Is it normal to experience this in a relationship?

[zasderfght]

Hello!

 

I'm in my first long-term relationship, and I'm exhausted at times lol Let me try to keep this short and explain: 

 

My boyfriend is a traveler and organizer to the max. He will book trips way in advance-- both domestic and international. He will be extremely insistent on getting the ball moving fast-- I remember he would remind me hella to send my license and/or any other information. He also has a tendency to book vacation events for days, and this means cramming in going to different states on weekends (we both work Monday-Friday jobs). 

 

I am not a traveler or organizer at all. Do I enjoy going to different places once I'm there? Yes. But the whole getting a passport, making the appointment, having to get blank checks, packing, blocking off time for work-- all of this gives me anxiety. I was finally transparent about possibly spacing out vacations and allowing me to give more input into the planning. So, instead of him booking all these restaurants and attractions, maybe we don't book events for a day and we can take in and cruise around a new location. Or maybe we just have more "lazy" weekends, where we remain local or just chill at his place.

 

For reference, last weekend, we had brunch with his friends, dinner with his family (and both live about 90 minutes from each other), and we had a dinner reservation at a local restaurant. Today I'm going to my passport application at the post office, going to my Cali flight with my boyfriend, and during this weekend, we're having brunch with his cousin and parents. And then Monday we come back. 

 

It's just a lot at once, and I am so physically so tired, I slept like 4-5 hours last night. 

 

My boyfriend is understanding, and he's already agreed to lazy weekends. And I do love him and love the time I spend with him, but anyone else feel overwhelmed at times in their relationship? 

 

I think what's also driving me crazy at times is not having as much me-time. My boyfriend will call me on the days we don't see each other, and there's times where I'm like, "God. I just want to watch a show or movie. Or go to a movie or restaurant by myself from time to time." 

 

This is my first relationship, so I'm just wondering if it's normal to feel this way. 

 

 

[Matangi]

This is totally normal! You seem to be more of an introvert, meanwhile your partner probably is more extroverted and more social, out-going etc.

 

As long as he is understanding for your needs, everything should be fine. But also don't ignore his needs, its all about balance and communication.

Edited February 24, 2023 by Matangi

[Henry Torres]

Yes, it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed and in need of some alone time in a long-term relationship, especially when there are differences in preferences for activities and travel. It's great that you have communicated your needs to your boyfriend and that he is understanding and willing to accommodate them.

It's important to maintain a balance between spending time with your partner and taking time for yourself to recharge and do activities that you enjoy. It's healthy to have individual interests and hobbies, as well as shared ones with your partner. You might consider discussing this with your boyfriend and finding a way to schedule some alone time for yourself without impacting your time together.

Overall, it's important to remember that every relationship is unique, and it's normal to experience different emotions and feelings throughout the course of a relationship. The most important thing is to communicate your needs and work together with your partner to find a balance that works for both of you.

[Cain]

This is extremely normal and not a problem lmao, just be open about your needs

[zasderfght]

Thank you guys! This is very validating and supportive 

[Cain]

Just now, zasderfght said:

Thank you guys! This is very validating and supportive 

In any relationship but especially longterm ones it’s very common to want/need alone time, I’d say it’s even more healthy if you guys have stuff to do separately so the stuff you do together is even more meaningful 

 

Has he ever done any of these trips alone? Would that be something you’re open to? 

[zasderfght]

Just now, Cain said:

In any relationship but especially longterm ones it’s very common to want/need alone time, I’d say it’s even more healthy if you guys have stuff to do separately so the stuff you do together is even more meaningful 

 

Has he ever done any of these trips alone? Would that be something you’re open to? 

Yes! He went to Chile, however, this was very early in on in our relationship, and this trip had been planned even before we started dating. 

 

And honestly, after experiencing the exhaustion of going to the trips we've gone to lol, yes, I'd be open to my partner going alone or with friends/family. 

[Cain]

Just now, zasderfght said:

Yes! He went to Chile, however, this was very early in on in our relationship, and this trip had been planned even before we started dating. 

 

And honestly, after experiencing the exhaustion of going to the trips we've gone to lol, yes, I'd be open to my partner going alone or with friends/family. 

Well maybe he could try a long weekend without you and see how that feels for both of you

[Selegend]

Yes! For sure it's normal. Everyone is different, the fact that u felt good about telling him how u felt and that he was understanding is what matters the most. 

[ProudLBS]

Completely normal. In my case, I am the over-planner lol

 

Next time let him know your limits before he books all those activities and meetings.

 

And it's completely normal to want to be alone sometimes, especially if your partner isn't into what you wanna do by yourself.

Edited February 24, 2023 by ProudLBS

[PrettyHurts]

everything sounds fine to me

 

he just needs to chill sometimes

 

[Redstreak]

Yeah it’s normal but that’s why communication is so important. Personally I’m dealing with the opposite. My bf has a demanding job so he’s usually too mentally tired to want to do much on the weekend

[Mr. Peanutbutter]

Yeah, definitely normal. You and your bf are two different people who have different needs and desires. And the need to do things on your own is normal and actually healthy. Just be honest about it with your boyfriend, if he already agreed to have lazy weekends I think it's a sign that he might be reasonable with your limits

Edited February 24, 2023 by Mr. Peanutbutter

[Karla Cabello]

yeah. sadly i realized i really cant have a steady relationship bc i need a lot of "me time". like i cant be with the same person more than three days bc i start to get annoyed with them  

Edited February 24, 2023 by Karla Cabello

[Archetype]

He sounds amazing and you should marry him (no joke).  Buuut what you’re describing is normal if you’re with someone who is an obsessive planner and needs to be in control of situations.  On one hand, it’s amazing to be with someone who will take care of everything and plan entire trips and vacations for you.  That takes a long time to do (can he plan vacations for my partner and I?).  However, he needs to understand you need down time, lazy time, and that not everything needs to be planned.  He’ll learn to be flexible and will personally benefit from being more open to chance.  I would guess the 90 minute distance between you both makes him want to make the most of your time together and I can respect that to an extent.

[RunUpDoneUp]

Yes, being overwhelmed is normal but this should be something that came up during to dating process(if you even did that.)

 

I'll be the divergent voice and say that this is the result of choosing to accept someone as they are instead of taking the sign of incompatibility on reflex and moving on. Relationships don't fail because the other person is a monster, it's largely from accumulated stress from incompatibilities ignored for the sake of "making it work."

[madonnas]

That’s a LOT.  I’m more social and extroverted than my bf but I could not handle it.  I understand he’s your partner and wants you to join everything he does but the reality is that you both have to make sacrifices and decide which events you both must go to and events you can skip out on.  Sometimes I’m sad my bf can’t go to my parents or family or a show with me but when it comes to absolutely important events he will be there.

 

 

May I ask, do you live together? 

[Hobbes]

It's completely normal and healthy to need some time to yourself. 

[zasderfght]

Hey, guys! Update. 

 

My boyfriend and I talked about it, and we both agreed the excessive traveling isn't the issue, it's being rushed on vacation. 

 

My boyfriend even had a stressful time because his cousin is really pushy and assertive, and is one of those people that will text you 50 times if you say you're going to be late. He even bothered my boyfriend days leading up to our vacation for wine/dining recommendations. My boyfriend hasn't seen his cousin in like 5 years, and he doesn't have family he can visit, so I get him being a bit needy, but even I had enough of the cousin. 

 

This vacation wasn't solely a 2-person vacation-- we had to coordinate meeting my boyfriend's cousin, then my boyfriend's parents (the whole family met up at some point), and we were in CA for just Friday-Monday. We both agreed the next time we're going it's just going to be us, instead of booking restaurants to accommodate multiple people's schedules. 

 

We also agreed just 3 days isn't enough time, so I'm offering (as of now) to take an extra day off of work, so that that way we can travel for at least 4 days. 

 

My boyfriend and I are even being lazy the next coming month, and I'm staying at my apartment for work evenings and then coming to his apartment weekends. 

 

In some ways, this vacation really challenged our relationship because of my boyfriend's family and their anxiousness with punctuality, but it did make our relationship a lot stronger. We really do love each other. 

 

I do appreciate everyone's input! (: 

Edited February 28, 2023 by zasderfght