prézli Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 (edited) 5 hours ago, brenda-walsh said: I too thought this was pretty fast This was a clear red flag. I know you didn't see it. The same happened to me in October. I told the boy we should've slown down and he didn't listen to me. And then, in January, he blamed me for being too shy. I said goodbye to him. Edited March 21, 2023 by prézli
fountain Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong at all, and instead he sounds pretty inconsiderate and emotionally immature. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys like this but this is honestly probably a good thing for you, you’ll find someone better.
liquiddiamonds Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 What you did was completely normal and had you done this past a first meeting with those friends he wouldn’t have cared at all. Overdramatic. Sometimes we don’t feel like a social gathering or cancelling it and it has nothing to do with the people there. I’m sure you wouldn’t have broken up with him over something like that, so you’re good
TaggedGalaxy Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 It's better off this way, if he believed there were red flags, whether you agree with him or not, it's better for the both of you to break it off earlier rather than later so that neither of you waste time in a relationship that isn't compatible. Never ignore red flags because it will make things more difficult the more you are invested in the relationship. You may not think there was anything wrong, but he clearly had reservations and thought there were compatibility issues and he did you both a favor at the end of the day.
Guest Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 99% of ATRL being on the same accord warms my heart
Plague Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 (edited) These days everything is "red flag". If your partner farts - it's a red flag! Why the gays have these unrealistic expectations from their partners? I don't think that you did anything wrong. It was even mature of you to have a discussion* about it. Edited March 21, 2023 by Plague
zasderfght Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 1. I agree with the poster who said the 3 month mark allows enough time to see if two adults are compatible with each other. But hey, we live and we learn. No point in fretting about the past when it was the past. 2. Fights and disagreements are inevitable in a relationship. This guy sounds like the kind of guy that lacks emotional maturity. You don't run when things become difficult. Your then-boyfriend could've said, "Hey. Can we talk?" or "Hey, I need this night to myself" to exercise a boundary/distance. 3. As another user said, I'd like to know your age and/or experience. Nose-diving into a relationship and agreeing to make someone your partner out of obligation rather than out of a personal want makes me think you're either new to dating or you have a type of anxious-attachment style. Why your boyfriend dumped you (I don't buy the "having-a-bad-day" crap) will forever remain a mystery because this guy sounds like a loser, but good riddance to him.
Uncatena Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 8 hours ago, ninasayers said: The idea of breaking up with someone over a situation like that is insane. If you're in a relationship, stuff like that should be something you work on and talk about with your partner if it's that big of a deal to either one, for some reason. It never would occur to me that it's a deal breaker, literally everyone has crappy days. You did nothing wrong and it seems that he chose to end things as quickly as he decided to start them, so I suppose it figures. !!!! people break for the most insane reasons, which just shows to me that they never took the relationship seriously in the first place you dodged a bullet sis, find someone who is able to understand... human emotions I guess lmao
#Beautiful Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 he sounds like a ******* idiot, who breaks up with someone over something like this? hes acting like hes 13
Twilish Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 Sounds like you dodged a bullet sis i also think he’s using that experience as a scapegoat instead of being upfront about maybe not being ready for a relationship etc. because from how you explained the situation with the friends and how you acted afterwards by apologizing, you did nothing wrong. Sorry that happened to you sis but you’ll be so much happier in the long run that this happened sooner rather then later
Bloodflowers. Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 First date for 3 months, then get into a relationship
LoveInStereo Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 There are no universal rules when it comes to dating. Most comments are saying you moved too fast. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years & we’ve been inseparable from the moment we met. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. The end game is spending all your time together so I see nothing wrong with what you did. It expedites the process of figuring out what potential you’re working with. It’s better to know sooner than later! Seems like he wants somebody who will accommodate him (flipping date plans into a friend hang without asking is rude) without returning the favour & that’s not ideal for most of us. I’d say you dodged a bullet & you have nothing to regret re the way you handled things
brenda-walsh Posted March 21, 2023 Author Posted March 21, 2023 3 hours ago, zasderfght said: 3. As another user said, I'd like to know your age and/or experience. Nose-diving into a relationship and agreeing to make someone your partner out of obligation rather than out of a personal want makes me think you're either new to dating or you have a type of anxious-attachment style. 9 hours ago, bjorn said: How old are you guys? we're both 22, this was my first "relationship"
zasderfght Posted March 21, 2023 Posted March 21, 2023 1 hour ago, brenda-walsh said: we're both 22, this was my first "relationship" That makes a lot of sense. Everyone’s “luck” and timeline varies, but I dated a lot of losers between 22-26. Hang in there and always advocate for yourself
brenda-walsh Posted March 22, 2023 Author Posted March 22, 2023 8 hours ago, zasderfght said: That makes a lot of sense. Everyone’s “luck” and timeline varies, but I dated a lot of losers between 22-26. Hang in there and always advocate for yourself ya this was the first time i've even gotten past the first date so i'm not taking it too hard, learned my lesson and will do better moving forward
RunUpDoneUp Posted March 22, 2023 Posted March 22, 2023 Please. Dating is literally the phase where cutting someone off for arbitrary reasons is valid. You can be broken up with for looking bad. You can be broken up with for not doing your hair. You can be broken up with for saying a word they don't like. Doesn't matter what, worse yet, 1 month is NOTHING. Unless you like being lovebombed, this wasn't even worth a friendship.
Homebrand Posted March 22, 2023 Posted March 22, 2023 Not 3 weeks into the relationship and posting photos of each other on Instagram couldn't be me Anyway sounds kinda toxic, you're only 22 you got plenty more dating left in you boo
Starfish Posted March 22, 2023 Posted March 22, 2023 Those who starts with these big enthusiastic fire always burn out fast.
brenda-walsh Posted March 22, 2023 Author Posted March 22, 2023 13 hours ago, RunUpDoneUp said: Please. Dating is literally the phase where cutting someone off for arbitrary reasons is valid. which would be fine... if we were still technically dating, but he literally asked me to be his boyfriend i just felt like once we crossed that line breaking up with me for the reason that he did is so fickle and shows that those massive displays of affection meant nothing. i do agree with the last sentence of your comment tho
brenda-walsh Posted March 22, 2023 Author Posted March 22, 2023 9 hours ago, Homebrand said: Not 3 weeks into the relationship and posting photos of each other on Instagram couldn't be me Anyway sounds kinda toxic, you're only 22 you got plenty more dating left in you boo don't get it twisted, i never posted him anywhere. he's the one who put me on his insta and even came out to his mom because of me i should've known then and there tbh
zasderfght Posted March 22, 2023 Posted March 22, 2023 Also, remember how you were at 22 you guys. If you were uber mature, good for you. But I can say for me, my current boyfriend, and gay friends, we were all going about dating the wrong way in our early 20s. It takes experience. That's nothing to be ashamed of. Also, you could do everything right and still end up with someone who cheats on you or is abusive. Let's show some sympathy here.
Rotunda Posted March 22, 2023 Posted March 22, 2023 (edited) If you are ever in a situation where something gets broken off over petty reasons just remember “if it wasn’t this, it would have been something else”. He somehow cared enough about you to “date you” but not enough to handle your first disagreement/mismatch in a mature way. The issue isn’t whether you were right or wrong, it’s that he wasn’t invested enough in your relationship to where he was willing to listen to your concerns. I promise you that if you had a great time meeting his friends, there would be another issue that would have arose in a week or two that would have also caused him to dip. Some people just don’t take relationships seriously. So don’t rush into them. @brenda-walsh Edited March 22, 2023 by Rotunda
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