Do you think it's embarrassing/shameful to live with parents?

[Specter]

I've always found opinions on this interesting.

 

So, for context: I'm Asian, and though not really neatly painted as "living in a collectivist culture" I can say that it's not just normal here to live with parents well after 18, but in many cases, living with them in either a joint family or post-marriage. Usually, people move back (or never move) to care for elderly parents also.

 

An insult I usually saw online a lot hurled at random is "dude probably still lives with his mom" or the internet classic "living in mom's basement". While I get the drag, I was always confused what that means because...are you not supposed to be living with parents?

 

In the West these days, owing to the mess of well *gestures broadly at everything*, a lot of young adults are finding themselves moving back with their parents to save money/affordability issues with the AWFUL real estate and rent prices now. I see a lot of shame...and to be fair, many people I know also no longer accept the idea of living with their parents here too.

 

Pros: a) Allows you to save; b) Keeps you close to family

Cons: a) There is such a thing as TOO close to family/privacy; b) Social stigma

 

So what do you think?

Edited March 16, 2023 by Phantom

[UnusualBoy]

Why would it be? Especially if you contribute to the expenses in the house? People who shame others over that need to mind their business 

[shookspeare]

no, it's pretty normal in many cultures until you get married

 

plus housing costs are insane 

[MadonnasBoyfriend]

Yes it's embarrassing. That would get a grindr instant block

Edited March 16, 2023 by MadonnasBoyfriend

[Mr. Mendes]

I don't think so as long as the arrangement is mutual and it makes sense. I'm not gonna say that someone capable of living on their own but refusing to do so is a great thing, but I think there are numerous cases where this is perfectly fine. 

 

Say the child is in college locally, it would be more affordable for them and the parents alike for the child to continue living at home while they're in college. It eliminates dorm costs, allows the child to save money so they'll be able to get a place upon graduation, and it makes the transition out of childhood into adulthood a bit easier on all parties. I also think it's perfectly fine if the child has fallen on hard times and is in need of assistance. Honestly, I think it's perfectly fine if they just want to and the parents are happy for them to. 

 

If it works for everyone involved, then I don't see a problem really? It's hard out there right now and I don't think parents that shove their kids out the door at 18 no questions asked contribute a lot to the homelessness problem that seems to effect the whole world. 

[CottageHore]

If you’re American and truly still believe living with your parents is “shameful” or “embarrassing”, you’re not only incredibly ignorant and reek of privilege, but you’re also stupid as ****.

 

The housing market, the economy, prices of everything right now are obscene. Living with your parents is a great way to put money aside to save for a down payment for a home (because good luck making a decent one unless you make 6+ figures). If anything, it’s a wise financial decision to be making right now during this recession.

 

The majority (not ALL, calm tf down) of the people in their 20s who are NOT living with their parents are being funded by their parents, having their parents buy them homes, or passing down high paying jobs to them (and pretending they’re doing it on their own) anyway, so how is that any different than just living with them.

 

As for the rent part- everyone’s situation is different and many old people are moving back in with THEIR children to save money, should those kids be charging their elder parents rent? I mean, that’s up to the family. Every family will discuss their expectations and make a plan that works, so that’s nobody’s business. By my own morals, I do think if you’re living with ANYBODY for free, you best be pulling your weight with chores, keep-up, etc. or you’re free-loading and that’s just a character flaw imo.

 

Multi-generational living is actually custom across many cultures. If y’all would step outside your white, individualistic mini circles for a momentC you’d find that “living with your parents” is very normal and often encouraged.

 

For me, I just moved back in with my parents because I'm pursuing a masters degree. Part of the program requires me working FULL TIME in an unpaid 6 month internship, not just once, but twice. Now how does one expect I could afford to do that while paying $1,600 in rent. I'm privileged to have parents I get along with well enough for me living with them for a bit to be a possibility so yes, I will be doing just that and saving money in the process, you whores.

 

Anyway, whew. Perhaps this struck a  chord with me

Edited March 16, 2023 by CottageHore

[JayG]

7 minutes ago, shookspeare said:

no, it's pretty normal in many cultures until you get married

 

plus housing costs are insane 

Literally Indian people have been doing this forever. All of me and my cousins live with our parents and it’s normal. In fact, I couldn’t imagine living without them since I love them so much and I’m very close to them. I have an entire floor in our apartment complex to myself so we each have our own space. Like, it works perfectly. Plus why would I waste money living alone when I hate that? Like, it’s not embarrassing at all. We all help each other out with shopping, cleaning, boring life **** too. There’s so many advantages. Location wise too we all have great jobs cause we are in London. It makes zero sense to uproot our entire lives just to have some space. Even more so now.

[bunnyeyes]

 It’s a cultural thing in a lot of countries outside the West and now with the state of the economy things are shifting in the West too. Honestly who cares as long as it’s not an abusive situation for either party? .  
 

Along these lines, is it just me or is it mainly (*some*) American parents that always seem to complain how much they “hate” their kids even when they’re very little and celebrate the end of summer break and what not? I don’t get the kicking out at 18 thing. This type of dynamic is so weird to me tbh. 

 

Edited March 16, 2023 by IvyTower

[ProudLBS]

1) No, it’s a smart financial decision. I’m saving a sh*tton of money on rent and I work from home so I can receive packages and stuff when no one else is home. I also spend a bit more time with my parents before I move in with my boyfriend. It’s a win-win for everyone.

 

2) No, unless the parents are struggling financially or still paying their mortgage or still renting, but they should split the bills.

Edited March 16, 2023 by ProudLBS

[Robert]

I don’t think it’s shameful especially when rental and house prices are just downright extortionate these days and it’s normal in many cultures. In regards to rent, I find charging a family member a flat fee like a tenant a bit weird but I think they should contribute whether it be chores, covering some bills etc. I will say it’s important to have some independence as an adult and if you’re expecting your parents to do all the cooking/cleaning then that’s not cool.

 

Some people need to understand that many people did grow up in toxic environments though and living with parents/family is not a viable option for everyone.

[Likingstars]

No. Living with parents is a great way to save money. But then I prefer the ability to host so  

[Anomaly]

No, it’s smart financially. My mom lived with her parents until she got married at age 30. Because of this, she had $60,000 available for a down payment on a house. Meanwhile, my dad, had no money available to put toward the house I grew up in.

[Feanor]

It's pretty common in my culture, so no in all cases.

 

I do think that if you're out of school and are in collage and thus perhaps have a part-time job, or you're working full-time, you should definitely be helping out with the household expenses. 

[cockatoo]

No, it's only embarrassing if you don't work or help out around the house and expect your parents to look after you. If you're just another adult living in the house then that's pretty normal.

[Duanielipa]

No it's not embarrassing as long as you're contributing to the house, and are saving with the intention of moving out when you're more financially secure.

 

If you have no job/not a student and have no intention of moving on with you're life it's embarrassing.

[cockatoo]

Oh also charging your kids rent is very strange. Asking them to help out with the bills or contribute towards the mortgage or rent is fine, but just charging them for the sake of it is weird. If you let your kids save, they'll be able to move out sooner

[HausofArtpopII]

its too expensive to not live with your parents atm so no 

 

as long as you help around the house and pay some bills i dont see why you shouldnt be able to live with em.

[Smarticle]

In this economy? No

[The7thStranger]

Totally not a weird thing as long as you're contributing to the household (as long as you're physically and mentally able to, of course).

[PoisonCandy]

No. It's literally not possible to live on your own right now, and living in a share house is awful. 

[BionicWooHoo]

A 400 sq ft studio in downtown bk costs $3000 a month so idk you tell me tbh 

[Zoe_]

Not these days. I just need people that do to watch their mouths.

-Don't give me advice in life.

-Don't tell me what I'm doing wrong.

-Don't tell me you have excellent credit.

-Don't tell me that I don't understand how hard it is to raise kids.

-Don't tell me how tired you are unless you're a student and have a job.

-Don't say "my house."

-Don't tell me I'm living in the wrong neighborhood

-Don't tell me I work too much.

 

Otherwise, I think it's okay to lice with your parents, especially if you're down on you luck. 

 

Edited March 16, 2023 by Zoe_

[Attitude]

Not in this economy.

[samsclubPRESENTSavam]

in america it is considered shameful, especially for men, to live at home because it's considered weak and a failure. fortunately, that mindset is phasing out as housing is getting more unaffordable.

[Gaia]

If you’ve already been to university/college yes

 

i haven’t lived with my parents since I moved out for Uni at 17

Edited March 16, 2023 by Gaia