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PLATINUM HIT 11▴ congratulations aurora ♛

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ceremonials

Ok. Yall know these multiple paragraphs of explanation/commentary dont affect the score of your song right? :deadbanana3: Unless the challenge specifically states you need an explanation I wouldn't include one if it were me. I'm not saying you shouldnt but if i took that into consideration it would be like giving people extra points for something not everyone did.

 

I still like reading them, tho. I find the process interesting + maybe you pointed out something I didn't notice, so I still appreciate when they're there. Just maybe don't include multiple paragraphs for every song, cause some judges might jusst ignore it altogether (though I don't think any of the current judges would, but this goes for any season)

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Aurora
19 minutes ago, SaintWest said:

@Auroraget out of here with your visually appealing, #1 winning album aesthetic :biblio:

this is my Purpose era, my Company is bound to happen soon (right now)

 

5 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

Ok. Yall know these multiple paragraphs of explanation/commentary dont affect the score of your song right? :deadbanana3: Unless the challenge specifically states you need an explanation I wouldn't include one if it were me. 

 

I still like reading them, tho. I find the process interesting + maybe you pointed out something I didn't notice. But I can't take that into consideration.

tell us off dad

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Speezy
8 hours ago, ceremonials said:

Ok. Yall know these multiple paragraphs of explanation/commentary dont affect the score of your song right? :deadbanana3: Unless the challenge specifically states you need an explanation I wouldn't include one if it were me. I'm not saying you shouldnt but if i took that into consideration it would be like giving people extra points for something not everyone did.

 

I still like reading them, tho. I find the process interesting + maybe you pointed out something I didn't notice, so I still appreciate when they're there. Just maybe don't include multiple paragraphs for every song, cause some judges might jusst ignore it altogether (though I don't think any of the current judges would, but this goes for any season)

Not you typing paragraph about their paragraphs 

:ahh: 

Let me type a page worth of explanation next round for you guys 

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Gastrodonatella
1 minute ago, Speezy said:

Not you typing paragraph about their paragraphs 

:ahh: 

Let me type a page worth of explanation next round for you guys 

is it just gonna be a description of the sex positions portrayed in ur song

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PoKiTaurus
8 hours ago, ceremonials said:

Ok. Yall know these multiple paragraphs of explanation/commentary dont affect the score of your song right? :deadbanana3: Unless the challenge specifically states you need an explanation I wouldn't include one if it were me. I'm not saying you shouldnt but if i took that into consideration it would be like giving people extra points for something not everyone did.

 

I still like reading them, tho. I find the process interesting + maybe you pointed out something I didn't notice, so I still appreciate when they're there. Just maybe don't include multiple paragraphs for every song, cause some judges might jusst ignore it altogether (though I don't think any of the current judges would, but this goes for any season)

Nawt paragraphs of just explaining the song :dies: I wrote like, 5 lines to just give the general concept I had for the song. 

 

Was someone's explanation longer than the actual song? Nnn

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Hug

I...did send an explanation to my song this week, but I am very aware it has no affect on how a judge perceives my entry f I just figured I'd give my insight to how I got the song since its different than usual.

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Speezy
22 minutes ago, Gastrodonatella said:

is it just gonna be a description of the sex positions portrayed in ur song

Wait :jonny: this isn't a bad idea

Where we're you the last two rounds with this 

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Gastrodonatella
5 minutes ago, Speezy said:

Wait :jonny: this isn't a bad idea

Where we're you the last two rounds with this 

CyZHQhMWgAAPVGA.jpg

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FCKNAmbrosia
10 hours ago, ceremonials said:

Ok. Yall know these multiple paragraphs of explanation/commentary dont affect the score of your song right? :deadbanana3: Unless the challenge specifically states you need an explanation I wouldn't include one if it were me. I'm not saying you shouldnt but if i took that into consideration it would be like giving people extra points for something not everyone did.

 

I still like reading them, tho. I find the process interesting + maybe you pointed out something I didn't notice, so I still appreciate when they're there. Just maybe don't include multiple paragraphs for every song, cause some judges might jusst ignore it altogether (though I don't think any of the current judges would, but this goes for any season)

Drag me king! 

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ultraviolence.xx
21 minutes ago, Covergirl said:

Are we expecting Sunday results?

i feel like it's not happening but i could be wrong 

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MattyTacos

idk the next time i'm gonna be on since i'm kinda getting kicked out of my house rn but hopefully i can find a place to stay sometime this week and check in 

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Gastrodonatella
2 minutes ago, MattyTacos said:

idk the next time i'm gonna be on since i'm kinda getting kicked out of my house rn but hopefully i can find a place to stay sometime this week and check in 

o_o... focus on irl before the game and we all wish u the best

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MattyTacos
Just now, Gastrodonatella said:

o_o... focus on irl before the game and we all wish u the best

dd I meant check in with y'all to let you know I'm okay :jonny:

 

im just waiting for my friend to give me the ok to stay over & will figure it out from there

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ultraviolence.xx
7 minutes ago, MattyTacos said:

idk the next time i'm gonna be on since i'm kinda getting kicked out of my house rn but hopefully i can find a place to stay sometime this week and check in 

nnn matty!! :jonny3::heart2: i hope everything works out!!

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ceremonials
39 minutes ago, MattyTacos said:

idk the next time i'm gonna be on since i'm kinda getting kicked out of my house rn but hopefully i can find a place to stay sometime this week and check in 

Omg what happened 

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MattyTacos
1 hour ago, ultraviolence.xx said:

nnn matty!! :jonny3::heart2: i hope everything works out!!

probably won't ddd but thanks sweetie :hug: 

 

36 minutes ago, ceremonials said:

Omg what happened 

my moms kicking me out cause she hates me :skull:

 

edit: well we have a lot of issues so 

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SaintWest
2 hours ago, MattyTacos said:

probably won't ddd but thanks sweetie :hug: 

 

my moms kicking me out cause she hates me :skull:

 

edit: well we have a lot of issues so 

keep us updated. stay safe bb girl!

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Jackson
6 hours ago, Covergirl said:

Are we expecting Sunday results?

idk if the other judges will be done by then but i want to do them tomorrow 

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swiftie13

Every non flop PH season has a moment where we all stan the best lyrics of all time, The Roof by Mariah Carey so I'm just gonna leave this here for your enjoyment and daily inspiration.

 

 

 

 

It wasn't raining yet
But it was definitely a little misty on
That warm November night
And my heart was pounding
My inner voice resounding
Begging me to turn away
But I just had to see your face
To feel alive
And then you casually walked in the room
And I was twisted in the web
Of my desire for you
(And I was twisted)
My apprehension blew away
I only wanted you
To taste my sadness
As you kissed me in the dark

[Chorus:]
Every time I feel the need
I envision you caressing me
And go back in time
To relive the splendor of you and I
On the rooftop that rainy night

And so we finished the Moet
And started feeling liberated
And I surrendered as you took me
In your arms
(You took me in your arms)
I was so caught up in the moment
I couldn't bear to let you go yet
So I threw caution to the wind
And started listening to my longing heart
And then you softly pressed your lips to mine
And feelings surfaced I'd suppressed
For such a long long time
(And I was lifted)
And for a while I forgot
The sorrow and the pain
And melted with you as we stood
There in the rain

[Chorus]

Last night I dreamed that I
Whispered the words I love you
And touched you so very
Subtly as we were kissing goodbye
(Pretty baby - How I'm missing you)

 

[Chorus]

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ceremonials

batch one x

 

@ultraviolence.xx, “Take Me to the Water” (HERETIC)

 

I think this really read like a Florence song, even if most of your songs tend to :fan: So that was good. There were parts that felt a bit too...melodramatic for someone like Florence, specifically the last line in the chorus. It seems to be a recurring theme you’ve had throughout all your entries, which is nice, but it felt out of place here. The repetition of “These spirits never let me sleep was pretty effective as well, though I do think it became a tad tiring by the time we reach the end. Still, I imagined them like the background vocals in “Delilah” so that perhaps flavored my perspective a bit. I also felt the “to find what I’ve been looking for” in the second verse was a little lazy, since it was so similar to the one from the previous verse, but essentially just watered down. The line just doesn’t punch enough to justify it being there again, unless there was some new twist on it.

 

Overall, I think you nailed this challenge, but maybe mainly because your style is essentially a more grandiose version of Florence’s. It felt like you toned things down to make them more accessible like the prompt said, but I think a few of the nuances that make both your and her style unique was lost in the process.

 

@UFO, “Escape the Heavens” (HERETIC)

 

In terms of technicalities, this was by no means a Florence song. She rarely f***s with her rhyme scheme and though her song structures might seem complex by ear, on paper they’re pretty standard. This definitely wasn’t standard in terms of structure - though not all of her songs are, and this structure wasn’t too crazy anyway. I wouldn’t judge you too harshly for not including fine details like this, since it was nowhere to be mentioned in the prompt, but it did take me out of the experience a bit, and it didn’t flow nearly as naturally as 90% of the other Florence songs. Some examples of this would be the jagged stones line, while I really love the couplet as a whole, the first part was extremely clunky.

 

That said, I think conceptually this is quite interesting, and I think I could see Florence singing about something like this, even if songs like Seven Devils are kind of scarce in her discography. The hook was pretty solid and probably the most consistent part of the entire piece, which was of course appreciated. Unfortunately, I think the rest of the song is just too long. Some lines are too long and it results in them becoming clunky, and  the outro and the bridge definitely could’ve been condensed into one. I think moving forward, you should try not to accomplish so much, because it can be the reason you fall short. I tell most people to do more with their songs but I think I’m gonna suggest the opposite for you. Do less. With a writer like you, I think simplicity is the better route to take, and maybe you’ll explore that in future rounds.

 

@Hug, “Kaleidoscope Skies” (HERETIC)

 

This was a tiny bit of a reach for a Florence song. I sort of struggled to imagine her singing at parts, but at other parts (mainly the verses), it felt very her. Death is not that common of a theme in her songs as well so I don’t think you could make that reach either - but I don’t think you really have to. It’s still pretty justifiable as a Florence song, just maybe not all the way through. Speaking of the verses, they were definitely the strongest part for me, and I didn’t feel any real attachment to the chorus or pre chorus, which is weird since I feel like that’s usually one of your strong points. It did feel more accessible than the typical Florence chorus though, so points for that. I just wish it packed the same punch the verses do while also being toned down, but that’s a very niche and specific request, so I digress.

 

Overall I think you hit the mark with this challenge - you didn’t exactly soar above and beyond, but I think I can blame that on you not being familiar with Florence as an artist, and that’s fine. In the real world, if you got hired for a writing camp, you might not know who the artist is either, so it’s important to be able to mimic people’s styles at the very least, and this song is proof of your capability of that.

 

@Gastrodonatella, “The Picture on the Wall” (NEW ROADS)

 

Okay, this was almost another 10 but unfortunately there were a few slip ups. You occasionally changed the rhyme scheme and meter for seemingly no reason, such as the second half of Verse 2, and it ruined the otherwise flawless flow. It seems like maybe this was done to help the story move along and tie it altogether, but I feel there was maybe a better way to go about it. The rest of the lines were short and sweet, full of nuance and emotion, and felt like a country song (which is pretty hard to do on paper, or at least do it well). The lines felt like Dolly to a tee. I just wish all of it was as consistent as most of it was, if that makes sense?

 

If we take out the outro and the second half of verse two though, then we have another 10 on our hands, so it can’t be all bad, right?

 

@funnellegs, “Tomorrow’s Ghost” (HERETIC)

 

“My painted lips tremble as we flicker in the dark / Two bodies in tandem but only one beating heart” BITCH :jonny4:  a couplet. Anyway, I’m pretty sure you’re British so I think you have a certain perspective that others who chose Florence might not have, and that definitely added to the experience for me. Even if we ignore the imagery, the subject matter, any of the literary devices used, it still reads like a Florence song to me.

 

Still, there were some parts that Florence would definitely not use, some examples would be the “side effect” line, and perhaps the “nobody” line in the chorus. I think this isn’t directly related to Florence though - even if this was just for a free round or something, I think those lines would still feel out of place. Again, this feels like a very typical funnellegs entry, with a bit of Florence flare here in there. You seem to be stepping out of your box more and more with each round and whether that’s willingly happening or the challenges are forcing you to, I can’t say. But I welcome it. You’re a very competent writer, but I think you will find greater success in trying new things.

 

@minho, “Storybook” (NEW ROADS)

 

Okay, so I get why this is a Dolly song, but it wasn’t enough of an emulation of her style for me. The storytelling element was definitely there - maybe not with the most focus, but it’s there. The emotional draw is there, and while that can be said about many country artists (female ones anyway :fan: ), it is especially true for Dolly. Unfortunately, that’s about where the similarities end. In terms of writing style, this is way too much of your style and not enough of hers. Because of this, I couldn’t imagine her singing this at all throughout most of it. You had a really flawless balance in the first verse - it felt like you, but still like her. The same could be said about the chorus, and I think these two parts are both the strongest parts of the song as well as the only parts that could really pass of as Dolly. Verse 3 could’ve been deleted altogether, tbh.

 

That said, I do like the song itself. If this were a different round, less restrictive to style maybe, then I think this would’ve worked a lot better, but as is, it’s a great song, but not the greatest Dolly emulation.

 

@Tsareena, “Lamb” (HERETIC)

 

Nnn, the trigger warning. Thanx sis. I do think this was a bit too...on the nose for Florence but subject wise it wasn’t a miss by any means. Your writing seems a tad more verbose than usual, which is fitting, given the prompt, and it evens your styles out decently well. What this song really suffers from is the lack of a rhyme scheme though. There’s rhymes here and there sure, but no definite structure to it. In that sense, it was at times hard to read naturally. You really need to start including definite rhyme schemes in your songs. You’re have a good sense of word choice, and you’re conceptually one of the strongest contestants this season (poor Corsola.), but you’re held back most by your refusal to mould your song into a certain formula. I’m always here for people trying new things in terms of structure, because sometimes even if the song doesn’t flow well, it can work if the rest of the aspects are strong enough. I think a good example of this would be your song from last week. But I think you could really shine if you used a more traditional structure. I’d recommend starting with ABAB, and maybe build on it from there.

 

@FCKNAmbrosia, “Castaway” (HERETIC)

 

Screaming at your entry LITERALLY taking up 7 pages of the Google Doc. :deadbanana2: I’m fine with that though, since now I have less songs to read than I initially thought :gaycat3: Also wow @ you doing a collab, I don’t think that’s ever been done before. In that sense it seems like a risk, but I mean, no one ever said it

be a collab, so collect those royalties henny.

 

Okay onto the actual song. As always, there were a  few ARTPOP word choices that could’ve been avoided - things like “belly of the sea”, “abyss sand” and “water flow”. Also, you did NOT just rhyme sea gulls with eagles, did you? The chorus however was ARTPOP in its finest form, and I really loved it. The castaway hook is an absolute slay in both of the choruses. Also, I felt like the “you” parts felt more like Florence, and her parts felt more like you, so that was weird, but not gonna lie I wasn’t paying much attention to who was singing what. Still, it was a clever way to bridge both of your styles seamlessly, even if wasn’t pulled off the best.




 

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