Purr Posted February 28, 2023 Posted February 28, 2023 These past few months have been so difficult. My mom was diagnosed with cancer last year and underwent chemo and is now in remission. I had all sorts of thoughts of losing my mom as she was going through treatment, but they mostly went away after her amazing response to chemo. I was planning on taking her to Europe in May, but now we just found out our dog has cancer. He’s starting chemo today, but we were told to expect only a few extra months with him. He’s been our dog for 14 years, and I cannot imagine how life would be like without him. What are some ways to deal with loss? I’m mostly an introvert and don’t really like going out too often. I’m also afraid of going out and not coming home to my dog’s barks and licks…
JayG Posted February 28, 2023 Posted February 28, 2023 (edited) I can’t help cause I had a stroke and lost half my senses, but all I can offer is my experience: it’s hell. Loss never leaves. I cry everyday. Almost all day. Because when you lose something you loved and needed so much, it leaves nothing but pain and longing for it back. Loss never goes away. They lie and say time heals but the truth is, 2 years later, I can say, it never heals. Every thing is a reminder of that loss. If it wasn’t for my family, I wouldn’t even be alive or want to be tbh. Hugs. Edited February 28, 2023 by JayG
Kamil24 Posted February 28, 2023 Posted February 28, 2023 All the best. My cat is almost 16 so I know she won't be here forever either
UnusualBoy Posted February 28, 2023 Posted February 28, 2023 As corny as it sounds time heals everything. My dog passed 3 years when he was few months shy of being 16yo and it's really hard because it's like losing a family member to certain extend but time helps you feel better and what makes you sad at that moment is what will help you to get through during the bad times, he's lived a great life thanks to you and now it's his time to rest, the good boy has earned it. Enjoy as much time as you can with him, make his last days the best and don't forget that even when he's gone, he's always gonna be with you and you'll always his everything. Sending you the best vibe.
Purr Posted February 28, 2023 Author Posted February 28, 2023 25 minutes ago, JayG said: I can’t help cause I had a stroke and lost half my senses, but all I can offer is my experience: it’s hell. Loss never leaves. I cry everyday. Almost all day. Because when you lose something you loved and needed so much, it leaves nothing but pain and longing for it back. Loss never goes away. They lie and say time heals but the truth is, 2 years later, I can say, it never heals. Every thing is a reminder of that loss. If it wasn’t for my family, I wouldn’t even be alive or want to be tbh. Hugs. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. I know — everyone just tells me that time will heal everything, but I haven’t lost a loved one before, and I can’t imagine the pain I’ll have to endure when that time comes. Everything I do will remind me of him… 19 minutes ago, Kamil24 said: All the best. My cat is almost 16 so I know she won't be here forever either It’s so hard. This is why my parents did not want to get a pet. But he provided us with so much joy and happiness, and we treated him so well. I just don’t want him to be in pain. 17 minutes ago, MJHolland said: Try not to live in the future just appreciate every moment with him is a precious moment , my dogs have health problems too and just can’t imagine losing my angels , no matter what they are a piece of your heart and will always be with you , sending love healing and positive vibes ❤️ I hope your dogs feel better. I know how it feels when your beloved pets are sick…I just wish I could do more. 13 minutes ago, UnusualBoy said: As corny as it sounds time heals everything. My dog passed 3 years when he was few months shy of being 16yo and it's really hard because it's like losing a family member to certain extend but time helps you feel better and what makes you sad at that moment is what will help you to get through during the bad times, he's lived a great life thanks to you and now it's his time to rest, the good boy has earned it. Enjoy as much time as you can with him, make his last days the best and don't forget that even when he's gone, he's always gonna be with you and you'll always his everything. Sending you the best vibe. It definitely is like losing a family member. My parents consider him as one of their children. It just aches my heart to see him sick. We definitely will take him out the most we possibly can and let him enjoy his favorite foods…I already miss him even though he’s still here.
Kamil24 Posted February 28, 2023 Posted February 28, 2023 12 minutes ago, Purr said: I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. I know — everyone just tells me that time will heal everything, but I haven’t lost a loved one before, and I can’t imagine the pain I’ll have to endure when that time comes. Everything I do will remind me of him… It’s so hard. This is why my parents did not want to get a pet. But he provided us with so much joy and happiness, and we treated him so well. I just don’t want him to be in pain. I hope your dogs feel better. I know how it feels when your beloved pets are sick…I just wish I could do more. It definitely is like losing a family member. My parents consider him as one of their children. It just aches my heart to see him sick. We definitely will take him out the most we possibly can and let him enjoy his favorite foods…I already miss him even though he’s still here. I definitely get it because I also haven't lost anyone before, and am super nervous about it.
CottageHore Posted February 28, 2023 Posted February 28, 2023 (edited) I’m sorry for what your mother’s gone through and the potential loss of your beloved dog. That’s hard **** and you have every reason to be emotional about it all. I haven’t had a major loss in my life so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I suggest doing whatever feels right. If you feel intuitively called to cry, don’t hold it in. Cry. If you need to talk to someone, call or text a friend, a therapist, a family member, or write in a journal everything you need to express. Give yourself what you need and don’t suppress any of your feelings. No thoughts are too obscure, dark, or invalid. They’re natural to the process of losing someone/something you’ve loved. There is no correct way to heal from loss. Never shame yourself if you fall into bad habits or maladaptive coping mechanisms in the process. Acknowledge and do your best to move forward. Having empathy and emotions makes loss especially painful, but lean into these emotions and don’t push them back. Set aside time to just sit in a bath or in bed and let the emotions move through your body. I’m wishing you wellness and peace. ps: remember that everybody’s experience with loss is different. The same way two people can experience the same event and one person can internalize it as trauma while the other does not. It’s not just one dimension, it’s biopsychosocial. The user above who said time did not alleviate any pain for them is valid in his experience, that doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t heal and hurt less as time passes. You’re a unique individual with a very unique experience, environment, and life. Edited February 28, 2023 by CottageHore
harwee Posted February 28, 2023 Posted February 28, 2023 Volunteer your time in local charities, particularly those that provide services to seniors who don't have much time like nursing homes. That's what worked for me, I stopped feeling too bad for my myself and my feelings, but rather be thankful for what I have in the present.
Alldeezy Posted March 1, 2023 Posted March 1, 2023 I've had 80% of my family past. 2 from cancer aswell it's horrible and my dog i had for 18 years was tough aswell. Think after I lost my dad to a tragic accident in 2009. No deaths fade me after that I just go numb and have no emotion. Which I think is the worse but it's never easy losing someone or a pet bc I know how hard it can be. Try to see friends often, keep your mind and heart busy and hopefully that will help the bad times. I send love your way
JayG Posted March 1, 2023 Posted March 1, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, Kamil24 said: I definitely get it because I also haven't lost anyone before, and am super nervous about it. I have and it’s… scary, horrific and honestly makes you wanna die. I’m going through it now. I’ve lost half of my own body and my uncle just dropped dead from a sudden heart attack 2 weeks ago. The funeral and getting covid from it was a nightmare. Truly the worst. Now I have major anxiety I never had and I’m actually going to quit my career and move in with a bunch of family members cause I feel scared they’re gonna suddenly die. It’s ******. Edited March 1, 2023 by JayG
Bloodflowers. Posted March 1, 2023 Posted March 1, 2023 You just have to deal with death and accept it. I listen to a lot of music about death such as "The Day Before the Day" by Dido and "You Have Been Loved" by George Michael to help me be calm and heal from the pain. It's tough but you just have to face it.
Helios Posted March 1, 2023 Posted March 1, 2023 I hate to say it as its not a popular opinion especially in these parts but religion/spirituality can really help you get through a loss. Even if its just a prayer or knowing that your loved ones (including Pets!) are in a better place and watching over you. Yeah I know it sounds cheesy but if it makes you feel better whats wrong with that. I truly believe that the people i have lost are still watching over me every day and it gives me a sense of comfort.
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