Temporal Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Hello, Life Alert? Yes, I just got scalped within an inch of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cupid Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 14 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: Oh wow, true! I forgot because I try to put so little energy into my exchanges with you that they don't go into my memory How are you posting this? The wi-fi doesn't extend the the bushes outside my house Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurora Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Why is there always some massive mid season dropout party? My flowers might make it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 2 minutes ago, Cupid said: How are you posting this? The wi-fi doesn't extend the the bushes outside my house Wow at the PUNCHES rolling in now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 this is actually Austin's asshole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Just now, swiftie13 said: this is actually Austin's asshole Wait, he snapped you this nude too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Yes. Thank god snaps don't have to exist forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 13 minutes ago, Temporal said: Hello, Life Alert? Yes, I just got scalped within an inch of my life. Pearched to see who Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 1 minute ago, swiftie13 said: Yes. Thank god snaps don't have to exist forever Then why did you screenshot it? You like loose ***? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I hacked your onedrive and found it thought i'd expose both of you at once Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 UGH trying to break these ties is gonna be so hard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 1 minute ago, swiftie13 said: I hacked your onedrive and found it thought i'd expose both of you at once I think we all know there's only one person in PH that uses Microsoft Onedrive and it ain't me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Just now, Temporal said: UGH trying to break these ties is gonna be so hard Why do you have to break ties Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Just now, Temporal said: UGH trying to break these ties is gonna be so hard I'm #1 that's all that matters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 i hate both of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Quote 1. MattyTacos - Isn’t it Funny For a song about taking risks, this was really…not risky. Everything about this felt very basic and safe: the theme, the vocabulary, the structuring, etc. I needed something larger to grasp on to. The only risk was that you didn’t rhyme, which you literally had to do. This was pretty disappointing. (idk why this is white and everything else is, I'm triggered) Bridge was very weak and cliché. You can do better. The chorus was alright but was easily the highlight of the song. That was the only section where you got close to that whimsical feel you were going for. 2. Auburn - Nuisance So this was alright. Your style was a little poetic, and you did a good job with the challenge by making the song still flow well, but like most entries this week - so this is for a lot of y’all! - there wasn’t a higher level, metaphor or statement. This needed a motif or something stronger to deliver your concept. There’s only so much you can do with a song that’s vanilla at most levels. Verse 2 could’ve made a better chorus IMO. The bridge was so messy. Delete it, Nuisance. First verse was the highlight 3. jpow - Being Myself Honestly… this song wasn’t that bad. Yes, the chorus was pretty bad, but everything else at a basic level was fine, probably because the no rhyming freed you up to write a song as blunt and nonlyrical as this. “Jackson, Hor, and Citrus / Why do I even play this game / When they are here too” well 2/3 aren’t here anymore, so! 4. Gladion - I Move Along With The Weather This was the wrong song for this challenge. This low-key could’ve been your best song ever, but you didn’t take advantage of the challenge and it instead it felt like it was holding you back HARD. This felt like it needed the rhymes, which was not what you would want to convey in this challenge. Besides that, this was pretty well done, this would make a great finale song in theory if you could rewrite it. “Swimming through water / Drowning in lost hope / The current pushes me back / And chokes me with my dreams” ugh, a current doesn’t choke, it drowns, but you already used “drown”, IM TRIGGERED “The costume hides your face / But you aren't fooling me / Still the same guy I fell for / The Monster I've obsessed over” This section doesn't go along with the rest of the imagery you were using. In general, the imagery was a bit sporadic. 5. UFO - Bridge the Gap The NOVEL you wrote You didn’t need all of that writing, you could’ve cut out of a verse or something since at a point, there wasn’t much more substance that you could or really did add. Your style this week was a bit stiff. There wasn’t a solid flow to it, and your lines read more like sentences. You kinda half ass committed to the wind/plane imagery in the first verse “I can't have him even in my dreams / Cause the reality's a nightmare” I didn’t get the consequential nature of this “I will never find the right tools to bridge the gap” “I must fly by myself without needing your wings” these are examples of verbose/stiff lyricism. You could def water this down and it would come across stronger methinks. The verses that were right next to each other had no need to be separated. Bridge was a bit of a slay, the highlight! 6. Achilles - Love Scene, Take One You know I have a weak spot for THIS Achilles You had a metaphor, you stuck to it, brought in great little tidbits of imagery wherever needed, wrote a sex song without being too salacious, and to top it all off, the flow was excellent. It was a little long, and its potential as an actual song seems a bit limited because it would need a lot of support from other songs/mediums for it to make sense, but I loved it. You’d make an excellent Broadway lyricist. “Everything you touch turns to gold / So I know I’ll shine in your arms” a LYRIC. “This love scene will be flawless / Yeah, this love scene will be flawless” this repetition wasn’t necessary. “And just this one say” oh “And everything you’re seeking / Is right here in my eyes” for all the punches in the song, you fumbled here 7. funnellegs - Seventeen This song was pretty cute, it served “Let’s Get Lost” by Carlegend. I think my biggest issue was that you didn’t seem very comfortable with the challenge, the flow was a bit wonky at times, but you captured the anxiety at the beginning of a relationship really well. I’d love to see this rewritten in the future. “High anxiety is a dance” this metaphor was a really big reach “Seventeen/Nobody” is def a rhyme! “so we take five minutes in the back seat.” fff not 5 minutes, don’t do ha like that. Give ha “a few”. 8. 8th Prince - Shelter YAAAS. A simple song done really, really well. I’ve felt like you’ve been just missing the mark with me the previous rounds, but henny, you did this. Great fit for the challenge, I could hear this as a sweet guitar ballad in my head “With refuge from the rain in reach…” I think a word simpler than “refuge” like a house or car would be a lot more charming. “Clouds overcast above / As I cast my eyes over you” Wig “I open my soul like a window to you” this metaphor is kinda overdone, and wasn’t totally necessary given all the rain imagery, it felt a bit distant from that. 9. Jackson - Berlin You kinda did that with the final chorus. I was kind of worried about the practicality of this song, but then you pulled through in the 11th hour to make it work. A few tiny missteps here and there, but yeah. Wig. “Now only in my memories / I’ll see her in Berlin” I am dying for this to be “WILL I see her in Berlin” “She always tried to keep me out” stuck out awkwardly in the chorus, it didn’t flow as well as the rest of the song. “To dedicate my years” also broke the flow a bit for me as well. “Now I count the borders” okay so this kinda doesn’t work when you leaped out of the 1980s-ish to today. You could reach and talk about other borders, but there was a very specific meaning one gets when first reading that line. Something to think about. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) Wasn't the Berlin WALL (a border) a big 80s thing? clocked. Edited January 30, 2017 by swiftie13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 welp Hug forgot a score somebody and he's probably asleep so Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 8th/Jackson/Gabe for top 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Achilles. Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 1 minute ago, keshaspearsxo said: welp Hug forgot a score somebody and he's probably asleep so Assume it was a 9 if it was me and a 3 if it was anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 1 minute ago, ceremonials said: 8th/Jackson/Gabe for top 3 I bee leaf you mean 8th/Jackson/Gaychilles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Fagilles* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 2 minutes ago, Achilles. said: Assume it was a 9 if it was me and a 3 if it was anyone else. actually, it was you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Just now, swiftie13 said: Fagilles* the mods just got a notification Also WAIT that's Whoopi Goldberg???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN god Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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