February 23, 2017 1 minute ago, Jackson said: in b4 he still hasnt started reviews nnn whenever i post in grey it means i started cause its the font from the top of my reviews, and it saves it in the reply box even if i open a new tab or whatever. and i posted like that a while ago. the more u know
ughgabriel Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 I'm still at school :( but I'm pearched for reviews + results
ceremonials Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Just now, ughgabriel said: I'm still at school :( but I'm pearched for reviews + results mess do you have all night classes
ughgabriel Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Just now, ceremonials said: mess do you have all night classes Kind of but this is my last class today, it ends in 30 minutes hihi, are you guys on dubtrack?
ceremonials Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Just now, ughgabriel said: Kind of but this is my last class today, it ends in 30 minutes hihi, are you guys on dubtrack? yas, me, moon, cors, jackson, hunty, fefe and tymps. get in
ceremonials Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Just now, keshaspearsxo said: nnn whenever i post in grey it means i started cause its the font from the top of my reviews, and it saves it in the reply box even if i open a new tab or whatever. and i posted like that a while ago. the more u know
ceremonials Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Just now, Jackson said: Where are reviews
fountain Posted February 23, 2017 Author Posted February 23, 2017 nnnn leave me alone, i'm reading through a lot of old entries too cause i don't remember them. anyway, last one now
ughgabriel Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 smokin a blunt bitch u stinky ass puss u lookin like poo in a toilet tunchi
fountain Posted February 23, 2017 Author Posted February 23, 2017 Pears Reviews -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOCyvf7kl2g @funnellegs - I like this entry. I think it's pretty typical you, or what I've come to expect from your entries at least. Something you do really great is emotion - especially as of late, you've been nailing the emotional songs like this and Dear Sister. You never go overboard and it never feels like you're just reciting a story (this is kinda hard to explain what I mean - kind of like, your entries always run smoothly and I never feel like your stories are ever something that you're crafting, they always feel naturally told). As for your writing in general, I think you could perhaps improve your metaphor and imagery use. I think it'd be great if you could base your songs around a whole motif, or one reoccurring detail or theme (a place, for example) which makes your entries stand out and seem more unique. For your imagery use, I notice you always use sky related imagery: Wooden Branches ("as I fall deep into the sky that's before me", "call for clear skies, want for warm nights") Seventeen (we're on the balcony, looking out to the city") Dear Sister ("we'll look out to the horizon") Youth ("moonlight spills into the bedroom") Somebody's Daughter ("wishing on the stars that don't seem to show up, the sky is empty like your glass that needs refilling"). I would said, either switch it up or fully embrace this as a unique aspect of your entries and make it more developed and important in your entries. @ceremonials - One of the best parts of this entry is that it's unique. You took a bizarre concept, and it's memorable. A lot of the time your doom and gloom entries blur together in my memory but I think this is one that would stand out. And as a whole, I actually enjoy this. It's fresh and different. The theme is pretty interesting in general. The downside is there isn't any super good lyricism or whatnot to blow you away, but it's not actually as bad as you thought it would be. It's kinda odd how it works that when you put less effort into something it can actually be better. A piece of advice I would have for you is to not like your mind for concepts eclipse your writing. You are good at creating interesting concepts but sometimes they overshadow your lyricism. Let the two be in balance. This round was your most simple and it seems to have worked out. If you kept a similar style and actually had the time and effort put into the song, it'd be interesting. Relic and Zugzwang probably had your best lyricism, and in coming to the end I think it'd be important to focus on that kinda thing again. If you're going for conceptual, don't forget to make it emotional and connect. @Corsola - Personally I think this is one of your best entries. The concept is super interesting and unique, but definitely was hard to pull off - though I think you did a good job here. The social commentary was really good - it was clear enough to be understood but not obviously or in your face enough to seem like a parody. You met a nice zone in the middle. One thing I'd say though, if you're doing something so conceptual, don't be afraid to step out of that world for a moment because at times it can become overwhelming if you're trying to imagine this factory setting or whatever for the whole song (or in your other entries cases, aliens and whatnot). A good place to do so is the bridge. You can always take a step back a little and take on another voice to kind of give a break from the sometimes intense conceptualisation. I'd say that in general for your other entries and future writing, too. You have a great creative mind for coming up with unique concepts but sometimes the world you create is suffocating - so as I say, at times step back from it whether it be a pre chorus or a bridge or something, take on another perspective of the concept. For example in this song instead of acting as the guide of the factory for the whole song, you could've switched to the person being shown all this stuff. @Aurora - Usually you're impeccable like in the second verse, but the first one kind of had some moments that didn't particularly fit like "from the world outside its realm" and "from civilisations grasp". Other than this though, just amazing. Your style is SO good and so well developed. And, I don't have any criticism of you in general or advice either. Just keep up this kind of quality, I guess. Maybe avoid words nobody knows, like last round. This round though was much better on that. @ughgabriel - I love everything about this concept. This entry to me was so moving to me. It was really quite amazing to read. I don't really have any criticism of it at all. Regarding your writing in general though, one piece of criticism I'd have for you is that there are more emotions than despair! It would be really interesting to see you attempt something on the other side of the emotional spectrum. Or, even just a little bit of diversity in that regards. Also, my favourite song of yours remains Siren Song because that motif was amazing. It was be awesome to see you come up with a concept like that again. @Jackson - Your imagery here is so much better than the last song. It actually works. I love the natural imagery. The story though, is a bit too vague for me. You don't give enough indication of whatever relationship this guy and girl have for me to confidently know what this is about. I'm thrown off throughout. At times it seems like he's dead but then the second verse makes me think she's dead???? And then the bridge, I don't really know what that is about. Your meter and whatnot is obviously really good as always. One issue I have with your songs is that they rarely make me feel emotion. I think Berlin did a good job of such, but throughout the rest I can't really recall and time where you've made me feel anything. Which, as a writer, is kind of a huge flaw. I've seen you write songs that really touch me like the one about your brother, but I'm yet to experience this kind of thing in the game, so I'd be conscious of this in the future. @SaintWest - I don't really like this concept, tbh. I don't feel like there was a lot of depth to it and at this point it kinda sticks out like a sore thumb among the bunch. One thing that kind of disappoints me is that I feel like we've never got something personal from you, so in the future I'd love to see that kind of thing from you because your concepts can be generally a hit (Till) or a miss (this one), so it'd be intriguing to see something of yourself. That's kind of a dislike of mine in general tbh, I feel like sometimes people in this game hide behind concepts too much - personally what really impresses me is somebody who can open up and move me, rather than somebody who can come up with an interesting concept or story, in most instances. The thing about taking on concepts like this is that, if you don't like it, you're kinda ****ed. It's not like a stand alone metaphor or piece of imagery, it's the whole song. So, yeah, this really just didn't click with me. A miss. @8thPrince - Your attention to detail is exquisite and truly elevates your songs. This was certainly enigmatic - so much so that, honestly, I can't clock what the story is supposed to be about. The bridge feels like it's from a totally different song, so I'm not sure if this is just excerpts from different people's lives and struggles with anxiety? I'm really not certain. It went over my head and I feel dumb for it, but I've read through it multiple times and I'm lost. It's not too much of a loss though because I do enjoy this enigmatic style which I'm glad you embraced this round, but the story was slightly too much of a mystery to me. Of your writing in general - you're obviously doing really well at this point as of late. One thing I'd be interesting in seeing from you is something personal, or something from your own point of view - whether it be about your life, or even your opinion or view of anything at all. I'm intrigued in that kind of thing.
ughgabriel Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 Thanks @keshaspearsxo I will definitely bring a different vibe to my song next week then! I really appreciate that!
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