discussion Have I been ghosted?

[LoveInStereo]

You saw him on Tinder but you never said you matched. And you pursued him anyway? At 21, I had no clue what I wanted romantically, I thought I wanted a serious relationship but didn’t have the maturity to understand what that took/meant & what personality type was well-suited to me. I honestly don’t see 1 date into no contact as ghosting. There’s no relationship, you met one time, he doesn’t really owe you anything? You know he’s not interested, what more would you want him to tell you?

 

edit: So after 1 date, y’all actually want a text saying I have 0 interest in pursuing things? You can’t just infer from their behaviour, it has to be spelled out? Like how much of a humiliation kink do you have, I’d rather the radio silence!

Edited September 3, 2023 by LoveInStereo

[State of Grace.]

10 minutes ago, Sabrina Carpenter said:

that’s true 

 

i guess i’m just used to that age gap because my boyfriend’s 22 and i’m 25 turning 26 

Yeah mid-early 20s is actually a pretty popular age gap. I think it depends on the person.

[oceans]

23 minutes ago, LoveInStereo said:

So after 1 date, y’all actually want a text saying I have 0 interest in pursuing things? You can’t just infer from their behaviour, it has to be spelled out? Like how much of a humiliation kink do you have, I’d rather the radio silence!

[DoubleRainbow!]

52 minutes ago, kataraqueen said:

Idk I kind of hyperfixate then lose energy but that doesn't mean I lost interest. To me it seems like your form of showing attention can come across as ambivalent. If I was on the receiving end of this, especially as the younger person, I wouldn't bother to keep texting you, so just reach out again, he might've just missed that message / forgotten about it, especially since it's unopened. People can miss messages, but I think it's proper etiquette to say you had a nice time after a date so consider if you even want to see him again. If you do just text him again there's nothing wrong with thag

50 minutes ago, kataraqueen said:

I also find it tiring to have to initiate so he might just be expecting you to initiate a bit more. He invites you, kisses you and now you expect him to create the follow up talk

You saw through me :0

that’s always been a problem for me and I understand if it was a turn off 

maybe he was kinda interested but he realized that I don’t have the initiative that is expected for someone my age 

 

55 minutes ago, ugo said:

 

Have you tried contacting him again ?

 

 

I contacted him after the date, I told him he was the cutest guy I’ve met and I asked him how he was. He only answered that he was fine and “liked” the other message

He had attended a party that same night and had gotten drunk so I asked how he was doing, no answer

After waiting the whole day for an answer I gave it another try and asked if everything was alright: no answer 

 

[DamianSolo]

Honestly, yes. I feel confident in saying it's no fault of your own, he's probably just stupid—as most of these guys are. They're always looking for the next best thing, through this idealistic view of what they consider to be the perfect man. So, they'll dismiss everyone else in search of that imaginary being while still entertaining other guys here and there, just so they don't feel completely alone.

 

I've seen it time and time again, with them still being alone and logging onto Grindr 10 years later—pretending they're still too good for the same people they've been passing over for years.

[ugo]

1 minute ago, DoubleRainbow! said:

 

I contacted him after the date, I told him he was the cutest guy I’ve met and I asked him how he was. He only answered that he was fine and “liked” the other message

He had attended a party that same night and had gotten drunk so I asked how he was doing, no answer

After waiting the whole day for an answer I gave it another try and asked if everything was alright: no answer 

 

He might mostly be into NSA hookups and the thought of engagement scared him off

[Breathe On Moi]

1 minute ago, DoubleRainbow! said:

You saw through me :0

that’s always been a problem for me and I understand if it was a turn off 

maybe he was kinda interested but he realized that I don’t have the initiative that is expected for someone my age 

 

I contacted him after the date, I told him he was the cutest guy I’ve met and I asked him how he was. He only answered that he was fine and “liked” the other message

He had attended a party that same night and had gotten drunk so I asked how he was doing, no answer

After waiting the whole day for an answer I gave it another try and asked if everything was alright: no answer 

 

ma’am don’t listen to them, hit the exit door, exit to the left, these ppl are going to have you texting him again and look like a total thirsty psycho. 

[selena_lavigne]

There are 4 Billion Boys in the world. At least 1 million of the ones you find HOT AS **** won’t ghost you. 

Edited September 3, 2023 by selena_lavigne

[DoubleRainbow!]

1 hour ago, Oktober Knight said:

It's unfortunate men do this, especially after showing so much interest, but yeah he ghosted you for sure. It could have been the kiss or maybe he's not ready to make a commitment yet. 

Maybe, but that was a long kiss and he stopped to ask if he was doing it right I said yes and then we continued, then he got a boner and told me to look up not to see him accommodate his d 

 

39 minutes ago, shyboi said:

Do you have bad breath? Sometimes I cut ties with people who have weird breath even if everything else was perfect because there's no way I can explain that to them and i'm not willing to put with that either.

No way lol

[shyboi]

1 minute ago, DoubleRainbow! said:

Maybe, but that was a long kiss and he stopped to ask if he was doing it right I said yes and then we continued, then he got a boner and told me to look up not to see him accommodate his d 

 

No way lol

 

You deserve the world icon! His loss! 

[DoubleRainbow!]

48 minutes ago, LoveInStereo said:

You saw him on Tinder but you never said you matched. And you pursued him anyway? At 21, I had no clue what I wanted romantically, I thought I wanted a serious relationship but didn’t have the maturity to understand what that took/meant & what personality type was well-suited to me. I honestly don’t see 1 date into no contact as ghosting. There’s no relationship, you met one time, he doesn’t really owe you anything? You know he’s not interested, what more would you want him to tell you?

 

edit: So after 1 date, y’all actually want a text saying I have 0 interest in pursuing things? You can’t just infer from their behaviour, it has to be spelled out? Like how much of a humiliation kink do you have, I’d rather the radio silence!

We did. that’s where I got his IG from

I followed him cuz I thought he’s really cute and wanted to see his pics and stories but he was the one who hit me up first 

 

you’re right on the humiliation thing I think we all know what the no answer means but after that date lasting almost 4 hours and the kiss it leaves you thinking everything was alright but it turns out it really wasn’t? Why? 

[Power love]

Yikes you got ghosted babe! 

[fememeist]

3 hours ago, DoubleRainbow! said:

he has barely sent me any message for three days. That nig

I fear he found another man to go to a coffee shop date with and to do the same/similar things with said man.

[fememeist]

3 hours ago, DoubleRainbow! said:

Yeap, he told me he’s into older guys 

he even said his dad wasn’t there during his childhood so maybe he’s got daddy issues or something 

If this conversation piece occurred before he ghosted you, you had the opportunity to ghost first..

[fememeist]

1 hour ago, DoubleRainbow! said:

We did. that’s where I got his IG from

I followed him cuz I thought he’s really cute and wanted to see his pics and stories but he was the one who hit me up first 

 

you’re right on the humiliation thing I think we all know what the no answer means but after that date lasting almost 4 hours and the kiss it leaves you thinking everything was alright but it turns out it really wasn’t? Why? 

Because 4 hours isn’t enough. This is why girls say men don’t create emotionally mature relationships(both straight and gay men), because we don’t allow ourselves to take actions slowly and to get to know them first before sensuality

[fememeist]

3 hours ago, kataraqueen said:

I also find it tiring to have to initiate so he might just be expecting you to initiate a bit more. He invites you, kisses you and now you expect him to create the follow up talk

This is horrible advice

[vuelve88]

Realistically, he’s probably gone on dates with other guys since your date. It sucks, but I would just move on. I would even ghost him if he ever finally responds.  You don’t want someone that considers you an afterthought. 

[DoubleRainbow!]

2 hours ago, ugo said:

He might mostly be into NSA hookups and the thought of engagement scared him off

Yeap, since I’ve seen him on Grindr as well I’m afraid this is the case, he even mentioned some sexual stuff through the text messages 

And I can’t blame him, I mean he’s only 21, do people that age look for something else than fun? 
I should’ve known better 

 

I guess what’s bothering me atm is being ignored after getting that much attention

[ugo]

1 minute ago, DoubleRainbow! said:

Yeap, since I’ve seen him on Grindr as well I’m afraid this is the case, he even mentioned some sexual stuff through the text messages 

And I can’t blame him, I mean he’s only 21, do people that age look for something else than fun? 
I should’ve known better 

 

I guess what’s bothering me atm is being ignored after getting that much attention

I'm really sorry about that. Wishing you the best 

[PoisonedIvy]

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m dealing with kind of the same

 

Dude followed me on IG out of nowhere, I followed back, slid in DMs, got his number, we had EXTREMELY intimate conversations and flirtations and phone calls and voice note exchanges… he was so cute and we had such a great connection, we were on the same wavelength physically, mentally, emotionally.. and then after 1 week it’s just suddenly become crickets  

 

My delusional ass was already planning our wedding  My first and last time falling head over heels for someone

Edited September 3, 2023 by WeFoundTrouble

[DoubleRainbow!]

16 minutes ago, WeFoundTrouble said:

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m dealing with kind of the same

 

Dude followed me on IG out of nowhere, I followed back, slid in DMs, got his number, we had EXTREMELY intimate conversations and flirtations and phone calls and voice note exchanges… he was so cute and we had such a great connection, we were on the same wavelength physically, mentally, emotionally.. and then after 1 week it’s just suddenly become crickets  

 

My delusional ass was already planning our wedding  My first and last time falling head over heels for someone

God I hate men

 

this one even called me future boyfriend or smn and even called my brother his brother-in-law, if he hadn’t said any of that I would’ve never fallen for him 

[prézli]

I'm a straight girl and I feel you, boy. Men are like this nowadays, unfortunately.

 

Plus, today's men can't properly communicate. They're simply weak at communication. A boy thinks if he has the chemistry with the girl, and she is simply kind with him, it can mean she's ready to have sex with him which is not true. (I mean, if the girl is a wh-re.) She is just interested in his personality and wants to get to know him better.

 

I'm sorry that it happened to you, I hope you will find a great boy which won't be easy, but it can happen.

[AintNoOtherMe]

I’m sorry that happened to you. Being ghosted doesn’t feel good and leaves you with hundreds of questions why and how and etc… the truth is: it doesn’t really matter why he did it. the best advice is just to let it go, don’t text him, try not to think about him, if it helps mute his social media and just move on. It’s good that it happened after the first date cauz I’ve been in situations where I got ghosted after 2-3 dates which makes things worse. 
this one guy said he wanted to be my boyfriend and blah blah and then he ghosted me. and it’s usually the younger guys because they aren’t mature enough. 
good luck and move on!
 

 

[kataraqueen]

3 hours ago, fememeist said:

This is horrible advice

That's what I find attractive so I'm just trying to think on the other person's perspective?

 

Not being texted when you didn't send any follow up text isn't ghosting to me either but maybe I misread the OP

[DoubleRainbow!]

1 hour ago, kataraqueen said:

Not being texted when you didn't send any follow up text isn't ghosting to me either but maybe I misread the OP

So this is what happened after the date:

 

-we said goodbye with a kiss at around 3pm

-i didn’t send any message right after because I didn’t wanna look “intense” so I decided to message him some hours later 

-he texts me at like 4pm saying he “was with his friends already” to which I respond it’s okay immediately and I say I’m going home already

-at 7pm he responds saying everything is alright but he’s a lil bit drunk and I say I hope he doesn’t end too wasted; no answer from him

-I understand he’s at a party having fun and stuff so I’m okay with that and before going to bed at 11pm I tell him it was cute meeting him and I hope he has a good rest

-he answers the day after at like 11am replying to every single one of my messages except the one where I said he was the cutest so I get a lil bit sad and don’t answer only after two hours saying I hope he’s feeling well, no answer from him the whole day

-it’s 7pm and I give it the last try so I text him “heeey, is everything alright?”

-that’s it