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Is marriage outdated ?

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I mean you are basically saying to someone you will spend the rest of your life with them, which maybe made sense in the olden days when people only lived for around 40-50 years but now people are living longer and longer,  it just isn't realistic. It is literally just a piece of paper saying that the other person owns half of everything you own, people really be signing this away? I feel like men are not meant to be monogamous, it is not natural for us to remain with one partner, especially gays. Society has taught us that we should go through this meaningless gesture atleast once in our lives because we are supposed to. Relationships all have an expiry date in my opinion, and marriage just further complicates the situation, why is this outdated contract still a thing, is it time for her career to end once and for all? thoughts?    

 

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Not at all. It’s true that getting married is not seen as a requirement like the olden days but in no way is it outdated.

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Well, I see where you are coming from, but law-wise is much better to be married because it has a variety of pros other than just living together and not leaving any significant trace after if anything happens. 

 

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No. Deal with it.

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No. Only to people who seek lust over love. My parents been married for 30 years and everything is love.

The older I get the more I realize how fragile ‘open’ and polygamy relationships are, it’s all fun and games until your “partner” gets more attached to someone else and hardly comes around anymore, jealousy takes over and it goes downhill from there.

 

The concept of marriage is still more appealing to most people, ‘finding the one right life-partner’ has a fairytale feel to it and everyone is looking for their happily ever after.

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No and it never will be.

 

 

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Posted (edited)

No? Millions of relationships still last for a lifetime, also not every marriage means sharing of possessions so that’s just blindly criticizing what marriage is. The fact you either have that mentality on your own or no men wanted to stay with you (or vice versa) for a long period of time doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work for others. If you can’t keep it monogamous (or consensual polygamous) then just don’t get married? Or in a relationship at all? No one forces you to do so?

 

Thanks for feeding the stigma that gays can’t last in relationships btw. :toofunny2:

 

Even if not for a lifetime, long term relationships would OBVIOUSLY seek for something that creates rights and protections, marriage does that and divorce got you covered if you want it to end. If anything is outdated is mixing an institution that creates rights with religion.

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To the LGBTQ+ of ATRL:

 

If you seek lust go on Grindr.

 

If you seek love go out and meet someone as a person and then let it evolve into something more.

 

Stop using "dating apps" to jump into the mindset that because you match and go on one or two dates you'll make a relationship. It's not realistic; you cannot make a relationship synthetically. As we all love to throw out the term organic, love must be the same. Actual love does exist, just let it happen naturally. It is not anyone's problem but yours that you have been conditioned through social media to crave everything in life in an instant, whether you like it or not most don't realize it has sunk into the mindset of finding a relationship. Rome wasn't built overnight.

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Posted (edited)

Yes. The divorce rate in America is still nearly 50%.

 

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That's not to say monogamy is outdated though.

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Extremely outdated. 

 

The notion that Love is at its purest when expressed in a legal contract that binds together all of your personal affairs is... archaic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I mean, the social aspects of marriage are definitely outdated, but there are so many legal benefits that come with getting married, like being able to file taxes jointly, being able to visit your spouse freely in the hospital, etc. 

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no :laugh:

 

1 hour ago, Tori Kelly said:

To the LGBTQ+ of ATRL:

 

If you seek lust go on Grindr.

 

If you seek love go out and meet someone as a person and then let it evolve into something more.

 

Stop using "dating apps" to jump into the mindset that because you match and go on one or two dates you'll make a relationship. It's not realistic; you cannot make a relationship synthetically. As we all love to throw out the term organic, love must be the same. Actual love does exist, just let it happen naturally. It is not anyone's problem but yours that you have been conditioned through social media to crave everything in life in an instant, whether you like it or not most don't realize it has sunk into the mindset of finding a relationship. Rome wasn't built overnight.

very well said :clap3:

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I was lowkey thinking this. Like ofcourse all snobby people are gonna say "omg NO sis bye not everyone wants hookups!!1" but let's be real, like 80% of marriages now don't last and on top of that MUCH less people are getting married to begin with. Then from the small fraction who are married -- how many are secretly unhappy, secretly cheating, and have no actual romantic chemistry anymore?

 

I think true, lifetime love that doesn't fade is really hard to maintain/find. Like a very small fraction of the public will have it. + The whole basis of marriage in the past was just ownership and a man 'claiming' his territory with a female to begin with. 

 

I really don't think marriage as a concept is holding up well as time evolves. We will see down the future how the idea lasts in society. I'm not saying the public will eventually just all resort to hookups and orgies, but I do think maybe continual new relationships of 5-10 years will become the norm.

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47 minutes ago, iHype. said:

I was lowkey thinking this. Like ofcourse all snobby people are gonna say "omg NO sis bye not everyone wants hookups!!1" but let's be real, like 80% of marriages now don't last and on top of that MUCH less people are getting married to begin with. Then from the small fraction who are married -- how many are secretly unhappy, secretly cheating, and have no actual romantic chemistry anymore?

 

I think true, lifetime love that doesn't fade is really hard to maintain/find. Like a very small fraction of the public will have it. + The whole basis of marriage in the past was just ownership and a man 'claiming' his territory with a female to begin with. 

 

I really don't think marriage as a concept is holding up well as time evolves. We will see down the future how the idea lasts in society. I'm not saying the public will eventually just all resort to hookups and orgies, but I do think maybe continual new relationships of 5-10 years will become the norm.

Actually I notice that everybody I know is getting married lately.

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37 minutes ago, iHype. said:

I was lowkey thinking this. Like ofcourse all snobby people are gonna say "omg NO sis bye not everyone wants hookups!!1" but let's be real, like 80% of marriages now don't last and on top of that MUCH less people are getting married to begin with. Then from the small fraction who are married -- how many are secretly unhappy, secretly cheating, and have no actual romantic chemistry anymore?

 

I think true, lifetime love that doesn't fade is really hard to maintain/find. Like a very small fraction of the public will have it. + The whole basis of marriage in the past was just ownership and a man 'claiming' his territory with a female to begin with. 

 

I really don't think marriage as a concept is holding up well as time evolves. We will see down the future how the idea lasts in society. I'm not saying the public will eventually just all resort to hookups and orgies, but I do think maybe continual new relationships of 5-10 years will become the norm.

Very true. I can't believe the cornballs in here refusing to admit that it's at least a bit outdated. :rip:  

 

Sure, there's still a bunch of benefits to marriage. I just feel like in 2019 there's not really a need to get married and it just doesn't culturally hold up anymore. Why do I need a certificate and likely thousands of dollars to spend on a wedding in order to have my love validated? I validate it within myself and with my partner. I don't need a ring, or a witness, or a certificate, or any of that. :michael: 

 

Still, I might get married one day but only if I'm 100% serious about it and know it's going to be beneficial. I cringe inside every time I see couples well under 30 that are already married. They've barely even lived and are technically committing themselves to another person, which is probably part of why so many marriages don't work out in the first place. If I'm going to do it I'm doing it right, not because I feel a societal or financial pressure to be married by a certain age.

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Isn't it a pretext for a man to own a woman anyway? 

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2 hours ago, Tori Kelly said:

 

If you seek love go out and meet someone 

This is the entire issue with the romanticised concept of “marriage”. If your intent is to “seek love” outside of you - that is not a healthy boundary. But billions of people will never wake up to this fact & don’t have healthy boundaries. 

 

Love should first & foremost exist exist within yourself - & then some may choose to share that love. Marriage compromises this & implies a love that is dependant on another. Not a healthy take on love at all - misguided actually. 

 

“Marriage” today is nothing more than a lucrative industry, built upon a social or cultural construct or expectation. 

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A lot of people get married because they want to start a family and it's generally preferred to have kids with a married partner.

2 minutes ago, Grown K said:

Isn't it a pretext for a man to own a woman anyway? 

Historically yes but a lot of people don't view marriage that way anymore.

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I personally wouldn't want to get married. I don't think the marriage itself is outdated but some of the aspects are outdated. I believe in monogamy though and I'm gay so not every gay guy OR any guy at that wants just sex/willing to be in open relationships.

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Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, FOCK said:

This is the entire issue with the romanticised concept of “marriage”. If your intent is to “seek love” outside of you - that is not a healthy boundary. But billions of people will never wake up to this fact & don’t have healthy boundaries. 

 

Love should first & foremost exist exist within yourself - & then some may choose to share that love. Marriage compromises this & implies a love that is dependant on another. Not a healthy take on love at all - misguided actually. 

 

“Marriage” today is nothing more than a lucrative industry, built upon a social or cultural construct or expectation. 

I agree with what you said, did you not read my post at all :rip: 

8 hours ago, Tori Kelly said:

meet someone as a person and then let it evolve into something more.

Not all marriage is dependent. One can’t generalize it. Of course if you force love someone will be dependent but if you let a companionship evolve into something more naturally you should be able to navigate it with independence still! I totally agree tho if people don’t love themselves they need to not seek out anything close to love until they get that sorted out. Unfortunately if you go on gay twitter that is how most of the population works: self deprecating tweets everyday on how they are lonely or wish they had someone that did love them :lmao:

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gays fighting for marriage equality only for them to crap on it now :toofunny2:

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Certain parts of it are, yes. And I think that people in this thread have detailed those parts better than I could. I don't think it's outdated enough to be something that should be done away with, however. Many people still wish to be married but I think it shouldn't be as idealized as it used to be, because marriage is a package deal that comes with the societal ''norms'' associated with it, and some of those just aren't healthy or realistic to be idealizing. Above all else, it's important to just take a step back and re-evaluate what marriage and monogamy truly mean and if they're truly necessary. I think we're already making steps towards that, though, since conversations like this one are being discussed all of the time. 

 

I will say, however, that the topic of people largely getting a divorce or being secretly unhappy etc is... a pretty loaded topic, and I don't think it has a big place in a discussion about marriage just because it would be an issue with or without marriage. Plus, it just opens a can of worms in regards to polygamy vs monogamy, which I feel should be a different discussion. 

 

The REAL issue with marriage is the overarching industry. :grump: The superficiality of weddings and society's normalization of the exorbitant costs downplays what love truly is and should be. You're not going to find love in a $600 engagement ring and more. Even just the marriage license fee can be a bit much for many poor people. 

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Posted (edited)

These poor, naives really believing in a "happily ever after" and a partner for life :rip: that is not realistic and most people that are together for decades are miserable. Stop being dumb and get real so you won't be disappointed

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Posted (edited)

It’s been an outdated concept forever but I don’t see it fading or going away atleast not in our lifetimes. Marriage and having kids are still a central part of most cultures in the world.

 

Yes- less people are getting married but that number is NOT significant. I’d like to see actual statistics but I think it’s very low- what has changed is that people are getting married later but still are getting married eventually. 90% of my friends are getting engaged/married/on that path and we’re all in our early 30s. It doesn’t happen at 25 anymore like in the past (or even at 22 like 50+ years ago) but most people in their 30s do get married. 

 

As for the whole monogamy thing. I feel like this is where guys and girls are truly different. Obviously ATRL is mainly gay and from all the straight guys I’ve dated, yes- all men are horny as hell always and many are cheaters and I really don’t think monogamy is “natural” for them. As a girl I love monogamy and not just the concept of it. Having that emotional connection with someone is way better than sleeping around imo and when I’m in a monogamous relationship and happy I genuinely never feel the need to sleep with others. I feel like guys even if they are happy will have no issue just banging someone else bc they were horny. :laugh: y’all are free to attack me for that. 

 

 

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