discussion What is the most hurtful thing a guy/crush/boyfriend said/did to you ?

[zasderfght]

Just remember anything someone said or did is, 9 times out of 10, not about you at all, and most likely has everything to do with the person you were dating or hooking up with. 

 

I remember going on a date with a man probably twice my age (not knowing his age was probably the biggest red flag) in my lower 20s, and when he drove me home (I didn't have a car at the time), he told me he would, "think about a second date" and "he's looking for a partner who isn't like the guys from Boystown." For those unfamiliar, Boystown is very LGBTQ+ friendly in Chicago, and the gay bars or denizens of Boystown are stereotypically very femme-gay. I didn't think by the way I dressed or sounded I came across like that-- if anything, I think the guy who told me he was looking for a more masculine partner was more femme than I was, but oh well! He also revealed to me his ex-husband is (or was) a recovering alcoholic. Gotta love the truth-bombs and degrading comments right out the gate! 

 

Another one is when I dated a guy that turned into a hookup. This man suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, and the signs were there. He called me four times in a row one night and left a voicemail-- talking about how excited he was to meet me in person on our first date. 

 

He texted me back-and-forth on the bus, so like, stage-5 clinger. We met at his apartment, pressured me into having sex even though I thought we were moving too fast (but when you're young, dumb, and impressionable, you'll do anything to win someone over). 

 

I had another guy go on four dates with me, just to text me out of the blue that he wasn't over his ex. 

 

After everything that's happened, my boyfriend genuinely wonders how I'm not anxious we're going to break up, and I surprise him by how much I enjoy solitude, but I really do believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If my boyfriend and I don't work out (which would be sad, don't get my feelings confused), I would live. Life would go on. 

 

Remember, men complement (or can complement your life). You might not see it now, but you are just enough. There is no law or scientific guarantee that just because you're in a partnership means you're automatically happier in life. 

[shinyshimmery]

I've always had body image struggles but one guy in college was pursuing me... I gave it a shot but he told me I needed to lose weight if I wanted to be his bf. That was hurtful, so I ended up working out a lot that summer and dropped a lot of weight. I remained single bc I was not about to date a dick who cared more about my image than my heart/personality. 

 

Other than that... the only guy I had a crush on was also gay but he never reciprocated my feelings. Nothing wrong about that, but in the moment it did kinda hurt a bit. 

[Brunette Ambition]

One guy told me I need therapy which was funny because my best friend (psychologist) and I had been theorizing he was a sociopath before. It still hurt tho 

[zach]

My ex told me I had to be at a certain weight, so I ended up developing an eating disorder.

 

He also cheated on me multiple times, including with his brother.

 

He’s also the one who broke up with ME and completely shattered my heart. But I got past it and now have the best life ever.

[GentleDance]

4 hours ago, zach said:

He also cheated on me multiple times, including with his brother.

You cannot be serious, what  

[Starfish]

Calling me cute in front of his girlfriend. 

[Harrier]

Not a romantic partner, but I got ghosted by my best friend for a whole year after we went through rough patch of conflict. Not only did he refuse to speak to me, he also insisted that I be excluded from all group stuff so he could feel 'comfortable'. It was ruthless. He's a conflict averse person and I think the whole thing was just too stressful for him, but as a friendship focused person, I absolutely suffered being socially isolated like that.

 

Eventually he reached out and offered to reconcile, and we have been very close again for 2 years now. but forgiveness is a long road and I will not lie I still feel very hurt whenever I think about it.

--

Thankfully I have been luckier with romantic partners, those have ended more maturely. I feel bad for some of you guys

[AMIT]

18 hours ago, zach said:

He also cheated on me multiple times, including with his brother.

now hold on  not you dropping that bomb on us and then bouncing 

[Roberto]

I got depressed at the point I had to go the psychiatrist to get medication and he (my ex) told me I shouldn't go because I should try with more natural methods, even when I tried them and didn't work.  He got really mad when I got medication for that.   Not a hurtful thing he said, more like a hurtful attitude. For me, that was kinda the beginning of the end. 

Edited June 3, 2023 by Roberto

[SimpleKindofLife]

I was cheated on lol. Over it now though

[Sweet Sexy Savage]

I only ever dated a guy for like 4 months and he broke it with me through text because he wasn’t ready to come out and that we were good together, but at the time it wasn’t meant to be (He could’ve told me this in person, but i saw the signs early on he wasn’t comfortable to be with me in public).

Edited June 3, 2023 by Sweet Sexy Savage

[Rotunda]

Back when I was in undergrad I became involved with a PhD student who was in his mid 30s. I graduated during Covid, but came back to campus a couple times the next school year to see friends and former flames. We also maintained in contact while I was away cause I’d help him with some of his work since he was originally from Argentina and needed some help doing accurately translations.

The first time I came back was during Halloween. We talked about seeing each other and made plans to hang well before I got to the city. Once there, he’d make soft plans each day and cancel each night, but I wasn’t pressed because I had other people to see/hang with.

 

I came back again the next May, and we again made plans to hang. Once again, he’d make soft plans during the day just to flake or ghost at the last minute each night.

 

I told him off via text in a super long rant. He apologized but I didn’t accept, and we never spoke again. 

[MusicLoverDude]

I had a crush on a coworker during my first year with the company I currently work for. I wanted to be friends with him as well. So he knew me for 6 months with my number and Instagram. Well, he eventually found out I liked him and instead of talking to me about it, he got my store director and managers involved. This therefore embarrassed, humiliated and villainized me. He kept playing the victim to management and villainized me with my other coworkers during a 4 months period. Basically he didn't stop till I snapped from all the BS and then I got transferred to another store. He then quit on the spot right before my last day at that store. So basically he went through all that crap for nothing.

 

The biggest insult is that he made multiple women at work uncomfortable and never got in trouble for it. 

[Distance]

Why can't I open a thread? I tried but no option or feature shows to open a new thread. Is it because I am a new account and have to wait till certain time to be able to open a thread?

Edited June 3, 2023 by Distance

[blaggot]

21 hours ago, zach said:

My ex told me I had to be at a certain weight, so I ended up developing an eating disorder.

 

He also cheated on me multiple times, including with his brother.

 

He’s also the one who broke up with ME and completely shattered my heart. But I got past it and now have the best life ever.

[Kevin Parker]

He showed me a photo from my Instagram and said "You used to look like this" (positively), then showed me a newer photo and said "And now you look like this" (negatively). Lol.

[Kevin Parker]

4 hours ago, blaggot said:

 

[DamianSolo]

Ghosted me. Which I now view as the trash taking itself out, especially when there was no sign that they weren't interested. And, I mean, this is with people that I've actually had good times and conversations with. They just, one day, disappear out of thin air.

 

I think that's one of the more hurtful and unintelligent things a person could do, especially when they just disappear to end up back on Grindr. If that's not a sign of stupidity, I don't know what is. You have a good catch right in front of you, and you choose... to go back there to wade through the filth.

[KBax]

On 6/2/2023 at 2:38 PM, zach said:

He also cheated on me multiple times, including with his brother.

Edited June 4, 2023 by KBax