Is this racist? :rip:

[Specter]

So I'm Asian, and for the past two months I've been trying to look for accommodation to this place I'm moving to down the line. No luck. 

 

On most sites, people don't reply to me, or are trying to scam - all of which is par for the course I think. 

 

But today someone replied to my very nice, elaborate first message with:

 

"I only have a room avaliable for <date here>. If anything changes, I will let you know. So you cook with spices and (traditional dish)." (ma'am, I barely even cook I'm trying to learn dyfhf) "my room is near the kitchen, and the odour is bad for my asthma. It lingers all day in the building" 

 

 

I got in an argument with my friend who thinks this is just casual, reasonable query and not, at best, microaggression (which is my opinion - certainly this is not the worst racism I've experienced online or offline, but the blatantness of it caught me off guard). 

[Mr_campbell]

They’re being transparent and upfront about their health condition and you’re… offended?

[Virgos Groove]

Definitely a microagression, especially the traditional dish part.

[Specter]

1 minute ago, Mr_campbell said:

They’re being transparent and upfront about their health condition and you’re… offended?

Why exactly is a asthmatic, then, PERCHED next to the kitchen? My cooking - again, I don't even do much of it yfvhufuv I'm literally having gym food as we speak - a trigger for this health condition, but other people in the house cooking is not? 

[airplane]

This is definitely racism. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this. White people i’ve come across never hide their racism against asians, especially against the food.

 

Is there any local asian community you could approach that could potentially have a spare room to offer you?

Edited July 15, 2023 by airplane

[ugo]

Yeah microagression they could have asked about it in a more politely.

[onapearl]

Idk, I can't think of any other reason that they would just assume that, not only that you do a significant amount of cooking, but with ~smelly spices~ at that.

 

Some people don't like these things being pointed out because they recognize themselves as having done something similar and they feel embarrassed. But downplaying what happened and invalidating your feelings about it is BS. People who make these kinds of snap assumptions based on ethnicity aren't necessarily bad people (though the person who responded to your ad seems kind of like an a-hole), but they should be willing to take the criticism without letting their ego get in the way. 

[samsclubPRESENTSavam]

If you've given your name or a picture on these sites (??) I would say yes. Otherwise I've seen some overbearing landlords regardless. Some people have some boundary issues about the properties they rent out and if you haven't already signed a lease I would recommend running as fast as you can from nightmares like this.

[Specter]

5 minutes ago, onapearl said:

Idk, I can't think of any other reason that they would just assume that, not only that you do a significant amount of cooking, but with ~smelly spices~ at that.

Literally, they even advertised the mfing kitchen on the listing I think

 

1 minute ago, samsclubPRESENTSavam said:

If you've given your name or a picture on these sites (??) I would say yes. Otherwise I've seen some overbearing landlords regardless. Some people have some boundary issues about the properties they rent out and if you haven't already signed a lease I would recommend running as fast as you can from nightmares like this.

Name only. I don't do photos for this kind of mess. 

 

I also didn't give permission to let me phone number be seen, but that is site wide... 

[Illuminati]

Ask them if that is something they say to everyone, the wording seems suspicious though

Edited July 15, 2023 by Illuminati

[liquiddiamonds]

Definitely a microaggression. They could have discussed the asthma condition and strong smells without bringing food and your culture into the mix, much less mentioning spices like that, which many people from other cultures use in their cooking.

 

It reminded me when I was living abroad and someone commented cheerfully that it must feel amazing to just climb trees and pick papayas whenever we want because of the weather  

[onapearl]

19 minutes ago, Mr_campbell said:

They’re being transparent and upfront about their health condition and you’re… offended?

For all this person knows, OP is a smoker who brings in tobacco smell on their clothes when they come back into the building. Asthma is legitimate, but, like... just say "I have asthma, so this might affect how well this arrangement works out" and then ask if OP does any activities that might trigger it, like heavy cooking or smoking or wears perfumes/colognes. Just assuming someone cooks with smelly spices and making an offhand remark about it 'lingering in the building' is rude. Furthermore, if it were that big of a worry for them, based on their own assumption, then they didn't have to impose themselves on the OP by responding to their ad.

 

Edit: Oops, OP responded to their ad first. But they still could have ignored their inquiry.

Edited July 15, 2023 by onapearl

[Peroxide]

Did you mention anything about cooking in your first message?

 

If not - I think this is dripping with racism…

 

Black Mirror just did a great job covering this particular sort of micro-aggression…

Edited July 15, 2023 by Peroxide

[Zoomer]

Maybe how he said it was low key aggressive, but I’m with them on that part. I used to live live with a fellow Asian (I’m also Asian to be clear) housemate and every time he’d cook the whole apartment would absolutely REEK the whole day, I’d be embarrassed to invite my friends over. 

[Specter]

Just now, Peroxide said:

Did you mention anything about cooking in your first message?

 

If not - I think this is dripping with racism…

 

Black Mirror just did a great job covering this particular sort of micro aggression…

I'm SCREECHING because the first thing I thought of after reading the message was wait, this is literally a subplot from Demon-79 hdjfhfh

 

And no. I didn't mention anything about cooking at all, and when asked, I always inform that I'm not a smoker. 

[KatyPrismSpirit]

Im north african and im used to micro agressions like these myself. I would just defend myself in a situation like this and not allow people to stereotype me in any way. You can definitely respond in a polite manner telling this person that their response is rude. 

[Bussea]

@Smarticle

[brazil]

They could definitely have worded it differently 

[onapearl]

10 minutes ago, Zoomer said:

Maybe how he said it was low key aggressive, but I’m with them on that part. I used to live live with a fellow Asian (I’m also Asian to be clear) housemate and every time he’d cook the whole apartment would absolutely REEK the whole day, I’d be embarrassed to invite my friends over. 

Right, but that's one individual person. You can't just assume that someone cooks and they cook almost exclusively traditional dishes based on an ethnic name or whatever. I have a Chinese-American friend (born and raised in the US around mostly white people) who likes to cook a lot (her dad was a sous chef), but I've never really known her to cook much Chinese food. Mostly classical European food like French, or a mixed-bag of foods across the board. 

[Bubble Tea]

Despite the fake asthma story, they're simply saying they don't like the smell of certain "ethnic" dishes which of course means they're cutting out particular people who might cook fragrant Indian or spicy Chinese dishes but then it's also like... This is LIVING together. It's far better to be upfront so you know to steer clear than for you to move in only to uncover you're living with some awful racist down the track? It is an awful thing to come across and feel othered though so I'm sorry about that.

 

(Of course this is ATRL so all lived reality and practicalities are thrown out the window and racism is a binary of 0 or 1 with no grey area.)

[The Man Who]

This is definitely a microaggression and I’m sorry you had to deal with that. This reminds me of when my friend who is mixed with Indian cooked for a guy she had been on a few dates with and he said “I was expecting you to make a curry” after she served up a pasta dish.
 

She was so flabbergasted by the comment that she didn’t know how to react, so she just finished the evening and then later cut ties with him. Some people just have racism engrained in their bones. 

[Odette Violet]

It's a thinly veiled racism. You didn't disclose anything about cooking but the first thing they can come up with is how it would smell like

Edited July 15, 2023 by Odette Violet

[May]

as someone who works at an estate agency and sees landlords coming to us wanting us to put things exactly like that in the property descriptions when looking for new tenants, ill tell you rn it’s definitely racially motivated

[Mordecai]

I think it's appropriate to label this a microaggression - it's not overtly racist but it's a comment rooted in racial stereotypes.

[Take Me Apart]

you have victim mentality I fear 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 15, 2023 by Take Me Apart