beatinglikeadrum Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 23 minutes ago, Aurora said: will finish my reviews tonight after work and post them immediately x thanks to legends @Corsola and @ultraviolence.xx for being swift and giving y’all something to ponder until then It seems everyone did rather well from preliminary reviews so this cut is going to be a difficult one. ? Don't cut then. You will cut more ppl next round.
SaintWest Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 (edited) Gastrodonatella, UFO & Speezy – “Eternities Apart” Overall: I think this was supposed to have a chorus? Was it not? I think this would’ve greatly benefited from one. But nevertheless, she persisted, and she is still a major highlight from this round. A lot of it resonated particularly with me (no in terms of death) and that is exactly what a song should do. Will – You did great. I don’t really have any complaints. Was my wig torn off? No. But she is peeled at the edges and I had to reposition her. UFO – “I’m a phantom thought kept alive in your head / You talk to yourself with words I would’ve said” …oh wow. Speezy – I don’t know why the flow of your verse didn’t sit right with me, but you really did that in the outro! “The windows to your soul free your spirit from within/Carried by your last breath as it sails the midnight wind” A COUPLET. And not only that, you managed to really carry your own next to Will and UFO which I happy to see. Good job! Temporal, Achilles. & OreGuy – “Just for the Night” Overall: I think you guy did a good job blending your voices together to create a solid, cohesive song. It shows that you guys actually worked together and just didn’t throw different verses together and call it a day. Nothing popped out from any of your submissions that really screamed WIG. OFF. but I did think this was trying to be more of a pop friendly song rather than a traditional PH song, so I did take that into consideration. Temporal – The first couplet really did that. The third line was alright, felt a little done before, but still good. Achilles – I could definitely see the pre-chorus being the build up to a big chorus in a pop song. It definitely was a simpler approach, but I think it helped split the song structure up a bit, so I’m not complaining. OreGuy – The liberty line, I screamed. Your verse really ran with it and I appreciate the commitment. Although it was a gag and a half, it actually worked without being too big of an eye roll, so bravo. Citrus, Obsession & beatinglikeadrum – “Timeline” Overall: First of all, love the title. I really love the concept of this song. I’m a little bit wigless. But, I do thing the first verse was the strongest. The chorus didn’t really do much for me, and the second and third verses didn’t tie enough into the theme for me to feel as if it was one song. Kind of a bummer because I was rooting for ya'll after the opening verse. :( Citrus – The PERFECT set up to the song. “I know these parts were made for us, I haven’t any doubt / Under fate’s direction, love, it’s time to take our bow.” beatinglikeadrum – I think it was a big mistake not to have this rhyme. It really pulled me out of the song. Since this is supposed to be a cohesive piece, having a verse of all sections be different was a bit jarring. I think it also felt a bit like an excerpt from another song? Obsession – I feel like we went a lot of places with the song. I think the verse set up a song inline with the title of the song. I felt like the second verse and this verse did not. Although they were written decently enough, I feel like it bogged the entry down by not sticking closely with the original topic introduced. Kunst, Auburn & NaitPhoenix – “Stockholm Syndrome” Overall: I think this felt very sporadic. I definitely picked up on each of your voices, which is good, but for a round where you all were supposed to create a cohesive song, it wasn’t the best. Kunst – I love your writing still. It’s so interesting and stylish, without trying too hard. Faded to ceiling does NOT make sense though so you maybe should fix her or delete her or do something with her, but she has no place here. NaitPhoenix – This was definitely the standout of the song. “My love, my drug” coming Beautiful Trauma’s wig. I think it was very elementary in terms of the pictures you painted, but it was still written very well and was definitely a highlight. Auburn – I think this felt too separate from the rest of the song, and lines like “I need to escape this…no” didn’t translate as well as I believe was intended. neck/wreck and myself/else felt a little cheaply used, but the second half of your bridge was definitely good! ceremonials, Tsareena & MattyTaco – “Phantom Pain” Overall: This was definitely one of the better entries. Like I said to an earlier group, I love the title. I think it gives way for a lot of interesting themes to take place. Nothing really stood out to me as a wow moment, but I think this fit the brief and was very serviceable, so well done. Tsareena: The first section was better than the second in the first verse. I wasn’t a fan of “naivety/reality.” Naivety is a short word but a mouthful and pulled me out of that couplet. ceremonials: This was well written. You’ve had better works, but I’m not going to mark you down or anything. MattyTacos: This was definitely one of the better contributions! It felt a lot more descriptive and metaphorical than the rest of the song, so that’s…different, but I am not bothered by it to be honest. minho, Kylie Jenner & Overprotected – “Day One” Overall: She was a bit corny, but it is such a refresher to have a read a song like this amongst entries that are all about doom and gloom (not that that’s bad!) The standout was definitely the chorus – it served me Sia vibes and I can never not bop a bit to my Australian queen. I also appreciate the twist on the theme of love. Well done you guys! Minho – I liked a lot of what you wrote! I think it came off as very personable and relatable without feeling overly redundant (which would’ve been easy – this isn’t exactly a revolutionary topic). I think if you could hone in on your meter and flow, you could easily compete for my #1! Kylie – Whew I was DANCING to your chorus. It served me Bird Set Free and I loved that. I’ve been rooting for you every week and I’m so glad you’re continually serving me something to stan! Overprotected – I think this was the weakest of the three, but it was still good. Edited May 27, 2018 by SaintWest
Citrus Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Reminder that bitch @Gastrodonatella is hated everywhere
Hug Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Gastrodonatella, UFO & Speezy – “Eternities Apart” Grastrodonatella - So...I know I haven’t posted a specific review for you, but since it’s a group thing, I have to. :( It feels like you led the way conceptually and others followed suit, but considering your track record, that was probably the best way to go. Your parts felt the most polished, as in I have nothing really bad to say about them. Meter was great, no forced-sounding rhymes, etc. and since there’s a more consistent quality through your part, making it hard to pick a stand-out, “The future was ours, but I’m trapped in the past” is probably the line that best conveys the first half of the song’s theme, and in that sense, it’s the strongest, and it ended your part on a high note. UFO - So first off, this collab kinda confirms what I’ve thought about you. If you had someone to sort of ground the ideas that were obviously there, you’d write some stellar things. “I’m a phantom thought kept alive in your head / You talk to yourself with words I would’ve said” Let’s talk about this for instance! Not only does it have a sort of bitter sentimentality to it, it also kinda hints that this person is going crazy (in a figurative and literal way) without their significant other, and it’s touches like this that I always believe you’re trying to go for, but don’t really have someone there to help you get it across to someone who isn’t you. If I were to see more parts like that, if WE were to see more parts like that...whew the places you’d go. Of course, there are a couple things I want to talk about. The thing where you start / a thought and end it a line after looks awkward when read, and since we can’t really hear what the intended melody is, we can only go off what we see. The line with springtime/winter is also odd because it’s really wordy. The idea is THERE, but it could’ve been better executed. Speezy - Interesting to see something different from you. I think having a bit of guidance helped you as well. My expectations were definitely surpassed for this whole collab and I can only apologize for underestimating you. “...I saw you toss and turn as you became old / And yet I was the one who was the restless soul” was a line that, despite the “Years passed” at the beginning not really being needed, I felt was executed well. I think the only problem with the bridge overall was that it felt a bit bulky and wordy. One thing to look out for in the future is contraction consistency. You said “we are” in one line, and “we’ll” in the next, and it looks like they’re meter conveniences more than anything. Contractions alo help take out the wordiness in lines sometimes, so generally speaking, I’d say use them. Temporal, Achilles. & OreGuy – “Just for the Night” Temporal - Thank you for submitting. Unfortunately, I do not have much to say to you, except that the line with the louvre was out of place when you were just talking about fire. Ultimately, there was very little to work with as far as constructive criticism goes, so maybe try being more interesting. :white_check_mark: Achilles. - You didn’t sacrifice a bit of your personality for this collab, which is nice. Out of your pre-choruses, I think your second one is the best, as there weren’t filler words (babe). OreGuy - I liked the “Standing tall like Liberty” line, and if your verse focused more on the “American dream” sort of fantasy, it would’ve been a lot stronger. This didn’t suffer from the usual issues your entries do, so in that sense it’s an improvement! Good job. Citrus, Obsession & beatinglikeadrum – “Timeline” Citrus - I’m just gonna come out and say it, your part was disproportionately better than the rest of the entry. “Time's our lucky third and she has made a mess of me” is...great? Probably my favorite part of the whole entry. You didn’t have glaring issues and there were many lines I thought worked well, so good on you. Beatinglikeadrum - Okay so the fact that you abandoned a rhyme scheme when one was set up in the verse before it was a CHOICE. I don’t see the significance of going from wood to glass (glass cuts, I guess?), whatever point you were going for there, I’m not getting it. Obsession - Maybe I’m just a sucker for young love in the summer themes, but I liked your verse. It’s not the most unique or anything, but it was serviceable. Some of the rhymes, though, honey…”I said your name with mine, hoping our stars would intertwine” fix this. I don’t know how, but do it. I feel like having a couple more specific details (like the boxers line) would’ve made this feel more personable. All - Okay so I didn’t do this for other groups, but I think it’s important I do it here. You presented your song as if it’s supposed to be taken as a whole, not just a sum of its parts, and it just doesn’t feel that way. It doesn’t feel like these separate ideas bound together by a connecting theme, it just feels like 3 different song drafts from 3 different people put together, and considering your topic is as easy to work with as “love”, I don’t think that’s a good sign. I don’t know exactly how the process of this song went, but assuming Citrus’ verse was the first one written, making the song like acts in a play (and alluding to it with theatre-like language) would’ve made this a lot stronger for everyone. You weren’t required to connect your song, no, but I can only get the idea that there was a half-attempt at doing that which leaves us with the worst of both worlds. Kunst, Auburn & Nait Phoenix – “Stockholm Syndrome” Kunst - Well your signature style is here, like it felt very you. This is a bit minor, really, but some of the I’s being lower-cased and others being uppercased makes the entry come across a bit rushed, or that there was little proofreading done, and proofreading would be important, especially on a collab round. OTher than that, all I can really say is that the ribbon idea was cool, but I wish it was used more than a one-off line. Nait Phoenix - The thing I told Kunst about proofreading rings true here, too. There are whole words missing in lines like “I imagine could be no sweeter grace / Than trapped inside your arms in cold embrace” and it just gives off a feeling that you rushed it, which is NEVER a good look. Also, you could do with less full rhymes, punishment/nourishment was a whole choice, for instance. Auburn - I think your bridge best captures what this song is going for, and you also seemed to have proofread your contribution, so that’s a plus! As a whole, I think your contribution was the strongest part of the entry. ceremonials, Tsareena & MattyTacos – “Phantom Pain” minho, Kylie Jenner & Overprotected – “Day One” (@everyone small side note I liked your concept the best) Minho - Okay so the switch from a day to a year in a single line RIGHT at the beginning threw me for a whole loop. I think your verse focusing on the beginning of moving on, leading to the second verse becoming more accepting of it, and the resolution being where your pre-chorus ended would’ve been the best course of action, because it seems like a lot of development just goes completely missing. That said, I love the atmosphere in the verse/pre-chorus. The way you DO end it on a sort of revelation leading into the chorus, giving us the theme of the song, while not pop, does show how well the group worked together, and seeing it evidently in the entry is something not many other groups conveyed, so I wanted to congratulate you on that. Kylie Jenner - The choice to make the chorus mostly one person was interesting, but it fit along with the song so well that it didn’t matter. Of course, all of the technicalities are there but I’ve come to expect that from you, I wasn’t disappointed! In the bridge, I adore how you took the “I love myself today” motif, which is the idea of the song in the most simple form, and gave importance and power to it. That’s what I liked most about your bridge, it wrapped everything together nicely which I think a bridge should do. Overprotected - So, as the other person in this three person group, I think you actually had the biggest standout line of the entry. “Trembling walls I used to lean on finally fell” really brings the whole idea of this song together...this other person wasn’t a strong barricade, but a weak wall that wasn’t needed, and got in the way more than anything. Your verse had a sort of magical quality to it that I also think enhanced the piece overall. There being a magic in finding self-love. Love that concept.
Temporal Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Just now, Gastrodonatella said: why am i screaming at you ****ing up the capitals while dragging him for ****ing up the capitals Ahshdjkff
UFO Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 (edited) Quote UFO - So first off, this collab kinda confirms what I’ve thought about you. If you had someone to sort of ground the ideas that were obviously there, you’d write some stellar things. “I’m a phantom thought kept alive in your head / You talk to yourself with words I would’ve said” Let’s talk about this for instance! Not only does it have a sort of bitter sentimentality to it, it also kinda hints that this person is going crazy (in a figurative and literal way) without their significant other, and it’s touches like this that I always believe you’re trying to go for, but don’t really have someone there to help you get it across to someone who isn’t you. If I were to see more parts like that, if WE were to see more parts like that...whew the places you’d go. Of course, there are a couple things I want to talk about. The thing where you start / a thought and end it a line after looks awkward when read, and since we can’t really hear what the intended melody is, we can only go off what we see. The line with springtime/winter is also odd because it’s really wordy. The idea is THERE, but it could’ve been better executed. yaaaaaaassss, thank you!!!! I'm glad you picked up on that concept about them talking to themselves because I was definitely going for that kind of sentiment, I wanted to add another layer to our song so I'm happy I managed to achieve that I often like to include little touches like that in my songs to make them interesting and add depth! Edited May 27, 2018 by UFO
Hug Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Just now, Gastrodonatella said: why am i screaming at you ****ing up the capitals while dragging him for ****ing up the capitals 1. I literally knew this would happen as soon as I brought it up. 2. I don't need to proofread I'm not a contestant <3
beatinglikeadrum Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 (edited) beatinglikeadrum – I think it was a big mistake not to have this rhyme. It really pulled me out of the song. Since this is supposed to be a cohesive piece, having a verse of all sections be different was a bit jarring. I think it also felt a bit like an excerpt from another song? Beatinglikeadrum - Okay so the fact that you abandoned a rhyme scheme when one was set up in the verse before it was a CHOICE. I don’t see the significance of going from wood to glass (glass cuts, I guess?), whatever point you were going for there, I’m not getting it. There is this type of rhymes called inaccurate, I think. And I did use them in purpose a little bit to bring a less stabilization into the song since as the title says is a metaphor of relationship. And my verse was a little about lack of harmony in a relationship. Also it was my original concept not taken from anybody. As I look at your opinion it didn't work but oh well. I tried. Please don't judge other amazing songwriters I worked with through perspective of my verse. Wood is a solid material and glass is not. Just simple as that. @Hug @SaintWest Edited May 27, 2018 by beatinglikeadrum
Overprotected Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 6 hours ago, Hug said: Overprotected - So, as the other person in this three person group, I think you actually had the biggest standout line of the entry. “Trembling walls I used to lean on finally fell” really brings the whole idea of this song together...this other person wasn’t a strong barricade, but a weak wall that wasn’t needed, and got in the way more than anything. Your verse had a sort of magical quality to it that I also think enhanced the piece overall. There being a magic in finding self-love. Love that concept. Oh wow thank you!
Aurora Posted May 27, 2018 Author Posted May 27, 2018 1. Gastrodonatella, UFO & Speezy – “Eternities Apart” Gastrodonatella As per usual, your meter is as snatched as my follicles. Even your imperfect rhymes were still tugs (peace/memories). In a verse of great lyrics, “The hands of time buried my soul in their grasp” was still the clear standout. Your outro contributions are not quite as strong by comparison; “eyes fall closed” does not sound quite correct and the lyric that follows has too many filler words/stalls just to match the meter. UFO It took me a few reads to find the rhythm in your verse but once I did, I really loved it. It’s not rigidly dactylic like Will’s, but it still works with the internal rhymes. “You talk to yourself with words I would’ve said” is yet another standout lyric in this composition, in fact there are quite a few highlights in the second section of your verse. Similarly, your contributions to the outro envy your solo verse. The “written in the stars” cliche was an unfortunate way to end the song, and I take issue with the titular lyric. An eternity is infinite, therefore having a plural of something that is infinite doesn’t really make logical sense. An eternity is also a measurement of time, not a measurement of distance, so saying you spent a single lifetime an infinite amount of time(s) apart also doesn’t really many any logical sense. This is a very specific thing but had it been changed the song would have been better as a result; it feels you went for stylistic flair with this song title rather than having a basis in possibility. Speezy This style of song was clearly more suited to the other two writers in your trio, but for someone who doesn’t typically write in this style, you picked up where the others left off really well and held your own. The internal parallels such as divergence/distance and sands of time/strands of hair were really creative, as well as the comparison between the living lover physically tossing and turning but the passed away lover being the truly restless one. Your contributions to the outro are possibly some of my favourites. Overall This was definitely a triumph in more ways than one and each of you contributed a verse that lead to/from the other(s) yet made sense and was an enjoyable read on its own. The overall concept and link to enduring love was strong and it did feel like one cohesive body of work, however the outro was far weaker in comparison to the verses and felt like too obvious of a conclusion. I think your time would have been better spent working on a chorus to link the three sections and introduce a new angle. Establishing a more accurate title than “Eternities Apart” also wouldn’t have gone astray. 2. Temporal, Achilles. & OreGuy – “Just for the Night” Temporal I find it interesting that your verse was the foundation of the song, given that really only the final lyric connects with the rest of it (perhaps the initial lyric too). Your lyrics are strong but I feel it could have been stronger if you reflected on your verse retroactively and tweaked it to fit the general vibe of the song better. I get fun, cheeky innuendos involving clothing/undressing from the rest of the song, so instead of the Louvre comparison, you could have name-dropped a fashion magazine/brand/model etc. This simple attention to detail really could have helped bring everything together nicely. Achilles. The bridge was actually my favourite of your contributions, that good time/goodbye parallel was fantastic, but the whole section (including the spoken part) felt so right. The prechoruses are fine, they serve their purpose, but they don’t really excite. The second part of each prechorus is definitely better than the first in both cases. Your contributions to the chorus are great, and I think really did steer this song in the right direction. I think “Try You On” is possibly an even better title for this song. OreGuy I love, love, love your contributions to the chorus. My favourite part of this song is the clothing/undressing references and metaphors tied in and the sequin dress/blue jeans lyrics nail that vibe. Similar critique in your verse as Temporal, I feel like mentioning the Liberty monument doesn’t necessarily fit the general theme of the song, and this could have easily been reworked into something more fashionable. Loved your verse’s closing lyric, however. I think it’s nice that your teammates were willing to help you polish off your sections, and good of you to recognise that. Overall This was an unexpected fun poppy song after the last round which was also full of mostly fun and poppy songs, and honestly I feel like if it had been submitted by any one of you last episode it would have done well for you. I enjoy seeing these types of songs in Platinum Hit, especially when they have a unique point of difference, which this song does with its references to clothing/undressing. This channels a more playful, flirtatious side of love, which is perfect for a pop song, so you’ve done very well overall. A little more attention to detail in the verses to really bring the “try you on” idea to the forefront would have elevated this for me, but it’s still a solid bop. 3. Citrus, Obsession & beatinglikeadrum – “Timeline” Citrus Loving this concept! The marriage between elderly lovers and stage metaphors was well balanced and made what was already a good verse an even better one. Each line was crafted with care and made an impact on their own (the highs and lows lyric was marginally weaker than the rest), but together everything flowed even better. On top of this, the choruses and outro fit the song and interwove between the other verses well. Obsession This was an enjoyable passage and thematically fit the vibe of young love, even if references to moonlight and stars were a bit cliched. I particularly enjoyed the spine/sign/mine rhyme scheme, however while “stars would intertwine” is more original than “stars would align”, it doesn’t make as much sense, and isn’t interesting enough to combat this. beatinglikeadrum I think your biggest contribution to this song was actually the idea to turn the concept on its head and tell the story from the end to the beginning. That was a fantastic suggestion and played into the “Timeline” aspect of the song very well. As for your verse, the turn to the everyday struggles in the mid-section of their lives felt logical, however it did clash a bit with the notion that the lovers’ smile never dimmed even through the lows. Unfortunately in a song where similarity was such a strength in making it feel like one cohesive piece, the different (absent) rhyme scheme in your verse was magnified, and I’m not sure if the wood-to-glass metaphor worked. Overall Exploring a lifetime of love was a great angle for this challenge, and retelling the events in reverse chronological order shone a special light on what was already a lovely and apt title in “Timeline”. It could have been more cohesive, but the choruses did well to restore focus back to the main timeline where the verses may have diverged a little. Reiterating the stage metaphor in the outro was a brilliant choice, and made me wish it was somehow featured in all of the verses in some way. 4. Kunst, Auburn & Nait Phoenix – “Stockholm Syndrome” Kunst The fever dream reference, le scream. This concept was certainly an interesting interpretation of the challenge, but I liked the boldness of it all. Your verse accomplished what it set out to achieve, but it didn’t really hit the heights I feel it could (and should) have. When you have such a short space for your individual section, having so much familiar language (dancing with the devil, love affairs, being strung out, drunk on the feeling etc.) somewhat weakened what could have been quite strong. Your style definitely shone through in the prechorus and chorus though, and that chorus was everything it needed to be and more. Auburn I loved the dynamic and sense of confliction your bridge brought to the song, especially with that break in the middle. You really captured the sense of indecision this song needed to give it more depth. There’s vulnerability, yet there’s dire certainty. I don’t have a lot to say about this because I really enjoyed it all. Nait Phoenix Despite limited time to contribute, your verse fits the chosen theme of the song well, and doesn’t feel just slotted in. Your opening couplet is great, but something about the wording of the middle couplet doesn’t work for me. There are a lot of (implied) words which haven’t been included to make the couplet fit the overall meter, making it sound unnatural. The love/drug inclusion felt a little uninspired too, but the rest of the lyrics worked well. Overall While definitely a unique take on the challenge, you all came together to make it work and it did feel like one cohesive song from start to finish. By design, the bridge was the strongest part of the song for me as it showed the most emotional depth, but the chorus was also very strong and captured the vibe you were aiming for perfectly. I almost like “Perfect Nightmare” better as a song title. 5. ceremonials, Tsareena & MattyTacos – “Phantom Pain” ceremonials I considered your verse to be the cornerstone of your song, not just because it included the titular lyric (which was a well-written lyric and a clever analogy) but it just felt like a sensible progression executed in a less-than-predictable way. My only qualm is the “Time has eroded the cracks / But I will feel them forever” couplet. Either I’m misinterpreting this or “eroded” was the wrong word choice. Erosion would make cracks larger, and the second lyric definitely implies that the cracks have been (somewhat) concealed. My guess is you meant it to be that the cracks were being worn away (disappeared) but it’s just not the absolute best fit in this instance. Tsareena Quite a simple verse you’ve produced for the song, but it sets the tone for the piece well. It almost felt like it was going to be a song about self-love with that second lyric, which I wouldn’t have minded actually. With a lyric like “But have found nothing instead”, it doesn’t really provide any new angle or information than what is already evident, so it feels like a filler lyric. It would have been nicer to see some specific, metaphorical example of the lengths you’ve gone to by searching the earth and sky for love, perhaps dedicating a line to each example (not as cliched as valleys and mountains, but that sort of thing). MattyTacos The jump from a quatrain to a quintet arrangement in the bridge was certainly a choice when trying to maintain cohesion, and it wouldn’t have been so bad had you not used the “unveiling the wrath of my misery” lyric twice, which definitely felt unnecessary. “But I’ve decided my heart’s burning / No one can steal the flame for their torches” was a definite standout, loved this. Possibly my favourite moment of yours this season. I know you avoided “built” as you used it in the following line, but growing foundations wasn’t a perfect choice, and neither was “decisions answer[ing] the test of time” rather than stood, or more poetically, endured. The continuation of the thread motif established in the chorus was great, though. Overall While I wouldn’t say this was necessarily the most exciting song conceptually this round, I really loved the idea behind comparing a love that isn’t there to the experience of phantom pain, and putting a new twist on a common theme can be just as good as a completely unique concept when executed well. While succinct, I enjoyed the chorus a lot and it provided a strong link between each of your individual verses. 6. minho, Kylie Jenner & Overprotected – “Day One” minho Tomorrow will be day one since I was scalped completely bald by this entry. I love the way you’ve set up the verse to be structured where it has two distinct parts yet it still all fits, it doesn’t feel like two seperate sections. Your prechourus alone is the kind of introspective monologue one might find at the end of a post-apocalyptic dystopian film in the sense that it has this chilling, powerful essence without even trying too hard to be that epic. You had a job to do and you did it. That. Kylie Jenner I’m lowkey sad that nobody opted for the star challenge to include a rap/sing-talk element (some included a spoken section), especially you since you’ve already proven yourself to be competent in this area, but it was a group challenge and it may not have fit this song so I can’t really hold that against you. Your chorus was nice, “I am not two hearts, I am one” being the lyric that resonated with me the most. Some others bordered on the too cliche/familiar territory, but it was a fitting central part of the song. Similar comment for the bridge, because it’s not all that dissimilar from the chorus. Something else to help give the song some progression would have been better than just reaffirming the self-love concept, perhaps linking back to the “A day passed…” motif, except this time from the day you decided to love yourself. Overprotected You may have only had one clear section in this song, but I think you did well to match the tone and style of the song, even if there were edits made. It can be intimidating coming in as a first time player with others who have been doing consistently well, but I’m glad to hear you held your own and weren’t afraid to make suggestions and do as much as you could to put your flair into the song. The comparison between your clear skies and minho’s greying clouds was a great allusion. Overall It was fantastic to see that essentially every group represented a different type or types of love without even being forced to do so, which is testament to the diversity and originality of the current Platinum Hit roster. This was, again, another original take on the challenge and I think while the subject of self-love is highly prone to being potentially cheesy or gimmicky, you painted it in a light which shows it for what it truly is; powerful.
ceremonials Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 Mess our reviews were pretty good girls @Tsareena @MattyTacos Talent ???? ¿¿¿
MattyTacos Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 woo, my lashings aren't that bad, cackling at "unveiling the wrath of my misery" @Aurora I get what you mean about "decisions answer the test of time" that was a hard line for me to figure out how to phrase & it's definitely a concept I want to explore more in the future. The meaning behind it is beautiful to me, like how the choices we make define how we spend the remaining of our time in the world...how it shapes our futures, y'know?
MattyTacos Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 3 hours ago, ceremonials said: Mess our reviews were pretty good girls @Tsareena @MattyTacos Talent ???? ¿¿¿ Y'all put so much heart in your lyrics so I'm not surprised
Kunst Posted May 27, 2018 Posted May 27, 2018 i don’t know how the song translated but i proofread everything, the whole song so i’m not sure how typos and capitals were there. like i highly doubt i skipped them, especially because i don’t use capitals ever in my life but when i proofread that’s the first thing i spot. and i copied and pasted the entry (?) from the same exact document where i proofread it anyways, getting the feeling this round may mark the first time i ever leave PH through elimination and not through quitting due to personal problems it was great to work with nait and auburn tho, they re very creative and talented so if anything i’m taking that experience with me to my summer writing camp
Speezy Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 Nnnn I’m fine with being Sakura/Michelle/Kairi/Raikou of the trio but no it was a learning experience
Temporal Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 40 minutes ago, Speezy said: Nnnn I’m fine with being Sakura/Michelle/Kairi/Entei of the trio but no it was a learning experience Fixed
Aurora Posted May 28, 2018 Author Posted May 28, 2018 Hello, results have now been finalised and the rankings determined. There was a slight change of plan, there will now be twelve songwriters moving forward in the competition instead of the preliminary number of ten.
Obsession Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Aurora said: Hello, results have now been finalised and the rankings determined. There was a slight change of plan, there will now be twelve songwriters moving forward in the competition instead of the preliminary number of ten. Edited May 28, 2018 by Obsession
Obsession Posted May 28, 2018 Posted May 28, 2018 But we need the contestants to post in the actual thread
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