discussion Coming out to family members?

[Bloodflowers.]

I've been thinking about coming out to my older brother, he would be the first family member I would ever come out, but I am scared as hell......

 

Any experience, how and when did y'all came out and if you didn't yet, do you plan in the future? 

 

[LustSpell]

I am out to my entire family. I did it because I wanted to do it at the beginning of the decade and enter in it feeling fresh and true to myself. I kinda just sat them all down in a room and said "you're not getting any grandkids because I like men, sorry" and they asked me what type of men I liked and that they already knew  I told them otters and that was the end of it. 

Edited April 25, 2022 by LustSpell

[Kayseri Mantisi]

If I was a parent I would've known if my child was gay. Wish they understood without us having to come out to them. Maybe they do know but don't mention it lol.

[Patient Zero]

Everyone knows except my dad.

 

He still believes there are no gay Albanians 

[Bloodflowers.]

8 minutes ago, Kayseri Mantisi said:

If I was a parent I would've known if my child was gay. Wish they understood without us having to come out to them. Maybe they do know but don't mention it lol.

 

Lmao they know, they just pretend they don't. My dad wasted a lot of money into renovating our family home so him and my mom could live downstairs and I would have the whole upper house to myself and "for my wife and kids". He purposefully pressures me to let me know anything else would be unacceptable. 

 

[jesus del rey]

I am not out to my family. They have ALL the signs tho: I used to dresd up and sing when I was little, I am always like “I will never marry”, I make an ugly face whenever they ask when I am getting a gf, I do pole dancing, all of my friends are girls and I am very flamboyant. 

[jesus del rey]

8 minutes ago, Bloodflowers. said:

 

Lmao they know, they just pretend they don't. My dad wasted a lot of money into renovating our family home so him and my mom could live downstairs and I would have the whole upper house to myself and "for my wife and kids". He purposefully pressures me to let me know anything else would be unacceptable. 

 

This is very manipulative

[Bloodflowers.]

4 minutes ago, jesus del rey said:

This is very manipulative

 

It is, and he often says homophobic remarks. I told him I don't wanna live and grow old in this ghetto neighborhood and how I am planning to live in a different town. 

 

I think he does it out of love because he fears for my safety and reputation as an out gay man in this society, but his homophobic approach is only making me feel worse mentally and emotionally. 

 

[Kayseri Mantisi]

26 minutes ago, Patient Zero said:

Everyone knows except my dad.

 

He still believes there are no gay Albanians 

Go to a Dua Lipa concert with him

[BOOMBAYAH]

Just be a smart person about it. If you’re living with your family, or depend on them in anyway (especially financially) and you think there’s a good chance they won’t respond well, DO NOT COME OUT. If you’re at a place where you don’t need them security, money, emotional therapy and so on, and you are also ready to deal with them not accepting you, then you should tell them. 

[Bloodflowers.]

Just now, BOOMBAYAH said:

Just be a smart person about it. If you’re living with your family, or depend on them in anyway (especially financially) and you think there’s a good chance they won’t respond well, DO NOT COME OUT. If you’re at a place where you don’t need them security, money, emotional therapy and so on, and you are also ready to deal with them not accepting you, then you should tell them. 

 

Good point 

 

[BOOMBAYAH]

34 minutes ago, Kayseri Mantisi said:

If I was a parent I would've known if my child was gay. Wish they understood without us having to come out to them. Maybe they do know but don't mention it lol.

I was literally talking to my friend about this. The signs of me being gay are so obvious (fashionable, had a lot of female friends growing up, never had a girlfriend)…I think my parents just live in a state of cognitive dissonance lol. If I had a kid I would know straight away if they were gay or not like it’s not rocket science trying to figure it out. 

[Solaria]

I am out to both my parents.

 

I wasn’t scared to tell my mom even though I grew up in a Muslim household (not Sunni though so my parents don’t follow the traditional way of Islam) because she has always been very accepting of others. When I told her it went very well, few times after she asked If I wanted a wife and kids but when I corrected her on that it was all good.

 

Was WAY more scared to tell my dad because I felt like he wouldn’t accept it. But he was pretty chill about it. He had a lot of questions after though (still to some day he wants to know sumn abt being gay) but I’m used to that. He’s not against it atleast

Edited April 25, 2022 by pieceofgök

[Solaria]

43 minutes ago, Patient Zero said:

Everyone knows except my dad.

 

He still believes there are no gay Albanians 

Show him Mirud 

[Robyn.]

1 hour ago, pieceofgök said:

I am out to both my parents.

 

I wasn’t scared to tell my mom even though I grew up in a Muslim household (not Sunni though so my parents don’t follow the traditional way of Islam) because she has always been very accepting of others. When I told her it went very well, few times after she asked If I wanted a wife and kids but when I corrected her on that it was all good.

 

Was WAY more scared to tell my dad because I felt like he wouldn’t accept it. But he was pretty chill about it. He had a lot of questions after though (still to some day he wants to know sumn abt being gay) but I’m used to that. He’s not against it atleast

that's so wholesome 

[YellowRibbon]

I'm out to my parents and my little brother, they took it better than I thought they'd so I can't complain regarding that matter... When it comes to the rest of my family... I just don't feel the need to do it yet, I don't think that I owe them an explanation either so that's on that. 

[Totami Legend]

I am out to my entire family except my dad even tho I think he knows already. He would accept me 100% but I just don't feel the need to tell him.

[dreampop]

what’s the point? Just casually mention it in conversation 

[Taylucifer]

i never came out, they kinda just knew (except for my sis cuz she found gay porn in my USB back when i was 12-13) lol then when i got a boyfriend my mom asked if i’m actually really gay and if i’m sure since i’ve never tried girls. she also said a lot of lowkey homophobic stuff but i feel like it’s out of curiosity and she just worries for me so it’s whatever. they’ve accepted it now (i think) since my mom supports me now with my current bf.

 

but i kinda don’t care if they don’t accept me? it’s either lose me or accept me and they all love me too much for the former to happen.

 

 

Edited April 25, 2022 by Taylucifer

[Subzero]

I'm only out to my immediate family (except my dad, we don't speak) the rest probably know but I don't care enough about them like that to "inform" them lmao.

 

My first family member I told was my mom and she was great about it but she sort of forced me out of the closet to my siblings and grandmother she meant well but she knew I was isolating myself badly and didn't want me to stress so she wanted me to just tell them so she literally cornered me in my bedroom and brought everyone in and wouldn't let me out until I told them 

 

Everyone was really accepting and didn't care at all, which was awesome and a major relief, but I was terrified to tell my brother (we're the closest) but he was the most accepting of all as it turns out. So if you really think your brother will be accepting and you trust he will be a good support system for you when you tell the rest of your family, then you should tell him.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it goes well!

[Before Today]

I am out to my siblings and several cousins.

[Oktober Knight]

I'm happily out to my whole family. It was rough at first, some family members were so distant and I thought they would disown me, but everyone is cool with it now. Even my extremely religious, military veteran hardcore Trump supporters are cool with it (they even came to my wedding).