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How haven't I come across this... Nice to know. 

About 9 months ago I lost my little brother to suicide while I was at the OTR II Tour. He was my best friend, we were extremely close, he was only a year younger. We were both very depressed for a long time because of our unstable upbringing but I never thought he'd leave the way he did (by hanging) Makes me sometimes feel I wasn't good enough of an influence as the older brother (I was always a hot mess), or just good enough in general to make him want to stick it out because the pain he inflicted on me, my mom, my sister... everybody that loved him. It's been insufferable and I was already depressed before he did what he did, but then I got hit with this and now I know immense pain. I've been an emotional disaster. He was my whole life, I literally can't reminisce about life with anybody the way I could with him.. Ever since, I had to take a break from work (2 months), go broke, and force myself to get a new job, carry the weight of this grief everywhere I go, drink more, smoke more, sleep less, cry all the time. My mom doesn't want to admit it was suicide and believes he was murdered by a local gang and constantly posts pics of him on fb every minute of every day, she's broken and thinks I'm betraying her for not supporting her "investigation" and on top of it she talks about giving up too and I just can't bare a moment with her and it makes the whole situation all the more depressing. Anyways, I know it's almost been a year, but it still consumes me in a big way, especially because I feel so lonely, and scare new people away with my emotional instability when I start to get too close, It sucks. I feel I have to suppress my feelings for the sake of everybody else living their best life, because this is the age when we ARE supposed to be living it up but here I am... dealing with this. 

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^^ You and your mum should both look into getting counselling. It would help heal. Your well-being should come first rather than hiding behind your fears and problems for the sake of looking good for others. 

 

 

 

Been feeling quite down today, just stressed about things, mostly work and money related. Am I the only one who just finds it hard to confide in people? I have people I can contact but I can rarely see myself (if at all) going out of my way to hit up someone and say that I’m stressed unless I was asked. It’s not a new thing either because I’ve always suppressed my feelings and problems and found my own ways to deal with them. 

I’ve been overthinking a bit too much about everything and the future and now I have a headache.

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On 5/9/2019 at 10:25 AM, St. Francis said:

Been feeling quite down today, just stressed about things, mostly work and money related. Am I the only one who just finds it hard to confide in people? I have people I can contact but I can rarely see myself (if at all) going out of my way to hit up someone and say that I’m stressed unless I was asked. It’s not a new thing either because I’ve always suppressed my feelings and problems and found my own ways to deal with them. 

I’ve been overthinking a bit too much about everything and the future and now I have a headache.

Same. Sometimes I feel like I just want to talk to someone and let everything out, but I really don't have that one person to talk to. It's frustrating the more I get into my own thoughts the more I wear myself down. 

 

On 5/4/2019 at 12:08 AM, BGKC said:

How haven't I come across this... Nice to know. 

About 9 months ago I lost my little brother to suicide while I was at the OTR II Tour. He was my best friend, we were extremely close, he was only a year younger. We were both very depressed for a long time because of our unstable upbringing but I never thought he'd leave the way he did (by hanging) Makes me sometimes feel I wasn't good enough of an influence as the older brother (I was always a hot mess), or just good enough in general to make him want to stick it out because the pain he inflicted on me, my mom, my sister... everybody that loved him. It's been insufferable and I was already depressed before he did what he did, but then I got hit with this and now I know immense pain. I've been an emotional disaster. He was my whole life, I literally can't reminisce about life with anybody the way I could with him.. Ever since, I had to take a break from work (2 months), go broke, and force myself to get a new job, carry the weight of this grief everywhere I go, drink more, smoke more, sleep less, cry all the time. My mom doesn't want to admit it was suicide and believes he was murdered by a local gang and constantly posts pics of him on fb every minute of every day, she's broken and thinks I'm betraying her for not supporting her "investigation" and on top of it she talks about giving up too and I just can't bare a moment with her and it makes the whole situation all the more depressing. Anyways, I know it's almost been a year, but it still consumes me in a big way, especially because I feel so lonely, and scare new people away with my emotional instability when I start to get too close, It sucks. I feel I have to suppress my feelings for the sake of everybody else living their best life, because this is the age when we ARE supposed to be living it up but here I am... dealing with this. 

I think you and your sister need to help your mom come to terms with your brother's death. Then you both can go from there because you both need each other right now. 

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Day 2 of my AD withdrawal & I'm FED UP the brain zaps won't stop for a minute and the vertigo has gotten worse since yesterday which is leading to fatigue

 

mbWIpuR.gif

 

 

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Recently I’ve been thinking about getting a new therapist because my current one isn’t really getting to the deeper issues I do have. He just barely scrapes the surface, since he doesn’t understand me. I wouldve thought that a latino gay male therapist would understand me but not really, and i figured out why.

 

His facebook profile came up on my recommendations, and I went thru his posts. Found out he’s a strong trump supporter... (I disown anyone that agrees with his views, it’s okay to be republican [kinda] but to be a trump supporter is a whole another thing) not only that ways complaining about my generation.

 

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I guess it’s time to find a new therapist, someone that understands me.

 

giphy.gif

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I dont want to take more clonazepam :sosad:

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I was supposedly starting college this month and I couldn't even assist to two classes, anxiety is seriously taking control of my life.

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Depression isn’t so much a problem for me anymore. But, my anxiety and body dysphoria really get the best of me. My depression has got some what better this past year, my anxiety just keeps getting worse and worse. 

 

What are some anxiety medication that has helped you guys?

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