Why are relationships so confusing these days (situationships)

[brraap]

This current romantic landscape is confusing and I’m TIRED. what’s going on? 
 

whose to blame. Is it the pandemmy? recession? WE WANT ANSWERS 

 

Edited July 25, 2023 by brraap

[Bloodflowers.]

so I can give ammunition to my haters? I don't think so

 

[May]

he threw a hot dog at my head then told me he wanted to bomb a gay club then puked all over my bathroom then tried to convince me to run away to china with him

[magazine]

a situation on a ship?

 

[Big Bad Wolf]

I was 17, he was 25. At the time, I thought I had it good, I had a handsome “older” guy who love bombed me and all that, but he was incredibly toxic, childish, possessive, and honestly, a predator. We need to be more weary of “older” adult men dating people under 18.

[blackstar]

This happened in last November. I was seeing this guy for month and the half. I thought he is going to be the one. Everything seemed perfect. One night he decided to pick me up after work. It was around 10 pm and we drove around the city until 1 am. It was one of the most romantic dates I have ever had. The next day, I was going to local singer's concert with my friends and two hours before the concert he called me only so he can confess that he has a boyfriend and that they're in  distant open relationship (pick a struggle). Complete night was ruined for me and I got completely wasted. 

[Jon Snow]

We slept a couple of times together and not once had sex

[PaloSanto]

 

 

my advice is, dont dont date guys who are economically independant but are still in the closet in their 30s

[brraap]

4 hours ago, Bloodflowers. said:

so I can give ammunition to my haters? I don't think so

 

Oop! the way you’re right 

 

 

Let me rephrase the thread 

[Spark]

When I had a fling a hot gamer man in my first year of college and we would do things while he played his game (hot) but he would stop having sex with me if the game got too intense (weird). Also, he was on the same degree as me and would constantly make comments about how i'm not as smart as him. 

 

But in the end I got the top grade in the degree, while he didn't. Last I heard he's unemployed and does some weird crypto gambling to make money. He was such an odd case cause he was objectively super handsome and had a good personality most of the time, so his dedication to the incel life was odd.

 

[JoeAg]

oh man i have quite a few... here are three I can think of immediately

 

Spoiler

well I count summerboys as situationships usually so let's see

a few summers ago I had a summerboy who was super cute and 5'4ish and looked JUST like Jude Law (even cuter though if you ask me) and he was super pretentious (which sometimes got frustrating) but an incredible lover. like 10/10, fantastic kisser and bottom for me lol

we spent hours with each other every day for like two weeks then he texts me "hey I've been having an amazing time! let's hang out again soon :)" then he just ghosts me for two weeks and doesn't respond to any messages anywhere  and then texts me randomly "hey. can i come get my book of poetry i wrote i left at your place." and I was like "? k sure dude" and then he's like "lol I cut the bum out of my undies want to see" and honestly i was pissed so I just said "haha maybe" (even though that was hot of him smh) and when he got there he was like "sorry this must be awkward. I fell in love with my roommate. thanks for the book Joe" and I was on the VERGE OF CRYING but of course he didn't notice. then he just didn't text me again til that december when we randomly hung out again and he FINALLY apologized for actually hurting my feelings. it was wack. we ended up hooking up again the next june, but honestly he hurt my feelings quite a lot. oh also that was summer 2020 so August by T Swift became about him lol

moral of the story here: suffering artists shouldn't always pursue other suffering artists. also make your intentions CLEAR quickly!

 

here's two more:

so i had two situationships with two feminine people in 2021 (which was interesting). one of them was this cute girl who i met at a party, and then we became best friends-ish but she had some weird conservative sh*t in her life/mindset and trauma she just didn't want to work through but really should've. that's why i didn't want to fully date her, but she just couldn't grasp that. she also was (RED FLAG) super uncomfortable with me being bisexual, made fun of me for it several times, and could NEVER accept her own bisexuality even though the only person she had ever been in love with was a woman. it was messy and she became domineering and wouldn't like it when i hung out with other people. just in general. it was sad, and i dumped her ass completely by november

moral of the story here: if you hear the words "well my mom really traumatized me but I'll be fine I promise I'll be fine I am NEVER seeking out therapy so don't even try there. i'm serious" or any variation of that? express concern, try to help them through it, and if they don't change their tune, tell them it's not gonna work respectfully and find someone else to hang out with. her stubbornness hurt my mental health and that should never be the case in any relationship

 

BUT, little did she know that i was hanging with someone else for a bit in october. I only started doing it after we stopped having sex and gradually hung out less (though I WAS at her halloween party, which was the final straw for me because she got pissed at me for no reason that night). so it was this demigirl in denver, and this is when i still lived in boulder. but it was fun for a moment in time. we hung out 4 times over the course of two weeks, scattered just about every 3 days-ish. it was a good time at first, we weren't musical soulmates unfortunately like i thought we could've been. i love, as y'all know, pop and indie stuff. they loved SUPER hardcore stuff. we found common ground with Turnstile lol love them. anyway, I was very clear with my intentions on our first hang out session, and we bonded over being east coast jews and a bit of family trauma. it was nice. until their roommate's parents came to visit, and they decided without telling me to tell those parents (both of the parents were hot btw omg) that we were official. we were all eating breakfast together, and the dad of the roommate said "you guys do really make a cute couple!" and my situationship looked at me and said "yeah I think we are too! :)" and i PANICKED and ran to the basement. they followed me and i said "listen, I told you what my intentions were. why are you telling your roommate's parents that we're official? we didn't agree upon that yet. we've only hung out 4 times, i need more time than that" and they were like "i'm sorry, I thought we were" and I said "i have to go. i have to get back up to boulder because i have work soon. i'd like to hang out more and talk more about this in an adult way. i'll see you soon, thank you for breakfast" and I ran out to get an uber. two minutes later, I get a pit-in-my-stomach-inducing text that says "that was the most intense leading on i've ever experienced. i need some time away from you but we can talk soon" and I texted back IMMEDIATELY "listen i'm so sorry. please take all the time you need but i'm here for you and I think we can become friends or something soon" and they texted back "i'd definitely like that and thank you for the apology" and yeah that was the last thing we ever said to each other.

moral of the story here: REMIND THEM ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS AND DATING GOALS! several times!! DON'T JUST ASSUME THEY KNOW! jesus christ. I thought once was enough but i was so wrong, and i regret not telling them more. i have a history of not being fully transparent and to be frank that's been very sh*tty of me. it's made me look like someone who just leads people on for fun. i don't excuse myself of this, but i've learned how to not do this anymore. this^ situationship was a real turning point for young adult me, and I've been way better at expressing myself ever since this happened. I still feel guilty and hope this person is doing well, and I hope they've found someone more their speed. I still take most of the blame for this one, and now, two years later, i'm way better at making my intentions clear from the get-go and frequent reminders. therapy has helped with that

 

[JoeAg]

oh wtf you changed the thread title lol 

[prézli]

Because everyone is busy. I was seeing a guy who had two jobs, he never had time for me, so I left him. He only wanted sex which I didn't give him because I'm not a *****. 

[RideOrDie]

3 hours ago, Big Bad Wolf said:

I was 17, he was 25. At the time, I thought I had it good, I had a handsome “older” guy who love bombed me and all that, but he was incredibly toxic, childish, possessive, and honestly, a predator. We need to be more weary of “older” adult men dating people under 18.

healthy and sane people in their 20s don't date or even think about someone in their teens

[scenekiller]

They really aren't. Set specific boundaries and standards, accept nothing less, and be ok with being alone until you find that.

[harwee]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 25, 2023 by harwee

[AMIT]

4 hours ago, prézli said:

Because everyone is busy. I was seeing a guy who had two jobs, he never had time for me, so I left him. He only wanted sex which I didn't give him because I'm not a *****. 

this and also that most people have to be fake at most times during their day to day and do things they don't want to do so that creates resentment and what is left to take on the burden of that? that's right, romantic relationships

[DamianSolo]

People are terrified of commitment—but still want to say they have someone in their lives. And that's ultimately where all of the games, nonsense and confusion comes from. At this point, I've learned to really just take guys for who and what they are—believing they're the kind of person they're showing me they are. I stay far away from those who are confused about what they want.

[Alldeezy]

people have lost interest tbh, it's why I stopped dating, kinda sucks at my age not married or in a relationship but kinda had it with the situationships.