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Song of the Season 01 | Round 5 pg. 139, R4 ranks 138

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17 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

the betrayal kinda came out of left field 

There was gonna be hints and developments to this but of course i cut them out :jonny:

18 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

(love Kopper though, even if you changed his named to Hopper at the end

Omg mess :ahh: thanks for pointing that out. didnt even noticed it until now :skull:

 

22 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

also think that polishing and tone could’ve used some help. There were some typos (these was never supposed to happen), and there were some tone shifts (this felt very folklore and tale-like, so saying “we were really close” kinda breaks that fantasy feeling when you could’ve said “we were drawing ever closer” or something)

And yes the tone was supposed to shift to indicate the passing of the ages as the story was originally supposed to span centuries. but i stuck with it and went with a quick little tale so yes it doesnt make sense now does it :jonny2: 

 

Anyway i tried to do a big thing while also trying to be the first to submit (which i ended up being not anyway :toofunny3:) so lessons learnt

 

And thank you for this, your reviews (and every other judge's) really helped me grow so much. I signed up to this hoping to discover and develop some writing skills and its going even better than i hoped

 

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