Jackson Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 7 minutes ago, Temporal said: Steve - 8tHug Joss - Cere13 Greg - Auoral Barbara - UghPears do hints fatty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 gonna send my nominations in a minute Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) Round 11 Reviews Jackson Every other line felt simple and straightforward and great while the other half didn’t read as nicely and was sometimes worded awkwardly. I’ve read smoother entries from you that hit harder. There were some lines that went well with the concept such as “We stumbled in the backseat, losing boundaries as wet touched,” and “then perhaps some other sunrise I’d wake up next to you.” It’s when you started to play deeper with figurative language that you lost a stylistic cohesion. From “[..] trudged through the Earth until they found our cove,” the charcoal clouds line, and using words like “wane” interrupted this entry. It was tied together with a simple concept which I liked, but it made these weird choices all the more obvious. I will say, the change in the bridge was very well done. I could hear a major key turning minor in my head. Jackson & Citrus What even is a dogwood? *Googles* Ah, a pretty tree! Not a pretty word, though. I love the dichotomy between your entries, a really cool way to take advantage of writing two songs in one week. Overall this entry felt very wordy and not in a classic Citrus way where lines punch. The meter was perfect throughout but it really could have been condensed while saying the same thing. The chorus is GOR-GEE-OUS! It read like a real chorus and I could hear a melody while reading it. It also felt short and very, very sweet. The bridge felt a little blunt at times, sloppy even. There is a lot of emotional impact in this entry, so good job on that. I was honestly expecting so much more, though. Ceremonials This feels unnecessarily descriptive? There were also clumsy lyrical moments like “A dark cousin, he’s not only a reflection.” Not only is dark cousin a really weird phrase but the latter part feels too blunt. The pre chorus was the strongest part of this song which should have been taken the place of the actual chorus. I did feel the reliability and struggle behind the words nonetheless, just don’t push as hard. Ceremonials & swiftie13 It was a pleasure working with you despite schedule conflicts. You stuck it out like a champ, especially having me as a partner. There were times where I felt like we were mis-communicating and after reading the final product, I see there were some unresolved concerns as seen by the replacement of my first verse which introduced the story a lot better. Nonetheless, you really moved us along so thanks for that. I’m proud of this song and I think it goes well with the film which we didn’t technically intend, we just wanted to be influenced by it’s general concept. Anyway, I hope you don’t hate me. I admire your amount of growth and creativity this season! ughgabriel This was very wordy, borderline pretentious. Maybe that was the point considering you were talking about conveying a much stronger person than you are so far. Either way, I didn’t particularly enjoy it. I love the pre chorus, it was the only part that nailed what you were trying to say without exhausting the concept with redundancy. It could have worked as a chorus. It didn’t feel as emotional as it could have been, mainly due to the stylistic choices. The outro was perfect and that’s the direction this should have headed. ughgabriel & keshaspearsxo This was peppered in awkwardly worded phrases but the overall intention was someone sweet. It reminded me of Mother but the “Only I truly notice the beauty…” didn’t sit well with me. It just didn’t fit the overall mood which focuses more on how Earth is hurt and that line is self praise and there’s no room for that here. The chorus was clunky and full of clumsy metaphors. I will say, the titular phrase is CLASSIC pears and I love it. Quirky, weird, and emotional. “I was awoke by quakes,” feels so wrong to say. Anyway, this had a lot of unmet potential but I like the concept a lot. 8thPrince Very cool concept. However, as I was reading it, I didn’t feel much emotional content pouring through the otherwise well crafted lines. I see you with that “do you ever feel like a plastic bag,” ode. Katy Perry: Songwriting Legend confirmed! It wasn’t bad by any means, it just felt like it was missing something that your usual entries from the past few weeks have been missing. 8thPrice & Hug “Let yourself in, my kite without a string,” is a very nice line, it has a hook-like element to it. I dig it. I love the way you two approached writing about writers block, it was a well-thought out extended metaphor. At times, I felt like there were filler lines and 8th usually has a way of making each line count. I noticed 8th’s more classical approach to writing (though less than usual) but Hug’s style wasn’t as apparent. Overall I felt like most collaborations didn’t feel like the meshing of two styles but rather comprising each other’s. Aurora This feels like it should have been more emotionally charged than it was. It does get tricky when writing about really personal themes such as this (which is very admirable by the way) since it can get melodramatic but if you coat the message with one too many metaphors and non-lyrical sentence structures, it becomes a lot more detached than it should be, at least to the reader. This felt a lot more thought out than most of the other entries this week, however. Aurora & Temporal This was so difficult to read. Not only was it oversaturated with imagery but the artsy fartsy language just got exhausting. I think there is a fine line between elegant cohesion and overdoing something. This was on the extra side. I do appreciate the politically charged theme behind it but it was FAR too hidden for it to really get the message out there. Obviously the actual quality of the level was great (AP English great) but it didn’t scream song to me. I admire the research that went into this, at least I hope there was. I don’t feel like fact checking each little reference which would probably confuse those who aren’t familiar with Egyptian mythology and history. That Midas reference also felt very random considering that comes from greek mythology. Again, though, a lot more thought out than most entries this week. Overall, very disappointing week. Don’t hate me @everyone. Edited March 17, 2017 by swiftie13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 @swiftie13 do hints Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Collab Hints 1. Den är en vetenskaplig disciplin som hör hemma dels inom den praktiska filosofin (moralfilosofi) och dels inom teologin (moralteologi). 2. It is the largest grassroots, non-government education initiative in India with presence in 51,717 villages. 2. View photos of this 3 bed, 2.0 bath, 1260 sqft single family home located at 1214 S Evarg Ave, Compton, CA 90220. 4. Añadir a exclusión (ver tutorial) el directorio donde vas a descargar TNod y donde lo vas a instalar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I'd rather not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) hör but i have a feeling we're the spanish one Edited March 17, 2017 by swiftie13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 @ceremonials & @swiftie13 - Grave of the FirefliesThis was cute, but also not very Ceremonials interestingly enough. Not in a bad or good way, just an observation! Unfortunately, I don’t really know if this subject was the best use of the collab, since knowledge of the movie feels more mandatory with this. Not because the song was too vague without, but because that knowledge made the song pop out more than it would without that knowledge. My other major complaint was that some lyrics didn’t make sense, and feel placed in the song purely for the imagery or flowery language.- “Over the cliff above the bay / Where the tide would call our name” not only have I read this exact couplet like 45 times, I’ve even written one - “I taught you to count fireflies” So basically you taught someone to count? Education chanteuse. No really though, this was awks.- “If we build a grave for him / Then maybe he can still fly.”” this tugged me in a creepy way- “The life you should’ve known” Huga is SUING- ““It’s the ones that burn the brightest / That lose their fire first.”” I don’t know if you intended this to be a double entendre with “the good die young” but this was HAUNTING and I LOVED it. The outro was really nice as well. @Temporal the song was indeed about a young singing dying while the old sibling tried taking care of her I agree with everything you said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ughgabriel Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 https://www.dubtrack.fm/join/platinumhitlers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 We better slay last place His review seemed p positive tho Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I feel embarrassed to share my scores so I will not reveal much tea xoxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fountain Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 I will say, the titular phrase is CLASSIC pears and I love it. (I didn't write it) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I don't know how to decipher any of these hints n Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 11 minutes ago, keshaspearsxo said: I will say, the titular phrase is CLASSIC pears and I love it. (I didn't write it) the way Gabe STOLE your look and wore it better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 PORQUE AHORA SO YO LA QUE QUIERE ESTAR SIN TI! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 IF NO ONE WILL LISTEN IF YOU DECIDE TO SPEAK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 All I Ever Wanted the album saved me a;hsdfkl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Temporal Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 11 minutes ago, swiftie13 said: IF NO ONE WILL LISTEN IF YOU DECIDE TO SPEAK 8 minutes ago, swiftie13 said: All I Ever Wanted the album saved me a;hsdfkl STAN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I'm anxious someone say something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 do hints Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 7 minutes ago, swiftie13 said: I'm anxious someone say something OMG listen to Dark Cousin to help you through this difficult time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 my highest scoring collab was Grave of the Fireflies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swiftie13 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 (edited) I dont know why the closer we get to the finale, the more personal it feels and this week, it being the self portrait challenge, it feels even heavier. I'll do hints but PROMISE not to take this personally. I don't know if it was just me but I did not like a single entry this week -- let me back up, I didn't love any entry this week. I liked a couple but nothing stood out especially after the previous two weeks. Edited March 17, 2017 by swiftie13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 5 minutes ago, swiftie13 said: my highest scoring collab was Grave of the Fireflies Deservedly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceremonials Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Oh also, FYC FOR Couplet of the Year: "But God won't make bargains and children leave too soon / Now we sleep in separate beds in a house of empty rooms" Or the ending line of Vilomah. I don't remember what it was but it slayed me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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