swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 blossoming-romance-katy-perry-was-just-spotted-sit-5404 lhjkh;
Jackson Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 1 minute ago, swiftie13 said: blossoming-romance-katy-perry-was-just-spotted-sit-5404 lhjkh; WHAT IS THIS
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Quote “They seem really happy together,” says a source close to the couple. “Katy couldn’t stop gushing about how Steven was able to clean up his hard drive and free up additional storage space. It definitely seems like she’s ready to move on from Orlando [Bloom].”
Jackson Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 but we need the judges to write the reviews
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 (edited) ROUND 7 REVIEWS PT. II Aurora The opening line is so messy, I can’t stop focusing on it. ANYWAY. This sounded like pompous AP English poetry and while it was pretty, most of it was not lyrical and it actually detracted from the meaning. The tenses were also a bit rough. This is style over substance. But who am I to talk? Case in point: A Sunflower’s Dance. This was a bit long, however. Poetic language works well with short and sweet songs, whereas in longer ones like yours, it feels overbearing and even pretentious, especially with a concept as simple as yours. I do find it beautifully written otherwise, so no offense to you as a writer in general. “Pretty stars tell pretty lies,” is perfect. Do you write outside of PH? You truly are gifted! I’m just not so sure about this entry’s lyricism. ughgabriel Wow, the flow in Prologue is pretty much impeccable. And to top it off, the language is beautiful, concise, and no quality is sacrificed in order to fit within the meter or rhyme scheme, at least for the most part. I do think however, that the second verse was weaker than the first. It almost felt redundant and the bridge was a bit melodramatic especially with the lips/kiss rhyme. Epilogue opens just as gracefully despite the change in structure. The chorus fell a little flat (and it’s 'should’ve given' not 'should’ve gave'). I feel like the first stanza was poignant enough to be the chorus. The other two brought it down. The bliss/abyss rhyme stuck out like a sore thumb although I’m trying not to be too harsh on easy rhymes. I see what you mean by the color/dolor rhyme and as a Spanish speaker myself, I get it, but again it sticks out in a negative way. The outro was sentimental and while it wasn’t completely necessary, it wrapped this unique entry quite well. Kudos for thinking outside the box! I always value originality, especially when executed this well. Jackson “[…] of when I thought that you cared,” is clunky and it’s quite obvious that it’s meant to fit the meter but seeing as it makes sense within the context of the song, I can’t really penalize you too much for it. Plus it's really pedantic of me. However, I’ve seen you be more effortless and clever. Immediately you make up for that and MORE with the killer couplet, “Your heart's five hundred miles from mine in someone else's room / He holds your body captive as I come to rescue you.” Wow. What is it with this round and poignant couplets? You did that. The ten minutes til takeoff/to landing is classic Jackson. It’s the clever and effortless I was talking about. The way you showcased the passage of time so simply but so impressively. I know it’s small but man, that’s what writers do. The chorus is jarring, although beautiful on its own, because in no way do you make room for water imagery to suddenly appear, even if the bottle is classic (hackneyed) imagery. It feels more about air than water. Overall, I love how the verses are very simple but they hit the nail in the head. The length was ideal as well. The only real mishap here was the inconsistent metaphors between the verses and chorus. Edited February 14, 2017 by swiftie13
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Ok girls, I'm up to four WPs. I may be in danger, but I will cool it with trying to keep people woke for the sake of DH and my recent judging position. H8rs can SEETHE tho
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 oh and @Aurora @ughgabriel @Jackson I guess
ceremonials Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 where is that list of the most active posters idk how to find it
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 (edited) keshaspearsxo Jan 18, 17 492 posts Jackson Jan 18, 17 455 posts ceremonials Jan 28, 17 429 posts Temporal Jan 19, 17 230 posts ughgabriel Jan 21, 17 222 posts Hug Jan 18, 17 208 posts Aurora Jan 19, 17 190 posts Corsola Jan 21, 17 190 posts SaintWest 1:04PM 178 posts swiftie13 Jan 21, 17 161 posts Edited February 14, 2017 by swiftie13
ceremonials Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 1 minute ago, swiftie13 said: for atrl overall or the thread? overall. but oh wow @ me being 3rd
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Just now, ceremonials said: overall. but oh wow @ me being 3rd idk then!
ughgabriel Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Thank you @swiftie13 I'm glad you liked it
ughgabriel Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Not 224 of my 238 posts being from this thread
swiftie13 Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 poor the other three, my reviews won't be coming till like 24 hours from now cause I'm preoccupied now xoxo
ATRL Moderator khalyan Posted February 14, 2017 ATRL Moderator Posted February 14, 2017 Oh at me not on the top ten posters list..
Jackson Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 51 minutes ago, ceremonials said: where is that list of the most active posters idk how to find it I know how to find it
ceremonials Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Just now, Jackson said: I know how to find it tell me bitch
Jackson Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Just now, ceremonials said: tell me bitch https://atrl.net/search/?type=core_members&group[20]=1&group[7]=1&group[4]=1&group[3]=1&group[6]=1&group[17]=1&group[13]=1&group[10]=1&group[18]=1&group[14]=1&sortby=member_posts&sortdirection=desc&page=1
Jackson Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 ew i didnt realize i was the #3 poster on the site
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ceremonials Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 Just now, ceremonials said: {"ns":"yt","el":"detailpage","cpn":"A3eMQ5PBniEUnHRf","docid":"A_j_7zZKpSM","ver":2,"referrer":"https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=brenda+meeks","cmt":"141.806","plid":"AAVIcIXVeW7WCh67","ei":"miuiWM2vDtPHuAK46IiADA","fmt":"135","fs":"0","rt":"55.368","of":"LDNvIXvHQ2rpOh6h8l6vig","adformat":null,"content_v":null,"euri":"","lact":2,"live":null,"cl":"147070178","mos":0,"osid":null,"state":"8","vm":"CAEQAQ","volume":61,"c":"WEB","cver":"1.20170209","cplayer":"UNIPLAYER","cbr":"Firefox","cbrver":"51.0","cos":"Windows","cosver":"10.0","hl":"en_US","cr":"US","len":"630.381","fexp":"9406113,9419451,9422596,9428398,9431012,9433221,9434046,9434289,9434905,9438965,9439211,9439580,9439882,9441513,9446054,9446364,9447923,9449034,9449243,9450059,9450143,9450950,9451345,9451873,9455154,9456640,9457019,9457141,9457332,9457494,9458061,9458341,9459500,9459691,9459974,9460102,9460176,9460440,9460482,9460727,9461561,9461984,9461991,9462738","afmt":"251","vct":"141.806","vd":"630.381","vpl":"84.916-120.056,140.354-141.806,478.000-480.054,","vbu":"81.920-200.001,476.160-506.880,","vpa":false,"vsk":false,"ven":false,"vpr":1,"vrs":4,"vns":2,"vec":null,"vvol":0.61,"lct":"141.724","lsk":false,"lmf":false,"lbw":"1122833.948","lhd":"0.114","lst":"468.477","laa":"itag=251,seg=19,range=2841706-2967041,time=190.0-200.0","lva":"itag=135,seg=39,range=13104454-13424743,time=199.7-204.8","lar":"itag=251,seg=19,range=2841706-2967041,time=190.0-200.0","lvr":"itag=135,seg=39,range=13104454-13424743,time=199.7-204.8","lvh":"r13---sn-bvvbax-hn2k","lab":"80.001-200.001,470.001-506.941,","lvb":"81.920-204.800,476.160-506.880,","ismb":19920000,"debug_videoId":"A_j_7zZKpSM","0sz":false,"op":"1","yof":false,"dis":"","cgr":true,"debug_playbackQuality":"large","debug_date":"Mon Feb 13 2017 15:57:38 GMT-0600 (Central Standard Time)"} oh i meant to post this https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/platinumhitz
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