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Reconnecting w/ a friend you ghosted

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How would you handle reconnecting with a former close friend that you basically ghosted for many months and whose relationship with just seemed to fall through? Can you still be able to rekindle that friendship after a long period of no communication?

 

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Posted (edited)

Honestly, it's never happened, at least not successfully. I started talking to a really close childhood friend a few years ago that I stopped talking to after we left high school and it was just extremely awkward and forced. Every other friend that I've lost has remained in the past.

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i've ghosted a lot of people so i've had a lot of experience with this lmao

 

rekindle? that's difficult because you both have to make the effort, and if you ghosted then a lot of people won't be willing to do that

in one particular instance i felt really bad for ghosting this one friend and i contemplated writing a letter but ultimately just showed up at his door one night and asked to talk :rip: he heard me out and there were no hard feelings but we never really became friends again. i see him around sometimes and we have friendly chats but that's about it

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I've had to do this recently. Genuinely apologize and reiterate that you value their friendship (otherwise, if you don't feel this way then don't reach out lol). Let them talk about what they've been up to and ask active questions; don't try to push the focus on yourself and what you've been up to but let them know briefly if something had kept you from responding earlier

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never had to do this but i'd really like a friend who ghosted me to reconnect

 

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I ghosted literally everyone I became friends with at high school after I graduated like just instantly dropping them which was ****ty. Ghosting people is just awful so no I don’t think it can be rekindled and go back to the way it was 

 

 

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Honestly, if you ghosted a friend, you should just leave them alone. You let them down and you severed the connection, you probably broke their trust and you obviously didn't care enough about them to work on the relationship and its issues. 

 

It's really selfish of you to then decide you want to reconnect with someone you froze out for so long. Unfortunately, I think if that person doesn't make an effort to reconnect with you, then you just need to move on and take responsibility for your actions in ruining a friendship.

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I didn't ghost them but we had a huge argument and fell out. Lately however I've been trying to rebuild it from the ground up because I know he matters to me and I want him in my life. You can't expect overnight change. It's very gradual

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I have friends who I don't talk to for a year.

No communication at all.But once I do text them it seems normal. Like we haven't just seen each other for days.

 

Those are real friends. I keep on ghosting them. But they understand why. Except that one b*tch who's so bitter to me cause I ghosted them acting like we are a couple in LDR 

 

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1 hour ago, Obsession said:

Honestly, if you ghosted a friend, you should just leave them alone. You let them down and you severed the connection, you probably broke their trust and you obviously didn't care enough about them to work on the relationship and its issues. 

 

It's really selfish of you to then decide you want to reconnect with someone you froze out for so long. Unfortunately, I think if that person doesn't make an effort to reconnect with you, then you just need to move on and take responsibility for your actions in ruining a friendship.

this tea

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Posted (edited)

I didn't really ghost him, more like distanced myself from him. He was a close friend from college, but he failed to realize how one-sided our friendship was (e.g., he expected me to be available to him whenever he needed to vent or something, but when I needed him, he wasn't as prompt). After an unsuccessful attempt to talk things out, I pretty much dropped him almost two years ago. I figured that taking a break from him would put things in perspective for me, and it did - that friendship no longer served me. He tried to reconnect last year, and while I didn't want to keep dwelling on the past, it was clear that he didn't care enough to actually make our friendship work. Seeing him wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be, but I was sort of entering a new phase in my life, and there was just no more room for him in it.

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I had two best friends while I was at high school (almost ten years ago) and the relationship between us started to become more distant through the years, but we kept telling ourselves that we were best friends because we knew each other from high school and blah blah blah. Ultimately, I felt that the only reason why we were "friends" in the present was because of all the memories that we had from high school, but the chemistry was gone because we grow up so different from each other and we stopped having things in common and also, they did some ****ty things to me but nothing serious. I haven't talked to one of them in over a year now, and with the other, I stopped talking about 4 months ago.

 

I don't know if that's "ghosting" but I've been thinking about writing them a letter, not to be friends again, but just to tell them why I stopped talking to them and to let them know that I'm not mad and will always care for them. Sound dramatic lol but I think it's important to have a closure for both because I've heard a lot of stories of people complaining (with a lot of anger) about ex-friends and how they never understood why they stopped being friends and I don't think that's healthy.

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In my recent experience, someone I've known for almost 10 years, I cut him out of my life in 2013. We reconnected in 2015 and have gradually tried to rebuild since then. in 2017, he moved closer to me, we started hanging out frequently as a part of our rekindling; however, he started dating someone and prioritized that person (as well as his other friends) more, so I fell to the end of his list and we didn't talk for almost a year. Now, he's back to being single, but our communication is still lacking. I can tell things are different in the way we communicate, the lack of effort to keep the conversations flowing, the lack of interest in ever hanging out again (on his part), etc. To you, I would say, it's tough but it's possible. If you both are on the same page and both put in the work to keep things consistent, it can work out.

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Those people always message me. The most recent was this guy who I've known for years and he messaged me at the start of May out of the blue. Hadn't spoken in literally a year. Why? He was going through Snapchat memories and he happened upon a snap he took of us, one year to the day before. I pointed out that it was cool that he was reminded that I was alive and I didn't hear back from him.

 

There is this friend I have where we've had a couple long-term breaks. He makes no effort to message me and I just had enough. I had to get in contact with him last fall and at that point we hadn't seen each other physically in a year and hadn't spoken for almost as long. We've seen each other a little more this year, like 3 times, but it's clear when something isn't working. I personally don't have much drive to even talk to him. After years of knowing him, our friendship hadn't evolved. He could be on chemotherapy and neglect to tell me when we talked. He's very much up his own ass and you can't waste your energy on people like that.

 

But if you simply must reconnect, say hello and sorry for losing touch. If you have a reason for why you "ghosted", be sure to share that. If you just stopped for no good reason, maybe it is best you don't reconnect. 

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1 hour ago, Obsession said:

Honestly, if you ghosted a friend, you should just leave them alone. You let them down and you severed the connection, you probably broke their trust and you obviously didn't care enough about them to work on the relationship and its issues. 

 

It's really selfish of you to then decide you want to reconnect with someone you froze out for so long. Unfortunately, I think if that person doesn't make an effort to reconnect with you, then you just need to move on and take responsibility for your actions in ruining a friendship.

 

33 minutes ago, Sam96 said:

this tea

I personally disagree lol. Ghosting isn't always by choice and if the other party feels the same way about the relationship, then they'll understand. For me, I sort of ghosted a few friends after a close family member became ill and I had to take care of them. I had so many responsibilities I didn't have the bandwidth to respond or send an explanation to everyone who messaged me for a while. Luckily, my friends understood when I was able to reach out. I also have friends who I only talk to once or twice a year even though we go to the same school, and I always welcome them back when  they "ghost" me because I recognize everyone has different bandwidths to juggle college and a social life; my friendship with someone is not based on the number of times I talk or hang out with them but the quality of our relationship. If I care for them and they care for me, it's all good, fam. One-sided relationships on the other hand are another deal though:foxaylove2:.

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21 hours ago, IvyTower said:

 

I personally disagree lol. Ghosting isn't always by choice and if the other party feels the same way about the relationship, then they'll understand. For me, I sort of ghosted a few friends after a close family member became ill and I had to take care of them. I had so many responsibilities I didn't have the bandwidth to respond or send an explanation to everyone who messaged me for a while. Luckily, my friends understood when I was able to reach out. I also have friends who I only talk to once or twice a year even though we go to the same school, and I always welcome them back when  they "ghost" me because I recognize everyone has different bandwidths to juggle college and a social life; my friendship with someone is not based on the number of times I talk or hang out with them but the quality of our relationship. If I care for them and they care for me, it's all good, fam. One-sided relationships on the other hand are another deal though:foxaylove2:.

tea

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I did the other day... he was very chill about it :dies:

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On 6/12/2019 at 11:59 PM, Supervixen said:

I didn't really ghost him, more like distanced myself from him. He was a close friend from college, but he failed to realize how one-sided our friendship was (e.g., he expected me to be available to him whenever he needed to vent or something, but when I needed him, he wasn't as prompt). After an unsuccessful attempt to talk things out, I pretty much dropped him almost two years ago. I figured that taking a break from him would put things in perspective for me, and it did - that friendship no longer served me. He tried to reconnect last year, and while I didn't want to keep dwelling on the past, it was clear that he didn't care enough to actually make our friendship work. Seeing him wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be, but I was sort of entering a new phase in my life, and there was just no more room for him in it.

i want to get to this point in my life. i know this person is bad for me, but i can't help but stay in hopes things will eventually change...most of the time they don't. this is so stupid but sometimes i dont want to let go in fear they will never try to reconnect.

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@ohjulia Trust me, I used to be like that as well. This former friend of mine occasionally displayed certain questionable behaviors, which I would often let slide for the sake of our friendship (and because he rarely owned up to his mistakes). To be fair, he wasn't a bad person, he was just unaware. After I switched majors, I realized our friendship wasn't going anywhere and I didn't need him in my life as much as I'd thought I did. I wasn't going to try to change him, but I sure as hell wasn't going to stay friends with someone who failed to see my worth. Anyway, this particular experience has helped me realize that I deserve way, way better than being someone's second choice - I wish I'd known that sooner. If that person is bad for you and you don't want to let them go because you're afraid they might never come back, it's safe to say they're not worth your time or energy. Don't be afraid to let go of people that no longer serve you or care about your well-being. It might be diffucult at first, but it's definitely possible.

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