Hug Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Oh, and I forgot I started using b-rhymes as well, which is great if you want some slant rhymes.
Hug Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Some people make it so obvious they have a rhyming dictionary open, tends to happen in early rounds
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Using yor resources is a huge part ofbeing an artist
Hug Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Shout-out to Google Docs. Imagine being this far in the competition and not using it yet.
Hug Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 The way I have my PH songs sorted by season <3 I love cohesive albums <3 I might go and make the docs for these look cute like I did for June Bugs
fountain Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 I hate how they put 10 before 2 tho. Whenever I make a track list I have to start at 0
Hug Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 "I don’t want to see the sun When my moonlight’s come and gone" Wow, I did that!
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 On 2/13/2017 at 10:00 AM, swiftie13 said: ROUND 7 REVIEWS Funnellegs Okay before I read any further, that opening line could not be a more beautiful introduction to my judging this season. The first verse pretty much kept that stamina but after a rocky pre chorus, the actual chorus fell flat. Suffering from cliches, and overall uninteresting diction, it felt long and dragged your entry down. It had an ambitious rhyme scheme, but I feel like it could have been executed better. The breathe/leave rhyme at the beginning of the bridge was cringeworthy, especially considering the line is “my best friend’s about to up and leave.” The verses were the only strong assets of this entry, and even then the first more so than the second one. However, I do appreciate the emotion behind it and that’s not irrelevant. It conveys a helpless feeling, although sometimes a bit too bluntly. ceremonials This read more like a suicide note than the intended purpose but nonetheless, it was a moving entry. There were many high points/one liners that made me stop for a moment just to admire them such as “the storms that I traversed and the mountains that I climbed,” although it’s not utterly original, it fits beautifully within the context and meter. Good job. The repetition in the chorus did get a little tiring, but the feelings behind it were solid. I wasn’t a fan of the bridge. Although it was long, it felt like you added it there just because you thought this song needed a bridge, and maybe it did but not the one you gave it. From the easy rhymes (case/face should be punishable by law) to the jarring name drop, it just felt flat and it didn’t really add anything. However, the final couplet was indeed one of the greatest things I’ve read as a judge. “So if you ever feel like you need a mother’s touch / Flip this paper over and send me back your love.” Woo. Let’s just all admire this for a second. Chills. Corsola Although I am not terribly familiar with her music, this instantly gave me Melanie Martinez (?) vibes. You took a dark and serious topic and turned into a quasi-lullaby. Although there were many rough spots, such as the “burn like hottest flames,” and the majority of the second verse, I like the consistency. Oftentimes weak writers will make a bold decision but fail to stay consistent thus turning it into a bad choice but you kept the whole temperamental weather theme going and solidified it in the bridge, so kudos. I am sorry to hear what you have been and are going through. ROUND 7 REVIEWS PT. II Aurora The opening line is so messy, I can’t stop focusing on it. ANYWAY. This sounded like pompous AP English poetry and while it was pretty, most of it was not lyrical and it actually detracted from the meaning. The tenses were also a bit rough. This is style over substance. But who am I to talk? Case in point: A Sunflower’s Dance. This was a bit long, however. Poetic language works well with short and sweet songs, whereas in longer ones like yours, it feels overbearing and even pretentious, especially with a concept as simple as yours. I do find it beautifully written otherwise, so no offense to you as a writer in general. “Pretty stars tell pretty lies,” is perfect. Do you write outside of PH? You truly are gifted! I’m just not so sure about this entry’s lyricism. ughgabriel Wow, the flow in Prologue is pretty much impeccable. And to top it off, the language is beautiful, concise, and no quality is sacrificed in order to fit within the meter or rhyme scheme, at least for the most part. I do think however, that the second verse was weaker than the first. It almost felt redundant and the bridge was a bit melodramatic especially with the lips/kiss rhyme. Epilogue opens just as gracefully despite the change in structure. The chorus fell a little flat (and it’s 'should’ve given' not 'should’ve gave'). I feel like the first stanza was poignant enough to be the chorus. The other two brought it down. The bliss/abyss rhyme stuck out like a sore thumb although I’m trying not to be too harsh on easy rhymes. I see what you mean by the color/dolor rhyme and as a Spanish speaker myself, I get it, but again it sticks out in a negative way. The outro was sentimental and while it wasn’t completely necessary, it wrapped this unique entry quite well. Kudos for thinking outside the box! I always value originality, especially when executed this well. Jackson “[…] of when I thought that you cared,” is clunky and it’s quite obvious that it’s meant to fit the meter but seeing as it makes sense within the context of the song, I can’t really penalize you too much for it. Plus it's really pedantic of me. However, I’ve seen you be more effortless and clever. Immediately you make up for that and MORE with the killer couplet, “Your heart's five hundred miles from mine in someone else's room / He holds your body captive as I come to rescue you.” Wow. What is it with this round and poignant couplets? You did that. The ten minutes til takeoff/to landing is classic Jackson. It’s the clever and effortless I was talking about. The way you showcased the passage of time so simply but so impressively. I know it’s small but man, that’s what writers do. The chorus is jarring, although beautiful on its own, because in no way do you make room for water imagery to suddenly appear, even if the bottle is classic (hackneyed) imagery. It feels more about air than water. Overall, I love how the verses are very simple but they hit the nail in the head. The length was ideal as well. The only real mishap here was the inconsistent metaphors between the verses and chorus. ROUND 7 REVIEWS PT. III SaintWest You must never go far if you hope over fences. Do you also wake to the store and rise a bicycle? Okay, drag fest over. Obviously the mtypo is a minor issue but be more careful, especially since you repeated it in both verses. This is giving me The One That Got Away vibes with less charm. The verses aren’t bad but they are rather plain. There were no engaging metaphors nor clever language to keep me intrigued and name dropping Volkswagen is kind of awkward. The chorus is even more so in places like, “[y]et in places, they’d mean nothing.” While it is grammatically correct, it doesn’t fit with the linguistic style of the rest of the song. Altogether, the chorus was clunky and although I appreciate emotional concept, the delivery wasn’t as evocative as it could have been. In fact, referencing the 9/11 terrorist attacks felt contrived, as if it was only used to add depth. This wasn’t disastrously bad but it was not a stand out by any means either. jpow This reads like an early 2010s electro-pop song. Even though it feels rather elementary, it is very lyrical and feels like an actual song, especially with the added “I’m gonna get all that I came for,” hook so that’s a plus that many songs don’t have. This entry is cliche ridden but there was enough variety that I don’t feel disgusted in the way Roar or any Prism track makes me feel. “You left me wishing that it won’t end,” was phrased really weirdly and it feels like it was done so to fit the meter. There were a couple more instances where that happened and because of your length, you have to make every line count. It was short but in this case, I’m not so sure it had enough to make it sweet. 8thPrince Okay, the elegance was entrancing from the very first visual. Although it could have been awkward “having up your hat and coat,” works because it has so much depth behind it. It signifies a homely comfort, an almost effortless entry into your heart and now he’s there to stay. It was a really good line. You kept the atmosphere consistent with your word choice creating a cohesive image throughout the first verse, “coat,” “cigar,” “ottoman,” “texture,” all these were sewn together to make the mood just right. I don’t know why I’m picturing a sepia-tone music video with an office and two people having a playful exchange. The pre chorus started off nicely but the last couplet fell flat compared to the clever style you had going. It was a very minor detail, however because it did move the song along and tide does have a connection with the moon which is closely related to the star signs you mentioned earlier. The chorus, while not as strong language wise, felt very lyrical and I can easily here a melody over it. The second verse was not as strong as the first verse but “My mind’s captive […] common sense,” part was enough to keep the quality afloat. I do like how short and to the point your verses are, just one stanza but solid at the very least. The change of lyrics in the second pre chorus was a welcome modification. The bridge reiterated the necessary perfectly but the actual words were just okay, especially the first line (“alleyways, paths and side routes”) which felt very redundant. Also WHERE IS THAT OXFORD COMMA. Triggered. I was very impressed by this entry!
ATRL Moderator khalyan Posted February 14, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted February 14, 2017 15 minutes ago, swiftie13 said: This reads like an early 2010s electro-pop song. This might be the greatest compliment I've ever received in my three seasons of PH
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Pos Hint 1.5 5.5 7.8 9.9 12.8 1 A Lovely Type of Body Piercing 1.0000 1.0000 1.0000 1.0000 1.0000 2 Quién Como Tú 0.8947 0.6838 0.6865 0.6844 0.6807 3 Katy Perry - Chained to the Rhythm (feat. Skip Marley) 0.8947 0.6133 0.6357 0.6368 0.6368 4 Synonyms: formal, official, state, public 0.8421 0.5743 0.5854 0.5863 0.5857 5 Perfume Milk $ 0.8421 0.3790 0.3835 0.3835 0.3832 6 (The Wedding album) 0.7368 0.3752 0.3867 0.3868 0.3887 7 Nils Sjöberg 0.6842 0.3046 0.3130 0.3116 0.3113 8 Your compatibility with -- is Low. You both listen to Lady-- 0.6842 0.2615 0.2577 0.2590 0.2599 9 It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a dignitary of the Roman Catholic Church 0.6315 0.2725 0.2783 0.2788 0.2793
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 It references anything to do with you, whether it's your song or username, if you feel it applies to you it probably is you.
ATRL Moderator khalyan Posted February 14, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted February 14, 2017 Jackson is #3 and other than that I've got nothing.
ATRL Moderator khalyan Posted February 14, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted February 14, 2017 I'm #7 I think
ATRL Moderator khalyan Posted February 14, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted February 14, 2017 #1 is 8th I think
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