Temporal Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 2 minutes ago, Xedretinz Lododnz said: kind of but I deserved it anyways. I have no focus nnnnn. actually that big poop I excreted earlier really makes it hurt a lot
Temporal Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 1 minute ago, Xedretinz Lododnz said: kidding no you're not
Xedretinz Lododnz Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 5 minutes ago, Temporal said: no you're not believe me or I'll slap you with my poop
Temporal Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 Just now, ceremonials said: Attention !! I Love God . Her album Meaning of Life truly is incredible!
Temporal Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 Just now, ceremonials said: Gaga Queen, did you just say queen?
Xedretinz Lododnz Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 don't wanna get dragged with my 3 hour-constructed song but go go go
Galah Posted May 6, 2018 Author Posted May 6, 2018 Attention all songwriters! It's been over a week (literally!) since we debuted your submissions from Episode 2 to the Oceanic GP via some brilliant artists on our roster, and the reviews are in. Who came out on top in this week's battle for Stardom? There's only one way to find out… CREAM OF THE CROP* 4. @conatus – “Unforget” This was hauntingly emotive and felt very true. Beautifully written and expressive. The lyrics in the verses truly felt like memories flooding back while the motifs and repetitions felt like a jolt back to the present and a genuine acknowledgement that those memories are being slowly lost. Relatable in a way that doesn’t feel contrived, yet original in execution. 13. @Gastrodonatella – “Eden” To keep it brief, this is potentially my favourite submission of yours. The rhythm was so good and everything flowed immaculately. The ending was subtle yet apparent, the connections to your (multiple) flowers were all strong and made sense and your storytelling was captivating. The intro did feel unnecessary and almost pleonastic, but on the whole this was a slice of heaven. 14. @Corsola – “Petals” I respect you wished to be judged individually, but with linked entries it’s hard not to compare some things. Where your entry lacked the perfection of Eden’s rhythm at times, it more than made up for it with standout lyricism (“my feet know their path as my mind’s lost in memories” was gorgeous) and the theme of patriotism leading to a regretful murder added a certain edge. One thing I wish is that this submission had highlighted different imagery and shared other aspects of the meetings too. 20. @Achilles. – “Morning Glory” This was particularly exciting because it felt like a well-crafted genuine pop single, with a fun melody and resonance, yet didn’t sacrifice strong lyricism for that, and that is a balance that is rarely reached. It embodied affection perfectly and then some with the desire to take the affection to the next level. “Territory / morning glory” felt like a match made in heaven. This could easily be picked up by an artist influenced by Carly Rae Jepsen. 22. @Citrus – “Our Home of Flowers” It’s apparent how much thought and care but most importantly knowledge has gone into the formation of this song, and that’s definitely appreciated. Your connection to patriotism was present, as well as the reference to the orange and yellow colours of the flowers which didn’t go unnoticed. The sort of pre-chorus was very short yet powerful, how it should be, and the approach to the song was tasteful yet believable that one would still have these feelings about the place they fled but once called home. OTHER DEBUTS 1. @MattyTacos – “Loverdream” A definite improvement from last submission. The floral references were intertwined tastefully and the subject of infidelity was represented in an interesting way being from the perspective of the ‘homewrecker’. Loverdream is also an immaculate title. Catchy refrain with a chorus to lust for, this song has some choice lyrical moments in the second verse, but overall accomplishes what it sets out to achieve. Has potential to be given to a Mariah Carey or Ariana Grande influenced client. 2. @Obsession – “Lost In Misery” With another strong submission, you’re quickly becoming one to watch in Oceania. The subject matter was heavy but was handled delicately for the most part, with the exception of the razor lyric, which may need to be changed to get airplay here. A bold yet brilliant correlation with your theme of honesty, and a beautiful splash of colour in the bridge inspired by your flower, this ticked most of the boxes. 3. @Kunst – “Wither Awake” Our breakout signee has gifted us with another competent composition. There was some excellent rhyming techniques displayed with this song, particularly with the internals, however there were also some weaker ending rhymes. The mix of subject matter with floral themes was done rather well, and the subject matter itself was interesting and a unique interpretation of what a I presume was the theme of “false riches”, coupled with the references to the sun and being made of gold (sunflower). 5. @beatinglikeadrum – “Purple Devotion” A pleasant song with hints of nostalgia and devotion as the title and intro would promise. Your lyric “irregular pieces of a broken hearted boy” really summarises your song perfectly in the way it feels like a poetic admission of feelings rather than a song in some moments. I do like the more free-flowing approach to songwriting however, but just a little more technique, tuning and tightening would have really elevated this. Turning confessional into lyrical may be your recommended next focal point. 6. @Tsareena – “Radium Girl” One of the more conceptually adventurous songs we’ve had submitted thus far, which does a fine job of combining both anemones and zinnias; an experience from A to Z. The extended nuclear metaphor was original and executed well. This warranted revision to due to the message of the song not being conveyed as strongly within the first half, but rather conspicuously in the latter half. More subtle hints early on and less direct reveals (i.e. “dying girl”, “her glow was a cancer”) would be recommended. 7. @UFO – “Rings of Saturn” The connection between the heliotrope’s meaning of eternal love and Saturn’s rings/endlessly drifting through space was definitely on point here. While the hook was simple, it worked and felt very tight and polished, which was something parts of the rest of the song lacked. The first half of the first verse shares this polished sheen, whereas lyrics of “hurt energy” and the seemingly random forced rhyme of “Jupiter” threw this system a touch of of balance. The bridge was certainly a highlight. 8. @Body Talk⠀ – “Break Me in Half” This felt like a song we could submit to a client as a potential radio single option, which is definitely a positive as far as I’m concerned. Your flower of choice was an interesting one as it had multiple meanings depending on the colour, but I presume you chose the two-toned one meaning “I cannot be with you”, or perhaps “disdain” (or both). The connection was there, but perhaps would have felt stronger had it been from the other perspective, or if that was introduced as well. 9. @Kylie Jenner – “Hatchet” The breakout rap superstar is back with another memorable rap moment. This is truly an under-utilised style of writing and is your main point of difference I feel, so persistence in this area would be encouraged. Assuming your flower was purple hyacinth, the message of wanting forgiveness is definitely present. Your sung sections also told a story well and the floral references in the verses didn’t feel too contrived, however their absence from the chorus/bridge was noticed. 10. @PoKiTaurus – “You” This is perhaps the strongest submission we’ve seen from you to date. The selection of flower was clever as it allowed for a really powerful lyrical direction and you didn’t disappoint. Your rhyming felt very natural in almost all cases (calm/call was a miss), and you had some very good one-liners (“to see your face, to see your fate” was GOLD) and the latter part of the chorus was really moving. There were some poor choices (“falling down like flies”, the bridge) but overall this was a personal triumph. 11. @ceremonials – “The Last of Us” The decision to use video games as a source of inspiration is certainly a unique one, but inspiration is inspiration and so long as you’re able to convert it into something lyrically enthralling I don’t see any issue with it. I think the connection between a sweet bloom conveying anger and a little girl seeking what almost feels like revenge is a very clever correlation on both parts. Well written and structured, and while some rhyming was a little amateur (i.e. return/burn couplet in bridge), this was solid. 12. @Nait Phoenix – “Graffiti” It’s particularly interesting that how one interprets the meaning of the flower, this can either be a perfect fit (energy in adversity) or a polar opposite (relaxation), however you made it very clear it was to be taken as the former, which is good. The way the verse was structured to be short, sharp and punchy was clever, and the pre-chorus really nailed the theme of self-expression. The choruses were somewhat lacklustre in comparison, but still had some solid moments, and the title felt apt. 15. @Auburn – “A Song for Her” This was beautiful in its simplicity. The message was clear and the themes were well represented and tied together. The inclusion of the flower didn’t feel forced as its implied meaning and purpose within the context of the lyric also made sense, making it a standout lyric overall. Due to the song’s simplicity, any little flaws were magnified (the second verse especially felt rather underdeveloped) and I wasn’t given enough to feel genuinely moved despite the song’s obviously sad subject matter. 16. @Overprotected – “Uncertainty” The connection to the flower was certainly tangential, but I do see some connection between the theme of “beware” and being wary of love, but still feel like a more “beware of me because I’m bad at love” type approach would have been more effective. The lead-in from the verses to the chorus was an interesting choice, I can imagine it would sound nice when sung but reads somewhat awkwardly. I do find this song somewhat relatable though, and that’s a good skill to have. 17. @r.e.m. – “Camellia” What I really enjoyed was the the depiction of a woman with the name and characteristics of the camellia flower. There were some moments I questioned that worked more for a flower than for a person, i.e. “when I smell you, all my troubles disappear” seems like an odd thing to say to/about a person. The inclusion of “purple” also felt somewhat forced as most camellias are either pink or white, and this felt more like a song with the theme of infatuation rather than “my destiny is in your hands”. 18. @RihsusChrist(ATG) – “Field of Dreams” There was a definite direction this song was taking, but I would have loved to have seen it developed more. Perhaps the addition of a bridge which outlines how the subject of the song dealt with the rejection and how he still holds love for her after all these years (really tying it back to the theme of “never forgetting those you love”). The second verse felt entirely misplaced within this song as it switches from a meadow with floral themes to pirates and pearls and sea foam. It was disjointed. 19. @Speezy – “Setting Sail Through the Blue Dangers!” On first impression, we have a song title! The theme of wanting others to “beware” of someone definitely resonates, so that’s a start. The “lifeguard” lyric was a moment, and I think if the extended ocean metaphor was more present in all aspects of the song, this could have really been something, but it felt like you avoided utilising it in the second verse and other parts of the chorus. The second verse also had some other technical flaws which somewhat detracted. 21. @Temporal – “Fever Dream” Knowing this was written from personal experience elevates this submission a long way, drawing inspiration from a personal encounter can often be hard to do while also finding the balance of authentic and digestible by a larger group, but I feel you’ve done it. There were little things that could be revised to make this stronger overall, mainly how the song is structured, such as moving the non-repeating parts of the chorus into the verse etc. but minor things aside, this is solid. 23. @OreGuy – “Nostredame” You definitely followed the brief well and found a strong connection to the theme of “my destiny is in your hands” through Nostredame/Nostradamus without needing to name-drop your flower, and that was great. Your second verse is really well written and the highlight of the submission for me, and conceptually you have something. I wasn’t captivated by the second part of the first verse and feel the entry would have been stronger overall without that. 24. @Xedretinz Lododnz – “Violets in our Garden of Love” This intrigued me with the way you decided to take your flower’s meanings and turn them on their heads and wrote about the absence of “loyalty, devotion and faithfulness” in a relationship, it’s almost ‘anti-violet’. There’s a genuine sense of hopelessness you conveyed well. Your bridge is a high point in the song and I think if the verses were more to that length this entry could have been elevated, as currently the verse lyrics are rather long and it’s hard to find a definite and consistent rhythm. 25. @SeanKevinMusic – “Remembrance of Hurt” I really appreciate that you went down the Poppy/remembrance avenue, because it asks for a certain amount of genuine emotion to really connect with others when handling these types of songs. The bridge section with the “11 days, 10 nights” lyric was a highlight for me, I think had you tackled a more storytelling style with lots of specific details from the war this could have been something really impactful, more so than general lyrics such as, “among the stars, shining a light, burning so bright”. 26. @minho – “0503” Despite being a rushed entry, this was an adequate submission for the challenge. The best points are the vivid imagery that really sets the scene almost as if you are there yourself. Clever rhymes and strong lyricism you’re no stranger to, but I feel the song can be summed up by the lyrics “the stillness in the air, the static in my voice” as nothing really happens. It has an almost interlude vibe to it, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially for a last minute concoction. *"Cream of the Crop" highlights the top five submissions of the episode in order of submission DISCLAIMER: If you'd like any part of your review removed from public view, don't hesitate to tag me.
Galah Posted May 6, 2018 Author Posted May 6, 2018 y'all posting so quick I ended up at #4 but enjoy the tea (or not, don't get salty, I was nice this round)
Xedretinz Lododnz Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 ok slay. I mean I obviously flopped but aurora make it seem like nice so it's cute. I need to get some focus now smh.
Achilles. Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 Oh wow, a stan. I’m glad that you liked the territory/glory bit. “Uncharted territory” is such a bulky phrase to stick in a chorus, but somehow it worked out really well. But I feel like I’ve kinda gotten mixed feedback from the two reviews posted. One praised the fact that it felt like “a genuine pop single,” while the other nitpicked over the things like the abnormal meter, (relatively minor) repetition, and use of “babe”... which are among the things that give it the “actual pop song” vibe.
ultraviolence.xx Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 2 hours ago, Body Talk⠀ said: i am WHEEZING @ultraviolence.xx "please don't be mean, i have a very busy day ahead of me too, okay? and it really makes me upset so please don't be mean to me" i didn't think about it like that but now that i do, i can't read it without thinking of it ghjfhfd
Kylie Jenner Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 Omg I’m glad people think I have done better this week I hope that I managed to outpeak last time’s song
RihsusChrist(ATG) Posted May 6, 2018 Posted May 6, 2018 @SaintWest Quote 18. RhisusChrist(ATG) – “Field of Dreams” The 180 from the first and second chorus. Whew. Betrayal is a bish. Anyways, this read like a country song so…Billy Ray Cyrus is shook. Anyways, I think it had potential, but there were some parts I couldn’t take seriously. “It came without warning / A literal field of dreams.” I think the set up for all these memories resurfacing was so abrupt it felt like “Well I took a walk and WTF I’m remembering things!” I think if you had spent a little bit more time developing the central concept a.k.a chorus it wouldn’t have felt so abrupt. It somewhat felt as though you started with the title and went from there. Standout moment: “Do you remember / Making love in the field of dreams?” Memories can be traumatic, and people sometimes compartmentalize their memories so they don't have to feel that pain all the time. That is where I was going with the first verse. I did start with the title...white clover flowers grow in fields. They do grow in lawns too, but Lawn of Dreams just wasn't it. @Aurora Quote 18. @RihsusChrist(ATG) – “Field of Dreams” There was a definite direction this song was taking, but I would have loved to have seen it developed more. Perhaps the addition of a bridge which outlines how the subject of the song dealt with the rejection and how he still holds love for her after all these years (really tying it back to the theme of “never forgetting those you love”). The second verse felt entirely misplaced within this song as it switches from a meadow with floral themes to pirates and pearls and sea foam. It was disjointed. Of course the subject in the song loved her, and hasn't forgotten her obviously. I think you can still love someone, even if they hurt you really badly. I tried to use the bees as pirates stealing pollen from the white cover flowers to take back to their hive as a metaphor. In that verse the subject is the white clover, and the lover is the bees stealing "pollen" (the subject's love) from the white clover and taking it back to the "hive" (the lover's other lover to make them jealous). The sea foam is a representation of the green meadow. I see what you are saying though, I thought about that second verse for a long time...but I thought the meadow/sea, bee/pirate, White Clover/subject, and pollen/love might work setting up the second chorus change in emotion. Thank y'all both for taking the time to read my entry, and giving constructive feedback. It's greatly appreciated.
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