Gays: How do you feel about being called "queer"?

[Beyonnaise]

I was at the bar having this conversation with two friends last weekend (another gay and a lesbian). The lesbian said she is fine with people calling her queer because it feels the most inclusive of all the terms to describe the wider community, but mainly calls herself a lesbian. The gay said he wouldn't call himself queer since gay already does the work of describing his identity, and also said he dislikes how some straight men call themselves "queer" but would never date a man.

 

I feel the same way as him. I just don't like being called the term. It basically still feels like "f*g". Queer was a word I only ever heard used as a biting slur against gay effeminate men until about five years ago, and I will never adopt it in a reclaiming way. I understand why some gay or bi people use it, but it's also simultaneously being used as a catch-all for "outside the norm" behavior, like a straight guy wearing chipped nail polish. I have no desire to distance myself from trans people and think there's usefulness in us joining together against conservatives, but I think "LGBT" does that job fine as a sociopolitical grouping.

[Aston Martin]

I utilize queer when describing the community as a whole (I use queer and LGBTQ interchangeably), but I don't call anyone individually queer because it was always used that way towards me as an insult if that makes sense. I also don't use queer to describe straight men that wear nail polish because they're just that. 

[Guest]

I wouldn't be offended personally unless it was said with ill intention, but I wouldn't use the label to describe myself. I just use the label "lesbian".

 

I have however met people who are in the LGBT community but unsure of their label, or just wishing to not label themselves, describe themselves as queer.

Edited February 7, 2023 by Yum

[Slate]

Not a term I'd use to describe myself

[Bussea]

I don’t mind it and use it to identify myself   although I feel like it’s an overused term and some people need to let it go x

[feelslikeadream]

I study/teach queer history and literature for a living, so I'm obviously fine with it (and also find it kind of bizarre how people are opposed to it )

[Karla Cabello]

 

[Miss Fortune]

I personally describe anyone under the LGBTQ+ umbrella as queer. 
 

I will always use queer when I’m not specifically referencing someone who hasn’t labelled themselves more specifically around me. 
 

I find it quite a useful and respectful word. 

[Virgos Groove]

I personally identify as gay, but use queer when talking about the community.

 

At the same time tho, I respect anyone who isn't okay with reclaiming it, and would never use it in front of an old gay person, for example.

[GentleEarthquake]

Idc, if it's a slur then why not embrace it

[schnetzka]

I know a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community want to reclaim the word but I personally do not like being called "queer". If others want to be called that then I think it's up to them but I do prefer not to be called it.

[Communion]

This discourse maybe had a purpose on 2014 MOGAI Tumblr before TERFs appropriated it.

 

It's totally fine to prefer being *personally* called gay/lesbian/bi over queer, though queer = LGBTQ in terms of 'the community' at this point. To be queer is to not be cishet. 

 

If the discussion is some people trying to do some weird "gay = male attracted to males" thing, then there's no point to it and it is just as pointless as the micro-identities the original discourse (ie: ~is a cis heterosexual biromatic man QUEER?~) took issue with on Tumblr. 

 

Basically:

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by Communion

[Holiest Dreams]

I agree with you OP, pretty much same as how I feel. But also I don’t necessarily hate it, and people can do whatever they want (I just don’t ‘care’ that much basically). But for me, I don’t care for it or use it for myself or in general. 

[kandicha]

I used it for a long time when I was still figuring out if I was bi or a lesbian and wasn’t ready to commit to a label yet. But I finally feel comfortable saying I’m bi and don’t use the word queer for myself anymore.

 

I also avoid using it for other people unless they explicitly say they like it because a lot of people still find it offensive.

[Da Vinci]

It will always sound off to me (if I'm being called that) cause I always think of its original meaning which is "odd/strange/bizarre"

[Peroxide]

11 minutes ago, ATWK said:

I personally identify as gay, but use queer when talking about the community.

 

At the same time tho, I respect anyone who isn't okay with reclaiming it, and would never use it in front of an old gay person, for example.

This

[on the line]

I don't identify as queer but rather as gay.

 

Queer feels more like a general word for the entire community.

[madonnas]

I’m fine with the word but I don’t use it.  It’s a good umbrella term I guess but I like a more specific terminology for myself.  I am a gay man and that’s how identify.  
 

I have a lesbian grandma and she hates the term so that is definitely part of why I shy away from using the term myself.  

[Twilish]

Call me ignorant whatever but i personally could care less what someone refers to me as. Life is to short to let something like that offend me. 
 

Just to clarify i don’t condone the negative use of it as i know other people have had it used as a slur against them/bullying but i just mean in my experience i don’t stress about it. 

Edited February 7, 2023 by Twilish

[Bloodflowers.]

Queer sounds like calling someone a weirdo, so I don't want to use a word calling people similar to me as being weirdos 

[Slayn]

Anytime that word is used in public, especially when describing me, it sends a chill down my spine. I would never admit this because it's a widely used word now, but I HATE that word. Like OP said, the connotation that it was once a slur will never leave my mind.

[alfonso12]

I couldn't care less.

[PoisonCandy]

I absolutely despise it, and I hate that it's becoming more common for that exact reason. It still sounds offensive to me, and I don't think that will ever change, especially since I still hear older people using it in that way.

[elevate]

I like it, and I'm glad it's becoming more commonplace. It's not offensive anymore and it's so general that it can't be offensive, if that makes sense. 

 

That said, you should identify however you like, and ensure you let people know you don't want to be referred to as queer or whatever else. I haven't personally seen it used for guys who wear make up / feminine clothing (unless it's being used as a slur). It definitely feels like it belongs to our community.

 

Edit: Queer 100% includes trans people and that's not going away. I think part of the reason people don't use "LGBT" as much is because a) it's cumbersome to say, and b) it actually leaves out a lot of people, and the + isn't really good enough.

Edited February 7, 2023 by elevate

[SLIME]

I understand/respect its use for different purposes and other people who identify better with the term. I don’t like using it when it comes to myself personally.