discussion Femme-shamers: Why are you here?

[BGXKB]

I’ve been seeing a lot of femme-shaming this year directed at me and other users.

 

It’s weird how someone in a position of passing as a straight man to enjoy straight male privilege somehow thinks they can shame people who don’t have the privilege?

 

Do you masc gays not understand that’s a bit sociopathic to enjoy straight male privilege and put down others who don’t? Extremely sociopathic if we’re being honest. 

[GraceRandolph]

Some people just need to put others down to feel strong. It’s annoying though I agree. 

[BGXKB]

The number of masc gays who have stolen from me…

 

 

Y’all are ******* thugs, hunny

[BGXKB]

2 minutes ago, GraceRandolph said:

Some people just need to put others down to feel strong. It’s annoying though I agree. 

And it’s ironic because they are picking on the “weakest” ones.

 

Except it’s not actually ironic that’s just how the mind of a sociopath functions. 

[Into The Void]

5 minutes ago, BGXKB said:

I’ve been seeing a lot of femme-shaming this year directed at me and other users.

 

It’s weird how someone in a position of passing as a straight man to enjoy straight male privilege somehow thinks they can shame people who don’t have the privilege?

 

Do you masc gays not understand that’s a bit sociopathic to enjoy straight male privilege and put down others who don’t? Extremely sociopathic if we’re being honest. 

Who's been shaming you????

[rigo]

What goes around to 

[BGXKB]

3 minutes ago, Insanity said:

Who's been shaming you????

Well, I started a thread on female rap and a lot of masc gays felt like speaking up and putting down a femme person and therefore all females and all of female rap.

[Orsay]

There's a lot of gays who work really hard to convince themselves and everyone around them that they're masculine. Which can be fueled by homophobic parents, society at large, pressure to attract a boyfriend etc so I wouldn't villainise them too much. But I think that, for *some* of these guys, it upsets them to see someone fearlessly being themselves cause they don't have that themselves

[Jotham]

This is one of the most frustrating parts of the gay community for me. I'll always see people, for instance on Grindr, say that they're masculine or that they're only into masculine guys, and then you look at their social media and they're stanning pop girls 24/7.

[Karla Cabello]

i doubt there is any masc guy here

[Taylucifer]

the femme shaming is being done by the femme gays 

 

 

Edited April 20, 2022 by Taylucifer

[Into The Void]

13 minutes ago, BGXKB said:

Well, I started a thread on female rap and a lot of masc gays felt like speaking up and putting down a femme person and therefore all females and all of female rap.

How would they know ur femme ower the internet?

 

Shaming people is so gross

[BGXKB]

7 minutes ago, Orsay said:

There's a lot of gays who work really hard to convince themselves and everyone around them that they're masculine. Which can be fueled by homophobic parents, society at large, pressure to attract a boyfriend etc so I wouldn't villainise them too much. But I think that, for *some* of these guys, it upsets them to see someone fearlessly being themselves cause they don't have that themselves

There’s just something about coveting that straight male privilege, which a lot of cis gay men do and successfully enjoy, and hating people who don’t fit traditional gender norms that is just so… disgusting.

 

It’s not exclusive to gay men, of course, but with the rise of Pete Buttigieg we need a conversation of how acting straight is analogous to being straight and not something that should be praised. 

 

And being one’s true self is definitely not something that should be put down…
 

[James_Dean]

8 minutes ago, Taylucifer said:

the femme shaming is being done by the femme gays 

 

 

Bingo 

[duybeeGAshantiGA]

I sometimes do that, even to my femme boyfriend...  I know it's bad and Im trying to fix it. But let me tell you that it's easy for masc gays to act that way. It's not acceptable but society makes it easy for masc gays to discriminate against femme gays. Sorry :( 

[Orsay]

1 minute ago, BGXKB said:

There’s just something about coveting that straight male privilege, which a lot of cis gay men do and successfully enjoy, and hating people who don’t fit traditional gender norms that is just so… disgusting.

 

It’s not exclusive to gay men, of course, but with the rise of Pete Buttigieg we need a conversation of how acting straight is analogous to being straight and not something that should be praised. 

 

And being one’s true self is definitely not something that should be put down…
 

i get your point, but there's some gay men like that who are more "conventionally masculine" (whatever that means.gif) who are super supportive of all flavors of the LGBT community. But you're correct that there is a certain disdain toward male femininity for some, the sense that they see fem gays as weak or embarrassing or all like James Charles or whatever. And that, I'd say, is rooted in misogyny

 

But I think we should also understand that there isn't some clear cut distinction between "masc" and "fem" gay men - masculinity and femininity aren't black and white but function on a spectrum, and most of us probably fall somewhere in the middle

[Into The Void]

16 minutes ago, BGXKB said:

There’s just something about coveting that straight male privilege, which a lot of cis gay men do and successfully enjoy, and hating people who don’t fit traditional gender norms that is just so… disgusting.

 

It’s not exclusive to gay men, of course, but with the rise of Pete Buttigieg we need a conversation of how acting straight is analogous to being straight and not something that should be praised. 

 

And being one’s true self is definitely not something that should be put down…
 

What if my true self is str8 acting ?

 

What i mean is im not femme at all and its not on purpose thats just my identity

Edited April 20, 2022 by Insanity

[BGXKB]

2 minutes ago, Orsay said:

i get your point, but there's some gay men like that who are more "conventionally masculine" (whatever that means.gif) who are super supportive of all flavors of the LGBT community. But you're correct that there is a certain disdain toward male femininity for some, the sense that they see fem gays as weak or embarrassing or all like James Charles or whatever. And that, I'd say, is rooted in misogyny

 

But I think we should also understand that there isn't some clear cut distinction between "masc" and "fem" gay men - masculinity and femininity aren't black and white but function on a spectrum, and most of us probably fall somewhere in the middle

This is about the few of us here who still use “fem twink” as a personal attack. 

[BGXKB]

2 minutes ago, Insanity said:

What if my true self is str8 acting ?

Then you shouldn’t have a problem?

[Orsay]

Just now, BGXKB said:

This is about the few of us here who still use “fem twink” as a personal attack. 

well yeah, those are just sexist idiots. sorry, I had a gender studies moment 

 

all i'm saying is I wish there wasn't this sense of animosity between masc vs fem in the community. its so dumb - bigoted straights see us all the same

[Tropez]

There’s no such thing as masculine gay men. 
 

As soon as they open their mouth a purse falls out. And then you hear the gay voice, their mannerisms, the way they dress and walk. 

[BGXKB]

7 minutes ago, duybeeGAshantiGA said:

I sometimes do that, even to my femme boyfriend...  I know it's bad and Im trying to fix it. But let me tell you that it's easy for masc gays to act that way. It's not acceptable but society makes it easy for masc gays to discriminate against femme gays. Sorry :( 

Okay what you do with your boyfriend…

 

I am talking about what I’ve seen on this forum in the last week. Most of them aren’t forthcoming and think they’ll just keep getting away with it because no one wants a WP. But I have had enough! You cannot use someone’s identity to invalidate their opinion! At least not someone who would identify as an OPPRESSED group, which, let’s face it, cis “straight”-presenting gay men hardly ever were.

[duybeeGAshantiGA]

4 minutes ago, BGXKB said:

Okay what you do with your boyfriend…

 

I am talking about what I’ve seen on this forum in the last week. Most of them aren’t forthcoming and think they’ll just keep getting away with it because no one wants a WP. But I have had enough! You cannot use someone’s identity to invalidate their opinion! At least not someone who would identify as an OPPRESSED group, which, let’s face it, cis “straight”-presenting gay men hardly ever were.

I from time to time lowkey humilate my bf because he is femme. Like whenever he acts "femme" I would say "now look at you, can you man-up a bit" or "can you stop acting too femme we are in public" .. something like that

[L.B GAGA]

43 minutes ago, duybeeGAshantiGA said:

I from time to time lowkey humilate my bf because he is femme. Like whenever he acts "femme" I would say "now look at you, can you man-up a bit" or "can you stop acting too femme we are in public" .. something like that

Thats heartbreaking and an abusive relationship 

[KingJay]

You know what's crazy. I've actually been shamed by Fem guys for being too "ghetto/thug/gangster" wanna be. ONLY because I don't wear tight clothing. I've been turned down for being too masc & etc. It just goes to show you that no matter what position you're in, you're going to struggle some how. Because in my eyes, I feel like "Fem" guys have it easier than masc guys. I'm a bottom, and I'm always being told that I'm a waste of a gay because I should be a top. It's so annoying. & The amount of annoying bottoms that I come across that try to force me to be their top just because I'm more "masc/Straight" passing. It just makes me not even want to talk to any guys tbh.