[KoreanDream]

Originally posted by ♔Drais Ivy Carter

!!!

ESPECIALLY a teenage boy?

Like child please, lol. Even if your kids tell you they won't have sex 9 times out of 10 they're lying, so at least have a backup plan and educate them on the safe ways of having sex rather than completely eliminating the subject from your household.

It's all about the environment you create. If you tell your son that having sex is wrong at that age and they end up getting some girl pregnant or end up getting an STD, and you haven't given them proper information on how to handle a situation like that - or, even worse, haven't made them feel like they can tell you something like that - then you're practically asking for chaos. Obviously no parent in their right mind wants their kids to be teenage parents, but the fact of the matter is that it could happen. It comes down to how you handle that possibility.

[Deuces.]

Originally posted by JakeKills

But I'm pretty much asexual.

You poor thing.

[BLaCKPoWeR]

Originally posted by KoreanDream

It can't always be about what makes you comfortable, especially when you're messing with sexual intercourse - which comes with the possibility of serious infections and new life. Are you really going to be concerned with what you feel okay with when your son is acting a horny mess?

OF COURSE, I'll educate my kids on being safe. I would talk about STDs and pregnancy all the time. Its definitely good if they are "acting a horny mess". I don't mean to say I'd wouldn't talk to them about safe sex. I would just not be okay with them having sex and even with my son acting that way, still tell him not to. I know that would be pointless in the scenario you're giving me but...

[Doc]

Originally posted by KoreanDream

Or just educate them on all the different variations of drugs as best as you can and tell them they can dabble in the safer stuff like weed.

No. Why the hell would I tell my child that I have no problem with them smoking weed? That's just...

Tell your kids that it's okay to dabble into drugs, and they'll dabble with their friends. And when their friends start doing harder stuff, they'll go right along with them.

Mess. **** is one thing. Sex is another thing. But drugs? Just no.

Originally posted by Deuces.

That's a great story and all but my point still stands. If a child WANTS to do it then they will. Now what your mother did was take away the idea of it at in early age. Like I said in another post you have to know your child in order to properly handle these situations. What your mother did might not work for your child and that is when you have to step in and make wise decisions for your child based off their current situation.

I'm on mobile btw sorry if this post was sloppy.

I mean, it's not just that. Not only does my mom tell me about everything she sees at work, but she also made education a priority from an early age. At the same time, she let watch MTV and BET and all that stuff. It's about showing your kids what IS right and what IS wrong, but never being overbearing. You guys are thinking to extremely. I'm going into the medical field, so I'll be telling my future kids about the patients I see too. Sure not all kids are the same, but I'm almost sure that method of being relax but letting them see for themselves what's right and whats wrong, plus putting a focus on education, is a pretty fool proof plan.

If I think about it, I can't remember my mom ever telling me "DON'T DO DRUGS OR YOU WILL DIE! DON'T HAVE SEX OR YOU WILL DIE! DON'T DRINK OR YOU WILL DIE!". Instead, she shows me casually whenever it happens to come up throughout my whole life. And I think that works for all children. You just have to do it right.

It's cool. It's 1 AM in the morning here, so I'm sure my posts aren't great either.

[Drais.]

Originally posted by JakeKills

But I'm pretty much asexual.

Originally posted by KoreanDream

It's all about the environment you create. If you tell your son that having sex is wrong at that age and they end up getting some girl pregnant or end up getting an STD, and you haven't given them proper information on how to handle a situation like that - or, even worse, haven't made them feel like they can tell you something like that - then you're practically asking for chaos. Obviously no parent in their right mind wants their kids to be teenage parents, but the fact of the matter is that it could happen. It comes down to how you handle that possibility.

Basically. Life throws you all types of curve balls so you need to prepare in advance in order to deal with them. You hit the nail right on the head. I've had younger friends come to me for advice because they felt their parents would be too judgmental and wouldn't understand. There is nothing wrong with settings rules in your own household, but don't go overboard and make your own child feel they can't even talk to you about their personal life or things every kid should be able to talk to their parents about without feeling judged.

[Drais.]

Originally posted by BLaCKPoWeR

OF COURSE, I'll educate my kids on being safe. I would talk about STDs and pregnancy all the time. Its definitely good if they are "acting a horny mess". I don't mean to say I'd wouldn't talk to them about safe sex. I would just not be okay with them having sex and even with my son acting that way, still tell him not to. I know that would be pointless in the scenario you're giving me but...

It doesn't matter if you're okay with it or not, that won't stop them from doing it. I can't believe you would even react that way over a teenage boy involving sex. And while it may be a double standard I could understand if you freaked out over your daughter having sex but

[KoreanDream]

Originally posted by Doc

No. Why the hell would I tell my child that I have no problem with them smoking weed? That's just...

Tell your kids that it's okay to dabble into drugs, and they'll dabble with their friends. And when their friends start doing harder stuff, they'll go right along with them.

Mess. **** is one thing. Sex is another thing. But drugs? Just no.

You missed my edit.

My point is this: if a child is hell-bent on doing drugs and really wants to try them out, what does a parent do? Completely disallow the possibility and encourage them to disobey you and risk their lives as a result? Or educate them on the safest ways to dabble in drugs and what the risks they would be taking by engaging in drug use would entail? I'd take the latter.

Obviously I'm not saying you should promote marijuana to your kids. You just have to make them feel comfortable about things like that.

Originally posted by ♔Drais Ivy Carter

Basically. Life throws you all types of curve balls so you need to prepare in advance in order to deal with them. You hit the nail right on the head. I've had younger friends come to me for advice because they felt their parents would be too judgmental and wouldn't understand. There is nothing wrong with settings rules in your own household, but don't go overboard and make your own child feel they can't even talk to you about their personal life or things every kid should be able to talk to their parents about without feeling judged.

Exactly.

Setting extremely strict rules for your children to the point that they don't even feel comfortable talking to you about sex or alcohol or drugs may seem like a great idea at first, but it will most likely lead to huge problems in the long run.

[BLaCKPoWeR]

Originally posted by ♔Drais Ivy Carter

It doesn't matter if you're okay with it or not, that won't stop them from doing it. I can't believe you would even react that way over a teenage boy involving sex. And while it may be a double standard I could understand if you freaked out over your daughter having sex but

Why not? He would have the same risks as my daughter would. He could get someone pregnant. It's not about their gender. Yes yes teach them about condoms and all, but condoms break. The only way to be 100% sure that you will not impregnate/be impregnated by your partner is to not do it at all. Even if I gave him condoms, I'd still be scared. Same with the daughter.

[Doc]

Honestly, I grew up in a house where shows like Oprah and the Tyra show were always on. And I think talk shows like that honestly help better children tbh.

Originally posted by ♔Drais Ivy Carter

Font=Arial Narrow]Basically. Life throws you all types of curve balls so you need to prepare in advance in order to deal with them. You hit the nail right on the head. I've had younger friends come to me for advice because they felt their parents would be too judgmental and wouldn't understand. There is nothing wrong with settings rules in your own household, but don't go overboard and make your own child feel they can't even talk to you about their personal life or things every kid should be able to talk to their parents about without feeling judged. [/FONT]

See, I agree completely with this.

But you guys seem to think that the solution is to thrust your kids into drugs/sex/alcohol so that they won't be afraid to talk to you when its not.

You can find a middle ground where your kids know that x, y, and z are wrong, but they can still talk to you whenever needed.

[Last Boy on Earth]

I rather have my kids watch **** than being violent or using hard drugs. Fact is the more "censored" the kids are the more they will become rebel so there has to be a balance, I have these girlfriends that their parents would never let themr get out of at night, now that they are 18 they can go and they just don't know how to control themselves, they are the biggest ****s when they go out to party and are the ones who drink more , if you let your kids do everything they will be out of control and the same happens when you don't let them do anything and the rare times you do they will be out of control, a balance is enough.

[Deuces.]

Originally posted by Doc

No. Why the hell would I tell my child that I have no problem with them smoking weed? That's just...

Tell your kids that it's okay to dabble into drugs, and they'll dabble with their friends. And when their friends start doing harder stuff, they'll go right along with them.

Mess. **** is one thing. Sex is another thing. But drugs? Just no.

I mean, it's not just that. Not only does my mom tell me about everything she sees at work, but she also made education a priority from an early age. At the same time, she let watch MTV and BET and all that stuff. It's about showing your kids what IS right and what IS wrong, but never being overbearing. You guys are thinking to extremely. I'm going into the medical field, so I'll be telling my future kids about the patients I see too. Sure not all kids are the same, but I'm almost sure that method of being relax but letting them see for themselves what's right and whats wrong, plus putting a focus on education, is a pretty fool proof plan.

If I think about it, I can't remember my mom ever telling me "DON'T DO DRUGS OR YOU WILL DIE! DON'T HAVE SEX OR YOU WILL DIE! DON'T DRINK OR YOU WILL DIE!". Instead, she shows me casually whenever it happens to come up throughout my whole life. And I think that works for all children. You just have to do it right.

It's cool. It's 1 AM in the morning here, so I'm sure my posts aren't great either.

I pretty much agree. This Doc I just read was different a few posts ago. I agree with you now about just letting your kids see what is right or wrong explaining the effects of their actions. The original post you had made it seem like you would be the strict parent that will completely shelter the child from real life.

[Drais.]

Originally posted by Doc

But you guys seem to think that the solution is to thrust your kids into drugs/sex/alcohol so that they won't be afraid to talk to you when its not.

Um, no sweetheart. We are not talking about encouraging our children to do drugs or have sex. Are you crazy?

We would simpy not go the typical parenting route and tell them "No no no! this is my house blah blah yah yah!" like most parents do which causes their children to rebel. There are exceptions but it is a fact that a child is more likely to try something after they've been repeatedly told no. I'm not gonna tell my child they have to wait til a certain age to do this or that, or that they can't do this or that. I would set rules but I would not be overbearing or make my child feel like a prisoner of war.

And if they come to me with a question about something I wouldn't encourage it or disapprove of it. I would let them know that they are young and I know they would be curious about trying certain things but also that they would need to be safe about it and not let it affect their lives. This is the part where I would educate them on whatever they're curious about rather than still telling no.

[Deuces.]

Do you think Rihanna was sheltered?

http://atrl.net/forums/showthread.php?t=212186

[Doc]

Originally posted by KoreanDream

You missed my edit.

My point is this: if a child is hell-bent on doing drugs and really wants to try them out, what does a parent do? Completely disallow the possibility and encourage them to disobey you and risk their lives as a result? Or educate them on the safest ways to dabble in drugs and what the risks they would be taking by engaging in drug use would entail? I'd take the latter.

Obviously I'm not saying you should promote marijuana to your kids. You just have to make them feel comfortable about things like that.

Oh okay, I can understand what your saying.

But your kid shouldn't end up hell-bend on wanting drugs if you raise them right. Sex and ****, you don't really need to be talking about kids about. But drugs and smoking? Always bring it up when relevant. Even before I ever saw images of nasty smokers lungs in school, I have memories of being a child and walking down the street in London. I remember being very young and passing by people who'd be smoking. My mom would always be dramatic and wave her hand across her face. She'd also cover my face and just overall make it a noticeable scene. Stuff like that gets ingrained into children. Now, when I walk by someone smoking, I wave my hand across my face. And once, when I was walking with my sister, some guy blew a big puff of smoke in front of us. I covered her face and I said right out loud, "Ew, so rude!".

Let me stop with this paragraph though, you get what I'm saying. Because of experiences like those when I was a kid, I'd never want to be that guy not only ruining his lungs, but ruining the lungs of other people, including women and children.

[Drais.]

Originally posted by BLaCKPoWeR

Why not? He would have the same risks as my daughter would. He could get someone pregnant. It's not about their gender. Yes yes teach them about condoms and all, but condoms break. The only way to be 100% sure that you will not impregnate/be impregnated by your partner is to not do it at all. Even if I gave him condoms, I'd still be scared. Same with the daughter.

You have to understand that a teenager will be a teenager. IDK what kind of teenager you are but most teenage boys will not shy away from sexual relations or have some fear or not having sex til 18.

[BettyWhite]

Originally posted by Doc

Tell your kids that it's okay to dabble into drugs, and they'll dabble with their friends. And when their friends start doing harder stuff, they'll go right along with them.

But the whole point of the way my mom educating me the way she did was to prevent things like this from happening.

Originally posted by Last Boy on Earth

hey are the biggest ****s when they go out to party and are the ones who drink more ,

Clutching my pearls! ****shaming is not a good look.

[Doc]

I need to go to bed.

But basically, what I say is when it comes to ****, I won't be checking my kid's computers like that, so I don't wanna know. My kid better learn how to be slick with that. When it comes to sex, I'll let them know that I'd rather they'd not, but if they must, just be safe. And don't do it in my house, because that's just disrespectful. When it comes to drugs/alcohol/smoking, let them know that that's not tolerable at all. Point blank.

That's about it.

Originally posted by ♔Drais Ivy Carter

Um, no sweetheart. We are not talking about encouraging our children to do drugs or have sex. Are you crazy?

We would simpy not go the typical parenting route and tell them "No no no! this is my house blah blah yah yah!" like most parents do which causes their children to rebel. There are exceptions but it is a fact that a child is more likely to try something after they've been repeatedly told no. I'm not gonna tell my child they have to wait til a certain age to do this or that, or that they can't do this or that. I would set rules but I would not be overbearing or make my child feel like a prisoner of war.

And if they come to me with a question about something I wouldn't encourage it or disapprove of it. I would let them know that they are young and I know they would be curious about trying certain things but also that they would need to be safe about it and not let it affect their lives. This is the part where I would educate them on whatever they're curious about rather than still telling no.

Maybe I'm reading wrong, but it sounded like y'all were saying that you'd tell them that doing certain things is okay, when it's definitely not. Like, I swear one of y'all said something about showing your kids how to roll a damn joint. Like, NO.

I agree that constantly telling a child no is not the way to go. But you shouldn't have to. There's examples all around us every day of why drugs, alcohol, and smoking are bad. If you point those out to your children all through their life, just casually whenever it should pop up, it will become ingrained into their minds and when the kid grows up, he's going to always have those examples in his head when he comes in contact with those things.

Kids hate for their parents to be disappointed in them. Let your kids know that them doing those kinds of things will not only lead to those sad and horrible examples, but will also lead to you being disappointed in them. Convey this without being strict and overbearing. All of that, plus good education and a loving environment, and your kid's set to make good decisions.

I hope that makes sense.

[Jared]

If I have ever have a boy and when it's the right time, i'm gonna be straight up and tell them it's okay to watch **** and it's their decision if they want to get sexually active.

I'm just gonna tell them it's okay to be curious, and if they have sex to make sure to use a condom every time no matter what.

I'm going to be such an awesome dad. Of course i'm gonna be on them about doing their best in school and stuff like that. I'm just saying I know what it's like being a teenager, and i'm not going to make it extra hard on them cause I know what happens. I'm just gonna embrace it and just tell them to be as careful as possible.

[Rainer]

Originally posted by Deuces.

I think the previous title was "Parents and their kid's ****"

[BettyWhite]

Originally posted by Doc

Like, I swear one of y'all said something about showing your kids how to roll a damn joint. Like, NO. :deadbanana2

I said my mom taught me, she figured if I was going to be up to **** that I might as well know what was up. I don't see the big deal & neither did she, it's just weed, & she also taught me to stay away from harder drugs as well as explaining why, instead of just telling me not to.

We had a very open relationship & I'm forever grateful for it. Better to educate than to shelter.