discussion Have I been ghosted?

[DoubleRainbow!]

So I met this really cute dude on Instagram like 3 weeks ago, honestly I had seen him before on Tinder and I finally decided to follow him, so I did and liked 3 of his photos. He followed me back and liked 3 of my photos too.

 

To my surprise, he was the first to say hi, I felt like we had an instant connection we talked for hours and hours and tbh I was falling for him really fast. After some days, he invited me out and the date was perfect, we were at this coffee shop and I felt like we were both having a good time as he was smiling the whole time, he was kind, he was attentive, he showed that he cared about me and even expressed how nervous he was for meeting me in a cute way.

He’s 21 and I’m 25 (maybe that was my mistake) I wanted to kiss him so badly but as he was the younger one, I didn’t want to put pressure on him, surprisingly, he was the one who asked for a kiss and it was really cute even he got a boner lol

We said goodbye and… he has barely sent me any message for three days. That night I told him that he was the cutest and I hoped he had a good rest.

and that was it, he hasn’t replied back and I’ve seen he’s active on IG and I even saw him on Grindr lol

 

This isn’t the first time someone has made me feel like we’re having a good time during a date, has kissed me on the date and then stopped talking. 
Are we in front of a case ghosting?

why are men like this? Can someone explain this phenomenon? :(

[ugo]

Yeah he ghosted you, sorry about that. I think some people just won't go out of their way to be honest with someone they are face to face with and it's awful. Best is to move on. 

Edited September 3, 2023 by ugo

[LustSpell]

Unfortunately, yes. The interest might've been mutual at first but then cooled on him and he moved on. Sorry you have to deal with that but I've noticed people hate conflict. So instead they just try to quietly inch away without causing a problem which ironically ends up being more painful to the person it's happening to. Best to just find someone else.

[Theshigo Washidu]

He probably wasn't feeling you anymore after or during the date, but kept it cute for the moment.

Does he know your age? Maybe he thinks you're a bit too old for him?

 

You'll just have to charge it to the game and move on unfortunately.

[Alldeezy]

Sounds like his ghosting you. I'm sorry yeah it sucks. 

 

Happened to me last weekend was suppose to meet up with this guy then he went radio silence. However we are talking again but my walls are up because idk if he'll ghost me again. (I've crushed on him for a year only reason why I gave him a 2nd chance)

 

Idk a lot of people seem to ghost instead of being honest 

[DoubleRainbow!]

6 minutes ago, Theshigo Washidu said:

He probably wasn't feeling you anymore after or during the date, but kept it cute for the moment.

Does he know your age? Maybe he thinks you're a bit too old for him?

 

You'll just have to charge it to the game and move on unfortunately.

Yeap, he told me he’s into older guys 

he even said his dad wasn’t there during his childhood so maybe he’s got daddy issues or something 

[Aston Martin]

He did. And as painful as it is, you can at least move on from him now instead of him stringing you along and then ghosting in 6 months. And I don't say that to belittle your situation, just to maybe give you a bright side to look on if you so wish. I'm sorry he did that to you. 

[BILLIONAIRE✘BOY]

Yeah, time to find some d elsewhere. 

[GentleEarthquake]

He did. Which shows he's not worth your time

[DoubleRainbow!]

17 minutes ago, ugo said:

Yeah he ghosted you, sorry about that. I think some people just won't go out of their way to be honest with someone they are face to face with and it's awful. Best is to move on. 

I know and it’s ok If they didn’t like you at the end but why ask for a kiss at the very last minute?  
Like they don’t wanna go empty handed 

[Rotunda]

As a general rule of thumb, if you’re ever compelled to ask for relationship advice on ATRL it’s too late 

Edited September 4, 2023 by Rotunda

[oceans]

8 minutes ago, DoubleRainbow! said:

he even said his dad wasn’t there during his childhood so maybe he’s got daddy issues or something 

bruh...

[kataraqueen]

Idk I kind of hyperfixate then lose energy but that doesn't mean I lost interest. To me it seems like your form of showing attention can come across as ambivalent. If I was on the receiving end of this, especially as the younger person, I wouldn't bother to keep texting you, so just reach out again, he might've just missed that message / forgotten about it, especially since it's unopened. People can miss messages, but I think it's proper etiquette to say you had a nice time after a date so consider if you even want to see him again. If you do just text him again there's nothing wrong with thag

[kataraqueen]

I also find it tiring to have to initiate so he might just be expecting you to initiate a bit more. He invites you, kisses you and now you expect him to create the follow up talk

[DoubleRainbow!]

16 minutes ago, Alldeezy said:

Sounds like his ghosting you. I'm sorry yeah it sucks. 

 

Happened to me last weekend was suppose to meet up with this guy then he went radio silence. However we are talking again but my walls are up because idk if he'll ghost me again. (I've crushed on him for a year only reason why I gave him a 2nd chance)

 

Idk a lot of people seem to ghost instead of being honest 

This exact same thing happened to me with this dude 

 

The first week was ok, but he stopped replying for the first time, then I posted a thirst trap and the Taylor Swift concert photos and it turned out he’s a swiftie so he sent me a DM I gave him a second chance and then THIS happened 

[Oktober Knight]

It's unfortunate men do this, especially after showing so much interest, but yeah he ghosted you for sure. It could have been the kiss or maybe he's not ready to make a commitment yet. 

[ugo]

18 minutes ago, DoubleRainbow! said:

I know and it’s ok If they didn’t like you at the end but why ask for a kiss at the very last minute?  
Like they don’t wanna go empty handed 

Not sure tbh and you won't probably hear it from him. He is also younger and maybe hasn't matured enough yet

 

Ghosting is awful but tbh I did it the past to some friends. Sometimes I get really stressed out and avoiding people seem like a way of coping. 

 

Have you tried contacting him again ?

 

 

Edited September 3, 2023 by ugo

[Sabrina Carpenter]

that's awful  yes, you've been ghosted

 

the worst one really is when you think everything's going great then bam you get ghosted

[Sabrina Carpenter]

also, 21 and 25 isn't even that far from each other... y'all making it seem like OP is in his late 30s 

[State of Grace.]

The date and kiss might have triggered some commitment issues or something nn, especially since he's 21.

 

I really don't understand why is it so hard for men to just text "Hey, I had a good a time but I don't think we're compatible" or anything along those lines. It does sound like too much work but ghosting will always be childish imo. I'd understand it more if it was a random hookup or a cum n' dump kinda situation. Sorry sis, hope you find someone better who is at least able to communicate properly

Edited September 3, 2023 by State of Grace.

[State of Grace.]

2 minutes ago, Sabrina Carpenter said:

also, 21 and 25 isn't even that far from each other... y'all making it seem like OP is in his late 30s 

21 and 25 look really close to each on paper but to be honest I'm also 25 and find it hard to be around guys in their early 20s as well. On the other hand, I feel too young for men in their early 30s and I always feel the age gap. It's a really weird age idk. I'm blaming my quarter life crisis. 

[Sabrina Carpenter]

1 minute ago, State of Grace. said:

21 and 25 look really close to each on paper but to be honest I'm also 25 and find it hard to be around guys in their early 20s as well. On the other hand, I feel too young for men in their early 30s and I always feel the age gap. It's a really weird age idk. I'm blaming my quarter life crisis. 

that’s true 

 

i guess i’m just used to that age gap because my boyfriend’s 22 and i’m 25 turning 26 

[MusicLoverDude]

Yeah he ghosted you. Unfortunately I feel like this happens way too much in the gay community since so many of us didn't get to date as teens so the lack of dating experience is truly something else. That and the fact that he's from Gen Z, which also doesn't know how to communicate properly. 

[Peroxide]

36 minutes ago, DoubleRainbow! said:

Yeap, he told me he’s into older guys 

he even said his dad wasn’t there during his childhood so maybe he’s got daddy issues or something 

I think 4 years is neither here nor there when you’re both north of 20…

 

My partner is 26 and I’m 29 and we barely notice the age gap.

 

I digress… from the sounds of it… yes you were ghosted unfortunately.
 

I’ve been there too; it’s very confusing if they happen to be the first one to show interest or if you have an amazing first date… but it’s on them, not you.

[shyboi]

Do you have bad breath? Sometimes I cut ties with people who have weird breath even if everything else was perfect because there's no way I can explain that to them and i'm not willing to put with that either.

Edited September 3, 2023 by shyboi