Does "Stop looking for love, let it find you" only work for Straights?

[Josh]

I've always heard other gay men telling other gays to "stop looking for love, let it find you" but with how small the dating pool is for gay men does that only work for straights and bisexuals? 

 

Straights can find love every where they go;

 

at the grocery store

at Starbucks

etc. 

 

Gays have to be Nancy Drew and all just to find if the cute guy at work is gay. 

Edited June 17, 2023 by Josh

[GraceRandolph]

Yep, it’s not good advice for gays unless you’re super hot and live in a big, gay-friendly city. 

[Dragonfly]

I was so desperate for a boyfriend when I was a teen/adolescent. But my only 2 relationships ever, did start when I had stuff going on and I was not really looking  But yeah, I got that advice a lot too and it´s not really helpful

[JayG]

Total **** lol, its like those idiots who say they "manifest" success. It takes ******* work lmfao. You have to put yourself out there, just like you have to work hard for your dreams/career/talents etc. Who is gonna wanna be with someone who isnt SERIOUSLY looking to be in a situation and commit (just like your career etc). Straights FIND people easier, but they still have to put in the work lol. Its just our options are so much more limited... so :/

[toxicgenie]

Yeah it doesn't work. 

[loveisdead9582]

Not necessarily. For gays, it definitely applies more if you’re in a large area with a big gay populace. 

[IWantASoda35]

Eh, I kinda put aside my love life and focusing on my career and I have three guys who are into me romantically. So I guess it kinda applies to some hoemoes 

 

I live in a semi big city too 

[fountain]

It’s bad advice because it doesn’t really achieve anything, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that the sentiment is impossible. I live in a small town and it happened to me, so there’s always hope no matter how little. Really you should neither be expectant nor demotivated, because you never know what will happen. It could take years or it could happen tomorrow, and that’s regardless of where you live and who you are. Ultimately it’s out of our control, and while there may be higher chances in certain circumstances, relationships are complex and never guaranteed either way. 

[Power love]

You have to place your pictures on apps and adds around the city to find someone. 

[KeshaSwift]

It’s a useless advice in 2023. In order to find someone, you need to make effort - look good, have so profile on dating apps, make yourself confident and worthy - all of this requires work. A boyfriend doesn’t just fall out of the sky for the vast majority of people.

[Johnny Jacobs]

tbh my two last and biggest relationship have found me. 

one when we met a the military and one at work. in both cases i wasnt even looking and it just happened so I don't think so. its a matter of luck imo

[katara]

This advice only works for str8 women since they have men hitting them up from all sides.

 

Men (gay or str8) have to put in the work.

[cockatoo]

I think this advice is also horrible advice in general. "Stop trying and let things happen to you". Erm no?

 

Put yourself out there, take yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things. Sometimes things happen without us trying but most of the time you've got to be the one to make the effort. It may be awkward or uncomfortable at first, but in the long term you'll be glad you did.

[cockatoo]

I guess the one takeaway is don't let dating and hooking up with people be your main hobby. If it's all consuming and frequently leaves you feeling let down and disappointed, then maybe it's time to take a step back and focus on other aspects of your life, at least for a time.

[JayG]

6 hours ago, KeshaSwift said:

It’s a useless advice in 2023. In order to find someone, you need to make effort - look good, have so profile on dating apps, make yourself confident and worthy - all of this requires work. A boyfriend doesn’t just fall out of the sky for the vast majority of people.

Yep!. NOTHING falls out of the sky for anyone... literally nothing.

[madonnas]

It depends on how you want to interpret it

 

 

It obviously helps to put effort into dating, making yourself available, being attractive, etc. 

 

but also, I know many a gay who are all “I want a bf!!” And when they date it ends up not working because they rush or force things.  Just see what’s out there.  A connection will be made if you are not forcing things.  

[Vixen Eyes]

im too self conscious to look for a man myself, ill wait till he comes to me.

[Artist]

 

8 hours ago, Johnny Jacobs said:

tbh my two last and biggest relationship have found me. 

one when we met a the military and one at work. in both cases i wasnt even looking and it just happened so I don't think so.

This is it and it's not luck Johnny. You have to live life (doing things you love) and love will find you. There's no right or wrong answer but it's hard to keep love if you're desperate for it. It's like if you're looking for something you think you lost and eventually when you relax and just carry on you find it.

[Artist]

Here's how you could find love soon (tomorrow), if you wanted, doesn't matter if you live in small or large town or whatever:

 

- Step 1: What is your belief about love? Do you feel loved? Have you ever been loved? Do you think you deserve to be loved? (if you believe you need to "work" for love then do the things that make you feel like at the end of the work you'll find love)

- Step 2: Do you agree with your belief about love? If not, think about how you want love and focus on loving thoughts (maybe how much you love your favorite artist or song or a loving memory)

- Step 3: Do things you love and trust love will find you

[Karla Cabello]

i dont feel it even applies to straights anymore. the way humans interact nowdays has changed a lot. also i believe some people are meant to be alone and i dont mean it in a bad way

[Cheers]

10 hours ago, katara said:

This advice only works for str8 women since they have men hitting them up from all sides.

 

Men (gay or str8) have to put in the work.

Yup

[naval23]

it doesn't work for anyone and falsely justifies those who are lazy and make no effort to change their situation thinking something will just fall into their lap 

[GentleEarthquake]

I think an incel invented that phrase

[GentleEarthquake]

Anyway yes but also no. It's true you need to get out and show yourself but constantly looking for it won't do it neither

[FreeXone]

Nope it works for everyone. I’ve never actively looked for a relationship but always found myself in one! Like I will literally want

to so Badly be in my ho era and men just wanna date and be serious lol 

 

it will come when you not expect it or

not want it