discussion Hard hitting truths gay men aren't ready to hear?

[Headlock]

Just now, Speaker Phone said:

I'll take the classic definition: "Bullying is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate or intimidate."

 

And I definitely meant person-to-person not systemic.

I mean I get your point that gay men can certainly behave awfully towards each other, but when using a qualifier as “the worst,” I will always place that amongst straight men, including in one-on-one interactions. I’ve never feared for my physical safety when interacting with a gay man, even if words were being exchanged. I have with straight men.

[BrokenMachine]

Being gay doesn't give you a 'pass' for being misogynist

 

Cruising with strangers is not cool and puts you in high risk of getting long term diseases

[Johnny Jacobs]

Gay pride lost its purpose with all the *******. 

Stop allowing queerbating for your fave success. 

 

 

 

Edited July 31, 2023 by Johnny Jacobs

[Solaris]

10 minutes ago, Headlock said:

Yes? Aka not believing bisexuality is valid or real, that bi men are really gay men who haven’t come out fully yet, that being in a relationship with a man when you are bisexual does not negate the validity of your sexuality and ongoing attraction to women (and vice versa for bi women), etc.

 I kind of think bisexual people don’t actually encounter nearly as much bigotry as gay people do, and when they complain like this they mostly just want to feel included in the community

 

Like what are you talking about? Biphobia? I don’t think gay people are really out here bullying bisexual people in huge numbers 

 

I also don’t see specifically straight passing, closeted bisexual people as really part of my community

Edited July 31, 2023 by Solaris

[JoeAg]

17 minutes ago, Solaris said:

… Biphobia?

yes. biphobia. wherein, as a 13 year old who had recently come out as bisexual, I had to f*cking deal with older gay men who lived in my neighborhood (in addition to an older lesbian couple) telling me to pick a side. wherein, as a 17 year old, my ex girlfriend told me the fact that I like guys as well made her "uncomfortable" and she wanted me to never mention it in her presence. wherein, throughout middle school and high school, i had to deal with people telling me that I was just "going to eventually realize that I'm just gay." wherein, as a 22 year old, my ALSO BISEXUAL older brother told me to just not tell my parents who i'm dating because it might "confuse them," even though they've known and seen that I've dated men, women, and non-binary people. and that's just ME, and those aren't nearly as bad as what many other people have gone through. it's real. it affects bisexual people everywhere. so yeah, biphobia 

[Mitsouko]

Gay is not a personality

[Solaris]

2 minutes ago, JoeAg said:

yes. biphobia. wherein, as a 13 year old who had recently come out as bisexual, I had to f*cking deal with older gay men who lived in my neighborhood (in addition to an older lesbian couple) telling me to pick a side. wherein, as a 17 year old, my ex girlfriend told me the fact that I like guys as well made her "uncomfortable" and she wanted me to never mention it in her presence. wherein, throughout middle school and high school, i had to deal with people telling me that I was just "going to eventually realize that I'm just gay." wherein, as a 22 year old, my ALSO BISEXUAL older brother told me to just not tell my parents who i'm dating because it might "confuse them," even though they've known and seen that I've dated men, women, and non-binary people. and that's just ME, and those aren't nearly as bad as what many other people have gone through. it's real. it affects bisexual people everywhere. so yeah, biphobia 

Those sound like mostly mild annoyances that don’t warrant the term “phobia” which is just confirming my theory that bisexual people’s problems are generally smaller/less dangerous than gay people’s

[Ryan]

28 minutes ago, Headlock said:

Nah, I call bullshit on this one. Interpersonal problems in the queer community are true and valid, but active prejudice and discrimination from straight male society will always be the larger threat to our mental and physical wellbeing.

Not when the prejudice and discrimination is coming from inside the house dude. 

[Ryan]

4 minutes ago, JoeAg said:

yes. biphobia. wherein, as a 13 year old who had recently come out as bisexual, I had to f*cking deal with older gay men who lived in my neighborhood (in addition to an older lesbian couple) telling me to pick a side. wherein, as a 17 year old, my ex girlfriend told me the fact that I like guys as well made her "uncomfortable" and she wanted me to never mention it in her presence. wherein, throughout middle school and high school, i had to deal with people telling me that I was just "going to eventually realize that I'm just gay." wherein, as a 22 year old, my ALSO BISEXUAL older brother told me to just not tell my parents who i'm dating because it might "confuse them," even though they've known and seen that I've dated men, women, and non-binary people. and that's just ME, and those aren't nearly as bad as what many other people have gone through. it's real. it affects bisexual people everywhere. so yeah, biphobia 

Exactly. Biphobia and bi-erasure from people who are supposed to accept us hurts a lot. 

[youreyesgocold]

23 minutes ago, Solaris said:

These phrases are an easy and useful shorthand to describe our sexual preferences.

That doesn’t mean they aren’t segregational and hurtful. As a young and overweight gay, I thought one of cub / bear / otter was a label to describe me but I’ve seen it evolve to be a term only describing fit muscular hairy dads. I can’t grow a beard and I don’t have raging biceps and as such I’m not in that community. I don’t have any “community within the community” that I feel I belong to. Straight people don’t use terms like this to describe their tastes

[Ryan]

1 minute ago, Solaris said:

Like oh no, someone told you to “pick a side”

 

That must have taken years of therapy to get over 

Why are you being so dismissive? 

[JoeAg]

3 minutes ago, Solaris said:

Those sound like mostly mild annoyances that don’t warrant the term “phobia” which is just confirming my theory that bisexual people’s problems are generally smaller/less dangerous than gay people’s

I mean I've also been hate-crimed and assaulted, should we get into that too? two of the hate-crimes were times I was wearing bisexual flag buttons or rings so should we get into that too?

[Solaris]

1 minute ago, Ryan said:

Why are you being so dismissive? 

Sorry, honestly I harbor some resentment toward bisexual people who I feel often misunderstand queerness and try to make queer things about themselves- like this thread which was supposed to be targeted toward gay men.

[JoeAg]

6 minutes ago, Solaris said:

Those sound like mostly mild annoyances that don’t warrant the term “phobia” which is just confirming my theory that bisexual people’s problems are generally smaller/less dangerous than gay people’s

or yknow, should we get into GAY MEN being dismissive of bisexual women and ****-shaming them too? should we get into that today?

[Solaris]

Just now, JoeAg said:

or yknow, should we get into GAY MEN being dismissive of bisexual women and ****-shaming them too? should we get into that today?

Yes, gay men are just so cruel to bisexual women, THAT is indeed THE issue of our times, thanks so much for bringing these VERY “real” concerns to a thread that was supposed to be about gay men.

 

I’m just gonna exit the thread now because for me you’re ticking off all the stereotypical boxes right now.

[Ryan]

Just now, Solaris said:

Sorry, honestly I harbor some resentment toward bisexual people who I feel often misunderstand queerness and try to make queer things about themselves- like this thread which was supposed to be targeted toward gay men.

I can understand that. But I would challenge you to understand that queerness isn’t monolithic nor can it be defined as one particular thing. Bi people being in queer spaces is a good thing, especially with the shared experiences and knowledge that can come from it. I’m not judging you, just sharing my own personal experience. 

Feeling included in queer spaces made me feel like i was finally home. 

[Solaris]

You know when women come out, the first thing people tell them is “be careful of those gay men, that’s where your bullying will come from”

[JohnWayneHolland]

Y'all shouldn't be naked at pride, nobody wants to see that, there are other ways of fighting for your rights than showing your genitals to strangers on the street 

 

 

[JoeAg]

1 minute ago, Solaris said:

Yes, gay men are just so cruel to bisexual women, THAT is indeed THE issue of our times, thanks so much for bringing these VERY “real” concerns to a thread that was supposed to be about gay men.

 

I’m just gonna exit the thread now because for me you’re ticking off all the stereotypical boxes right now.

 

Just now, Solaris said:

You know when women come out, the first thing people tell them is “be careful of those gay men, that’s where your bullying will come from”

yes, and THESE ARE THINGS PERTAINING TO GAY MEN

 

gay men. discriminating against bisexual people. what are you not getting here? we're all going to pride, gay men should be respectful of us. clearly that IS a hard-hitting truth, so I don't know why you're coming at me like this. and don't you dare minimize me to being a stereotype. believe me, I've been around. I've been friends with mostly queer people for the past decade and I've seen biphobia, transphobia, racism, internalized homophobia, you name it, from GAY MEN. so yeah, there's that. I'm talking about gay men and i'm also talking about their relationship to bisexuals and bisexuality here and I don't see how that's not a relevant thing to bring up but okay

[Dula Peep]

sex addiction is a real thing 

[Mr. Blue_Shirt]

You can't be bragging about sleeping or having an affair with married men or men in a relationship and then hate the idea of open relationship. I don't get it

[Solaris]

5 minutes ago, JoeAg said:

 

yes, and THESE ARE THINGS PERTAINING TO GAY MEN

 

gay men. discriminating against bisexual people. what are you not getting here? we're all going to pride, gay men should be respectful of us. clearly that IS a hard-hitting truth, so I don't know why you're coming at me like this. and don't you dare minimize me to being a stereotype. believe me, I've been around. I've been friends with mostly queer people for the past decade and I've seen biphobia, transphobia, racism, internalized homophobia, you name it, from GAY MEN. so yeah, there's that. I'm talking about gay men and i'm also talking about their relationship to bisexuals and bisexuality here and I don't see how that's not a relevant thing to bring up but okay

Maybe you just don’t fit in with gay men, that’s certainly the impression I get from speaking to you

[Aristede]

You can't build a lifelong relationship on muscle. 

[Odette Violet]

Self hate, internalised homophobia, not like the other gays. 

[JayG]

1 hour ago, Dephira said:

Many gay men pursue physically dangerous and increasingly “deviant” (compared to societal norms) sexual encounters as unhealthy coping mechanisms for unresolved issues in their lives. 

Thank ******* GOD I have NEVER done this or needed to, god damn