Hug Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, Gastrodonatella said: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH!!!!!! Hug how dare you tell minho to ignore what the judge tells him to do!!! You are grounded grounded GROUNDED for 10 million rounds of #2 songs until the day you quit platinum hit!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speezy Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 25 minutes ago, Citrus said: @Speezy - Sex songs are one of the types that need a lil extra. Because you're, at best, describing a singular sexual experience, you need some strong figurative language to keep it from becoming "I put my dick in her vagina and we ****ed real good" because that's all the plot there is to a lot of sex songs. You had a nice twist with the sexting I guess, but this felt very standard and uninspired. Yeah I really don't want an explicit track out there track But I try to straddle the lines of of figurative and the actual experience Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted September 17, 2017 Author Share Posted September 17, 2017 @Hug – Heaven’s Mirror I think I said this in a review a couple weeks ago, but I think lunch is such an abrupt word to use in a song. I think the divide between the more metaphorical chorus and very plainly stated verses is too strong. There were a few awkward lines here as well, like “and I found the question confusing”. Overall, this was your weakest song this season. @minho – Play of Colour – Platonic Love Normally I’d drag you for this un-American spelling, but this is Trump’s America and I’m working on my British citizenship so I’ll let it slide. I would have liked the theater metaphor to have been used more prominently, but I liked how you brought it in consistently at the beginning of each verse. You had good, strong imagery without making it ever feel contrived, and you had a rare example of a simplistic chorus that was used correctly. It was satisfying without feeling incomplete. @ultraviolence.xx – violet eyed What purpose does the word violet serve here? Since violet eyes aren’t naturally occurring, I would have loved a little more explanation within the lyrics as to why that word is important enough to be your title. I can assume because of the context of the round that violet is supposed to be a symbol of serenity and wisdom, but that isn’t very apparent outside the context of the lyrics. Apart from the “thighs” rhyme misstep, this was strong like all of your entries, but I feel like you’re being too bogged down by your style to let your personality really shine through your lyrics. I’d love to see you stop hiding behind such fancy metaphors and groomed structures and see you experiment a little more with your personality and structure/style. @Nait Phoenix – To My Flower… Ugh, I loved the verses to this. Which just made the chorus disappoint me more. The verses were very well put and the metaphors were handled beautifully, but the chorus was just cheesy and not quite on the mark. “So never forget to smile” wasn’t a good closing line. You could have said the same thing while utilizing another metaphor or different words whereas your current line took away some of the impact of the song and seemed forced into the chorus to fit a rhyme scheme. If you ever get the chance to redo this song, I suggest you do. @funnellegs – One Body, Two Minds To start off being nit-picky, “maim” is a NO in songwriting because it’s almost always a forced rhyme. I should never be able to tell you used rhymezone for a song. This concept is wig snatching, though. I think it’s been done before in Platinum Hit, but not like this. Your imagery is so strong, I can almost feel it. “It’s a knot in my stomach, a splinter in bone/this silver tongued devil won’t leave me alone” was a COUPLET (although a silenced moan should have been one syllable longer). I loved how the song ended as well. @Gastrodonatella – Purple Mist Verse one is a great example of how meter =/= flow. You had a great sense of meter within the verse, but the words still didn’t flow quite right. For example, the stressing on “starless” doesn’t quite match up with “by the” in the next line. If you’re not already, make sure you’re reading your songs out loud as you write them so you know how they’re read. Anyway, the lyrics are beautiful. I was just watching a video about subway lines so way to hit me in my urban planning feels. “I don’t bother to lock it since I’m never coming back” hit me like a tsunami, WOW. Because of stressing, mist and amethyst don’t rhyme perfectly, but in the context of this song I kinda loved it. And you know I’m a sucker for mountan imagery. So don’t be too worried about my first criticism because I still gave you a really good score. @Tsareena – Opalescence This song is v artpop. It was full of lines that were cool but didn’t quite connect. My favorite has to be “but with no light, eve a diamond cannot shine”. Lines like “the sandy beaches birthed him” were a bit too abstract for what they were trying to convey in my opinion. Small nit-pick in the chorus but it should be “bathe”, not “bath”. You have a similar problem to uvie, but a little more apparent, in that you hide your songs behind too many layers of large words and metaphors which hide a lot of their emotion and take away some of the meaning. @Covergirl – The Death of the Ruby Rose Love N sis, the hearts between verses were a bit much. This song reminded me of a mix between UFO, Tsareena, and mxtt, the latter in the plainness of which you stated the line “cut wide open, I’ve got your head”. There were a few too many clichés here for my liking, from “picked your poison” to “the monster you created”. This wasn’t quite as original as your other songs this season, and although you pained a colorful picture here, it didn’t quite live up to the reputation you’ve started to build this season. @mxtthewdelrey – Progress n sis what was the purpose of “amethyst” in the first line? This song does show some progress. The awkward lines are a little more far between (“I have moved away from all our strife”), and the weird ones border on clever (“and cut them all up with my love-knife”). And your structure was actually quite inventive. I loved the bridge, it felt confessional and the structure made me never quite know when the confession was ending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hug Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 7 minutes ago, Jackson said: @Hug – Heaven’s Mirror I think I said this in a review a couple weeks ago, but I think lunch is such an abrupt word to use in a song. I think the divide between the more metaphorical chorus and very plainly stated verses is too strong. There were a few awkward lines here as well, like “and I found the question confusing”. Overall, this was your weakest song this season. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, Gastrodonatella said: wait so how many songs were submitted this round? it seems like a really small amount tbh 19 iirc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 i always get dragged for the f rhymes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 2 hours ago, Jackson said: yes I just haven't added you and KatyCatPH to the google doc yet lolol doing now OMG dumb bitch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTacos Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 hour ago, Jackson said: you're already there and i scored you for last round i just didnt feel like reviewing xo let me checketh bey stan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 47 minutes ago, Hug said: TBH I hope @minho doesn't listen to cere and write in the more typical PH format because I find their style to be so unique and pleasant f. I mean so do I, but it's not lyrical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTacos Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 59 minutes ago, Citrus said: CitRuviews - All @MattyTacos- Love the necklace casualty line, even though it's ****ing weird. This actually serves a Dylobs tea a bit with the kinda tryhard language. Good allusions and references, but the key problem here is the fact that the chorus is not very good. It's way too clunky and awkward with the long phrases like "casual take on ancient foreplay" and "love's crafted poetry". It doesn't flow so every time the verse ends the song just kinda feels like it stops. Thank you that's my favorite part of the song probably. ddd don't compare me to that fat ever again! But, yeah I can see the problem with the chorus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citrus Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, MattyTacos said: Thank you that's my favorite part of the song probably. ddd don't compare me to that fat ever again! But, yeah I can see the problem with the chorus. The love necklace gives me a Mother! tea. Weird but I love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTacos Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 @Glassmouth girl check my last.fm I have been STANNING sufjan recently also i see u w/ ur song title Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTacos Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 (edited) Just now, Citrus said: The love necklace gives me a Mother! tea. Weird but I love. Mess, I need to see that movie. Yet I can't plan a proper date to go edit: date as in date with a guy Edited September 17, 2017 by MattyTacos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UFO Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said: remember when somebody said they were proud of you for not submitting an explanation Mess sis, I just couldn't help myself I always have to explain everything even when I know no one will bother reading that long ass **** ajkfhasjkfhasjkf I lowkey love writing essays - it's kind of my ultimate passion at this point. **** songwriting, **** Platinum Hit. let me become a full-time essayist/rambling queen. Now that's something I would DEFINITELY win and slay at for once Edited September 17, 2017 by UFO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 (edited) 2 minutes ago, MattyTacos said: @Glassmouth girl check my last.fm I have been STANNING sufjan recently also i see u w/ ur song title stanning for talent, I see btw, i followed u Edited September 17, 2017 by Glassmouth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UFO Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 I still need to get into Sufjan ha music tbh - where should I start ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTacos Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Glassmouth said: stanning for talent, I see The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us is one of the best songs of all time, whoo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, UFO said: I still need to get into Sufjan ha music tbh - where should I start ? Carrie & Lowell, definitely, it's his most 'first listener friendly' album cause it's not too long and it's emotional as hell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, MattyTacos said: The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us is one of the best songs of all time, whoo where's the lie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTacos Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 (edited) 2 minutes ago, UFO said: I still need to get into Sufjan ha music tbh - where should I start ? I kinda haven't heard his album in full yet, but I started with Illinois since it's his most acclaimed body of work. But, I think most of his fans prefer Carrie & Lowell so probably there, it's very accessible & incredibly beautiful. The Only Thing, Drawn to the Blood, John My Beloved, Fourth of July, & All of Me Wants All of You >>> Edited September 17, 2017 by MattyTacos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTacos Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Glassmouth said: where's the lie? he's one of those artists who makes you feel spiritually enlightened when listening to their music smacked (another reason why i love tori amos too hihi) since I stan her it was pretty easy to get into Sufjan's vibes of christianity & odd lyrics oh I am not quite sleeping oh I am fast in bed suddenly im fast too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Just now, MattyTacos said: he's one of those artists who makes you feel spiritually enlightened when listening to their music smacked (another reason why i love tori amos too hihi) since I stan her it was pretty easy to get into Sufjan's vibes of christianity & odd lyrics oh I am not quite sleeping oh I am fast in bed suddenly im fast too his music is so comforting for me, it's like receiving a brain hug, also I stan for artists that do a lot of the musical work themselves (just like Grimes, David Bowie and the guys from Animal Collective do) so it was easy to go full 'stan' with Sufjan + and as a bonus he is a cutie, what's not to love about the man? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTacos Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Glassmouth said: his music is so comforting for me, it's like receiving a brain hug, also I stan for artists that do a lot of the musical work themselves (just like Grimes, David Bowie and the guys from Animal Collective do) so it was easy to go full 'stan' with Sufjan + and as a bonus he is a cutie, what's not to love about the man? Yeah I love that he does everything himself. He's very talented and sexy. Also Chicago is one of the only songs to ever make me cry, so king Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTacos Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 mess at there being a street fair near me and i hear them BLASTING sugar by maroon 5 so loud as im watching these hot shirtless men play tennis in the park like a creep from my window i am suddenly inspired to write a song Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glassmouth Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 (edited) 1 minute ago, MattyTacos said: Yeah I love that he does everything himself. He's very talented and sexy. Also Chicago is one of the only songs to ever make me cry, so king Sufjan is legit the only artist that has made me cry more than once, Blue Bucket of Gold never fails to make me weep Edited September 17, 2017 by Glassmouth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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