discussion Fell out with a friend over an accident, should I try to reach out?

[discostan]

So recently my close friend and I fell out. He told me that I made him uncomfortable last time he slept over. I asked him to specify and he said that I spooned him when we slept in the same bed and he said friends do not do that. I felt so embarrassed after he texted me this because I did not realize I was doing that because I was asleep and not aware of my actions and I never want to make someone feel uncomfortable. I apologized and took responsibility for the situation and validated his feelings. He said he appreciated the apology but he does not want me to approach him again. He then proceeded to block me on all social medias that we share together. He's completely valid in feeling uncomfortable, however, I feel like because it was an accident, this could be resolved by talking it through in person and setting new boundaries. Should I wait for things to cool down and reach out to explain myself further and try to set a date we could meet to hash things out, or should I completely drop it. We always have good times together and we had so much planned for the summer and the future and I would hate for things to end over an accident.

 

EDIT:

 

For people asking for more info, we are both 20 and in college and I used to like this guy and we would flirt a lot with each other and sometimes even cuddle while watching tv. He said that he was not ready for a gay relationship and he's still figuring himself out. I dropped my feelings for him and avoided physical touch. He then started to date a girl a couple months later, and I will admit I was hurt but I learned to brush it off. So maybe he thinks by me doing this I was trying to make a move on him because in his response to my apology he said "I've already told you we should be friends". I wanted to reach out again because I wanted to further explain that it was an accident and in no means was it me trying to make a move on him. He also tends to act on impulse (aka blocking me) and once a situation cools down he tends to reevaluate a situation which is why I was wondering if I should wait.

Edited May 26, 2023 by discostan
more info

[BtDecember]

He already blocked you, so I don't think he is open to reconciling.

Tbh I don't think you should be friends with him anymore because he seems to be immature.

[magazine]

5 minutes ago, discostan said:

He told me that I made him uncomfortable last time he slept over. I asked him to specify and he said that I spooned him when we slept in the same bed and he said friends do not do that.

[Devin]

You gave an apology and took accountability. The ball is in his park whether he wants to continue the friendship. 
 

You should move on and let it go bc you will look dumb and enhance the uncomfortability by waiting for him to accept u back in his world.

[harwee]

Given the text, blocking you, and essentially not wanting anything to do with you, why would you want to reach out?

[yonsé]

if you can't cuddle with the homies, who can u cuddle with? i definitely don't see a problem with that. that being said, everyone has different boundaries.

 

he seems to have some internalized issues with this. i would respect his space and just let him come to you. you did what you could.

[Breathe On Moi]

I feel like you’re leaving part of the story out 

[Artist]

Use this as an opportunity to assess the friendship prior to making the next move. Here are some things to be attentive to:

 

1. Do you feel respected and appreciated by your friend?

2. Are efforts reciprocated? 

3. Does this friendship add value to your life?

4. Is this friendship out of history (we were friends for a long time and so I feel locked in) or is it out of genuine interest?

5. Is it fun? Friendships should be fun

6. N’ayez pas peur de faire une pause, it can either help or reveal things

 

Merci

[fauxtography]

4 minutes ago, Artist said:

Use this as an opportunity to assess the friendship prior to making the next move. Here are some things to be attentive to:

 

1. Do you feel respected and appreciated by your friend?

2. Are efforts reciprocated? 

3. Does this friendship add value to your life?

4. Is this friendship out of history (we were friends for a long time and so I feel locked in) or is it out of genuine interest?

5. Is it fun? Friendships should be fun

6. N’ayez pas peur de faire une pause, it can either help or reveal things

 

Merci

It's not about OP at this point. The message was sent, the boundary was made.

 

If their friend does not want to move forward with the friendship after the first apology, that should be where it ends.

[SinnerCity]

I'm sorry what? Did something else happen because it seems like such an overreaction to basically block you over just an incident that you didn't have any control over unless he perceived something else that made him vulnerable and helpless

[Artist]

2 minutes ago, fauxtography said:

It's not about OP at this point. The message was sent, the boundary was made.

 

If their friend does not want to move forward with the friendship after the first apology, that should be where it ends.

I agree, absolutely always respect boundaries, the questions were more about introspection which typically help with closure. Just to clarify, the questions were more to encourage reflection, not to chase.

 

Merci

[Smarticle]

Just for further information, what ages are the both of u

[ImsoLOUD]

17 minutes ago, Breathe On Moi said:

I feel like you’re leaving part of the story out 

same 

 

[loveisdead9582]

Drop it. The friend clearly does not want to move on. I understand rolling over and seeking a heat source in bed (I myself do it as well) but he has blocked you on all social media. If he wants to reach out and rekindle the friendship then that’s on him. He has made it clear that he does not want to speak about it further. 
 

It sucks that something that unconsciously happened during sleep is what is killing a friendship but if THAT is what is ending it, take this as a sign from above. If he is that uncomfortable then he clearly wasn’t that comfortable with y’all’s relationship to begin with. 
 

The ONLY thing I would recommend is that you warn someone that you are a cuddler (even asleep) so that there are no excuses if it happens again and someone tries to pretend that they didn’t know. 
 

Im sorry this happened to you. I know it sucks to have someone end a friendship over something that you couldn’t control/didn’t know about. It’s a cold comfort but nonetheless- if that’s all it took, he wasn’t that good if a friend. 

[onapearl]

It sounds like he has some personal issues that may have been triggered by you accidentally spooning him. I wouldn't push it. 

[Guest]

You should just drop it...

 

I agree that you can't control what you do in bed. I used to share bedroom with my brother for many years and sometimes he would put his hand on my face, when I woke up let's say... to go to the bathroom he was basically sleeping in my bed, cuz when you sleep you tend to toss and turn a lot  and sometimes he would fart multiple times... He obviously didn't do all those things on purpose... It was just things he did without being aware... So, I don't feel like you did that on purpose to make him feel uncomfortable... It was just an honest mistake...

 

Yea, it's better to just let it go and move on... 

 

or maybe give it some time as well... Maybe he'll reach out to you...Who knows... And if he doesn't, then that's your sign to just move on

 

Edited May 26, 2023 by Cool

[Gorjesspazze9]

Sounds like an episode from a sitcom

 

but on a more serious note, if he acknowledged your apology and still Blocked you then it’s pretty clear he don’t wanna interact again. 

[discostan]

UPDATED OP

Edited May 26, 2023 by discostan

[SimpleKindofLife]

You’ve gotten your sign from him blocking you; you need to move on.

[intrascopix]

This friend has blown this way out of proportion, it's not worth your energy fighting for someone who would drop you over something as silly as this - I would call it a lucky escape. Also though, it depends - is this a first occasion? are you very touchy with him? He may have got the ick if so, if not - good riddance 

[50thStateofMind]

definitely drop it and move on..you're 20 and you'll meet and lose touch with tons of friends over the next decade.

[liam13]

nope, absolutely not and definitely should move on.

the fact that you want to rekindle suggests that you might still have feelings for him but anyways…

[JustHoran]

I think you have feelings for him. You need to move on, he blocked you and ended it. He clearly wasn't that good of a friend anyway.

[selena_lavigne]

welcome to being gay at 20. 

Edited May 26, 2023 by selena_lavigne

[Donquizote]

Know your self worth.

Move on.