discussion Unsupportive friend. Big deal or no?

[CottageHore]

So I recently started sharing my art. When you start sharing your art or any part of your life, you notice the friends who support your art or at least show an interest in what you’re doing and consequently, you then notice the few who don’t care at all.

 

There’s this one friend who I’ve known since kindergarten. We’re in our 20s now. She and my other friends have started to see a different side to her these past few years. She got married and I officiated her wedding (mind you, I had to pay for the certification on my own at a time in my life when I was incredibly broke and had a lot of anxiety about it) and she was so unappreciative, didn’t thank me, posted a bunch of wedding photos and tagged everyone except for me (I only officiated cuz she didn’t know what to do with a gay male friend and didn’t want me in her wedding), she sometimes makes sly comments that I always wrote off as jokes that didn’t land well but I’m realizing now were likely shady. She met a nice (conservative) man who lives in a small hick town back in 2019 and immediately moved there with him and has been a lil different ever since.  
 

Anyway- now that I’ve started sharing my art across social platforms, which sounds frivolous but is a big deal to me- she’s the only friend of mine who doesn’t show any sort of support. Hasn’t reached out. Hasn’t showed any interest and I’ve only noticed this because she’s the only other one of my friends who is an artist. She is an art major, in fact, so it definitely feels shady that she can’t even acknowledge my art when I’ve made it clear how much it means to me and I’d think of all people in my life she’d understand. 

 

I’m not asking if I should cut her off cuz I can figure that out on my own. But is this something any of you would be a little wary of or am I reading into it too much?

 

 

Edited August 16, 2023 by CottageHore

[mystery]

It is something I noticed with some people in my life as well and there is not much you can do but let them fade away as they clearly wish to do so. Unsupportive people who are prepared to cut you off like that don't deserve you and you deserve more than having someone as fake as that in your life.

[Devin]

I’ll never be friends w/ anyone unsupportive.

[Europe]

Well, is she even online that much? Are you certain she saw your posts? If she just didn't say anything, I don't see it as a big deal. It would be one thing if she actively said something shady or rude, but maybe she has other things going on and doesn't feel the need to comment on your posts.

 

 

[CottageHore]

8 minutes ago, AbeHicks said:

Well, is she even online that much? Are you certain she saw your posts? If she just didn't say anything, I don't see it as a big deal. It would be one thing if she actively said something shady or rude, but maybe she has other things going on and doesn't feel the need to comment on your posts.

 

 

Oh no she sees every post, I know this cuz she’s typically one of the first. And she sees all my other friends sharing it. I try not to get all caught up in stupid social media nonsense like that but it’s apparent at this point and hard to ignore. She’s basically never not active on Instagram. 

[AintNoOtherMe]

It’s not her job to support your art. You seem to be a bit obsessed with her, like you even noticing that she doesn’t like/share you art on social media. Try focusing on yourself and do you thing. If you were to ask her to share your art and she refuses to do so, then I would be upset otherwise it’s not her job. Also if she’s also an artist maybe she doesn’t want to share her competition on her page which is also understandable. 
 

[favorite crime]

The wedding business alone is enough to end that friendship lol, this is just icing on the cake

[brraap]

Let her fade away into her boring suburban life and keep doing you bestie. You’ll find way better, genuine supporters out there

[Kim Petrat]

i would honestly be more upset over the wedding stuff than the art since there’s a chance MAYBE she’s not seeing it… but either way no one deserves negative people in their life who don’t raise them up! there’s way better people in your future than her 

[CBC]

1 hour ago, CottageHore said:

She got married and I officiated her wedding (mind you, I had to pay for the certification on my own at a time in my life when I was incredibly broke and had a lot of anxiety about it) and she was so unappreciative, didn’t thank me, posted a bunch of wedding photos and tagged everyone except for me (I only officiated cuz she didn’t know what to do with a gay male friend and didn’t want me in her wedding)

drop her immediately 

my best friend who is a super traditional devout christian made me a maid of honour at her wedding without a 2nd thought. that's what real friends do!

[CottageHore]

17 minutes ago, brraap said:

Let her fade away into her boring suburban life and keep doing you bestie. You’ll find way better, genuine supporters out there

I mean every other person in my life is so great and supportive which is why she’s really sticking out right now  she lives in a town with 100 people so she also just seems very out of touch. Thank you for your kind words 

[Dula Peep]

Maybe she just really gets art and thinks yours is terrible? 

 

[CottageHore]

47 minutes ago, AintNoOtherMe said:

It’s not her job to support your art. You seem to be a bit obsessed with her, like you even noticing that she doesn’t like/share you art on social media. Try focusing on yourself and do you thing. If you were to ask her to share your art and she refuses to do so, then I would be upset otherwise it’s not her job. Also if she’s also an artist maybe she doesn’t want to share her competition on her page which is also understandable. 
 

She doesn’t make art anymore and the art we make is not even in the same category. Not obsessed, just pondering and sharing which is what this forum is for. If you’re incapable of cultivating empathy, I’d prefer you don’t contribute your feedback, thx 

[aesthetic bih]

People like her are not worth your energy. Just let her fade away just like what's everyone suggesting here. It's for the best.

[Dolce Vita]

that wedding situation alone should’ve been enough for you to cut her out of your life. i get it’s hard to let go of people you have a long history with but you shouldn’t tolerate disrespect from someone that’s supposed to be a good friend to you

[Hallad173]

7 minutes ago, Dula Peep said:

Maybe she just really gets art and thinks yours is terrible? 

 

I was dead ass thinking this the whole time, maybe she just doesn’t like OP’s art and style.

[Selegend]

Yeah, for me it would be a No. 

One of my friends is going trhu something similar. She has a clothing line, it got HUGE, she's everywhere online and now has stores even on big cities like São Paulo. and her friend also has a clothing line but she's still small, only on our city and not huge online at all. and she NEVER shows support while the one WITH THE BIG LINE posted her several times -- something that was huge promo for her ungrateful ass..

They're still friends.. i could NEVER , for me is a huge no. of course they're not the same as before, but i would never keep myself surrounded by this energy. 

 

ur friend is not 100% supportive of u being gay (reading ur text it looked like this for me) and now, on top of that, she's afraid ur art will get big. terrible friend.

I know u didn't ask for advice, but cut her off or just slow down with the friendship and let it be a distant one or fade away naturally. 

 

Edited August 16, 2023 by Selegend

[CottageHore]

6 minutes ago, Hallad173 said:

I was dead ass thinking this the whole time, maybe she just doesn’t like OP’s art and style.

I don’t like hers either but I’ve always shown support simply because art is subjective and I know it means something to her. Y’all are so ******* miserable  

[State of Grace.]

I was gonna say it depends on how close you are but this is definitely shady. Not only you've been friends since you were toddlers but she's also an artist? I'd understand if she wasn't active on social platforms but she could have supported you even with some words privately. You don't have to tell her "can you share my art plsss". Even if she thinks your art is horrible, she could offer some constructive criticism or anything. I'm sorry but I don't think you need people like her in your life. Also, the wedding thing was a major red flag ngl. Surprised you let it slide. Let her live her life with her conservative man and move on sis. It's sad when this happens, but I've learned that's how life works  

 

When one of my friends started her small business selling handmade jewelry, we legit pulled a spamming campaign online and even got her sponsored posts on Insta/Facebook. Another one in our group also had a similar small business and she didn't think twice.  

Edited August 16, 2023 by State of Grace.

[CottageHore]

1 minute ago, Selegend said:

Yeah, for me it would be a No. 

One of my friends is going trhu something similar. She has a clothing line, it got HUGE, she's everywhere online and now has stores even on big cities like São Paulo. and her friend also has a clothing line but she's still small, only on our city and not huge online at all. and she NEVER shows support while the one WITH THE BIG LINE posted her several times -- something that was huge promo for her ungrateful ass..

They're still friends.. i could NEVER , for me is a huge no. of course they're not the same as before, but i would never keep myself surrounded by this energy. 

 

our friend is not 100% supportive of u being gay (reading ur text it looked like this for me) and now she's afraid ur art will get big. 

I know u didn't ask for advice, but cut her off or just slow down with the friendship and let it be a distant one or fade away naturally. 

 

Thx for your well-rounded response! Yea we don’t live very close anymore, I’ll likely just let things fade like they have been anyway. 

[Rotunda]

The wedding situation is the actually damning part and you wouldn’t have provided it as context if you didn’t already think she’s shady af. 
 

The art thing is a lot more unclear because I immediately came up with four possibilities.

- She doesn’t like your art

- She doesn’t like your social media presence 

- She’s jealous of your art

- She’s resentful that she isn’t pursuing art

 

 

[CottageHore]

1 minute ago, State of Grace. said:

I was gonna say it depends on how close you are but this is definitely shady. Not only you've been friends since you were toddlers but she's also an artist? I'd understand if she wasn't active on social platforms but she could have supported you even with some words privately. You don't have to tell her "can you share my art plsss". Even if she thinks your art is horrible, she could offer some constructive criticism or anything. I'm sorry but I don't think you need people like her in your life. Also, the wedding thing was a major red flag ngl. Surprised you let it slide. Let her live her life with her conservative man and move on sis. It's sad when this happens, but I've learned that's how life works  

 

When one of my friends started her small business selling handmade jewelry and we legit pulled a spamming campaign online and even got her sponsored posts on Insta/Facebook. Another one in our group also had a similar small business and she didn't think twice.  

See and I know friends don’t need to like my art to simply acknowledge that it exists and means something to me. People incapable of understanding this lack pro-social annd interpersonal communication skills. I’m happy you’ve been so supportive of your friend, that’s amazing.
 

I’m sure I’ll just stop talking to this girl altogether and it’ll be like little changed 

[Vespertine]

I am a visual artist and many of my friends are artists. I will admit that there have been times when I’ve had to check out from a friend’s work because I didn’t think it was very good, but also didn’t feel they would appreciate or listen to my honest feedback. On the other hand, some friends are very open to feedback and would never be offended by a critical response.

 

You should try establishing these positions with your friends. Have you ever previously been a position where you’ve honestly critiqued each other’s work? 

 

Aside from all of that though — the wedding business sounds very shady and like you are just an afterthought as a friend to her, and only when you’re useful. That sounds like a bigger issue than the art stuff. 

[CottageHore]

9 minutes ago, Juanny said:

It sounds like you already kind of know what to do and need assurance! Yes, your feelings are valid.
 

Sounds like she’s only a negative presence in your life at this stage. You have given her plenty of your time, effort, and consideration while none was returned to you and you don’t need a friend like that. I always say long-term friends are just that: friends you’ve known a long time. You grow up so much from a stage like kindergarden, it can be hard to start to distance form someone you’ve known so long, and recognize when they’ve stopped being a friend, but you should let go when someone isn’t positively influencing your well being and needs anymore. Friends come and go into your life with a natural flow, so let it go that way and don’t force things to be as they aren’t. 

Thanks for the kind response, all good points. 

[CottageHore]

10 minutes ago, Vespertine said:

I am a visual artist and many of my friends are artists. I will admit that there have been times when I’ve had to check out from a friend’s work because I didn’t think it was very good, but also didn’t feel they would appreciate or listen to my honest feedback. On the other hand, some friends are very open to feedback and would never be offended by a critical response.

 

You should try establishing these positions with your friends. Have you ever previously been a position where you’ve honestly critiqued each other’s work? 

 

Aside from all of that though — the wedding business sounds very shady and like you are just an afterthought as a friend to her, and only when you’re useful. That sounds like a bigger issue than the art stuff. 

I mean I write and she occasionally makes paintings, so the art we make is very different. I wouldn’t exactly offer critique to her because that’s not an art form I know and I wouldn’t expect her to understand writing as an art form as she doesn’t write. So I guess I essentially just answered my own question, which is that she maybe doesn’t get it. But I guess I set a standard for myself to support my friends in artistic endeavors that I know means something to them cuz that’s what supportive friends do. 

Edited August 16, 2023 by CottageHore