MattyTacos Posted June 3, 2018 Posted June 3, 2018 12 hours ago, Aurora said: Who is this John Bennett y'all keep talking about? read my entry sweaty
Galah Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 The R5 deadline has now passed, thank you to the artists who have launched their debut singles, we will get back to you with reviews and sales performance info soon. As for those who had label pushbacks (@Speezy@Temporal@ceremonials@Nait Phoenix@Kunst) please submit as soon as possible, and no later than 24 hours after the original deadline. If you have already submitted and I didn't get the PM update (it happens sometimes) please resubmit in a new PM to me, thank you and good luck.
Kunst Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 sorry girls for not submitting, i'm at the hospital with a friend, it was quite a tragic weekend! good luck to everyone!
ultraviolence.xx Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 3 minutes ago, Kunst said: sorry girls for not submitting, i'm at the hospital with a friend, it was quite a tragic weekend! good luck to everyone! : (
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 40 minutes ago, Kunst said: sorry girls for not submitting, i'm at the hospital with a friend, it was quite a tragic weekend! good luck to everyone! Omg. Legend. Having you and your friend in prayers.
Kunst Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 thank you guys, i'm okay myself, and apparently so is my friend now. i submitted late from my phone but i don't expect to do great this round, i just didn't want to have to quit another season especially after being considered back into the competition. anyhow, i'm going home now to shower and rest because lord knows i need it. you're all so sweet!
Kunst Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 Also, i forgot how weird it is to come off of genreal anesthesia! my mom filmed me and just sent me the video which is me being an utter mess
Kunst Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 30 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said: we love kunst club
UFO Posted June 4, 2018 Posted June 4, 2018 2 hours ago, Kunst said: thank you guys, i'm okay myself, and apparently so is my friend now. i submitted late from my phone but i don't expect to do great this round, i just didn't want to have to quit another season especially after being considered back into the competition. anyhow, i'm going home now to shower and rest because lord knows i need it. you're all so sweet! Whew I’m glad you and your friend are okay now
Galah Posted June 4, 2018 Author Posted June 4, 2018 Thank you Speezy and Kunst for submitting, and sorry to hear about your rough weekend Kunst. Glad you and your friend are okay.
Overprotected Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 9 minutes ago, Corsola said: @Overprotected – “Cold Whispers” Reveal hidden contents I think the approach you took with this song is strong. Reading the mystery you based this on, it’s not something I think of as songlike at all. And yet, you found a way to transition it into a song in quite a nice way. To begin with verse one, though, ‘’The strong wind led me here’’ is an example of a line that feels filler not because it’s not adding anything, but because it could easily be mixed with your first line to be stronger and give you more room for development as well. As it stands, it is a bit too simplistic to be something strong. This is a nitpick, though, so don’t get too hung up yet. Another nitpick would be that ‘’cold whispers I can hear’’ feels disconnected from the first 3 lines because you are introducing a new phenomenon entirely but it’s a bit too short and also feels like it’s trying to build off the first 3 lines which just makes the disconnection exacerbated. I may be wrong about this entry, but how I’m interpreting it is that it’s about the hikers arriving at their destination and then they are like leaving to a new spot because of the wind. This is what would make the most sense, anyway. So with that being said, I don’t think you should’ve introduced the ‘’cold whispers’’ of the wind so early on. In the pre-chorus (which is gorgeous, by the way), you mention sunlight and yet this event takes place at night. Therefore, verse one should just be building up the setting and the wind noises should take place later in the entry once night kicks in. The chorus is like… okay. I think your verses and pre-chorus are better. When I read ‘’dopamine’’ I just think of drugs but you were using it in a way to express excitement so it was offputting for me. I do like the idea of the chorus being the part where they kind of just sink into the ‘’now’’ and go with the flow, but I think it could’ve been conveyed a bit better to draw home the point of this being them leaving because of the wind. Your song IS titled cold whispers, after all, so I think they could’ve had a place in the chorus. It would require a tad bit of reworking since the first chorus seems to take place during the day, but still, it’d make for a more engaging chorus to place cold whispers in the chorus and have them following them. It would also add to the nature atmosphere and imagery that is set up by the verses. Verse two is written very well and is beautiful, there are just some parts that could use more clarity for me. Particularly line three. ‘’My soul she saw’’ is quite unnatural wording and sticks out considering the conversational vibe of the song, and I’m also not sure what these layers you’re seeing underneath are? But, the rest of this is quite nice. I especially like ‘’winter harps resonate’’ HOWEVER, I think this would be a 100% snatch if you used ‘’windy harps’’ instead. It would also set up for the bridge quite well. I’m not sure how much I like ‘’it called me’’ in the bridge. I like the idea of having a line to separate two stanzas, I just think it could’ve been stronger since the first stanza is beautiful and then there’s just ‘’it called me’’. My main issue with the bridge would be the final couplet. ‘’A new high’’ feels like filler, no shade. It’s just so short and it feels like you could’ve done more with it. But the real issue I have is ‘’But the expedition ends here’’. For me, this ruins the message that the song paints. This entry, to me, reads as a more poetic and subtle way to depict death. They’re in an emotional high as you stated, and I don’t think they would be if… they knew that they’re going to die? Especially since the story says they’re panicking (which contrasts with this song but I’m not going to clock that at all because the different approach is fine). It’s just that it doesn’t make sense with this song because I just cannot envision them being this calm while also stating they’re going to die. Plus, the outro seems to be more of drilling home the subtlety of this entry, but it’s just boggled down by the expedition line. There are parts of this entry that were a bit muddled for me and I think you could’ve used a more clear storyline here rather than somewhat of a muddled one. But the good thing is, that a lot of this was written nicely regardless. I think you’re serving a lot of potential and can prove to be an underdog who will slay because after reading your group contribution last round and now this, it does seem like people are SLEEPING on you a bit. But the reality is, you’re a very competent writer and the pre-chorus, half of the bridge, and more, prove this. So you have things to work on, but don’t get discouraged, because the potential is there. Suggestions: Find what your storyline is going to be along with the central motif and build the song around it more. Cold whispers was a cute idea, but I barely saw it even though there were places where it could’ve been incorporated and better than it was in verse one. Along with that, some of the storyline was a bit weird to follow with the whole sunlight thing I mentioned, the expedition line, and more. Just make sure it flows well and can be followed. Favorite parts: ‘’Obscurity approaches as I unwind / Chords transition as they take over my mind’’ the musical motif here is great and I think it could’ve been even greater if it was incorporated more throughout the song and tied together by it being windy harps rather than winter. Still, I love it. Well first of all thank you for taking your time to do this detailed review, it helps me a lot to know exactly what was wrong. I just wanted to clarify that the story of this song takes place over the course of a day hence the "sunlight" in the first pre-chorus and the "twilight in the next. The bridge was when the "tragedy" occurs/nighttime. So yeah I guess I had a concept but the execution was confusing
beatinglikeadrum Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 My ending class paper was shorter than Corsola's reviews. What kind of dedication.
SaintWest Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 that awkward moment when u get lost reading a corsola review
OreGuy Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 oohhh she came through with the reviews! Thanks even tho you dragged my scalp! @Corsola
UFO Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 @Corsola thanks! Execution is my biggest weakness, especially with Hummingbird being a high-concept song. it's my most complex this season, actually. There’s quite a number of things I could clarify but I won’t because obviously those things did not translate well and that’s an area I need to improve on anyway We’d be serving each other ESSAYS back and forth and I don’t think the server can handle that AND it would drive me crazy trying to justify everything for noooooooooooooooooo ****ing reason! dksjfs. I love the variety in interpretation and the “grey area”. I do admit I was a little disordered when writing this song but f it kind of fits the theme I guess. I don’t regret using the motif of a hummingbird, although very ambitious, because it resonated so much with me. After learning that The Hum is low frequency, I researched hummingbirds out of sheer curiosity ONLY to find out they flap their wings at high frequencies and I just KNEW I had to base my song around this. I feel like my song would’ve been executed a lot better WITHOUT the hummingbird, but it also would’ve been so typical for me (I’ve written a LOT songs with similar themes but Hummingbird is unique in terms of my approach) and also, I think the hummingbird element just adds so much more value for ME and fits a lot more with where I’m at right now. It definitely wasn’t shoehorned in there because it’s a “cute song title” but I can see how the execution may make it seem like that, especially since how I interpret my song is very different to how the audience does. I feel like this concept would’ve worked better if my song focused on the hum, and then there was a sequel that focuses on the hummingbird but unfortunately I’m only one contestant This was kind of what I envisioned with the whole caged hummingbird/caged mind: so it's like the hummingbird is in the same cage as the person's mind n whateve r sipfjksdkflj All in all, Depression and hope represented by different frequencies was something I knew I needed to attempt, whether or not it paid off. f not me serving Danganronpa - Hope and Despair. Last week’s positive reception motivated me to push myself more I think. and also I don't think anyone has done a concept like that before so we love a visionary EXPERT who is skilled in the science and art of sound frequencies i.e. Google. Yanny/Laurel who? anyway that is noT the point! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!!!!! “Lifeless feelings, hollow shouts ricochet all around / The storm engulfs all my thoughts every second in every crowd’’ is LEGENDARY ngl I gagged when I wrote that. I didn’t want the outro to overly happy and unrealistic so I thought it would be cute to end the song like that, kind of like a mind**** but not really d. also that commas thing is a mess and I knew I should’ve trusted my gut. One judge in the past dragged me for using too many commas in my songs so I’ve been anal about using commas recently and I was anXXXious but I think I took it to the other extreme writing this song was a battle of extremes tbh. Like I’m not kidding, it was extremely traumatising writing this song The Hum CLOPPED my ass, that beast would not let an alien BREATHE. I needed to write this though, and I’m glad I did! ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
UFO Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 (edited) 19 minutes ago, Corsola said: I just want to clarify that Hummingbird did not seem forced in due to the title. I'm not sure if I said that (I know I mentioned something about the title) but if I did, then I'm sorry because I don't believe that at all. I do think it could've been done better as I said in my review, but I also don't think it was forced. Also, your bird picture does make more sense. I was envisioning it as a bird in a cage by itself. FFFFFFFFFFFFFDDD don't worry sis, I tend to serve concepts that make sense in my head that don't necessarily translate well in song-form me serving alien technology ngl sometimes OK LET ME JUST ADMIT IT AND BE REAL WITH MYSELF FOR A MINUTE ngl sometimes when I write songs I like to make them MORE DIFFICULT for myself so it's more of a challenge and so I try to sabotage myself sometimes so it's like... if I flop, at least it was because it was DIFFICULT from the start and not being because I myself did something wrong fp'doajfp'sdkjafp'ksdajf;sadkf me serving psychological DEPTH Edited June 5, 2018 by UFO
Hug Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 Doing something different this week, in that I'm not gonna try to knock all 15 reviews out in one sitting. So, here you go @ first 5 entrants. Citrus – “Willow Creek” So, let’s start with technicalities. Are there any faults to them? No. There were a couple instances I saw where you phrased things oddly to better fit your meter, though -- particularly, in the bridge. “In every rock your face” (This would’ve made more sense with a comma, but that implies a break which messes up the meter you set.) and “But onward still I go” (It’s not exactly improper English, it’s just now how people generally talk. Also would’ve been better off with commas.) Otherwise, your entry read well from beginning to end, and every transition felt natural. The chorus felt a bit understated, as if it was originally meant to be your pre-chorus. I do understand that not every chorus has to be big and grand, but if anything, it was more of a refrain. Semantics? Yes, but we already established you nailed everything on a technical level, so there’s nothing wrong there. I’d like to applaud you on the interesting take on the challenge; it wouldn’t have been my first thought, yet it doesn’t really surprise me to see it come from you. minho – “Tell Me Your Story” Right off the bat, I want to say the meter, rhyme scheme, etc. you chose for this song is intriguing. It’s not something very commonly seen in PH, and really I can only think of you doing it. My favorite part of the entry is the pre-chorus. It states something that’s conceptually plain, but the way it’s presented gives off a fairy tale vibe, at least to me. Like this person is ready to hear tales of grandeur and adventure or something. One of my least favorite parts, and one that I’m very torn on, is the bridge. It’s the part that shows the “hum” inspiration best, and has my favorite lines (“A song that moves, hanging in the trees” was great.) and my least favorite lines. (Immediately following it up with “I carry my shoes” is honestly funny when you rhyme it with moves.) Still, we only get as much information as the person who is in this scenario, who doesn’t know much themselves, and this reads like a mystery, which I’m going to say was by design. Making your song feel mysterious, in and of itself, is an effective way to handle the challenge. Gastrodonatella – “Good Boy” I’m glad that you decided to go out of your comfort zone for this challenge. Nobody asked you to (I don’t think?), but you did anyway. It shows your eagerness to grow as a writer to me. Still, when you go out of your comfort zone, you’re treading unfamiliar territory and writing something in the caliber of the material from your comfort zone is a lot harder, and I don’t think you quite did that. The chorus, which I imagine is supposed to be unsettling, comes off more as dull. The way it’s structured reminded me of a nursery rhyme, but without the rhyme. There were also a lack of standout lines, which I think is something you do hear a lot, but it especially rings true here. I can see why writing this would be difficult for you, so I...think I’ll leave it at that. I hope you will continue to explore ideas and styles as a writer and not be afraid of failure. OreGuy – “Thank God For Immune System” You know, there’s a lot to work with for the lost city of Atlantis. There’s tons of lore around it, and it was honestly among the safest things you could have done just because there’s so much to work with...and yet, this reads nothing like it was inspired by Atlantis, unless drowning and “the lost and found” mark the beginning and end of what Atlantis’ legacy is. It reads more like you wrote a song and tried to loosely connect it to Atlantis. It’s...disappointing, to say the least. The song itself, removed from the challenge, isn’t enticing either. It’s overall a very familiar song executed in a less-than-stellar manner. The verses felt like they had little purpose to serve, and could be omitted with little-to-no consequence. No lines were interesting, inventive, unique...some felt more like executions that fell flat on their face. “I'm in the lost and found / But you never took a look inside” This is really making me think you’re in a school or other public area setting, which is very far removed from Atlantis, yet I feel like you added it there to try and be Atlantis-inspired. The lines that followed it (“Do I always have to say it aloud? / I thought you knew me inside out”) felt like a reach for a rhyme, too, but that’s more of a minor thing, comparatively. This just read like one HUGE missed opportunity. UFO – “Hummingbird” I want to start by saying I loved the chorus. “And then I heard you first, then I felt you second / And when I saw you third, then I remembered” what an opening <3 Now, as for the rest of your song, clearly the concept is there, yet you bog yourself down with wordiness to the point where it loses any musicality there may have been. As far as the concept of your song goes, that really shows me your creativity, but I think it’s the same creativity that lends its hand to you always having a lot to say, perhaps too much. I’m not sure if you do this already, but I would suggest writing a “storyboard” first, of what you want to happen, what themes you want to touch on, and any other small idea, like a metaphor or one-liner, you want to add, then refer to that story board when writing and try to keep your thoughts concise and efficiently hit upon. I think that would help you a lot in the long-run. Still, this was not a bad entry by any means! I just think the same sentiments could be said in...not so many words.
Auburn Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 @Corsola thanks for the review sis, I like how you dissect what I write because it really helps me examine what I need to do / focus on to get better
Hug Posted June 5, 2018 Posted June 5, 2018 MattyTacos – “Jonbenet” This is quite a sensitive subject to make your entry about. It requires a certain kind of tact and grace to pull off respectfully, and well...I don’t think that was present. I’ll start with the chorus, as that’s the centerpiece of the entry. “Close your eyes, you’ll feel like you’re winning / As I hit the lottery, cashing your checks” The “winning” line was definitely there to play off the lottery one in the next one. It came off to me as a bit insensitive to the last few moments of her lie as her feeling like she’s “winning”. (I REALLY hope this isn’t the reference to her being raped that you talked about in your “references” section.) “To capture the glory of my greatest success / Cracking open your delicate head” This line was incredibly blunt and best captures what I said at the beginning -- there’s not much tact or grace to this line. This was just the first chorus, there being 3 different ones with similar issues of being very blunt. (Side note: the three different perspectives, while interesting in theory, didn’t work in execution. It would be VERY easy to get lost, especially if you’re not told that this is from three different perspectives. I think keeping it to one theory/one perspective would’ve been a better way to approach it.) I suppose I’ll also touch on the formatting of your entry, which confused me? You used “bridge” in the way you would usually use “pre-chorus”. It’s not a big deal, comparatively, and while I think it was an odd choice, it’s ultimately semantics. The verses were also of different lengths which didn’t help the feeling that this had little-to-no musicality to it. I see that you researched your topic, at least, which is good! While the details of this may be accurate, the way you handled it left a lot to be desired and I would be more careful when dealing with such topics. Overprotected – “Cold Whispers” This entry has a certain aesthetic appeal to it. You also kept it concise, which, as a reader, was very welcomed. However...I don’t really “get it”. The whole thing felt very abstract -- not connected to anything. I got that the white was the snow and that there was time passing, but that’s about it? I don’t know if that was intentional, as nobody knows what happened to the hikers, and nobody knows what’s going on in your entry, but I would’ve appreciated something slightly more...detailed, connected...just something that attaches this to something concrete. Still, I think you have a lot of potential as an aesthetic writer; I think it’s a strong suit of yours. Auburn – “Zodiac Bliss” This is a real mixed bag for me. I think you have a decently-written entry with a sort of pop quality to it. I can feel like there’s a rhythm to it. However, this feels very far detached from what you were going for, despite it seeming like you wanted a more literal approach to the mystery you chose, in that this is actually about the Zodiac Killer. There’s near nothing that actually says it’s about him, yet with the title “Zodiac Bliss”, you figure the Zodiac Killer would play a more integral role...yet, at the same time, what impressions I DO get of the Zodiac Killer is either lose (“If you solve his riddle, crack the code / Gemini twin, he’ll remove the mask” is more “Zodiac” than “Zodiac Killer”.) or near romanticizing them. (“His omen is your final gift / You won’t elude the Zodiac bliss”.) It’s overall not a bad entry, just seems like...odd choices were made. Kylie Jenner – “The Queen’s Pawn” “I didn’t know death held hands with fame” Why did this do the whole dying for fame schtick better than every other entry about fame this season. The way that wasn’t even your theme. The chess motif you had through the whole entry was great, and while it’s not the most novel thing, it made SO much sense given the context. I don’t really have much to say, except I didn’t get what you were going for until I realized the “candle in the wind” line was a reference, then I put the pieces together and got shook. This was an overall great entry from you. Achilles. – “A Better Place” I got more "social commentary", “folklore” and “historical events” than “mystery” from this. I love the little references you have in the entry; I think those are really creative and interesting, it’s just not something that I believe worked for the challenge. A small little nit-pick here, but “away-ay-ay” is obnoxious. I think “I wish I could run away, away” would’ve worked better as it places emphasis on that word without the stuttering. As far as your song overall goes, it’s a bit...cheesy. It has a message it wants to convey, but is really on-the-nose about it, and I don’t think it always works in the message’s favor. The things like “Castle in the hair, city on a hill” are more the type of things I’d like to see, and not so much “We fight for better but things just get worse”. Still, it’s not the worst entry, it’s overall okay.
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